[R] Justdance2727: Guilty Pleasure

~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)
 
 

AUTHOR: JUSTDANCE2727 STORY TITLE: GUILTY PLEASURE.

Title (6/10): Honestly, I don’t get this title. Your MC isn’t involved with an relationship. She isn’t guilty about making fun of Sehun when she was in school even though she’s developing a perhaps closer relationship with him.

Characterization (6/10): I enjoyed the characterizations of the main characters but at the same time I feel like you’re incredibly vague and you leave details out with your minor characters and your main characters.. For example your MC’s best friend, I didn’t know that she was dating someone until you suddenly pop him in out of nowhere. You also have the MC and her infatuation with her brother. How did that develop over time and when did it start?

Themes (2/10): I didn’t really see a theme here.

Setting (5/10): Your setting gets really sketchy at times. For instance, when Sehun saves the MC and wants to spend more time with her but goes to a school almost an hour away? What the hell is he doing in the area? Another thing is that in the next hour you write it was a three hour drive to Sehun’s school. There’s a huge difference between an hour drive and a three hour drive.

Description and Foreword (5/10): I’m not a fan of the description. There’s nothing really unique about it. All I see is a common dramatic “lost lovers” kind of feel which makes me just want to pass over the story. The Foreword should be more focused on Sehun and the MC rather than mainly Chanyeol considering it is a story focused on their love.

Writing Style / Techniques (8/10): You need a beta-reader. You have small mistakes like missing letters or apostrophes, misuse of certain words and tenses, and etc. They’re small changes and easy to fix with beta readers.

Presentation (10/10): Your presentation is clean and simple and not too flashy. It sets the right mood for the story.

Structure and Flow (10/10): I like your writing structure. I think it seems to flow well without any breaks.

Plot (9/10): I think your plot was thought-out but still in need of development. I notices you seemed to pick that up as you write another chapter, so keep it up.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10): The only thing that I didn’t enjoy was the hinting of a forbidden relationship between Chanyeol and the MC. In my opinion, even the indication or thought of is disgusting especially when it’s about one of groups I stan. However, I will continue to subscribe because I did enjoy the rest story and can’t wait to see what happens next.

Overall Score: 70/100
Overall Percentage: 70%
Reviewer's Note: Get a beta reader, watch your setting, and review your characters.
THEUNICORNLADY

 

| STORY | THEUNICORNLADY |

 

 

 

 

 

 

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blossomheartz
Hi guys, just to remind, pls, pls and pls read the rules before requesting, it's the most important part so that nothing would happen in the future..

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iluvbj
#1
Please make a cm for my story please
FortuneKookies
#2
I have requested a trailer for summerdust. Can you send me a link to who i need to pay?? Kamsahamnida!!! :D
ELFantasyhand
#3
Chapter 105: Thank you for the review. I'm maybe going to rewrite this fanfic one day.
AoifeCross
#4
Chapter 104: Thank you so much for the honest review. You pointed out a lot of concerns that I had over the story and I really appreciate you mentioning them (like the point of views, the relationship between Jungkook and Jimin, and other things too) Honestly when I first started writing the story, it all came from a small dream I had and I simply wrote it out. From there ideas started popping in my head and I was making it up as I wrote the story.
I didn't really have much organization or plans for this story so I knew it was super messy. But because I was already a bunch of chapters in I didn't know where to start editing or how. I really needed to get someone to review and help me find a way to improve and edit the story. I found this review super helpful! I've been thinking and planning on rewriting this fic and I really do plan on using this review as a guide to help me with the editing process.
Thank you so much! I'll credit you right away!
YoungChoi #5
HI! I’ve requested for a poster and bg. Thank you!
Pandaisy
#6
Chapter 101: I've picked up the trailer! Thanks for you hard work, I love it! xD
AmyleaT
#7
Hi. I've picked up the trailer. I love it so much. Thank you for the hard work. :)
summerdust
#8
Chapter 100: Sorry for the late pick up. Honestly I expected a low score ;; I even dreamt I'll get a 0 for this fanfic XD The reason I ask for a review on this is because I've edited this fanfic a lot of time and even I think it's not really satisfying in any way. It's not angsty enough and the flow, right is really all over the place. But I don't know how to fix it. But actually if not angst I really don't know what genre to tag it. I wrote this at that time where I really have the need to write something to be productive. And even though I don't know what to write I still force myself to think of something. So when I came up with an idea that I know very well I tried to make it in a story. But as I write this I realized that to make it in a story I should add other things even though I'm not really familiar with those. Especially being in a dorm since I've never been to a dorm in college. And a lot of other stuff. I also had a hard time of picking the main protagonist in the story. I am more familiar with BTS members so I use one of them. As for the plot it is basically that self harm. And I used the title Better because doing that really makes Taehyung feel better. When he cuts he feels relieved from his problems and yeah he felt better. I really should edit this again tho. Thanks for the review and telling me these. It really will help me in editing the story again. Picked up and credited :)
_cloud_
#9
Hello! I applied to be a trailer designer. ^^