The Clueless Person POV

 

I’ve made mistakes. I admitted it. I had been very busy with my own problems. I rarely communicated with our members, I was busy playing around with my friends, and spending my time with E. I didn’t like E as much as I liked you, but I liked her. She amazed me with her kindness and honesty. She said she wasn’t afraid if everyone would judge her for being my girl friend. If only it was you, then I’d be very happy. I never confessed to E that I liked her and wanted her to be my girl friend. We just let it be like that, we let time decided where would this relationship go. E didn’t make me sank in such butterfly-feeling, but she could make me laugh and smile, and forgot about you even just a moment.

I knew it was my fault, you might be right I didn’t really pay attention at the meeting last time. But I listened to our mentor and manager, really. I had no idea why did you look so mad, okay I was sad because Sulli decided to leave us, but I wasn’t afraid that she would leave or forget us. I knew that you were afraid of losing your other ‘sister’ in this agency. And I was really sorry because I wasn’t there when you had to face Jess’ leaving. Not that I didn’t know or didn’t care, I thought about you all the time, I wondered if you were fine, but then again you got a boy friend already. Of course he should be the one who would comfort you. I held the urge to call you to make you feel better, that hella handsome boy friend of yours should’ve done that right? And who was I to make you feel comfort?

We still had some promotion schedules, we met, but we barely talked. The situation was getting chaos. Felt like we lost the chemistry in this group. Our group was having rough times.  We really couldn’t make the situation better. We needed a break.

The end of the promotion had come. Victoria unnie headed to China to do her solo activity. Luna stayed in Korea, our mentor said she would have some musical stages. You got a new drama, as the main character, and the co-star was a very senior actor in Korea. How I wanted to congratulate you that time, but I didn’t. I was back playing around with my friends, and E, of course. She was like a ‘real’ girl friend to me, well she might think she was my girl friend, whatever. One thing I knew, she was my comfort zone.

Sometimes I had some solo schedules or I needed to go to our agency to practice my rap skill. One day, one of our managers asked me to give the sample of the songs I made. I gave it to them on the other day, just so I knew they were planning to debut my solo album. What a very good opportunity to make my self busy with positive activity. They said if I could make it good, they would debut my solo album on the next year. I was very excited, and that time I really wanted to share about it to you. I wanted to make you proud of me. I promised my self my solo would be really cool, I wanted to be cooler than your T boy.

In the middle of my business preparing the songs for my soon-to-be-solo-album, we finally should do the annual activity of the agency; doing the agency concert in some countries. I was surprised when our manager said that you should join the concert too. I eyed Vic unnie with ‘is he joking?’ look.

“Manager oppa, I don’t think Soojung will join us because of her tight filming schedules”, Victoria said.

“I think about it too, but our boss said so, because it’s only the four of you now. Sulli is still on hiatus so…”

“No, Soojung won’t join us. I think just the three of us is not a big deal”, I finally spoke up. Not that I didn’t want to meet you, but you would be tortured by this crazy schedules.

“It’s the boss, Amber, we couldn’t say anything”

 

I gave up. When it’s about money, people don’t want to know about anything but money. Oh I hated that boss.

Fortunately, our first concert was in Seoul. You were there, and thank God you looked fine. You had chit-chat with Vic unnie and Luna, yes you looked fine, and I was happy seeing you smiling, even though you didn’t talk to me.

Two months after the concert we needed to head to two countries. I was so worried about you. It was like you didn’t even have time to breathe. I couldn’t forget how pale you looked when we were in Japan. You were at your room all the time. I didn’t see you at the dinner. I was worrying you, I felt like knocking your door and asking if you had eaten, but of course I wouldn’t do that. I finally saw you on the next day at the concert venue. You were so silent. I heard Vic unnie asked you if you were okay, and you said you were okay. But no, you were not okay, you looked so pale.

I couldn’t help it. I encouraged my self to talk to you so I walked toward you, we were in make up room.

“Just tell the manager you need some rest, don’t push your self, Krys”, I finally talked to you. I didn’t need to ask you if you were okay because I knew, you were not.

I saw you glanced at me through the mirror, but you didn’t say anything.

“You look pale. Don’t be stubborn”, I said again.

You stood up. I knew you were about to leave me.

“Okay whatever, just make sure you eat well”, that was my last sentence before you left.

The performing went good. I was relieved that you were okay. The agency gave us few days to fly back to Korea, but it didn’t mean a lot for you, because you needed to go filming again. Could that drama be stopped already? Not that I didn’t support you but for godsake you needed to take some rest.

