The Confused Girl POV

 

Sometimes I felt numb, and I didn’t have a life. No days without working. Even if I wasn’t in work schedule but if I got out of my house, people would recognize me, follow me, or take my pictures without my permission. I am a type of person who likes to be alone and enjoying my self when I’m in public, because of that I always hide my face when I go out. I think I am an idiot because I always hate being the center of attention yet I am working as a celebrity. Why, Krystal? Why are you here if you don’t like it? I don’t even have the answer.

Once I told you about me regretting the job I chose, and you said,

“Remember that I was always homesick on my first years in Korea? I regretted joining the audition, I wanted my life back”, you gulped the soda that you were holding, “it was you”, you glanced at me, “you said everything would be okay so I didn’t need to be worried”

I smiled a little. You remembered everything I said when we were younger.

“The 14 years old girl named Jung Chrystal told me, ‘you can’t change what already happened, Am, even if you regret it, what would change? This is your fate. Life brought you here. Now it’s up to you, do you want to make it a happy life or a terrible life? No matter where you are, what you are, you always can be the happiest person or the saddest person. It depends on you’”, you glanced at me with a little smile. The next you held my wrist and pulled me to get closer to you, “she was just a little girl but she sounded so mature and realistic didn’t she?”

I chuckled, “I watched too many adult movies I guess?”

“No”, you rubbed my wrist with your thumb—making me looked up to you, “a little girl who said such things would grow as a strong woman I guess”

I stared at you doubtfully, “I don’t know”

“You’re fine, Krystal”, you pulled me gently to place my head on your chest, “you’re just tired, and that’s okay”

No one could ever make me feel calm and comfortable but you, Amber. How I wished M or T could do the same to me, but they couldn’t. That was why I always looked for you, even if I had a boy friend. Because it’s always been you, Am, you’re the one that I always need.

I embraced my arms around your waist, “I am tired”, I felt the warm tears in my eyes. Life could make me feel so frustrated sometimes. Being a celebrity is indeed not easy, it’s so stressful, really, “I’m so tired, Am”

“I know you are, and it’s fine. You can whine as much as you want and let it go”, you caressed my back to comfort me. And I could feel that you placed your lips and nose on my hair.

How could everything you did to me feel so right? I didn’t care if it was wrong or right. I just needed you. I just needed to be comforted by you.

 

“Incy wincy spider went out the water spout”, the silly random Amber could do random things like singing nursery song all of sudden.

I giggled. I wiped my tears before pulled away to see your stupid face, “Yaa… why are you singing it?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like it”, you grinned. You always look cute with your wide smile. You grabbed your guitar from your bed, “wanna hear me play guitar?”

I nodded.

“What song?”

I shrugged, “up to you”

“Incy wincy spider acoustic version?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “are you really going to sing me nursery song?”

“Okay okay… hum…… I just play some chords for you, okay?”

“Go ahead”

“Oh?”

“Hm?”

“I just picked some of my songs for my solo album, and I think I need your opinion”

“Really? Come on play it I’m excited!”

 

I always like it when you’re busy playing or making music. You’ll look 10 times more charming when you do something you like. And I really like the fact that you always ask for my opinion about your songs. Well, your songs and the way you make music always impress me, this is one of many reasons why I always see you as a ‘special’ person.

Honestly I couldn’t tell that you were my type of 'boy' friend, or were you? When I was younger I thought I liked a man with good sense of fashion, handsome, tall, and able to do cool things. You have some of the criteria. You’re able to do anything I guess, the cool things, and silly things. You’re good looking. You may not be so handsome like the male models I’ve worked with, or T. You don’t have the ‘cool’ behavior. You always look dork, stupid, and you really love making funny face. But for some people who know you well, they know that you have nice figure. My favorite ones are your eyelashes and your lips. Don’t ask me why because it’d sound lame and cheesy.

If I should compare you and T, I’d say that T looked way cooler than you. But you have stronger character than him.

I met T at an event with his friends from his group. They were very friendly to me and we started getting along well. I felt T started catching me up after our first meeting but I didn’t take it seriously, because I was busy spending my time with you. But as we decided to control our feeling, I needed someone to replace you. And I realized that T resembles you, well, a little. He is good looking and masculine. He is so passionate in music, he’s really good at rapping, he’s also humorist. But again, he’s not you. He is not as dork as you, he is not as stupid as you, he is not as funny as you, he is not as…… as lovely as you.

