Chapter 17: For her and not you

KANA

I start on the engine and drive our way to Soah's school. "Mommy, will you have a lot of patients today too?"

"I don't know honey. I hope not so I can pick you at school later."

"It's fine Mommy. Mommy's like an angel. She heals many sick people." I smile and chuckle.

"Angel? How do you know that angels heal people?"

"Uncle Chanyeol told me. He said that angels are watching over Mommy and is healing you back then when you are still sleeping."

"He said that?"

"Mm!"

"Soah, do you miss him?"

"Uncle Chanyeol doesn't love Mommy anymore. I don't miss him."

"You don't have to hate him because of Mommy Soah. I can let you see him if you like. I know he misses you too." I can't prevent him from seeing Soah. He took good care of her when I was not there for her. It's only right for him to see her.

"Can I really Mommy?"

"Mm." I replied. We arrived at her school so I pulled over to the side. "We're here honey. I'll see you later?"

"Mm. Bye Mommy!" She exits the car and I rolled the window down looking at her.

"Be careful and be good okay?" She nods and I smiled. I watch her go inside before going on. I drive my way to the hospital and I heard my phone ring. I put it on speaker and answered it. "Hello?"

"Kana." I pulled over to the side. It's Chen.

"Oh, Hi. What's up?"

"Say um.. can you meet up?"

"Oh right now is-"

"Don't worry. You can just go to the cafe in the hospital that you work in."

"You're there?"

"Um, yeah."

"Alright. I'm on my way."

"Okay. See you."

I continue driving and when I arrived, I parked the car and went ahead to the cafe that sunbae told me to go to. I scanned the place to look for him but I saw a different person. Chanyeol is here. My phone rang and it's him. He saw me and stands in surprise. I think he doesn't know that I'll be here. He's a victim too.

"Kana, I'm sorry but the two of you just have to talk."

Chanyeol starts walking to my direction and looked at me on my phone. He knows that it is Chen that I am talking to so he took my phone away from me.

"We have nothing to talk about. I don't even know why you brought me here and this is lame. I'm going." He hangs up and gives me back my phone and started to walk away. I'm letting him leave? I ran after him and grabbed him.

"Wait." I said trying to catch my breath.

"What do you think you're doing?" He says.

"I know I don't have the right to talk to you but I have to ask you a favor." He scoffs in disbelief.

"And why should I do you a favor?"

"It's not for me. It's for Soah." His expression changes when I said Soah's name. He misses her too.

"What about it?"

"Soah misses you and she wants to see you but she can't ask herself because of me-" That came out wrong.. I should've mentioned myself. He hates me. I cleared my throat and continued. "I'm asking for you to meet her just once. I just want Soah to be happy for herself and not for me. So can you do it?"

I can see him hesitating. He looks straight at me and nods. "I'll do it. I'll meet her at the place where she likes to eat shaved ice so bring her there."

"Okay."

"Kana." Yoohan called and approached me. He looks at me then to Chanyeol. He doesn't like this. Nobody wants this. "Let's go."

"Okay." I replied. He takes me then we make our way inside. He doesn't say a thing. Neither of us is saying anything and this silence is deafening. I stopped on my tracks and he did too but he doesn't look at me.

"Why are you with him?" He finally talked.

"It's nothing to worry about." I say and walked ahead.

"How can you do this to yourself?" I stopped. I looked back at him.

"What am I doing?"

"You can't meet him! You know that's not what he wants too-"

"I know. I am very aware that he hates me and doesn't want me! But what can I do? Soah wants to see him. She's keeping it from me because she's aware of the situation between us! She's aware that her mother's a coward being afraid of marriage! That's how it is!"

"Kana, stop talking like that."

"Then what will I do? Should I put all the blame to him? I can't blame someone who's long dead!"

"You can't blame yourself for loving my brother too much."

"That's the point. If I haven't loved him too much I won't be like this.. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of everything. I miss him but I can't do anything about it." I wiped my tears and exhaled. I walk back to my office and took my gown in. I wish this day would just pass and be over with.

- - - - - - - - - - 

CHANYEOL

"Stop it Chan." Hye Jin took the glass and the wine away from me. I'm feeling dizzy but at the same time, I don't feel anything anymore.

"Give it back." I reached out but he takes it away, putting the glass on the sink and the bottle of wine back from its place.

"I warned you about meeting that girl. You should've expected that coming."

"I know. I know it all! Stop telling me what to do!"

"Then should I do it for you? I'll stop everything so that you can't see that girl and be over with her. You just have to not meet that child."

I flinched. Not meeting Soah? "No. Make it Kana but not Soah. I've raised her like my own child and I have a right to see Soah!"

Hye Jin scoffed. "You're acting like you're the father of that child."