Few days later we needed to go to Shanghai, still for the annual concert. Okay I was definitely not okay because our manager said you were unwell.

“Okay, she won’t perform will she?”, I made sure to manager.

“She’s here already Amber, it’s okay she’s sleeping now. She already took some medicine I think she’ll be better soon”

I blew a sigh.

We really had no choice, I hoped you would be fine.

But I didn’t get what I hoped for. I saw how struggling you were when we were performing. We are f(x) anyways, we are known as a very energetic group among other Korean Pop groups, so we’ve always tried our best moves during performing. How I wished the performance finished quickly so that we could get off the stage, and you’d get some rest, no, you needed to go to hospital soon because you were sick.

Finally our performance had finished, but just as we were about to get off the stage, you suddenly collapsed. I tried to catch you but the security guard did it before me, it didn’t matter the one important was they brought you to the safe place.

 

The concert had finished. I didn’t say a thing to our manager. I knew it wasn’t what he wanted but I had no idea, I didn’t feel like talking to him or the other stuffs of the agency. I felt like I hated them so much for forcing you to join the concert.

We were supposed to eat dinner together after the concert, but the three of us—Vic unnie, Luna, and I—decided not to join the dinner. We just didn’t feel like it, we were worried about you. You were brought to a hospital with our personal manager that time. Vic unnie and Luna planned to see you on the next day because it was already late. But me? I needed to see you soon. I didn’t really care if it was mid night or what, I just needed to see you soon.

Fortunately my Dad was there, he was visiting our relation in Shanghai and he knew that I had a schedule in Shanghai so he attended the concert. In this kind of situation I really needed him. Because if I told the agency staffs that I wanted to go outside or visit Krystal in hospital, they would send some bodyguards to go with me, or the worst was they wouldn’t allow me to go.

“Thank God Dad you’re here”, I hugged my Dad as he arrived in my hotel room.

“Hey kid, I missed you. Are you good?”

“Not really, that’s why I need you. Oh and I missed you too, a lot”

My dad stared at me confusedly, “What happened? I thought we would meet tomorrow? Why is it so sudden?”

“Dad look, I need to see Krystal soon in hospital but I doubt they will allow me. So can you please tell them that you needed to bring me like for an importance or something?”

“Krystal is hospitalized?"

"Yes and I need to see her just please help me please"

"Well.. Kay”, My Dad always looked chill as usual.

Actually our personal managers are nice, I knew if I told them the truth they would allow us. But we had some event coordinators here, and they made so many rules for us.

Just like what I asked, my Dad visited the coordinators room and asked their permission to bring me out,

“Oh sure, Sir. But may I know what’s the occasion?”

There was my actor-like Dad, “Um actually I am here because Amber’s grandma, uh she is actually my aunt but she took care of me since I was little so she’s like my own mother”

I was so proud of his lying skill.

“She’s now sick, I don’t know how long will she live… And… she… she loves Amber so much, she wanted to see her”

My Dad had aunts, but he was taken care by his own mother. And I’ve never met his aunts, how could his aunt love me that much? But I loved him, love you Dad to the moon and back and to the moon again.

“I feel sorry for your Grandma, Amber sshi”, the coordinator said in Korean to me. Yes he spoke English to my Dad earlier.

 

 

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“Woohoo!! Thanks dad you were awesome!”, we were finally out of the hotel. I was in my dad’s car, on my way to hospital. It was already 2 and half in the morning. I called your personal manager, just like I said our personal managers are nice, so he told me where your hospital was. He said he would help me to see you.

“Look kid, just make sure no one recognize you”

“I’ll put my hoodie on and the mask”

“No no! no need. Don’t look like you’re hiding something”

“What should I do?”

My dad who was driving glanced at me for a moment, “turn your cap to the front, don’t make it backward because it’s so you”

“Okay”, I took off my cap and put it normally, “like this?”

“Yeah man. Oh? Let your bang appear on your forehead”

I did what my dad suggested, ”Like this?”

“Hahahahahahaha you look ugly but yeah good”

“Shut up, Dad. Now what?”

“Glasses and the mask”

“Okay”, I put on my glasses and the mask.

“Now you look like a sick person who visits a doctor in hospital”

“Oh man you’re right!”, I high-fived him. What a clever old man! So proud of him! The best Dad ever!

 

I immediately called your personal manager as I arrived in hospital. God, I couldn’t wait to see you. I felt like jumping to your room already.

