[R] Justdance2727: Guilty Pleasure
~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)AUTHOR: JUSTDANCE2727 STORY TITLE: GUILTY PLEASURE.
Title (6/10): Honestly, I don’t get this title. Your MC isn’t involved with an relationship. She isn’t guilty about making fun of Sehun when she was in school even though she’s developing a perhaps closer relationship with him.
Characterization (6/10): I enjoyed the characterizations of the main characters but at the same time I feel like you’re incredibly vague and you leave details out with your minor characters and your main characters.. For example your MC’s best friend, I didn’t know that she was dating someone until you suddenly pop him in out of nowhere. You also have the MC and her infatuation with her brother. How did that develop over time and when did it start?
Themes (2/10): I didn’t really see a theme here.
Setting (5/10): Your setting gets really sketchy at times. For instance, when Sehun saves the MC and wants to spend more time with her but goes to a school almost an hour away? What the hell is he doing in the area? Another thing is that in the next hour you write it was a three hour drive to Sehun’s school. There’s a huge difference between an hour drive and a three hour drive.
Description and Foreword (5/10): I’m not a fan of the description. There’s nothing really unique about it. All I see is a common dramatic “lost lovers” kind of feel which makes me just want to pass over the story. The Foreword should be more focused on Sehun and the MC rather than mainly Chanyeol considering it is a story focused on their love.
Writing Style / Techniques (8/10): You need a beta-reader. You have small mistakes like missing letters or apostrophes, misuse of certain words and tenses, and etc. They’re small changes and easy to fix with beta readers.
Presentation (10/10): Your presentation is clean and simple and not too flashy. It sets the right mood for the story.
Structure and Flow (10/10): I like your writing structure. I think it seems to flow well without any breaks.
Plot (9/10): I think your plot was thought-out but still in need of development. I notices you seemed to pick that up as you write another chapter, so keep it up.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10): The only thing that I didn’t enjoy was the hinting of a forbidden relationship between Chanyeol and the MC. In my opinion, even the indication or thought of is disgusting especially when it’s about one of groups I stan. However, I will continue to subscribe because I did enjoy the rest story and can’t wait to see what happens next.
Overall Score: 70/100
Overall Percentage: 70%
Reviewer's Note: Get a beta reader, watch your setting, and review your characters.
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