[R] DarkJustice: Dreaming In The Rain - Rewrite

~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)
 
 

AUTHOR: DARKJUSTICE STORY TITLE: DREAMING IN THE RAIN - REWRITE.

Title (10/10): The title is great. I seriously love it.

Characterization (7/10): The characters are something you can work on. For example Taeyeon - you showed her as loving person but also weak. You could have changed some of her actions and show her as strong yet forgiving. You could have deepened her character. Or why Baekhyun broke up with her. How much he regrets it or something. I know it's a one shot but in the future you should try to make better characterization.

Themes (8/10): Okay so getting dumped over text is so relatable. It happened or is going to happen to everyone. However most of people don't get back together or even become friends after that so that part was unreal and a bit cliche.

Setting (9/10): Settings are great but you should work on why and how they got to the hotel. In more details .

Description and Foreword (10/10): Your forword is great . Keep it the way it is.

Writing Style / Techniques (8/10): Your writing style and technique is very good, great even however it can be improved by adding more backstories or longer conversation or making Taeyeon a bit more stubborn.

Presentation (9/10): Your presentation is great but I wish you would have added a bit more details.

Structure and Flow (7/10): Structure and grammar is great. But your flow towards the ending is rushed. Starting from the break up text your flow is really rushed. Like I said you could fix that by making the recoiling part longer and the break up a bit more emotinal on both sides. Explain how much Baekhyun regrets it and why he did it. What kind of break down Taeyeon went through. You could add a lot of it to your story to slow your flow down. It's like you lack explainations.

Plot (10/10): I love your plot. It's great. However in some reader's eyes it can be overshadowed by the rushed flow. So if you work your flow rightly your plot will get it's full shine.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10): I really enjoyed the story but I feel a bit sad that the ending is rushed since there could've been a lot more to the story.

Overall Score: 87/100
Overall Percentage: 87%
Reviewer's Note: I'm originally not Baekyeon shipper but you made me ship it. I really like your plot and story but I really feel like your flow is rushed and should be something you work on. But your story is still good. I hope you're happy with my review.
Angel004

 

| STORY | ANGEL1004 |

 

 

 

 

 

 

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blossomheartz
Hi guys, just to remind, pls, pls and pls read the rules before requesting, it's the most important part so that nothing would happen in the future..
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Comments

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iluvbj #1
Please make a cm for my story please
FortuneKookies #2
I have requested a trailer for summerdust. Can you send me a link to who i need to pay?? Kamsahamnida!!! :D
ELFantasyhand #3
Chapter 105: Thank you for the review. I'm maybe going to rewrite this fanfic one day.
AoifeCross #4
Chapter 104: Thank you so much for the honest review. You pointed out a lot of concerns that I had over the story and I really appreciate you mentioning them (like the point of views, the relationship between Jungkook and Jimin, and other things too) Honestly when I first started writing the story, it all came from a small dream I had and I simply wrote it out. From there ideas started popping in my head and I was making it up as I wrote the story.
I didn't really have much organization or plans for this story so I knew it was super messy. But because I was already a bunch of chapters in I didn't know where to start editing or how. I really needed to get someone to review and help me find a way to improve and edit the story. I found this review super helpful! I've been thinking and planning on rewriting this fic and I really do plan on using this review as a guide to help me with the editing process.
Thank you so much! I'll credit you right away!
YoungChoi #5
HI! I’ve requested for a poster and bg. Thank you!
Pandaisy #6
Chapter 101: I've picked up the trailer! Thanks for you hard work, I love it! xD
AmyleaT #7
Hi. I've picked up the trailer. I love it so much. Thank you for the hard work. :)
summerdust #8
Chapter 100: Sorry for the late pick up. Honestly I expected a low score ;; I even dreamt I'll get a 0 for this fanfic XD The reason I ask for a review on this is because I've edited this fanfic a lot of time and even I think it's not really satisfying in any way. It's not angsty enough and the flow, right is really all over the place. But I don't know how to fix it. But actually if not angst I really don't know what genre to tag it. I wrote this at that time where I really have the need to write something to be productive. And even though I don't know what to write I still force myself to think of something. So when I came up with an idea that I know very well I tried to make it in a story. But as I write this I realized that to make it in a story I should add other things even though I'm not really familiar with those. Especially being in a dorm since I've never been to a dorm in college. And a lot of other stuff. I also had a hard time of picking the main protagonist in the story. I am more familiar with BTS members so I use one of them. As for the plot it is basically that self harm. And I used the title Better because doing that really makes Taehyung feel better. When he cuts he feels relieved from his problems and yeah he felt better. I really should edit this again tho. Thanks for the review and telling me these. It really will help me in editing the story again. Picked up and credited :)
_cloud_ #9
Hello! I applied to be a trailer designer. ^^
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