Chapter 19:  Coming back

           KANA

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” The nurse asked.

“Yeah. Um, can you do me a favor? Can I see the charts of Yoo Mi’s patients?” I asked.

“Dr. Kim’s? Sure. She’s at the Cardiology department right?” I nod and she rummages through the charts. “Here are the charts Dr. Byun.” She hands me the charts and I gladly took them.

“I would be borrowing them for a while. Tell her they’re with me okay?” I smiled and she nods. I walked on my way back to my room. It won’t hurt to just know more about hearts right? I really wanted to know about it myself. I reached for the doorknob when someone grabs me and I gasp in surprise. “Chan..Chanyeol? Why are you here?”

He ran to go here. I wonder why is he here? He stares at me then to the charts that I am holding on my chest. “Why are you taking those charts? Are you sick?” he asks.

“I’ll just get something from my office then I’ll head on to yours.” I heard Yoo Han’s voice. He won’t be pleased to see Chanyeol here. I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside my office. I leaned on the door to listen as Yoo Han and Yong Chul pass by. I sighed in relief afterwards. Good thing we’re in front of my office.

“What a relief. If he sees you here he’ll be-” My eyes widen. How did it come to this? He was so close to me. “You should be going-” He grabs the doorknob and traps me between the door. He scoots closer and I tried to step back but I remember that I was trapped. “What are you doing?”

“Why do you have those charts? I heard your conversation. That’s from the cardiology department. Why do you have that?”

I scoffed. “Are you a doctor now?”

“Answer me Kana. Are you sick?”

“Are you worried about me?”

“I’m worried about you because of Soah. You’re the only one that she has.”

Of course. Why would I get my hopes up that he’ll worry for me? I smiled and shake my head. “No I’m not sick. And as much as you’re worried how Soah would feel if I’m sick, it’s the same scenario for me. She’s my daughter.” He sighs and slowly sinks on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“I am.” He replied as he press his palms on his face. “God I really am now.” He says and stands. He walks over to my door and grabs the doorknob. “I’ll see Soah in the weekend.” He said and left. Did he came here for that? Just to ask if I’m sick or not?

My phone rings so I answered it. It’s Soah’s teacher. “Hello?”

“Ms. Byun? This is Soah’s teacher.”

“Ah yes, what would the matter be?”

“We’re in an ambulance right now headed to a hospital. I called to ask what hospital you are in? Soah was playing earlier and hurt herself from the playground!”

“W..What?” My knees weaken. “H..How hurt is she? Head to Seoul Hospital, I will be waiting for you there.”

“Thank you Ms. Byun! We’ll be there!” I hang up my phone and ran outside. Soah’s hurt. She can’t be hurt.

“Kana?” I continued running. I can’t stop right now. Soah will be okay right? But what if she’s badly hurt? “Kana wait!” It’s Chanyeol. “What’s the matter?”

“C..Chanyeol, S..Soah she’s hurt.. He teacher told me that she hurt herself and was on an ambulance… Soah is-”

“It will be okay. Are they on their way here?” I nod. “Let’s go.” He takes my hand and we took the stairs down to the emergency room.

“There will be an ambulance on their way. They should be arriving any minute now. Get me a room vacant.” I said and the nurse nodded. I ran to the exit and saw the ambulance approaching. I felt a hand on mine, Chanyeol’s holding it.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.” I nod and the ambulance opened. Soah’s teacher came down as well as the medic.

“Her vitals are unstable and she fell from the playground. There’s bleeding on the child’s head.” I nod and tried to contain myself. They lower Soah and she’s bleeding.

“Oh god Soah!” I walked closer to her. My hand is shaking.

“She fell from the monkey bars. When I get there she lost consciousness.” Her teacher explained.

“Soah honey! It’s mommy!” Soah winces and opens her eyes. “Soah! Mommy’s here! Do you recognize me?”

“M..Mommy, it hurts.. Soah’s head hurts..” My eyes are starting to be blurry because of the tears coming out from my eyes.

“I get it. Mommy gets it. Mommy will treat you okay?” She closes her eyes and I cried even harder.

“Kana you have to be strong. Soah needs you!” Chanyeol says and I nod. I sniffed and wiped my tears away.

“Please take her inside.” The doors opened and they took Soah inside the room. I grabbed a pair of gloves but I can’t put them on. My hands are shaking too much.

“I’ll take over.”

“Yoo Han…”

“You can’t handle this. Let me take over.” I nod and stepped aside. I run my fingers through my hair in frustration.