“Ya Ambo!”, manager oppa tapped my shoulder, he was already behind me, “It’s you right?”

I showed my face a bit, “yeah it’s me. How’s she? What did doctor say?”

“Exhausted and dehydration. But she’s fine now. Do you really want to see her? But don’t make her wake up okay? Don't play prank, bicker or joking really...”

“Ssshhh why are you so fussy?”, I turned around to see my dad, he already made friends with some people in waiting room, “okay bring me to her room. If the nurse ask just tell her I am a family”

The manager sighed, “come on follow me”

Fortunately the hospital was already quiet since it was almost three in the morning. There were only few people divagated around.

“Here”, the manager opened the door, “come in”, he stepped inside.

And it made me looked at him confusedly, “why are you stepping in?”, I whispered.

“Huh?”, his chubby face made him looked funny. He was the cutest among our personal managers to be honest.

“Wait outside, dude”, I tapped his fatty tummy.

“But Ambo~”

“I won’t hurt her understood??”

He sighed again. This fatty bear manager couldn’t really say ‘no’ to us.

I smiled at him, “thanks fatty oppa I owe you a lot, I’ll buy you dorayaki later”, I tapped his tummy again.

“Yaa! I’m not doraemon”

 

I just ignored the manager and stepped in. I closed the door very very silently, I didn’t want to wake you.

“Oppa?”

I was surprised as I heard your voice. I was dumbfounded. And all of sudden I felt groggy.

I immediately took off my mask, glasses, and cap. I didn’t forget to fix the stupid bang on my forehead, “It’s me”, I said.

You looked surprised, and then you turned your back to me.

I sighed. I thought you still didn’t want to talk to me. I walked toward you, sat right next to you.

“Oppa said you were sleeping. What made you wake up? Do you need something?”, I asked you with  very gentle voice. I watched the IV hose that was injected to your hand. You looked weak, how I wanted to hug you.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk to me casually, but tell me if you need something. Are you thirsty?”

“………………… where is Oppa”, you finally said something. I could hear it, you were crying a little.

I encouraged my self to touch your shoulder, caressed it with my thumb. Fortunately you didn’t refuse, “he needs some rest. Let me replace him for a moment”, I told you.  Your shoulders were shaking, you were crying even harder.

I tried my best to be very gentle as I pulled you and hugged you from the back. I couldn’t take it anymore. I missed you, a lot. I was really worried about you. You didn’t refuse it but you cried even harder. I bet the fat manager would hit me if he knew I made you cry like this.

“Sshh it’s okay. I’m sorry Krystal, I’m sorry”

You didn’t answer my apology. You kept crying. And I just kept hugging you, caressed your shoulder.

“Don’t you wanna talk to me?”, I asked as you were calmer.

You shook your head. Okay, it didn’t matter. I was okay, well I was trying to.

I got up of the bed. I saw a glass of mineral water on the side desk, I took it and gave it to you.

“It’ll make you feel better. Oppa said you have dehydration. Here, drink a lot”

You didn’t answer me. You were busy wiping your eyes.

“It’s okay you don’t need to say a word to me, just drink it, and then back to sleep”, I came closer to you, wiped your eyes with my thumb, helped you to straighten your back and drink the water. Gratefully you didn’t refuse me to help you. I was somehow sure you woke up because you were thirsty.

I put the glass back on the side desk. You turn your back to me again.

“Sleep tight, Princess”, I said. You didn’t answer, I hoped you were already asleep, “I won’t leave you, not anymore. I’m sorry”, I told you. I didn’t care if you heard me or not, “I mean it. I'm really sorry for letting you alone in your hard times. I don’t care if you got a boyfriend or boy-whatever, I just want to be there when you need me”

Surprisingly you turned your body to me, facing me, your eyes were teary again. You heard me, you weren’t asleep.

I had no doubt when I decided to come closer to you and hold your hand. You cried again. I embraced my arm around you, making you leaned your head on my chest. I waited until you calmed, again. And yes you finally did. You pulled away, rested your head on the pillow. You stared at me in the eyes,

“How did you get here?”, you finally said something to me, your voice sounded weak.

“My dad. He lied to the coordinator and brought me here”, I chuckled.

“Your dad? Where is he? Is he waiting outside?”

“In the lobby. He’s okay don’t worry”

“You make him waiting too long. You better see him and go back to the hotel, Oppa said I can be back tomorrow”

“It’s okay Krys my Dad is fine. Trust me all the people in lobby are now his friends, and he’s sleeping soundly on the sofa as if it’s his own house”

You chuckled a bit. I was so happy to see your smile.

