Chapter 23: Bokeh

KANA

"Come on honey, one and two. One and two. Keep on doing it." I hold the back of the bike and hold on to Soah as she pedals. “You’re doing it! Go on! Oh!” I gasp. Soah went out of balance and was about to fall when…

“Gotcha!”

“Uncle!” Chanyeol carried her to his arms and chuckles. Soah hugs her back and I stare at him from afar. How did he know that we’re here? How did he-

Soah. He looks back at me and smiled.

“I might melt if you continue staring at me like that.” I walk closer as he puts Soah down. I look at Soah and she grins.

“I told uncle, Mommy. Can he just go with us? I want to spend this day with you and uncle! Can we please? Oh?” I sigh. I hate it that Soah loves Chanyeol… too.

“Alright. What can I do?”

“Oh yeah!” Chanyeol and Soah cheered in unison. I scoffed as I watch them. This was planned. I’m sure of it.

Just then, the rain showered all of a sudden. “Oh? Soah, let’s get you there fast!” Chanyeol exclaimed and we all ran under the tree for a shade. I tied to catch my breath but I can’t. It was too much for my heart and I’m huffing and panting really hard right now. I sat down and hold on to the tree.

“Mommy?” Soah called. Chanyeol puts her down and she walks to me. “Mommy are you okay?”

I look at her and smile. “I’m… fine.”

            CHANYEOL

She’s getting pale again. Something’s really wrong with Kana. She stands and holds on to Soah’s hand. “What do we do know? It’s raining and you can’t go biking anymore.” She asks.

“Then let’s go somewhere.” Soah replied.

“Somewhere?” I ask.

“Mhm! I want to go somewhere where mommy and uncle wanted to go the most.”

“Where we want to go the most?” I looked at Kana as she looks back at me. “Do you have somewhere where you want to go the most?” I asked. She shakes her head and shrugged. I don’t have a place where I want to go the most either- on second thought I have. “I know where we can go.”

- - - - - - - - - - 

            KANA

We’re at the beach. Chanyeol took us at the beach where Baekhyun and I first met him back then. “We used to play there Soah.” He said showing Soah the ocean. I smile remembering the times when we played there after class.

“Soah wants to play there too!” She says.

“We can go after the rain stops.” I replied.

“Then where do we wait?” she asks.

I looked at Chanyeol and he smiles. “Is it still good to go to?” I asked.

“It’s still maintained and Baekhyun and I go there from time to time.”

“You and Baekhyun go there?”

“Mm. Not until these past months.”

“Where are we going?” Soah asks looking at us as we converse. I chuckled at the thought that Soah was left out with the conversation.

“It’s the place where we used to live Soah.”

“Oh, I want to go too!!”

We arrive at the old villa and we all got off. Soah was all around the house and was cheering in excitement. I smile and watch her then remembered something. I walk to the backyard and saw that the tree is now fully grown. It’s a cherry blossom tree that Chanyeol and I secretly planted for Baekhyun on his birthday. The lights that Chanyeol placed around the tree are still there. I smile as I stare at it.

“It’s fully grown now huh?” Chanyeol appeared and looked at the tree with me.

“Mm. Now it doesn’t need the lights for it to look pretty.”

He chuckles and nods in agreement. “You used to whine how ugly it was with just its branches and we argue that it will get better soon.”

I laugh. “I know. I was silly back then. I didn’t know that the tree has its hidden beauty.”

“That’s why you should’ve just agreed with us.”

I stare at the tree more and remembered. I remember how I got to like Bokeh. “You know why I like Bokeh images?”

“It’s obviously because Lu Han hyung likes to take them.”

“No.” He looks at me in surprise.

“No?”

“He likes to take them because I told him I like them. I liked them ever since you put on those lights on that tree. I took a picture of the tree and I accidentally took a bokeh photo.” I looked at him and smile. “I liked them because of the lights.”

“No.” He says and walked closer to me. I took a step back but he took a step closer and now we’re only inches apart. “You liked them because of me. You liked those lights because I placed them there. You liked that tree because of me too.”

“You misunderstood-”

“No. You did.” He smiles. “All this time, I thought you liked him first, but it turns out, you liked me first. You liked me before I even liked you.” I bit my lower lip in frustration. I hate it that every word that comes out from his mouth goes straight to my heart making it go wild. He’s leaning closer to me and I’m not doing anything about it. I’m not hating what he’s doing right now. His lips touched mine and I felt his hand on my neck holding me. I’m still not doing anything.

Push him away for goodness sake Kana.

Push the hell of him away.

Now.

Right now.

I can’t.

I find myself holding him closer to me and kissed him back.

He smiled.

He just smiled as he kisses me. I felt that. I hate it. He thinks that he won me over again. I hate him. I hate him to the point that I can’t push him away when he’s kissing me.

“Mommy! Look! I can see the ocean from up here!!” I flinched at Soah’s voice. I guess my daughter’s voice waked the hell out of me. I push Chanyeol away and cleared my throat. He’s grinning. He’s smiling.

“O..Oh? I’ll be up there!”