“Wait”, I tapped your guitar so that your playing was stopped.

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“No… the chords are great. But why are you just singing nananana instead of the lyric?”

“Well… if I sing the lyric you won’t buy my album duh”

I rolled my eyes, “sing me the lyric”

“Pay me”

“What?!”, I laughed, “Come on, Amber let me know the lyric”

You sighed cutely, “fine. Nothing is free in this world but since you’re a princess…”

“Oh come on sing it already you talk too much”

You started strumming your guitar and sing the verses of your songs. At first I paid attention to your playing and your voice, but then I realized how deep the lyric was. It was like you shouted your heart out through the lyric. I somehow could feel what you felt when you wrote the song. And it made me wanted to hug you.

I clapped faintly as you finished the song, “beautiful”, I said.

“I know”, you joked.

“Umm……… can we talk about the…”

“Lyric?”

I nodded faintly.

“Well that’s why I only sang ‘nananana’ at first because, I don’t wanna ruin our mood because of the lyric”

I looked at you with confused look.

“You will find some songs with such lyrics in my album since I wrote them when I felt broken as fk”, you chuckled.

I had no idea what to say. I really wanted to hug you and tell you that you didn’t need to feel that way anymore because no matter what I would be with you. But I couldn’t do that. I just could put my hand on your arm.

“Don’t worry, I’m totally fine now”, you assured me with your smile, “anyways I think I’ll be very busy for my solo preparation next week, you’ll be going abroad too right?”

“Hmm”, I nodded.

“Let’s spend time together before we get busier. And besides…”, you messed my hair gently, “you need to have fun a bit to make you feel ease, so you won’t feel tired anymore”

I thought my face turned a little bit red and I had no idea.

“Just have fun you know”, you slapped my arm lightly.

“I knooow”, I slapped you back, “how if you come to my house next Saturday? I have downloaded new movie and I haven’t watched it”

“A celebrity like you downloading a movie seriously? You should buy you know”, you poked my shoulder.

“I’ll buy it later you know”, I poked you back, again. We were such little kids.

“Why would you buy it if you already saw the movie?”

“Just because I want to”

“Jes becez I want tew”

“You’re such a dork”

“You’re such a princess”

“I know”

 

 

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I am a lazy btt and a sleepy head, but sometimes when I had a special day, I could be the most diligent girl in this universe. Like this Saturday, I woke up very early. I picked some nice casual clothes, and I needed around 30 minutes to pick the ones I would wear. I usually rarely take a bath in the morning but I did, I washed my hair as well. As I finished making my self look good, I took my laptop to prepare the movie and set it up to the LCD TV.

“Oh!”, I suddenly remember that I forgot the get the snacks, yes we needed snacks. I ran to the kitchen to get some snacks.

 

“What are you up to?”

I turned around and found my sister was sitting on the dining set. She was munching something, I thought she was having breakfast.

“Morning, unnie”, I approached her and kissed her cheek, “where are you up to?”, I asked as I realized she was in nice clothes.

“I’m going to meet TK today, talking about business and stuffs. You don’t have any schedules?”

I shook my head, “I’ll be very busy from the next Monday”

My sister stared at me with confused look, “did you take a bath this early? Such a rare thing”

She knows everything about me. She even knew that I just took a bath.

“A friend will visit me today”, I picked her toast and ate it.

“What friend can make you take a bath this early?”, she chuckled.

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m not that lazy”

“May I know who is the friend anyway?”

“……… Amber”

My sister narrowed her eyes, “I knew it”

“Waeee”

 

“Sooyounaa, is Soojung awake?”

It was my Mom’s voice.

“I didn’t find her in her room”, and she finally appeared, “oh? You’re awake already?”

I rolled my eyes, “mom it’s not ‘that’ early though, it’s already 10”

“But you usually wake up after 12 don’t you?”

Okay I rarely wake up early to be honest. My sister chuckled so I slapped her shoulder lightly.

“I know why are you awake this early. The one you’re waiting is in living room already”, my mom said.

I was surprised. I didn’t expect that you would come this early, you said you’d come right before lunch time.

I glanced at my sister while grinned stupidly, she just rolled her eyes.

I ran toward living room immediately. I was so happy that we were going to have fun today. Yes, my kind of having fun is watching movies that I really like and eating my favorite snacks.