“Take care of her Yoo Han.” I exclaimed and he smiled nodding.

“What are the test results?” The others started explaining everything to him and I can’t help but to worry. I held Soah’s hand hoping that she’ll be okay.

            CHANYEOL

I hate myself for not being able to do anything at this moment. They’re both in there. Kana and Yoo Han. It frustrates me that Yoo Han can do more for her at this moment. After a while, they both came out and I run to them.

“How is she?” Kana wipes her tears and looks away.

“She will be undergoing surgery. There’s bleeding in her head we have to stop it. Excuse us.” He takes Kana’s hand and they make their way to the operating room.

            YOO HAN

She’s shaking. I can see her hand shake as she assist me. “Relax, Soah will be fine.”

“Yeah…”

“Suction.” I utter and she grabs it giving it to me herself. I took it from her as I finish up Soah. “It’s done. Can you finish up for me?”

“Yeah.” She sniffs and takes a sit. She began doing the finishing touches and began stitching Soah up. I place my hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. I can see that she is smiling from her eyes. I waited until she finishes up and we head out from the operating room. “Yoo Han.” She called and I looked back.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” She says. I walked back to her and hugged her. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.” She whispers and started to cry.

“She’ll be okay. We’re here for her so don’t worry.”

            CHANYEOL

Two hours have passed and still nothing. I am beginning to worry as hell. The door opens and I stand up. Soah’s there on the bed.

“How is she?” I asked.

“Are you a guardian of the patient?”

“Yes.” The doctor smiled.

“The surgery was a success. Dr. Lu was a great doctor and saved her. She’ll be fine.”

I sighed in relief. “Thank goodness.” The doctor nods and takes Soah away. I ran my fingers through my hair in relief then I saw it. Yoo Han’s hugging Kana. In front of me. She’s crying and I’m not the one comforting her. It’s him. The door closes so as my sight of them.

- - - - - - - - - - 

            KANA

I held Soah’s hand as I wait for her to wake up. I kissed it and placed it on my cheek. “Honey, please wake up…” I whispered.

“Thank goodness she’s okay!” Meilee comes in and sighed in relief. I stand and smiled. “How is she?”

“We’re still waiting for her to be awake but she’s fine now.”

“That’s good. You okay? You don’t look good. Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. But I’ll be okay. I’ll wait for her to wake up first.”

“I’ll take over. My shift’s over so go and eat first. I’ll call you if she awakens.”

“But-”

“Go. You’re a doctor. You shouldn’t be stressing yourself.” I smile and nod. She’s right I have to take care of myself too.

“Soah, Mommy will be back okay?” I kissed her head and walked to the exit. I stopped when I saw Chanyeol walking back in forth in the hallway. “Chanyeol.” He stops and looked at me.

“Soah, how is she?”

He must’ve been so worried. “She’s fine now. We’re just waiting for her to be awake.” He sighs in relief.

“Thank goodness.”

“Have you eaten?” I asked.

“Not yet.” I smiled. I should not be obvious that I’m glad that he hasn’t eaten yet.

“I haven’t eaten yet too. If it’s okay with you, you can go with me- Oh um..” I guess he wouldn’t want that.

“I’m fine with it. Let’s go I’m starving.” He walks ahead of me and I’m frozen. Did he just agree on eating with me?

- - - - - - - - - - 

            CHANYEOL

“Why are you eating like an ant? Eat this and this. Who eats like that?” I said as I placed food on her bowl. She looks at me in surprise. “What?”

“Nothing.” She says and smiled. I am forcing myself not to smile either. I’m glad that she’s fine now. I watch her as she is being busy eating. I’m glad I stayed. My phone rang and it’s Hye Jin. Kana stops eating when she saw who the caller is. I turn my phone the other side and continued eating. “Are you not going to answer that? It might be important.”

“Nothing’s more important than satisfying my hunger right now. I haven’t eaten all day.”

“Why? Are you busy on your studio? Is everything going well? Is- Sorry.” I hate how she sets her boundary and limits whenever she talks to me. I hate that I am making her feel that way. She continued eating and lowers her head.

“Everything’s fine. The studio’s good. You.. You should drop by sometime.” She looks up in surprise and stared at me. “With Soah. Don’t get the wrong idea.”

“Okay. We’ll come by sometime.” She chuckles and says. I miss her chuckles. “C..Can I ask something?”

I grip my spoon and looked at her. I am worried as to what it is she is about to ask. “What?”

“H..Hye Jin, is she-”

“She’s not my girlfriend or anything. She’s just a friend.” As I thought she’s going to ask about it.