"Because I stood up like her father. I was there when nobody was there for her. You don't know how hard everything was for her! She asks for her mother but I can't tell her anything. She asks for her father but I still can't tell her anything. You don't know how hard everything is for Soah!"

"Then you will have to suffer because of that child. You'll see her even if you want it or not."

I hate to admit it but she's right. No matter how many times I wanted to avoid Kana, I'll meet her and see her even if I want it or not. Hye Jin scoots closer and hugs me.

"Don't worry. I'll always be here. I'll make it so that you won't be hurt again Chanyeol."

- - - - - - - - - - 

YOOHAN

I pulled over to the side as we wait for Soah to come out. There's still twenty minutes until she comes out.

"We're here." I say but Kana did not respond. She's been spacing out ever since what happened earlier in the morning. "Kana."

"Huh? Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She replied but I know it's not nothing. A lot is happening through her head and I know that that guy is in it.

"Don't let them meet. You'll just make everything hard for yourself."

"It's fine. Can we stop talking about this?" She says and the kids are starting to exit from their classrooms. "Soah's here." She smiles and gets off the car. I like it when Soah takes all of her worries away. I don't know how she'll make it without her.

"Uncle!" Soah greets and gets in the passenger seat. Kana places her bag besides her and returns at the seat beside me.

"Hello princess! How's your day?"

"We played a lot and look Mommy! Uncle! I have a star!" She extends her hand to us and turns it to a fist to show us the star stamp that she has.

"Wow, our Soah is amazing!" Kana replied.

"Mommy, is it true that I can see Uncle Chanyeol again?" I looked at Kana and her expression changes. Just his name makes her react like that.

"Yeah. He said that you'll be eating shaved ice with him this weekend. Is it okay with you?"

"But is mommy okay with it?"

Tell her that it's not Kana. Tell her that it hurts that she's going to meet him.

"I'm fine sweetie. You can meet him." Soah brightens up and smiles.

"Yey! Soah's so excited!" I started driving and noticed that Kana 's expression changed. The light turned red so I stopped. I heard her huffing and so I held her.

"Are you okay?"

"Mommy? What's wrong?" Soah asked. Kana's sweating and is getting pale.

"I'm fine." She replied. "It's green. Go Yoohan." She says but she doesn't look good. Her face is not so convincing to me.

We arrived their place and I helped them get off. "Thanks for dropping us." Kana said.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yes I'm fine. You should go now." I nod and watch them go in.

- - - - - - - - - - 

KANA

I followed Soah to her room and helped her change. My chest is starting to hurt again. I held on it and catch my breath. I don't know why I'm being like this.

"Mommy?"

"Y..Yes sweetie?"

"Are you okay? Is something hurting? Mommy, you look pale."

"I'm fine..." I replied. "I'll be back in a moment. I'll just change.." I head back to my room and shut the door close. I sink on the floor with the pain. It hurts so much. I bit my lowerlip and struggled to my bed. "AH..." I winced. It hurts so much. I hear my phone ring and it's Chanyeol. Why now of all times?

"Hello?.." I answered.

"Can I talk to Soah?" He says. I catch my breath and the phone fell from my hand. I feel so weak. I struggle open my eyes and reach for the phone. "Hello? Kana?"

"Yeah... Just a bit.." I replied. I struggled to stand and saw my reflection in the mirror. I'm so pale. What's happening with me? "Ah.. it hurts.." I whispered and clasp my chest. "Soah?" I called as I approach her room.

"Yes mommy?"

I smile and hand her the phone. I leaned a bit because I can feel my knees weaken. I can't show Soah that I don't feel good. I don't want her to worry. "Your Uncle Chanyeol's... on the phone."

"Okay." she takes the phone from me but stares at me. "Mommy are you really okay?"

"Mm. Mommy's fine.. just give the phone back to me okay?"

"Okay!" She returns to her room and said.

- - - - - - - - - - 

CHANYEOL

"Uncle!" I smile hearing her voice.

"Hello little one. How are you?" I say and sat on my bed.

"I'm fine! Uncle, Mommy told me that I can see you this weekend!"

"Yes, so what do you want to eat and go?"

"Soah wants to eat noodles and shaved ice. Then I want to go to the playground."

I chuckle and her cuteness. "Then we'll do that princess." I hear her chuckle from the other side and I smile.

"Mommy?" She says and I hear loud footsteps.

"Soah? What's wrong?"

"MOMMY!!" I hear her scream and the phone seem to have fallen on the ground.

"SOAH! SOAH WHAT'S WRONG?" footsteps are getting close and I can hear Soah sob.

"Uncle help us! Mommy fainted!"

My eyes widen. I stood up and ran to get my car keys. "I get it. Stay on line and tell me the directions to your house."