 

“Hey, Am”

You turned your head to me and……… my expression changed as I found out…… it wasn’t you.

“Did you just talk to me in English?”

It was him. It was T.

“SH Oppa? W… why are you here?”, I called him with his Korean name.

“Yaa… don’t you miss me?”, he approached me and gave me a light hug.

“Aren’t you in Japan?”

“It’s supposed to be a surprise”, his big palm touched my cheek.

“Oh…”, I looked down, tucked my hair on my ear. How I wished I missed him, but I didn’t. I wasn’t a good girl friend, I knew it.

“You said you don’t have any schedules today do you?”

I regretted for texting him and telling him that I didn’t have any schedule.

“I’ve booked a theatre, only for the two of us. And I am hiring two bodyguards already”

“W..What?”, I couldn’t hide my shock expression. I wouldn’t go, I wouldn’t ruin my plan with you today, “but I can’t go”

“… Why?”

“I’m going to meet someone today”

T furrowed his brows, “someone? Uhm I’m sorry but… who?”

“…… Amber…”

“Oh, Amber your friend? Um just tell her you are with me”

“…………………”

 

 

 

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The Clueless Person POV

 

Some people said that women are the greatest detectives when it comes about investigation. And I think it’s true. E, she was so great that she knew everything I did, she knew when I didn’t really pay attention to her, she knew if I was thinking of something else. Gosh, she knew everything I didn’t even believe it.

Since you fainted when we were doing annual concert in Shanghai, I promised my self to take care of you. I didn’t care about the deal we made, I didn’t care about anything but your health, and your happiness. It sounded lame but I really did care about you. I never forgot to text or call you just to ask if you were okay, had you eaten something or how was your sleep. I even sometimes visited you or pick you up from the filming or photo shoot set. Or our manager sometimes dropped you at my apartment. Of course you needed to tell me first or else……… you’d meet her.

What a nightmare.

I had that trashy feeling. I didn’t want to make you or her sad. I knew you got a boy friend already, but I somehow knew that you’d be sad if you see me with E. And even E wasn’t as special as you, but I did care about her feeling. She was there when I needed someone to talk to. I, however, created special moments with her. That was why I tried my best to not to hurt her feeling.

E, just like I said before, she knew everything. We had planned to enjoy our spare times by watching movie in your house. Spending lazy times is one of your favorite things. But E suddenly appeared behind my door, and it was hard for me to not to let her in, because just like I said; I'd try my best to not to hurt her feeling.

 

"Oh hey", I forced a smile on my lips, "come in"

E took a seat on the couch. She took my dog, Jackjack, and placed him on her lap, "Ambo ya... I couldn't sleep last night. You know why?"

"Uh? W...why?"

"I craved tacos. Let's eat taco today shall we?", E looked at me with her puppy eyes. She didn’t really like taco before, but I made her liked it.

Trust me, it was actually hard for me to say 'no' but... "not today, E"

Her expression changed, "why?"

"I promised to go out with a friend. But let's go eat tacos tomorrow, okay?"

"A friend?", here came detective E, "your friends are my friends too, shall we go together?"

"W...what?!"

"Why?"

"N..nah... but..."

"Do I know him or her?"

I scratched my not-itchy-head, "I don't know... but... I don't think it's a good idea"

She looked at me suspiciously, "it's your friend from fx right?"

I didn't joke, she knew everything. And I'm not a person who is good at lying , so I nodded.

"Krystal again?"

I nodded again. It was the 4th or 5th times she busted me having appointment with you. First when I was about to visit you in your filming set, second when I prevented her to come to my apartment because you promised to come, third when I was about to pick you up, I forgot the fourth or fifth though.

"She must be really special to you"

I sighed. I hated this kind of conversation, "she is my friend"

"A very special friend"

"E, I promise you we will go wherever you want to go tomorrow"

"Why is she so special to you, Amber? Tell me what makes her so special after everything she did to you?"

"...... she was the first person who made me feel ease here in Korea", I actually didn't want to say anything, but she forced me to, "I was such a lost child in a strange place. I knew no one, I couldn't understand a word. I was just a kid back then. And she was there, she always got my back. She patiently taught me how to survive here in Korea. She was just a little girl yet she took care of me like a mother. Those are everything she has done to me", I took a deep breath, "it's a lie if I say she's not special to me"

"And I got your back when she dumped you"

"She never did!"