“Then why did you kissed her last time?” She is staring at me anticipating for me to answer. Silence is starting to take over. How should I answer her question?

“I’m… I’m just drunk.”

“You do those kinds of things when you’re drunk?” I looked at her now and she’s biting her lip. She’s on the verge of crying. I hurt her again.

“Probably yes.”

“I see.” She sniffs and started to eat fast. I grabbed her hand to stop her.

“Eat slowly. You’ll choke!”

“Sorry…” She said. She’s starting to shake. She’s crying. “Excuse me for a moment.” She stands and headed to the comfort room.

            KANA

I sighed as I force myself not to cry. I didn’t even know why I brought that topic up. I opened that faucet and splashed water on my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I am a mess. I sighed and looked down.

“You can’t come out like this Kana.” The door opens and Chanyeol enters. I gasped. “What are you doing? This is the lady’s room!” I scanned the place and luckily I’m the only one inside. The door opens and our eyes both widen. He grabs me inside the cubicle and I hopped in the toilet bowl. I was about to fall out of balance when he grabbed me and pulled my closer to him. I gasped. I am now on his chest. I can feel him catching his breath as he hold me close.

“Ugh, this is so hard!” he whispered loudly.

The other cubicle closes but someone knocks at the cubicle that we’re in. “Is someone inside?” She asks. Chanyeol looks at me and mouthed that I should answer.

“What should I say?” I whispered.

“Tell her you’re doing a serious business!”

“W..What?”

“Hello?”

“Do it Kana!”

“U..Uh yeah! I’m sorry but I am on a period right now…” I say

“Oh my! I understand! I’ll try the other comfort room on the other side then!” She replied and the door opens. The other lady from the next cubicle takes her leave after a while so we sighed in relief.

I close my eyes in embarrassment and Chanyeol laughs. “You are seriously good at making up things.”

“Stop it. That was really embarrassing on my side you know?”

“Hahaha! But that was too funny!”

“Why are you here anyway?! We wouldn’t end up in this situation if it weren’t for you!”

He stops laughing and smiles. “I was worried that you will be crying here on your own.” He says. He opens the cubicle and exits. Did he just say that he was worried for me?

- - - - - - - - - - 

CHANYEOL

I scanned the bar and looked for Chen. He called me out of blue. I saw him at the usual place that we sit whenever we come here. I took a sit next to him and he smiles sliding a glass towards me.

“Join me.”

“What’s with you? It’s not like you to call at ten in the evening telling that you’re drinking.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t know I have a side like that too.” He continues drinking and sighs deeply. He must’ve been going through something. “I messed up. With Miyoung that is. I forgot that it was our anniversary today so she broke up with me.”

“Oh, I feel bad for you.”

He laughs. “Do you really? I thought you already forgot how to feel already?”

“I know right? Guess I’m getting soft again, now that I’m seeing her again.”

He puts his glass down and faces me. “You’re seeing Kana again?!”

“I’m not seeing her. We just keep on bumping into each other. Soah got into an accident and I happen to be at the hospital.”

He smiles. “That’s good. Not Soah getting into an accident I mean. I’m referring to you seeing Kana. That’s good.”

I laughed and took a sip. “I don’t even know anymore. I told myself I wanted to see her in pain, but seeing her again makes me want to protect her.”

“You can’t blame yourself. You loved her so much.”

I drank and drank. I am getting used to this. I wanted to forget how much I have loved her but I can’t make myself to do it.

- - - - - - - - - - 

KANA

“You’re a good girl Soah, you should keep on eating vegetables okay?” I say and she frowns. She is frustrated how much her hair has been cut and I kept on telling her that it should be done or else she will keep on being hurt.

“Mommy, when will my hair grow? Will I keep on wearing this hat even though I go to school?” I smile and kissed her.

“Honey, you still look adorable in that hat. Why? Is there someone that you wanted to look good at?”

“But all of the girls on my school have long hair.”

I chuckled. She finishes her food and I put it aside. The door opens and Meilee comes in. “Oh you’re here?”

“Aunt!”

“Hello adorable Soah!” She approaches Soah and hugs her. I smile and look at them. “You should go and get her a change of clothes. I’ll look after her. My shift is over.”

I smile. “Thanks Meilee.” I kissed Soah goodbye and grabbed my bag. “Mommy will be back okay? Play with Aunt while I’m gone.”

“Mm! Be careful Mommy!”

