AUTHOR: Elfantasyhand STORY TITLE: Sleeping Sungmin & Sleepless Kyuhyun..

Title (03/10): I’m not a fan of this title at all to be honest. I think it lacks luster as to storyline despite the fact that it basically summarizes the first half of the story. It really should be something that catches the reader’s eyes long enough to read the description and the forward.

Characterization (05/10): JI am for one disappointed about the lack of meat on your characters. I wished your characters had more of a description and even a little of a back story. Like suddenly jumping from the time of the car accident with Kyuhyun and Seohyun’s confession just threw me off. Themes (10/10): Themes were met.

Themes (10/10): Themes were met.

Setting (03/10): The setting was basically non-existent. I didn’t know whether they were in a house or in a bedroom or what even the surroundings looked like. The little setting that you did try to describe like the brief mention that it was raining was too little for me to make a picture as to what was happening. Like for example did the two main characters escape from the rain or were they already home when happened because you indicated both and that made no sense to me.

Description and Foreword (06/10): I have qualms with your description. For one it’s easy to tell that it’s such a beginner’s description. Second, I’ve never been fan of the whole questions in the description as it is more of a place to intrigue your reader more. As for your forward it’s okay as forwards go to be.

Writing Style / Techniques (06/10): Your style is very into to trying to interact with your readers and getting your readers interact. As much as you like to do that not everybody enjoys the author’s notes in the middle of the story. I would cut back on those notes because it can also interrupt the storyline and be distracting.

Presentation (06/10): Simple cover but a bit too simple. It lacks a bit of dramatic flair to it especially with the mood of the story. It makes it look like the two main characters are lovers rather than just being main characters. This can be misleading readers who might expect otherwise.

Structure and Flow (04/10): Your flow was choppy and I think that’s due to your inexperience as it is one of your first stories. It’s a bit cringe worthy to the point where I had to step back from your story and take a break from reading it. Also I would consider either rewriting to add more meat and a beta reader to correct the large amount grammatical mistakes throughout the whole story.

Plot (09/10): Honestly this has to be one of the purest plots I have read in a long time and I think that makes a rather refreshing turn. I did take a point off for being cliché in the whole waking up with a kiss.

Overall Enjoyment (09/10): In all honesty, I really thought this was a good storyline. It really made me appreciate the way it was so pure. I just hope that you might want to rewrite it one day and make it into a featured story where it should be.

Overall Score: 61/100
Overall Percentage: 61%
Reviewer's Note:Add more meat and get a beta reader!
Theunicornlady

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