Chapter 6: Guilt

I felt the sunlight went through my eyes so I rolled over to the side. I want to get more sleep because I can’t sleep properly last night. I dreamt of Luhan again. I actually don’t like it. Luhan makes me more confused about everything. But I can tell that with what I have been remembering right now, he’s someone special to me. I want to ask them where he is but at the same time I can’t. Asking where he is would hurt Chanyeol and I don’t want that. I sit up feeling frustrated and walked to my dresser to tie my hair up. I walked to the bathroom and washed my face.

“Luhan, who the hell are you.” I mumbled looking at my reflection in the mirror. I sighed and headed downstairs, and I forgot, I’m still in my PJs. “Oh god.”

“You’re awake?” I looked back and saw Chanyeol in the kitchen eating his breakfast with my brother. I nod and walked to my sit. It looks like the two of them went on a jog.

“Is So Ah’s still sleeping?”

“Ahjumma’s giving her a bath. It’s So Ah’s birthday tomorrow by the way.” My brother says.

“Really?! You should’ve told me sooner. I have to get her a gift!”

He laughs and nods. “Well sorry, I’ve been busy to tell you that. And speaking of being busy, I guess you both are being busy with each other not telling me that you are now dating.”

I cleared my throat as I flushed. I heard Chanyeol chuckle. Oh god his chuckle really can kill. “Even if you disagree with us dating, I will not break up with her.”

“I know that dude, which is why I won’t even bother.”

“So you approve of it?” I asked.

“If you cry even once he’s dead for sure.” I grin and hugged him.

“Oh thank you oppa!” He smiles and ruffles my hair. So Ah enters the kitchen with ahjumma and I approached her. “So Ah! Hello!”

“Unnie is with Uncle now?”

“Oh, uh yes.”

“I knew it! Uncle loves Unnie very much!”

“Really?” I smiled and looked at Chanyeol, he’s smiling. “I didn’t know that.”

“Trust me, I have been telling you that for how many times already.”

“Oh god, please stop flirting in front of me. It’s disgusting to see my sister and my best friend doing it.” We laughed and I set So Ah down on her chair.

“I heard it’s your birthday tomorrow So Ah. Want to go somewhere?”

“Mm! So Ah wants to go to the amusement park with unnie!”

“Alright, amusement park it is!” I replied. I’m excited for tomorrow, I’m sure it would be fun since So Ah’s with me.

 - - - - - - - - - - 

“Ahjumma, I’ll take this. It’s too heavy for you.” I say. She’s being persistent in carrying all of the groceries that we bought together.

“I can carry this too Kana. I’m not yet that old.” She insisted. I chuckled and gave up.

“Fine, but I’ll carry these.” I say and we heard our stop so we both stood up. The train suddenly halted and I was about to fall when a guy caught me. “Thanks.” I say.

“Are you…okay?” He asked. This guy seems to have trouble speaking in Korean.

“I’m fine. But you’re not a Korean are you?” I replied in English. He smiles and nods.

“I’m Chinese.” He says. The door opened and he grabbed the other things that I am carrying. “I’ll help you, it’s my stop too.” He can talk in English. I chuckle and helped ahjumma as we got off the train.

“Thanks, for helping us that is.” I replied.

“It’s nothing.” He says and looks at ahjumma. “Um, I hope that.. you won’t force yourself to carry all of these next time.” I chuckle. He’s bad in speaking Korean.

“I’m not that old yet.” Ahjumma replied and we laughed.

“She’s persistent in times like this.” I say. “We’ve got to go. Thanks again.”

“Alright. Be careful.” He says.

- - - - - - - - - - 

I open my eyes and find myself sleeping on my study table. I must’ve slept while studying. I dreamt of Luhan again. So he’s bad at speaking in Korean. I sat up and I find myself crying. I don’t know why but seeing Luhan in my dreams makes me feel very happy. “Oh god Kana stop crying.” I mumbled and looked up to stop myself from crying but my tears won’t agree with my decision. I heard the door open and I saw Chanyeol walk in.

“Hey, are you alright?” he says holding my hand. I shake my head no. My heart aches seeing Luhan in my dreams makes me feel hurt and I don’t know the reason why.

“I don’t know why I’m crying… It just hurts…” He takes me to his arms and hugs me tight. I hugged him back. Chanyeol’s warmth feels very comforting to me.

“It will be fine. I’m here.” I nod. I can’t tell him the reason why I am crying because it will hurt him even more. I am starting to remember Luhan again.

- - - - - - - - - - 

I went to So Ah’s room and I saw her drawing something. I smiled and approached her. “Hello birthday girl.” I say.

“Unnie!” she exclaimed and jumps to me. I chuckle and kissed her.

“Happy birthday So Ah.”

“Thank you!” she replied. I handed her my gift and she took it with excitement. “Wow! A princess!”

“You like it?”

“Yes!” she smiles and hugs me back. The door opens and Baekhyun together with Chanyeol came in. “Uncle! Unnie gave So Ah a princess!”

