a/n: small disclaimer - I would consider this angsty and to be honest (pun against the title intended) I would consider this to be heavily out of character for the rest of the story but I'm keeping it because I actually liked it haha

Word count: 512
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When other people described Mark they would usually involve words such as 'sweet', 'handsome' and 'honest' in their description and every single time it would kill Mark a little more. The two first ones weren't the reason, they almost boosted his ego a little but the last one always brought him down again. 'Honest'. Everything Mark wanted to be but also everything he wasn't.
Mark had gotten used to lying. When it all began, he would feel intense guilt afterwards and have troubles sleeping but the more he did it, the less he cared. It wasn't like he hurt someone else while doing it.
See, Mark didn't lie about others. When someone asked for his opinion on something they picked up in the store, he'd give them his honest word, even if it could end up not being towards the positive side. Maybe that's why people considered him honest. Maybe all he ever did was lying to himself.
Jackson felt unsure about Mark sometimes. He didn't think twice about his love for the other guy, it wasn't in that sense at all. He just felt as if Mark didn't tell him everything he should. Jackson thought it was easier to be with someone if you knew truly how they felt. He knew for sure that Mark wasn't the biggest fan of himself but at the same time he wasn't sure exactly how he saw himself. And that made him unsure.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Are you lying?"
Even though Jackson knew the answer, he feared it.
"No."
"I'd just wish you could be more honest with me."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Nope, you're just not honest to me."
"What's the difference?"
"For me to consider you a liar you'd have to do something rougher. Like lie about something serious, for example illnesses or something. Not just about the way you view yourself. Hell, if we base people of how they view themselves I'm sure at least half of the world population would be considered liars."
"I don't get why you're so bothered by it but if it makes you happy - yes, I lied, no I'm not okay."
"Care to tell me why?"
"What if all I say are just white little lies?"
"You should still tell. Maybe you'll realize how they don't feel quite as right as they should and end up telling me your true feelings?"
"When did we get so angsty?"
"We aren't, but sometimes you just gotta let it all out."
"You're making me feel as if everything will be okay, if that means something to you."
"That means everything to me. I'm not going to force you to love yourself, that's not something I can really do. All I want is for you to try and not be so harsh. Small steps. And I'll be here all along."
"Thank you. I'm so lucky to have you."
Mark may not be content with himself and he may never stop lying about his well-being. But at least he had some motivation to change for the better now.

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