Author’s note // The horses’ names

狂(kwang)奔(ben) = crazy, dash/sprint

茸茸(rong rong)王子(wang zi) = fluffy prince
(also sounds like “荣荣王子” which means prince of glory/honour)

黑(hei)姜(jiang)君(jun) = black ginger gentleman
(sounds exactly like “黑将军” which means black general)

=

Taenggu wonders if it is becoming too obvious. Miyoung has been dropping in on her sessions with Young Mistress Lee on the pretext of helping her friend with ‘hair and clothes’ but more time is spent gazing at Taenggu than the young mistress. Taenggu is certain that people will sense something between them if this goes on but convincing Miyoung to stop her visits will be an uphill task.

She is proven right that very afternoon, under the peach blossom tree where they kissed the second time.

“But I love watching you paint,” Miyoung says with the pout that melts Taenggu’s heart.

“You won’t be able to see me at all if anyone suspects anything.”

“Soonkyu won’t tell on us. You can trust her.”

“Does she know . . .?”

Miyoung shakes her head. “She knows nothing about you. But she’s always been quite the rebel. She’s not afraid to break a few rules.”

Taenggu has to smile at that. “Neither are you,” she chides, tapping Miyoung’s nose.

“I didn’t use to break rules. I’m only breaking them for you.”

“Miyoung . . .”

The young mistress inches closer, pressing her cheek on Taenggu’s shoulder. “I’ve only just begun living. Before meeting you, life was just life. A series of duties and responsibilities. I learnt embroidery as was expected of me. My father wanted me to impress the fathers of the young masters, so I worked hard on the qin. I read all the books that were given to me and learnt to write so that I may teach the sons I am expected to bear in the future. And I am still studying herbs and medicine so that I will be able to take care of my family’s health. Which one of these things is done for my own sake? Is this all my existence is to be?”

“Coming from where I’ve been, I would be content with a life like yours,” says Taenggu.

“Where have you been? What suffering have you had to endure that makes you say something like this?”

Taenggu sighs and relates the story of how civil war raged over the province of Hubei and how rogues took her parents and her home from her. The terror of daily violence, pain and suffering was enough to drive her out into the unknown; the risk of venturing to a new land was by far the lesser of the two evils. She tells Miyoung of how she made her escape with her brother; how they nearly starved to death when they got lost. It was all thanks to a kind family travelling on a cart who gave them some buns and a ride to the nearest town. She tells Miyoung of how, after being driven to the pits of despair, they had come up with the idea of making money for themselves in that town. They had no choice. Businesses were operating on tight budgets in their town and the towns surrounding them. Nobody wanted to hire her brother. Neither did they want to stay in the neighbouring towns for long because Taenggu had predicted that the civil war would get to them eventually.

Taenggu had her sights set on Shanghai—a municipal furthest from the war—but they needed quick money to make travelling across that much distance possible. So Taenggu disguising as a male and selling portraits to the rich was the best idea they had.

Miyoung’s eyes are b with tears when Taenggu ends her story. She takes Taenggu’s hand and holds it to her chest. “You are very brave.”

Taenggu shrugs. There is nothing to say to that. It was the circumstances that made it necessary to do what she did.

“You are amazing.”

“I’m not. I’m just a girl with no better choice.”

“But you managed to get this far. I could never do what you did.”

Taenggu shakes her head. “No. If you were in my shoes, you would do the same. When your back is forced up against the wall, climbing it isn’t impossible.”

Miyoung holds up a peach blossom and sticks it behind Taenggu’s ear. “Pretty,” she says with a watery smile. “You shouldn’t have to live such a hard life.”

“It will get easier once I get to Shanghai.”

Sadness sets into Miyoung’s eyes. “Must you leave?”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry! “I must. Eventually.” A tear escapes and rolls down Miyoung’s cheek. Taenggu catches it with her thumb, wiping it. “Be brave, Miyoung. Life is not easy but it is not impossible.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t have much of a choice. Other than you, nobody has discovered my identity before. But if I stay in a town for too long, it’ll only be a matter of time before somebody grows suspicious of me. And I’m sure you can guess what will happen when my identity is exposed . . .”

The most forlorn eyes express Miyoung’s understanding and resulting sense of helplessness. There is nothing she can do to change their circumstances. She is only the youngest daughter of a wealthy business man. Not the eldest son. Not even the son. She has about as much power as a nightingale in a cage. And it makes Taenggu feel terrible for reminding her of the fact.

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