The old mother could hear the door creak open from where she was cooking. Her brows slightly rose in wonder but she didn’t bother looking back because the stir-fry in front of her was much too important.

“Yah noona, why are you here?” Sanghyun, her youngest, called out.

The mother closed her eyes shut and her face contorted into an unconscious scowl. Her oldest was notorious for only coming home if she wanted her to do her laundry or some other favors. Quietly cursing, she turned off the stove and turned around.

“I swear this girl only comes here for laundry, Alright, alright, just give me your clothes and we’ll—”

“Omma…”

There Dara stood looking completely absent and drained as she embraced her laptop bag and a few supplies to her chest. Her eyes showed the same emptiness that her husband and her saw when they saw Dara after the incident. Mrs. Park caught her husband’s eyes which only mirrored the worry that she also had.

“Do I deserve to be loved…?”

There was silence and then the girl suddenly burst out in tears. The family quickly attended to her and caught her before she could pass out to the ground. Mr. Park held his daughter in his arms, the same frail-looking girl that they saved. His lips trembled as he placed a kiss on her head and embraced her tight, hoping that she could feel through his warmth the love that she deserves.

Out of all the people in this world, he thought that Dara deserved the feeling of being loved the most. She’s been through a lot, achieved through a lot, and overcame through a lot. The girl worked hard to always be a better person than she was yesterday.

She didn’t only deserve love.

She deserved happiness.

The throbbing pain in his cheek didn’t even compare to the silent jabs he was taking from her. He felt completely detached from himself that he couldn’t even find a voice to answer her or defend himself. He was just taking it all in but only really paying attention half of the time.

Jiyong was still left in an absolute daze after finding a note on top of his lap when he woke up.

Don’t worry. I’ll leave.

“I really wish I didn’t support her with you. Goddammit, well aren’t I just a ing idiot.” Bom said bitterly, kicking a chair to the floor. The loud thud didn’t even make him flinch. He was much too preoccupied. “I can’t believe I thought you weren’t gonna break her heart. Did you know that there was only a tiny part of me that believed you? And yet I still ing went with it because Dara had too much faith in you. Aisht, I’m really going crazy.” she brushed her hair, completely frustrated with herself.

Bom was pacing around the room while suppressing her anger. She knew that it was going to turn out like this. She knew that Jiyong was going to be like this. This was why she repeatedly told him to get to know her first before things went out of hand. But even if she knew that this was going to happen, even if she knew that hearts were going to get broken, she still let it slip past her fingers. And for that, she blamed herself for being so careless.

She blamed herself for putting her friend’s heart in the open, only for it to be stolen in the end.

“ing hell, Jiyong!” she finally snapped, gripping his collars in the process. “I told you that this means a lot to her and what was your excuse?!” Jiyong just stared at her lifelessly. “That she’s a sasaeng?????”

“She’s a sasaeng.” He repeated as if that reason alone was justified.

Bom laughed at him incredulously and pushed him off, feeling repulsed by the mere sight of him. “BECAUSE SHE’S A SASAENG? Wah, I really thought you were better than this, Kwon Jiyong. Don’t you know how much she cares about you?! Do your sasaengs do that—”

“Am I not allowed to feel scared, huh?! Am I not allowed to look after myself too???” he shouted. He couldn’t take it anymore. He felt the need to release. “Almost a decade. Almost a ing decade do I have stalkers like her following me everywhere I go! They send me pictures. They send me video. OF ME. They send me all this of me even in the privacy of my own home. I’m not safe anywhere when they’re around! How can I feel safe when Dara, a ing sasaeng fan, is around!!!”

Bom could just look at him with her cold and unforgiving eyes but the latter stood his ground. He had every right to feel threatened by the very people that stripped him of his peaceful life. He had enough of them and he was willing to fight back if he needed too. It didn’t matter if it was his best friends, or his girlfriends. When they get linked to being a sasaeng, he immediately drops them and goes about his life.

But in this case, it mattered who it was.

The sasaeng in question was no other than Sandara Park, the girl who his heart just refuses to let go as much as his mind alienates her. Dara was the sasaeng that hid from the background and only appeared before him after many years of hiding. Dara was the sasaeng who peaked his interests with her quirky personality. Dara was the sasaeng who made him smile to the point that his cheeks started to ache. She was the sasaeng that seemed to have bypassed all the barriers that he put up against the people he hated the most.

The frustrated girl rubbed her face tiredly and let her arms fall limp on her sides. She looked at him, defeated, her voice dropping down to a weak murmur. “Do you know what’s wrong with you, Jiyong?” he looked away. “When people do bad things to you, you expect everyone to do the same but guess what, not everyone is the same.”

