AUTHOR: PAULA1988 STORY TITLE: IT COMES WITH A PRICE.

Title (10/10): It fits the story perfectly. That’s all I can say.

Characterization (5/10): Ravi is a bit too obvious. You can tell he is an immediate pimp. Good pimps especially abusive pimps tend to hide their real behavior until the newbie is completely relaxed with them. That’s how they rise to the top in wealth and business. Another thing is the fact that Jeonghan doesn’t pick up on his sleaziness is unrealistic. Guys tend to have this ability to pick up the slightest intention of “erseness” especially when it comes to the girl that they love. Any proper guy in his right mind would never let their girlfriend within a hundred miles of a place like that.

Themes (10/10): I think you portrayed the theme of abuse very well. I’m impressed that you managed to keep Ravi’s obsessive and psychopathic behavior to well point out Ravi’s unstable mentality. I’m also impressed that you were able to make the MC’s story almost empathetic. It’s not always easy to make the victim relatable especially in instances such as and abuse.

Setting (5/10): I took points because you don’t always follow through with the setting. Sometimes the bar seems like this classy strip club but at other times it seems like a rundown shack. According to your story Ravi is successful because of how hard he has “worked.” So why on earth would he leave beaten up Candy right by the door when an unknowing employee or a customer could walk right in at any moment.

Description and Foreword (9/10): I took off one point because the cliché line “the job isn’t exactly what she had signed up for.” Nothing is what it supposed to seem when it comes to fanfics. However that doesn’t mean you have to state that in the description.

Writing Style / Techniques (10/10): You’re a very classic writer. Your writing isn’t too overly dramatic or too bland. It’s the perfect balance. I also see that you have a beta reader which is even better.

Presentation (10/10): Your presentation is nice and neat. The type seems to be the same font and size which is important when it comes to being able to read it.

Structure and Flow (8/10): Your flow is as smooth as butter. I was so excited to see such a smooth flow. Nothing seemed to stumbled, go too fast or go too slow. I cringed though when you made a blunder in chapter 12. Your flow was so jumbled up that I couldn’t keep track of who was saying what and the scene change. Truth to be told I was disappointed but you seemed to be able to pick that flow right back up in the next chapter thankfully.

Plot (7/10): The pimp storyline is a bit cliché to be honest but including the boyfriend part is nothing that I have seen before. I think that’s what makes this story unique and different

Overall Enjoyment (5/10): I just don’t enjoy reading about abuse and .

Overall Score: 74/100
Overall Percentage: 74%
Reviewer's Note: I would just fix Chapter 12. I enjoyed your style and flow. I would love to read another story by you just not about and abuse lols.
THEUNICORNLADY

| STORY | THEUNICORNLADY |