[R] Doshinsae: My Lover Is My Hostage

~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)
 
 

AUTHOR: DOSHINSAE STORY TITLE: MY LOVER IS MY HOSTAGE.

Title (10/10): The title is good.

Characterization (9/10): Your charactization is also good, great actually but it has one flaw. The characters are developing too fast. Just slow it down for a bit.

Themes (6/10): Don't get hurt by the low score. This score is about how much we can relate to the story or characters. And mafia and love is something we see in movies. But not wanting to fall in love with someone or admiting that we've fallen for the guy/girl.

Setting (10/10): It's good. You made it part of your plot how they got the hause, train etc. effortlessly.

Description and Foreword (10/10): It's good but also not anything special.

Writing Style / Techniques (9/10): Your writing style is so confusing for new/newer readers. It's kinda jumpy and once you get used to it, it's not hard to understand but try to make it easier for new readers too if you can.

Presentation (10/10): I'm not the one to judge for this. Your poster is nice, you background is good.

Structure and Flow (9/10): Structure is really good. I don't know if you're a native speaker or you're just really good at English. As I said flow is a bit rushed. Like everything is happening too fast. You give enough explainations and everything with flashbacks but I think you should add one chapter that calms things a bit so readers can "rest" and catch up on everything and also to tease them and get them rilled up a bit. But it's a thing of preference.

Plot (10/10): I was pleasently suprised by your plot. Truth to be told. I thought it was gonna be another one of those mafia boss fell in love and does everything for him, becomes nicer and in the end quits bla bla bla. But you giving Chanyeol that twist of personality you really gave a new colour to your story.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10): It was enjoyable. Reay enjoyable. It just that things happen a bit too fast (not talking about feelings but about action actually). You should slower it a bit.

Overall Score: 92/100
Overall Percentage: 92%
Reviewer's Note: This is story that got the highest score (from me at least). I really liked your story as a reader and as a reviewer. So keep it up and don't give it up. Hwating! I hope you're statisfied with my review.
Angel004

 

| STORY | ANGEL1004 |

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author's Thoughts
blossomheartz
Hi guys, just to remind, pls, pls and pls read the rules before requesting, it's the most important part so that nothing would happen in the future..
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Comments

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iluvbj #1
Please make a cm for my story please
FortuneKookies #2
I have requested a trailer for summerdust. Can you send me a link to who i need to pay?? Kamsahamnida!!! :D
ELFantasyhand #3
Chapter 105: Thank you for the review. I'm maybe going to rewrite this fanfic one day.
AoifeCross #4
Chapter 104: Thank you so much for the honest review. You pointed out a lot of concerns that I had over the story and I really appreciate you mentioning them (like the point of views, the relationship between Jungkook and Jimin, and other things too) Honestly when I first started writing the story, it all came from a small dream I had and I simply wrote it out. From there ideas started popping in my head and I was making it up as I wrote the story.
I didn't really have much organization or plans for this story so I knew it was super messy. But because I was already a bunch of chapters in I didn't know where to start editing or how. I really needed to get someone to review and help me find a way to improve and edit the story. I found this review super helpful! I've been thinking and planning on rewriting this fic and I really do plan on using this review as a guide to help me with the editing process.
Thank you so much! I'll credit you right away!
YoungChoi #5
HI! I’ve requested for a poster and bg. Thank you!
Pandaisy #6
Chapter 101: I've picked up the trailer! Thanks for you hard work, I love it! xD
AmyleaT #7
Hi. I've picked up the trailer. I love it so much. Thank you for the hard work. :)
summerdust #8
Chapter 100: Sorry for the late pick up. Honestly I expected a low score ;; I even dreamt I'll get a 0 for this fanfic XD The reason I ask for a review on this is because I've edited this fanfic a lot of time and even I think it's not really satisfying in any way. It's not angsty enough and the flow, right is really all over the place. But I don't know how to fix it. But actually if not angst I really don't know what genre to tag it. I wrote this at that time where I really have the need to write something to be productive. And even though I don't know what to write I still force myself to think of something. So when I came up with an idea that I know very well I tried to make it in a story. But as I write this I realized that to make it in a story I should add other things even though I'm not really familiar with those. Especially being in a dorm since I've never been to a dorm in college. And a lot of other stuff. I also had a hard time of picking the main protagonist in the story. I am more familiar with BTS members so I use one of them. As for the plot it is basically that self harm. And I used the title Better because doing that really makes Taehyung feel better. When he cuts he feels relieved from his problems and yeah he felt better. I really should edit this again tho. Thanks for the review and telling me these. It really will help me in editing the story again. Picked up and credited :)
_cloud_ #9
Hello! I applied to be a trailer designer. ^^
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