“Yes, she’s a sasaeng and yes she obsesses about you but that has never come to the point of putting your life in danger. I know their characters, they’re dangerous, they do anything to claim you, and they don’t give a about what happens afterwards but Dara… Dara’s not like that, Jiyong.” She said, almost begging. “When she loves someone… I mean really loves someone… she does everything she can to make them live a life without worries. She treasures them, cherishes them, , she lives for them.”

“Dara is just a girl in love.” An unknowing tear fell down her cheek. “Was it so wrong for her to fall in love with you?”

“But—”

“What more that does she have to do, Jiyong?”

His mouth fell open to speak but only his idle breathing came out. Jiyong just continued to stare at her dazedly as if she was speaking in a completely different language that he didn’t understand. He couldn’t find any things for Dara to do since his heart was telling him that he is the one that’s supposed to redeem himself. Why was she making it so easy for him to contradict himself? What was Dara doing to him?

Bom suddenly handed him her phone and there it showed a paused video of a young girl smiling behind a grand piano. It was Dara. “It was when we were seniors.” She explained. “C’mon and play it.”

Jiyong looked at her uneasily before reluctantly pressing the play button on the screen. There was some static and a lot of rustling sounds at first and Bom explained that the video came from an old phone of hers hence the bad quality.

A young-looking Dara bowed in the screen with her hands firmly placed on her stomach as if she was performing a recital. “For Kwon Jiyong.” She said seriously but then her face scrunched up and she squealed and thrashed around. Bom’s scolding voice was shouting at her in the background but the girl continued with her giddy streak. Unconsciously, a smile formed on his lips and Bom could just watch the scene in front of her with a heavy heart.

“I’ve liked you for a long time and…” she fidgeted with her hands, bowing her head and peaking at the camera every once in a while. His heart ached… so bad. “I got inspired by you and how you train in YG very diligently! It must be hard writing 3 songs every week, huh?” Dara giggled lightly. “It took me a while to write this song too and I can feel your pain! It was so hard! I couldn’t even sleep—”

“You’re bragging and going out of topic, Dara.” Bom said hurriedly. “I told you we're not supposed to be here! Hurry your before they catch us.”

He watched Dara nod and quickly went to sit down by the piano. She gave the camera one last twinkling look before she started playing her piece. The melody sounded melancholic, almost heart aching even. Yet the gentle smile on his face told him that the feel of the song was anything but sadness.

It was more like longing.

“I like you and it’s been a while
All day, I think of you” she sang, her voice sounding faint but clean despite the video’s bad quality.

“As I’m walking down the street, listening to music
You suddenly come before my eyes”

“The movie that my heart is making
Is a special project that only stars you
The title is “My Crush”
And I’m the only audience”

“Everyone comforts me, tells me to cheer up
But I’m sick of hearing that – I’m not sad
Even if he forever…”

He could see her face showing a loving smile, her eyes gleaming with peace and satisfaction. The expression and actions that she showed totally contrasted what he thought was the heartbreaking message behind her song. Every note and every lyric hit him. She was exposing all her feelings for him through the song, something songwriters have to go through in order to be successful.

“Doesn’t know my heart, it’s okay
I just need him to be where I can see him
Just as always, with those charming eyes, gestures, words
He just needs to exist, that’s all I need”

She was practically baring herself with her words. Even though she looked happy, it was him who felt hurt.

“I feel like I’m all filled up
From the tickling wind that you brought
I smell something good
I like it like this
My smile draws out one person”

He felt hurt for her.

“Everyone cheers for me, tells me to be brave
They push me, saying that it’s my turn to approach you
Rather than worrying about that, I just want to enjoy this moment
I will climb aboard my hidden confession and ride to the sky up high woo~”

“He doesn’t have to know my heart
I just need him to be where I can see him
Just as always, with those charming eyes, gestures, words
He just needs to exist, that’s all I need…”

The pace of the piano reached a sharp drop and the melody got slower making the feel of it more depressing. Dara’s songs had always been like this, he noticed. Her songs would always start with a happy air to it and as it progresses, the vibrato slows down and it sounds more wistful. The messages behind her songs are always seen in the end. It was like she put it there purposefully.

“I just need him to be where I can see him
Just as always, with those charming eyes, gestures, words
He just needs to exist, that’s all I need”

So that people would listen to it until the end.

He sat there with blank eyes as he quietly stared at the replay button. Jiyong was about to press it again when Bom suddenly snatched it away. Bom was about to snap at him again for trying to take it back when she saw a tear roll down his cheek. It seems like he hadn’t noticed it because he didn’t bother wiping it off. Jiyong looked at her like a lost boy that just wanted to get directions. She released a soft sight and turned around to get something.