I make my way to the parking lot and opened the car. I drive my way home and headed to Soah’s room to get her a new set of clothes. Afterwards, I got myself a shower and got dressed. I heard my phone rang so I answered it. It’s Chen.

“Sunbae? What is it?”

“Oh, I have a favor to ask you. I was called by the chief so I have to hurry and get some things done. Can you take Chanyeol back home?”

“Who?”

“Chanyeol. I’m texting you the address. Thanks Kana!”

“Wait! Sunba-” he hanged up on me. Why me of all people? I received a text message afterwards containing the address. I sighed and headed on my way there. It’s the same place where Meilee brought me when she wanted to go clubbing. I got off the car and got inside. I scanned the place and saw Chanyeol lying his head on the bar.

“Are you Ms. Kana Byun?” The bartender asked.

“Ah yes.”

“Mr. Kim told me to watch over which is why I can’t close this bar. Should I help you bring him to the car?”

“I would appreciate that.” The guy carried Chanyeol for me so I opened the car for him. “Thank you.” I gave him tip and got inside the driver’s seat. I sighed as I look how drunk he is. Does he usually drink like this? I got another text message from Sunbae and it contains Chanyeol’s address. “I’m starting to think if this is all planned or what.” I sighed and input the address to my GPS. I followed all the directions and managed to reach his house.

“Chanyeol, we’re here. Wake up.” He groans and turns to the other side. I sighed and got off. I walked to the other side and tried to wake him up again but he didn’t budge so I decided to carry him. Things are messed up. A girl shouldn’t be carrying a drunk guy like this. “Chanyeol, what’s your passcode?”

And he didn’t replied. I sighed, I don’t know what the hell to input.

“0801. So it’s true that you don’t remember anything.”

I am not hoping that it would be my birthday, but at the same time I am because he is really heavy right now and I want to go in so bad. I input the numbers and it opened. “It’s nothing Kana. Just go inside and put him down.” I mumbled to myself and carried him to his room. I placed him on his bed and what a relief. “Goodness, my back hurts..” I sighed and sat on the bed. I sighed how he looks so drunk.

I removed his shoes and pulled the covers up on him. “Look how messed up you are. Drinking is not good.” I said to him but I know that it’s useless because he’s drunk he won’t remember anything anyway. I pat his head and smiled. “I’m glad that you’re fine. You get to have a house like this. You deserve to be happy.” I said to him and stood up. I gasped when a hand grabbed mine. He just grabbed me.

“C..Chanyeol?” He groans and pulls me and I fell beside him. He’s hugging me. “Calm down, he just thought you’re a pillow that’s all.” I waited for a few seconds then I took his hand and tried to get away but he didn’t budge.

“Can’t you just stay where you are?” I gasped. I looked up and he’s looking at me.

“Y..You’re awake?”

“Can’t a doctor tell whether someone is awake or not?” I tried to get off but he won’t let go. “Stay here. Please don’t go.”

“You must’ve been so drunk. You even forgot that you hate me.”

He stands and gets on top of me. My eyes widen. “If that will satisfy you then go ahead and think that I’m drunk.” He leans closer and he’s kissing me. I’m not pushing him. I’m kissing him instead. His hand makes their way to my cheek and kisses me more. I should not be doing this. I’m kissing someone who won’t remember what is happening right now when he wakes up. He pulls away and stares at me.

“What are you doing?” I say and he smiles.

“I missed this.” I am now crying. I miss him too. I held his cheek and he held my hand. I am crying so hard that I am sobbing. If he’s drunk right now I don’t wish for him to be sober.

“Please don’t be sober. Just keep being drunk so you’ll forget all of this in the morning.” He is crying now too. We’re both crying. He lowers and kisses me again. I wrap my arms to his neck and his mouth is all over me. He’s sobbing so am I and neither of us don’t want to stop. I gasped and sit up.

“Kana?” I started to shake. No. This can’t happen. It’s happening again. He will just be in danger if we continue this. He’ll end up like Lu Han. No.

“Stop. I..I can’t do this..”

“Are you okay?” He whispered. His hand is on my neck and he’s close to me. “Kana you’re shaking. Are you okay?”

“I..I can’t breathe..” I grasp my chest and struggled to breathe.

“Do you have something? Tell me!” Chanyeol exclaimed.

“M..My bag…” He jumps off the bed and grabs my bag. I hold on to the covers and struggled. It’s so hard.

“Take this.” He hands me my inhaler and I used it. My hand is still shaking but I can breathe now. He takes me to his arms and I closed my eyes. “How are you?”

“I’m okay now…” I replied and I fell asleep. If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.