It's funny how life just carries on. The world around you doesn't realize that person you're completely in love with has been separated from you. It doesn't realize how much the both of you are in pain, because you can't even stand in front of your loved one, nor can you physically touch them. Kyungsoo lived on the opposite side of the world, his popularity on the rise, known as D.O.

I was only able to talk to him twice in a day. The moment I wake up and before I go to bed. Because of the time difference of fourteen hours, those were the only times to talk. And, yes. There were days where we weren't able to talk at all. Let's just say that probably happened more often than not.

Besides his rise in the music industry in the States, I was busy too. First, Sehun, Yixing, and I were made best dancers of the entire Uni, which made it harder on the three of us to keep that standard. Yixing, Baekhyun, and along with Kyungsoo, forced me to get into singing, after hearing me in the song they created. So I was kind of practicing with all of them, everyday, while Sehun just sat and watched. At that point, Sehun, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun were supporting me most, and probably noticed how much my mood went down to hell after Kyungsoo left.

And before I even understood it all, it was becoming harder for me to go on...

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"Come on, Jongin, eat something." I felt Sehun's stare on me, as I poked around the food in front of me with the chopsticks.

I tore my eyes away from the plate, and looked at Sehun, with really no emotion in my eyes. Then I moved my eyes back down, and set my chopsticks on the table. "I'm not hungry."

"God, don't you understand how worried we all are for you? You can't not eat, Jongin."

If I was being perfectly honest, I hadn't eaten much in a long time, at that point. One small meal a day is what it narrowed down to. Then I was constantly practicing dances, and constantly practicing songs I was learning or writing with the guys. I began having troubles sleeping at night, maybe a month or so before, giving me bags under my brown eyes. My skin tone was probably paling even paler than Sehun's skin tone. I drank enough water, kind of needed in order for me to dance and sing well. But that seemed to be all I did. Practice, practice, practice. I was pushing myself harder than I had ever done before.

"I'm not hungry, Sehun," I argued. "Im going to the dance practice room, if you need me." I said, standing up and slinging my bag over my now frail shoulders. I heard Sehun call my name again, but I just ignored him. When I got to the room, nobody was inside. I took my cell out, opened the music app, and plugged it into the speakers. I threw my bag to the floor, then put on A Shared Dream by U-KISS.(a/n: GORGEOUS SONG AND GROUP BTW)

I blanked out for awhile, letting my body move to the song. Quick breaths left my thick lips, and sweat trickled down my forehead. My entire body was hot and felt numb. My legs were giving out on me. But I kept going, entirely immersing myself into the dance.

Then I felt my torso go numb. But I kept moving, the feeling in my arms beginning to disappear. My leg work was becoming sloppier and sloppier. I didn't even realize my eyes were burning hot with tears, until a few fell down my face. I stopped myself, and fell to the ground on my hands and knees. More tears rolled out of my eyes. I pounded the floor with my fist, out of frustration.

I screamed. Cried. Sobbed. God, I missed him so much. I hadn't seen him in...nine months. He left the previous October, and July had come around. To even see him in person would've been a dream come true. To touch him would be my only wish. That's all I wanted. To touch him again. Nine, long, ing months of him away from me. The pain had finally struck gold.

Did I want to kill myself? For the millionth time in my life, yes, I wanted to die. I wanted to die when my parents left Youngmi and I. So many times did I try to kill myself. I wanted to die when one of my best friends, Taemin, left me. Numerous times I attempted suicide.

Could I try it again? It was so tempting. Just to, what, take a bunch of pills? Slit my own throat open? Cut my wrists deep enough to kill me? Completely exhaust myself? It would've been so easy to do just that...

But then Kyungsoo's smiling face came across my vision. He would be devastated. Then I thought about Sehun.
Chanyeol. My sister. Taemin. Everyone. Just leaving would absolutely kill them. So I didn't. I didn't take any pills, nor did I cut myself.

That same night, Kyungsoo video called me. We just talked about the most random things, like why is the sky blue and little things like that. He always had a way of making me smile wide. After the call ended, I felt like crying again.

Soon, it was just turning into crying spells that I experienced before.