"Oh? Should I remind you that night when you were drunk and kept mentioning her name? Whining about her choosing to be with that guy instead of you??"

I was speechless. No, Krystal didn't dump me, she didn't.

"I don’t care about that anymore. I just want to take care of her, as a friend"

"Then what am I to you? Do you even care about me?"

"I do!"

"O yeah?? Really?! If you really need to choose, Krystal or me? Huh?”

".................."

"Answer me!"

"One thing you should know. Krystal never asks me to choose between you and her. She always puts you as my priority because she thinks you are my girl friend. She never makes me choose because she let me be with anyone who can make me happy", I let E digest what I just said, and I saw tears in her eyes, "I've tried my best to not to hurt you. I don’t wanna make you cry. But you forced me to say everything. I'm... I'm sorry"

E grabbed her bag and was about to leave.

I held her wrist, "let me drive you home"

"No"

I held her wrist tighter, "then I won't let you go"

 

Fortunately she didn't refuse. I drove her home. She was so silent when we were on our way to her dorm. I had no idea what to say. I felt so bad for making her cry, but I just told her the truth.

Right after I dropped E at her dorm, I went straight to your house. Well honestly what happened to E and I earlier was still bothering me. I felt really sorry for saying such things to her. I shouldn’t have done that. I thought it would be better if I discussed about it with you, I needed your opinion. I couldn’t do this to E, it might be not fair for her.

Just as I arrived at your house I opened the car glass just to show the security guard that it was me, fortunately he recognized me. He opened the gate for me so that I could park my car. Something caught my attention. There was a sport car parked in the guest garage. I thought your family had a guest. I got off my car and went straightly to the main door. I pressed the bell ring while hoping that Jess wasn’t home or even if she was home I hoped she wouldn’t open the door for me. I liked Jess, I meant she was an awesome woman. I was just awkward if I met her I didn’t know why.

Fortunately it was your mom who opened the door for me.

“Hi, Amber! It’s been a while”, she said in English, she gave me a warm hug, “where have you been?”

“I was busy working some projects, Aunty. How are you?”

“Good of course. Come in, Soojung is in living room with her guest”

So, it was your guest. I didn’t know why but I had bad feeling. And I knew my feeling was right as I reached the living room. It was him. The guest was him.

“Soojungaa, Amber is here”

You immediately stood up and turned around. Looked like your face turned a little bit paler as you saw me. You walked toward me.

“Take your time, kids”, said your mom before she left.

You stared at me in the eyes while put your palm on my wrist. Why did my chest feel so hurt. Was it because I hurt E so karma hit me back?

“Uhh… I didn’t know you… you have a guest... maybe I’ll… just go home”

“No!”, you gripped my wrist, “just wait for a moment okay? You can go to my room”

“Oh hi, Amber”, that dude, that dude came toward me. If only I could punch him in the face but why would I punch him?

You made awkward gesture. Well, that was so awkward.

“SH”, he gave me his hand to be shaken. He mentioned his real Korean name.

“T”, I faked a smile, “I know you as T. I am Amber”, I shook his hand.

“And I know you as Amber”

“Because I’m indeed Amber not AJ hahaha. Oh, but I use AJOL as my user name”, I tried to joke, well, nice try Amber.

You slapped my shoulder lightly. I was glad that you stood closer to me than him.

“Amber just wait for me in my r…”

“Uh Amber I actually want to ask you if me and Krystal can…”, you looked panic when T dude was about to say something to me.

But before he finished his sentence, I felt someone linked her/his arm to me. And I smelled that flower scent around me.

“Hey American dork, long time no see”

“Yaa unnie what are you doing??!!”

I needed few seconds before I realized it was Jess, the oldest of Jung sisters whom I was afraid of. I was so clueless I didn’t even know how did I react.

“I’m waiting for someone and he hasn’t come yet. I’m bored. Come on, Am, I need a company”, I didn’t do anything when Jess pulled me to follow her, “follow me Amber, now”

“Unnie!! Don’t do anything stupid!”

“I won’t. Come on, Amber”

 

Don’t you ever deal with Jung sisters. Don’t.

 

 

 

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Next Chapter: flashback: Let it Go Let it Flow part III

 

Teaser:                      “What kind of relationship do you have with my sister?”

                                “……… she’s…… a special person”

 

                                “Why can’t you cancel your plan with her?”

                                “…because…… it’s special”