[R] Aigooagain: Don't Leave Me Again

~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)
 
 

AUTHOR: AIGOOAGAIN STORY TITLE: DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN.

Title (3/10): First, the one thing that bothers me the most when it comes to titles is when the title is written in another language. For me, when I see a title written in another language I immediately think that the story is either a translation of the original story or the story is completely in that language. A lot of authors on this site have translated copy of their stories and sometimes they use the English description. Second your title is extremely cliché. Try to use something different and unique.

Characterization (5/10): Your characterization is strong and poor at the same time. You start with a weak characterization of Taeyeon. You focus a lot on the her past with the OC but nothing seems to make me want to agree with OC. From the looks of it, the OC looks rather extremely impatient. Tiffany is extremely flat. I wish you would try to expand on her that would give her some depth considering she will probably play an important factor.

Themes (7/10): Your theme of angst is lacking. You have a little bit of angst but not enough. The whole purpose of a theme is to carry it throughout the whole story.

Setting (10/10): It’s fine.

Description and Foreword (10/10): Good.

Writing Style / Techniques (5/10): Do you ever notice when you’re writing that you tend to spend more time focusing at certain details. Then suddenly you’ll write quickly through an important scene as if it’s not important at all. Also I understand that your first language isn’t English which I would advise to get a beta reader. I recommend this to almost every author and that it is an absolute must to have. Either that or put aside your chapter for a couple of days and forget about it. Then go back and review. Our minds don’t always pick up on mistakes when we continuously re-read the uncorrected version.

Presentation (5/10): There is no graphics which doesn’t attract readers.

Structure and Flow (5/10): You’re very choppy with your transitions which really disrupt the overall flow of the story. You also tend to go too slow with the development and then go to fast.

Plot (10/10): Your plot is developing well enough.

Overall Enjoyment (2/10): I couldn’t really get into this story. It wasn’t as interesting as I hoped it to be from the description and foreword.

Overall Score: 62/100
Overall Percentage: 62%
Reviewer's Note: In my opinion, your story is a need of a lot of improvement. The transitions are really distracting and the characters are rather shallow in development.
TheUnicornLady

 

| STORY | THEUNICORNLADY |

 

 

 

 

 

 

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blossomheartz
Hi guys, just to remind, pls, pls and pls read the rules before requesting, it's the most important part so that nothing would happen in the future..

Comments

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iluvbj
#1
Please make a cm for my story please
FortuneKookies
#2
I have requested a trailer for summerdust. Can you send me a link to who i need to pay?? Kamsahamnida!!! :D
ELFantasyhand
#3
Chapter 105: Thank you for the review. I'm maybe going to rewrite this fanfic one day.
AoifeCross
#4
Chapter 104: Thank you so much for the honest review. You pointed out a lot of concerns that I had over the story and I really appreciate you mentioning them (like the point of views, the relationship between Jungkook and Jimin, and other things too) Honestly when I first started writing the story, it all came from a small dream I had and I simply wrote it out. From there ideas started popping in my head and I was making it up as I wrote the story.
I didn't really have much organization or plans for this story so I knew it was super messy. But because I was already a bunch of chapters in I didn't know where to start editing or how. I really needed to get someone to review and help me find a way to improve and edit the story. I found this review super helpful! I've been thinking and planning on rewriting this fic and I really do plan on using this review as a guide to help me with the editing process.
Thank you so much! I'll credit you right away!
YoungChoi #5
HI! I’ve requested for a poster and bg. Thank you!
Pandaisy
#6
Chapter 101: I've picked up the trailer! Thanks for you hard work, I love it! xD
AmyleaT
#7
Hi. I've picked up the trailer. I love it so much. Thank you for the hard work. :)
summerdust
#8
Chapter 100: Sorry for the late pick up. Honestly I expected a low score ;; I even dreamt I'll get a 0 for this fanfic XD The reason I ask for a review on this is because I've edited this fanfic a lot of time and even I think it's not really satisfying in any way. It's not angsty enough and the flow, right is really all over the place. But I don't know how to fix it. But actually if not angst I really don't know what genre to tag it. I wrote this at that time where I really have the need to write something to be productive. And even though I don't know what to write I still force myself to think of something. So when I came up with an idea that I know very well I tried to make it in a story. But as I write this I realized that to make it in a story I should add other things even though I'm not really familiar with those. Especially being in a dorm since I've never been to a dorm in college. And a lot of other stuff. I also had a hard time of picking the main protagonist in the story. I am more familiar with BTS members so I use one of them. As for the plot it is basically that self harm. And I used the title Better because doing that really makes Taehyung feel better. When he cuts he feels relieved from his problems and yeah he felt better. I really should edit this again tho. Thanks for the review and telling me these. It really will help me in editing the story again. Picked up and credited :)
_cloud_
#9
Hello! I applied to be a trailer designer. ^^