[A Torn Off Page of a Diary]

Is it weird if I feel like an utmost villain whenever it comes to the person I like?

I find myself so impulsively obsessive? To the point which I feel I’m the only one that can talk to her, touch her. As if I already tied an invisible (and non-existent) thread between us and I don’t like the feeling of being dragged around and my feelings being played constantly.

It feels even more terrible knowing that another person likes her and that person is one of my closest friend. I should be feeling upset and disappointed for Sana-unnie when she gets rejected, right? But in all honest truth, I feel my heart becomes a little lighter, as I indulged in little delight over my close friend’s rejection, as I dwell in her misfortune. Which insane nuthole would actually feel happy over her close friend’s bad outcome?

I know the answer.

Me.

Worst of all, I act like I give a about her problem, comforting her, telling her the old cliché line “just give her time” like a fake person. Pfft, what kind of friend am I? Instead I’m internally celebrating my little “victory” as I spew all those words that I don’t even mean with my heart. Just words and sentences without meanings, like empty shells.

It makes me feel like a terrible human being, selfish at heart and mind. I do feel horrible to some extent but the feeling of happiness mainly triumphs. I wonder if there are people like me so