AUTHOR: Alex17 STORY TITLE: Let Me Love You.

Title (06/10): "Let me Love You" Not really captivating or catching the attention of the reader, and it was only relevant in the story until about the 10th chapter.

Characterization (03/10): The characterization of the people in this story is...vague at best. They are caricatured and pushed more or less to the extremes. They are crack-esque and the character development is either too rapid or not at all. The only character development taking place in the story is people falling in love, and that happens from one sentence to the other, being the too rapid parts. A part of Baekhyun’s characterization is his mental disorders, ranging from depression, being neglected as a child, and lastly his fear of medicine. Pharmacophobia isn’t a physical thing and it can’t make the body reject the medicine because of the fear. That has to be something different. One scene stood out to me: Baekhyun can’t control himself when Chanyeol looks good, but when Baekhyun has a mental breakdown that is supposed to emotionally wreck him and make him unable to control himself, he easily schools his expression into a stoic expression. Hardly realistic. I noticed how the characters change opinions in a sentence, all too rapidly. Kyungsoo is accusing Jongin of one second and two lines later, he is apologizing like madly and is confessing his love. All in all, I drag a lot of points for this because there is absolutely no depth to the characters.

Themes (04/10): You choose to portray arranged marriage, male pregnancy, and mental disorders and phobias. Honestly, none of them you succeed at even the slightest bit. You’ve picked some topics to include to your story that are entirely too common. If you find any story out there with these tags, you more or less have this plot. I am not impressed by the originality of this story. Not to mention you have some misconception about depression and pharmacophobia.

Setting (01/10): Settings? What settings? The settings aren’t described at all. You mention a penthouse apartment, a mansion, and...hospital...and club… and that’s about it.

Description and Foreword (02/10): The description isn’t all that captivating and it only fits the first few chapters. Baekhyun confesses his love for Chanyeol only a few chapters into the story and that’s when the story kind of falls to the ground. Bottomline, the description isn’t all that good.

Writing Style / Techniques (03/10): Writing techniques: You change tense constantly. Not just once or twice, but constantly. You manage a few lines of the same tense, then it changes. In general there are some linguistic improvements that need to be done. You need to work on your prepositions and your 3rd person present tense s’es. And you have a wrong sentence structure in many sentences throughout the story. As for writing style: Your style is simple, not too descriptive, and your story consists of mainly actions, unrealistic descriptions (like the size of Chanyeol’s ) or cliché descriptions (happyvirus smile, heartshaped lips, etc.). During the story, you make some vague attempts at being funny that makes the story crack-ish without really being funny. It’s more annoying to read than anything.

Presentation (08/10): The story is presented nicely visually and it has a nice graphic addition of a poster. So definitely some good points here.

Structure and Flow (04/10): The story switches rapidly between serious, Baekhyun hating Chanyeol, to Baekhyun being confused about Chanyeol looking good, and then to , then he loves him, then he hates him and then back to loving him, and then it’s destructive, in what...20 lines? It’s clustered, too rapidly changing and I think all of your characters are bipolar with how they change. Not only that, but together Baekhyun and Chanyeol go from romantic to having the first time to talking about punishments style, and it’s just… It doesn’t make sense considering the character Chanyeol has been given. Things suddenly appear out of nowhere. Like, the bathtub is suddenly filled with hot water out of nowhere, and there is water on the bedside table when Baekhyun just so happens to need it. It gives signs that the story hasn’t been thought through or plotted properly before writing it. Kyungsoo just so happens to enter Chanyeol’s apartment, how and why? Why is he there, and how does he get in there. It all happens out of nowhere. During the story, you change point of view repeatedly. You don’t really let your readers know when you change the point of view, and you change it for a few lines, to give the readers some information you could easily have skipped out on. For another time, I suggest sticking to only the point of views of the main characters.

Plot (03/10): Like I’ve mentioned before, the plot is unoriginal. What you’ve written happens in 9/10 of other fanfics with similar tags. And when writing something as cliché as this, I had hoped there would be loops on the plot that would surprise or a writing that made it worth reading, but I didn’t really find any of that, so plot-wise, you don’t get a whole lot of points.

Overall Enjoyment (03/10): I didn’t really enjoy reading this story if I have to be completely honest. It was written very vaguely, the story developed too rapidly and there wasn’t any build of tension or explaining of emotions in any way. You could deduce from their actions what they were feeling, but that was about it. All of the things I’ve written above all combine into a low score on this one too, because I think the elements described have been disturbing for the reading process of this fic.

Overall Score: 37/100
Overall Percentage: 37%
Reviewer's Note:
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