Chapter 29: Ji Young

CHANYEOL

I stare at her as she sleeps. What will happen if she wakes up? She knows more than this compared to me. She knows what danger this would bring her. I don’t know what to feel. I’m going to be the father of our child. Kana’s child. But why can’t I seem to be happy about it?

I felt something warm on my cheeks and saw Kana’s hand. She’s smiling at me and I can’t help but to smile back.

“Why are you so gloomy?” She asks.

“I was worried.”

She chuckles and sits up. “I’m fine now.”

“Mm.”

Silence crept between us. But it seems that the silence is so loud that it’s deafening. It says too much.

“You heard?” She asks.

“Mm.”

Her hands meet mine and she made me look at her in the eye even though I can’t. “I want to have it Chan. You think so too right?”

“Kana-“

“I know what you’re thinking right now. But no mother would let her own child not have a chance to see the world.” My heart softens. Ah, she’s going to be a good mom to our child.

No. She’s already being one.

But what is it that’s making this so hard?

Death?

No. I don’t think so. I think what I fear the most is losing her.

“Chanyeol?” she stares at me waiting for an answer, but I can’t talk. I know that what I am about to say next will determine our future. But this is my wife asking me that she wanted our child and I am her husband wanting her child.

“Alright.”

That was the most painful word that I have let out from my mouth.

- - - - - - - - - - 

We return back home and I let Kana rest on our room. I glance at the clock and there’s still time before I pick up Soah. I walk to the bathroom to wash my face. To wake myself up that I have to face the situation that we’re in right now. I turn the faucet off and stare at myself on the mirror. My eyes soften at her stare and I smile. She walks towards me bringing me closer to her and I bury my face on her neck. I love this woman so much that I can’t afford to lose her now. It’s too much. She brushes her hand on my back as I cry and hugs me tight.

“I love you..” I whisper as I sob. I kissed the side of her head in repeat and she nods.

“I love you too.” She replies wiping my tears away.

“Kana,” I release a breath and rested my forehead to hers. “I now it will be hard for me to accept your decision but I’ll follow what you want. Just give me time.”

She smiles and nods. “You’ll have all the time you’ll need.” I pull away from her and she chuckles. “I need you to smile Chan.”

I sigh nodding. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“You’re going to be a Father of our child.” I really don’t get how she can keep smiling in this state. I just can’t make myself to do it knowing I have chances of losing her.

“I am happy Kana. But I don’t want to lose you. You’re my all.”

“And you are mine too.” She says softly as she holds my cheek. “Everything will be fine.”

I nod exhaling a breath. She pulls me closer to her and kisses me. I love it when she kisses me but this is too painful. I grab her by her waist and she gasps at my action. I carry her to our bed but didn’t stop on kissing her. She chuckles when she bumps on the headboard. “Did it hurt?”

“No.” She smiles playing with my hair. “God you’re so handsome.”

I laugh. “I get that from my wife all the time.” I reply caressing her hair. I kissed her again for the last time on her neck and she chuckles feeling ticklish. “I’ll be back. It’s time to pick up Soah.”

“Mm. See you later.”

I got off the bed and pull the covers up on her. I turn before leaving the room and stared at her. “I love you Mrs. Park.”

She smiles. “I love you too Mr. Park.”

- - - - - - - - - - 

I pulled over to the side and got off the car to wait for Soah at the entrance. When she sees me, a smile flashes on her face. I open my arms wide and she comes running. “Daddy!” I smile carrying her. I didn’t know how it is to be a father but it sure is worth it when you see your child happy. “Don’t you have work today?” She asks.

“Hm... Dad won’t be going to work for a while.”

“Why?”

“Why you say? I want to be with my little princess. You don’t want to?”

She grins and hugs me tight. “Nope. I love it! I’m sure the baby on Mommy’s tummy would like that too!”

My heart aches at what she said but the child that Kana’s carrying right now is my child. My only child. I smile and hugged her as we make our way to the car. “What should we do when we’re inside the car?” I look at Soah in the read mirror and she raises her hand. How cute was that?!

“Fasten your seatbelts for safety!”

“That’s right.” I smile watching her fasten her belt and when she’s done, I start the car and headed home.

“Oh! Daddy, Mommy would like that wouldn’t she? She likes ice cream.”

“Oh, you’re right. Shall we go and buy her some?”

“Yes!”

I pulled over to the side and headed to the shop. As we go inside, the bell rings signifying our presence. Soah chuckles at the sound and I smile. A staff approaches us and giving us a greeting. “What would you like for today?” She asks.

“Oh, we’ll-“ A happy family beside us catches my attention. Will we be able to be like that? Kana carrying our child while Soah laughs in happiness.

“Daddy?” Soah tugs my sleeve and I look down. “You’re crying Daddy... are you okay?”

“What?” I touch my eye and I am indeed crying. I laugh and shake my head. “Oh, something just went in my eye Soah. What should we get for Mommy?”

“The vanilla one.” She points at the ice cream on the left and I nod.

“Alright, we’ll get that then.”

“Understood. Right this way please.” I follow the staff and paid for the ice cream.

When we get back, or drive the wave home seem hazy for me. I just want to see Kana right now. We we arrive I head to the room following Soah. She’s already at the bed with Kana. She sees me and extends her hand telling me to come. She’s gone pale again. I can’t take this.. I can’t be weak in front of her.

“Chan?”

“I..I’ll take this downstairs or it’ll melt.” I smile and headed to the kitchen. I place the ice cream on the freezer and lean on it after I close it. Who am I kidding? We can’t be like that family we saw earlier. Because Kana’s- I gasp feeling something warm wrap around my chest.

“You okay?” I hold Kana’s hand. It’s cold. She looks pale... she smiles reaching my eyes. “It’s okay. Don’t hold it back Chan.”

“Daddy, did something went in your eyes again?” We look behind us and Soah’s looking from afar. It’s no use, I can’t hold it back anymore. I burst in tears as I cry on Kana’s arms. “Daddy! What’s wrong?”

I can’t make myself to talk. It’s all painful. “Soah, can you clean yourself up? Daddy’s not feeling well.” Kana says.

“Mm. Okay.” She returns upstairs and Kana looks back at me. She holds me tight and brushes her hand on my back as I cry.

“I tried... I can’t do it after all... it hurts so bad Kana...”

“Mm. I know.” She rests her cheek on the top of my head and she hugs me tight. “But you can say you ‘tried’. You’re trying Chan. It’s okay. You’re not perfect. It’s alright so don’t be too hard on yourself.” I sit up and hold her cheek.

“You’re leaving me aren’t you? That’s why you’re not saying anything?” She doesn’t reply and just smiles.

“I’ve thought of a name for our child. Ji Young. I heard Young meant forever and unchanging.” She wipes the tears that flowed after I heard what she say and I nod kissing her hand.

“It’s suits him.”

She smiles kissing my forehead. “We’re going to name our child that. No matter what okay?”

I nod and kiss her. “I love you Kana.”

I feel her nod as I hug her. “Mm. I love you too.”

Hello everyone! I know, it's been a lonnnnnnngggg while since I've updated this one. I'm so sorry! I think I went through a serious writer's block with this story haha! But I hope these last two chapters would be nice for you ^^ My heart broke writing this story though haha! Hope you will all like it! 

- Cheonsabyul <3