“Why is your dad here?”

“He’s visiting some relation here, he attended our concert though. I planned to meet him tomorrow, but I needed him tonight. Because……… I really needed to see you soon”, I grabbed your hand and hold it tight, “I was worried”, I stared at you deeply, “how’re you feeling now?”

You need few seconds before weakly answered, “fine”

I cursed my self for letting this happened, “I won’t let it happen anymore. I’ll take care of you”

“…… you can’t”

“Why?”

“Your girl friend should be the priority”

I rolled my eyes, “can we not talk about that? And when I say something, I mean it”, I doubted at first, but I encouraged my self to kiss your hand, “I’ll take care of you”

Even though you didn’t answered me with any word, but your eyes said it all. You stared at me very deeply, saying something like ‘I trust you’. The corners of your lips curved upwards.

“You need to go back now, your dad is waiting”

“No…”

“I need to sleep, so do you. You must be tired after performing”

I thought for a moment. You put your hand on my arm, “I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Vic unnie and Luna plan to visit you tomorrow”

“No need, tell them I’ll be back tomorrow. I’m better now”

I put my palm on your forehead—caressed it while staring at you, “get some sleep”

You nodded.

“Sleep tight”

You nodded again.

“You will really talk to me tomorrow won’t you?”

Fortunately, you nodded again.

It made me smiled. I leaned closer to you, kissed your forehead, “sleep tight, Princess”, I whispered.

 

 

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The Confused Girl POV

 

I was surprised when I saw you in the ward when I was in Shanghai Hospital. I got very emotional. I felt very angry, sad, and a little bit happy, I didn’t know I was such an idiot. But an Amber always melted my heart which I hated that. The way you talked to me, your patience, and the way you said how sorry you were. I somehow trusted you, and I stupidly felt better as you were there. That’s actually what girls need when they feel angry, disappointed, or sad; a sincerity.

But you really meant what you promised. Even since the incident in Shanghai, you never forgot to text and call me. You usually would give me a call in the evening as I finished filming. You texted and called me more often than my boy friend did, it made me wonder how about your girl friend? Did you text and call her too? But I didn’t want to talk about it now. Well, I had a plan to ask you about her if I had spare times though.

“Soojung sshi”, the crew of the drama that I was filming called me.

“Yes?”

“You have a guest”

I furrowed my brows, “who?”

“It’s Ambo sshi”

I was surprised, “really? What is she doing here?”

“Do you want to see her?”

“Of course! I mean… yes bring her here”

What were you thinking you were doing? How if someone saw you?

“Hello Princess”, you finally appeared and stepped into my trailer. You looked very busy with two bags in your hand and a……… banner?

I chuckled, “stupid what are you doing?”

“I’m visiting you”

“…Okay… what are those again?”

“Oh? This”, you put one of the plastic bags on the round table, “pizza and…”, you put the other one, “milk tea and…”, you proudly showed the banner.

The mini banner said, ‘you’ve worked hard Princess Jung Soojung’. I found it sweet and stupid at the same time. But I liked it. It made me smile widely.

“Thanks”, I grabbed the banner from your hand, “come sit here”, I tapped a chair next to me, and you sat right next to me, “how if someone see you?”

“Is it wrong if a member visits the other member filming?”, you said while unpackaged the pizza.

“But you’re not with Vic unnie and Luna unnie”

“They have their own schedules and I am jobless today. And don’t worry I’ll take a picture of us so it’s like you know…… legal”

I sighed. Whatever Amber, you could do anything you wanted.

“here”, you handed the pizza to me, “I forget to say that you look cute with that bang on your forehead”

“Really? I don’t really like it, it’s only for the drama. Does it suit me?”, I watched my face on the mirror while fixed the bang.

“I think it suits you. Or for me everything just looks good on you?”

I narrowed my eyes at you and you just grinned at me. The cheesy lame Amber was back. The Amber that always let me knew how much she liked me. It just felt so right. I decided to forget about our promise to limit our relationship. I just felt very comfortable when you were with me. Holding my feeling to not to be too close to you was really torturing. I just wanted to let it go with the flow.

 

 

 

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Next Chapter: Flashback: Let it go Let it flow Part II

Teaser:                                 “if you really need to choose, Krystal or me?”

                                “…………………”

 

                                “Oh, Amber your friend? Um just tell her you are with me”

                                “…………………”