            CHANYEOL

She just kissed me back. She just held me closer to her and kissed me back. How I loved that second of my life. I laugh like a mad person and followed her upstairs. Kana followed Soah on the balcony and we can hear the sound of the waves from the ocean. “Wow.” Kana said in awe. I lean on the doorframe and watch the two of them as they stare at the view in awe.

I’m loving the view too right now. Kana, Soah and the ocean.

I took my camera from my bag and snapped a photo. Wow. It’s beautiful.

“You brought it?” Kana asked. I looked at her and nod.

“I never leave it behind.” I put the camera up again and pointed it at the two of them. “Smile for me.”

“You can just take a photo of the view here-”

“You are the view.” I grin when I saw her being held back with what I said just know. “Now smile.”

“Mommy, let’s take a picture oh?”

“Oh, alright.” She sits on the balcony and smiled with Soah. I smile and pressed the shutter capturing them both.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

“Another one.” I took another and another, and another until we heard the rain stop. The two of them looked behind.

“The rain stopped mommy!”

“Oh? It really did.” Kana held out her hand and felt the wind blew on her fingertips. “I guess we can go now.”

“Yey!” Soah cheered and rushed downstairs leaving the two of us behind again. I place the camera back on my bag again and walked to Kana.

“Shall we go too?” I asked offering my hand.

“I can go on my own.” She replied walking pass through me. I laugh. She’s being stubborn again. She must be having a hard time stopping herself not to fall harder for me huh?

- - - - - - - - - - 

            YOO HAN

“Good work Doctor Xi.” I nod and walked straight to the nurse’s station.

“Did patient Kim had his medication already?” I asked looking at the chart.

“Yes doc.” The nurse replied. “Is Doctor Byun not coming in today? Is she still ill?”

Ill.

I put the chart down and nod. “She’s going to rest for now.” I remembered that she should’ve taken her medicine right now. I dialed her number and called her. It rings. It rings continuously but there’s no answer. Is she okay? She didn’t faint did she? I tried calling again and now she answered.

“Hello?” I sighed in relief. She’s okay. She’s damn alright.

“Why are you not answering my call?”

She chuckled. “I just missed it. Why are getting worked up?”

“Kana you-” I exhaled coming myself. “I easily get anxious because of you! Don’t you-”

“Kana, food’s ready! Come on!”

That voice. Is it Chanyeol? “Kana, where are you right now?” I asked.

“I took Soah out. Don’t worry we’ll be back to Seoul before the day ends.”

“Wait wait wait. Back to Seoul? Before the day ends? Where are you for you to be back to Seoul before the day ends?”

“Yoo Han relax. We just took Soah at the ocean because it rained when we went biking earlier. We’ll be back before you know it.”

“Kana, that’s not what I’m-”

“Mommy!” I heard Soah call over the line.

“Oh! I’ll be there!” Kana shouted. “I’ve got to go now. Bye!”

“Wait! Ka- she hang up.” I sigh.

“Yoo Han!” Meilee called rushing. I’m guessing that she knows. “This, is it true?! Is Kana really-”

“She is.” I sighed. “Don’t tell anyone about this.”

“What?! HOW CAN WE NOT DAMN TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS?!! Does Baekhyun know? Does her family know?”

“Only you, me and Yoo Mi knows.”

“Oh god.” Meilee glares at me. “They deserve to know Yoo Han! I’m not giving a damn about Kana right now!” She walks away and I think I will be the first one to die instead of Kana right now. I have to get Kana back before Chanyeol knows that she’s sick.

- - - - - - - - - - 

            CHANYEOL

“Stop! I’m getting wet I don’t have extra clothes on!” Kana exclaimed and laughed. I chuckle and continued to splash water on her. We all continued to play on the sea and ran as the waves continue to chase us. I felt my phone ring so I walk to the shore and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Chanyeol where are you?” I looked at my phone and it’s Baekhyun. “Chanyeol! Damn it answer me! Are you with my sister right now?!”

“Baek chill out. What’s wrong?”

“FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ARE YOU WITH MY SISTER?!” I scoff. What’s with him?

“Yes I am. What’s with you?”

“Damn it! Bring them back right now!”

“I know you’re upset that I’m with her right now. But can’t you just grant Soah’s wish? She wanted us to go here today-”

“BRING KANA BACK RIGHT NOW! SHE’S ING SICK!”

“W..Wait. Sick? Does she have a cold? She looks okay right now. She’s even-”

“SHE’S ING DYING CHANYEOL!”

“W..What?”

The phone slips on my hand. I looked at Kana and everything falls into place. That time at the party, she held her chest so tight. Earlier. She gets weak easily. She looks pale. She’s..

            KANA

“Let’s dry your face okay?” I chuckle as I wipe Soah’s face. Chanyeol returns after taking a call and walks straight to my direction.

“Let’s go back now. Soah will-” he grabs me and I looked at him. He looks serious. “What’s with you?”

“You, are you-” he stops and looks at Soah and groans.

“Chanyeol, what’s with you?” He grabs me again and we walked away from Soah. “Let go of me! Soah is-”

“Are you sick?” I stopped and looked at me. “Are you ing dying?” His voice is starting to shake. “Answer me damn it!”

“Yes. I’m sick.”