“Wow, that’s good! It’s pretty isn’t it?” My brother replied and carried So Ah. She nods and showed it to Chanyeol too.

“So Ah, ready to go to the amusement park?”

“Mm!” she replied. We all headed downstairs and my brother took the car from the garage while we wait at front. So Ah looks very excited for today. Well, it’s her day and I’m glad that she’s excited for it. I wanted this day to be special for her. It would be good if So Ah’s mom would be here for her though.

“Okay, get in everyone.” My brother says opening the door for us.

“Let’s go!” I say and helped So Ah hop inside the car. My brother started driving and So Ah started singing too. Her voice is very cute and I love listening to it. We all sang with her until we arrived at the amusement park.

“Here we are.” Chanyeol says carrying So Ah. “So where does our princess want to go first?”

“There!” So Ah pointed at the Ferris wheel.

“Then let’s go!” Chanyeol replied and my brother and I followed. We waited for our turn for the ferris wheel. Luckily, there’s not much people who rides it at the time.

“Wahhhh~” So Ah said in awe and we smiled as we watch her be amazed with the view. “Uncle Baekhyun, we are on the top with the sky!”

“I guess we are…” Baekhyun replied with his eyes closed.

“Oppa, are you afraid of heights?” I laughed and asked but he didn’t reply and remained frozen. “Oppa!”

“Don’t! Don’t touch me! It will move!!” We all laughed.

“Luhan, come on, just open your eyes just once okay?”

“I..I can’t.. It’s too high..”

It’s Luhan again. So Luhan is afraid of high places too. “Kana.”

“Huh? Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I replied I want to ask where Luhan is but I can’t. I don’t like it that I want to see Luhan so bad.

After riding the Ferris wheel, we went to other rides but Baekhyun said that he’ll take a break after getting too high. I can tell that So Ah’s enjoying it and I’m glad. “Uncle, buy me that!” She says pointing at the cotton candy so they both went to the shop. I looked around. I wonder if Luhan and I went here too. I think this place is familiar to me.

"Ugh, that was tiring." Baekhyun says and placed So Ah to her bed. She was really tired from what we did today and in the end, she fell asleep on our way home. I guess that's how things are for kids. "Go on and rest Kana, I'll handle things from here."

I smiled and nod. "Thanks oppa." I walked back to my room and saw Chanyeol enter. He just went back after parking the car outside. I smile and was about to enter my room when I felt his hand on mine. "Chanyeol."

He didn't say anything and pulled me in my room. He sat on my bed and he pats the space next to him so I sat beside him. "You've been blank the whole day. Did something happen?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." He still looks worried about me so I smiled. I hold his cheeks and kissed his forehead. "I'm fine Chanyeol no need to worry."

"I can't stop worrying about you. Every time you don't smile I became worried sick. I want you to be happy and nothing more Kana." He takes my hand and kisses it. I flushed at his act. He just made my heart beat so fast right now. Guilt struck me. I bit my lower lip in frustration not knowing what to do. Chanyeol looks at me and I saw him flush right now.

"Are you okay?" He covers his face with his arm and looks away. "Chanyeol?"

"Uh.. no. Don't do that."

"Do what?" I ask.

"Biting your lower lip. It does something to me." I chuckle.

"What does it do to you?" I teased and bit my lower lip again. He flushes even more and stands.

"Kana stop that!"

"Why?" I laughed and kept doing it. I gasped when he grabbed me by my wrist. He's so close right now.

"I told you to stop doing it."

"What thi-" we fell out of balance and fell on the floor. I'm on top of him. This is a position that anyone can misunderstand. I have to stand up but his eyes are glued on mine and I can't seem to move. "Um, you should go-"

My eyes widen at his sudden move. He pulled me towards him and I fell above him. Chanyeol's kissing me right now. He pulls back and smirked. "I told you to stop doing that. I might be pulled to do something not good." I flushed and stood up. I cleared my throat and I hear him chuckle.

"Good night my princess." He whispered on my ear and kisses my forehead. He just gave me a nickname. He smiles and leaves my room. My heart is still beating so fast.

I walk to my bathroom and saw myself flushing. "Okay, we have to minimize that behavior of yours Kana. No biting of your lower lip."

- - - - - - - - - - 

"Oh my goodness!" I sprint to the bathroom to get myself a bath and afterwards changed my clothes. I only have twenty minutes to get to school and I'm so late! "Curse you Chanyeol!"

I ran to the train station and I managed to get on one. I huffed to catch my breath. This is all Chanyeol's fault. Because of what he did last night, I had a big trouble getting to sleep. Well at least it's because of him not Luhan. I heard my stop so I got off and continued sprinting. I looked at my watch and I only have five minutes.

"Sorry!" I said to the guy I just bumped into and continued running.

- - - - - - - - - - 

"That girl just now, isn't she Kana? Luhan's girlfriend." Yoohan mumbled to himself and grins. "Not bad. I can tell why my twin fell for that girl."