Chapter Two:

Present

Seunghyun was hesitant to enter the treatment room. It was his first time visiting and the environment around him made him feel uneasy. The bright lit halls and sterile rooms were a lot to take in. Even the smell of the place, a sharp, bitter bite of disinfectant, set him on edge. But it was the low sounds and hushed voices that struck something in him. The combination caused a feeling of dread to wash over him.

He leaned his head closer to the small window on the door, peering in. A lone blonde figure was sitting in a big, cushioned, reclining chair, looking out the windows on the other side of the room. They were hooked to an IV, steadily dripping.

Seunghyun took a deep breath, his heart pounding in his chest. Why do I feel so nervous?

He entered the room, “Seungri?”

The young man turned. A smile formed on his lips as he recognized his visitor, “Hyung! What’re you doing here?”

“That’s a stupid question,” the older man teased as he pulled up a chair next to Seungri. He noticed how strained the maknae’s smile looked, how his lips were cracked.

“I guess so,” Seungri laughed softly.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“Because of the chemo?”

“Maybe. Just tired.”

Seunghyun’s eyes were drawn to the younger man’s arms, which were slowly becoming littered with blossoming bruises caused by needle sticks.

"They had to switch which arm they used," Seungri spoke as if reading his hyung's mind, "They said they needed to change it every once in a while or the veins would collapse from overuse."

"Mmm," the charismatic rapper, usually so able to speak his mind around his teammate, wasn't certain of how to respond. What could he say?

“Are you uncomfortable, hyung?”

Seunghyun couldn't help but let out a small laugh, “I should be asking you that.”

“You already know my answer. Just look at my face, I’m growing uglier each day!” the younger man exclaimed with a wide grin.

He wanted to smile, but he just couldn’t force himself to as he took in the maknae's tired features, “Don’t do that, Ri.”

“Do what?”

“Pretend.”

-

2007

Seunghyun saw it from out of the periphery of his vision. The fireworks went off. Then Seungri was turning away as fast as he could, trying to escape the blast. A trail of smoke followed the path which the maknae had traveled, signaling he had been hit. The rapper could see the younger boy standing still on stage, hands pressed to his face.

His heart pounded in his chest. He wanted to go to his teammate, but he had to keep performing as everyone kept moving around him. He couldn’t leave his position.

They pulled Seungri off stage and Seunghyun couldn’t do more than stay there under the glaring lights listening to the sound of the audience as they waited. He almost started to walk off, but then their maknae was back, waving to the crowd, smiling and bowing in apology. Seungri looked cheerful, unaffected, but his face was pale, gleaming with sweat.

The maknae's limp progressively became worse as the show proceeded. Seunghyun could see the younger boy gritting his teeth, his face losing color with each song. The older boy tried approaching during a quick interlude, but the other boy shook his head, determined to finish the set.

Then suddenly, Seungri was no longer on stage. They were prompted by staff to continue to perform. It was one of the lowest notes they had ever ended on.

It wasn't until later, backstage, as they were undressing they were updated on the maknae's condition. Seungri passed out and was rushed to the hospital for treatment.

"That stupid boy!" Yang Hyunsuk spat. But even through the anger, Seunghyun could see the concern etched on their CEO's features. "He shouldn't have insisted on going back. So stupid."

-

Present

Seungri groaned.

Seunghyun bolted up from his seat, “Are you alright?”

“Nauseous,” the younger man breathed, leaning forward in his seat, a hand over his mouth.

The rapper pulled one of the plastic bins in the room closer and placed it in front of Seungri. He heard the younger man heave loudly several times, but nothing came up. He tried to do the best he could, his hand rubbing comforting circles on his friend’s back. He couldn’t help but feel awkward and helpless, unable to do more than just stand there, observing.

Seungri slowly straightened up, catching his breath as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His voice was a low, raspy whisper, “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to keep the bin next to your chair.”

The younger man simply nodded, situating himself back in his seat. It was really then that Seunghyun realized how tired Seungri looked, how utterly exhausted his entire body must have been. He automatically reached for the maknae’s hand, gripping it tight, almost as tight as his chest felt seeing his friend this way.

“Hyung, I’m fine,” Seungri said, but his voice was shaky.

“No, you’re not.”

-

2013

"You're not taking care of yourself, Seungri," Seunghyun said, hugging the younger man.

Seungri laughed into the embrace, "It's good to see you too, hyung."

"I'm being serious."

"Can we, at least, sit down before you start scolding me?"

"I guess I can grant you that."

The two smiled at each other. It had been months since they were finally able to schedule something together. It was good to be in each other's presence, but the first thing Seunghyn noticed was how thin Seungri looked.

"Wow, this place looks nice," the younger man looked about the restaurant, taking his seat at the small table, "I hope I don't make a fool of myself in here."

"Would that be any different than how you usually are?" the older man teased.

Though they hadn't seen each other in so long, they were already falling into a comfortable routine. It was natural for them to act a certain way and it put the charismatic rapper at ease. However, as animated as Seungri was, he couldn't help but notice how dark those signature eye bags had become, appearing like bruises against the maknae's face. He couldn't help but notice how thin the younger man's face was, how his shirt was too loose in all the wrong places.

"Seungri."

"Hm?"

"Are you taking care of yourself?"

The younger man rolled his eyes and spoke in a playful whine, "Hyung."

"I mean it."

"You worry too much. Stop being so serious."

"It's unfortunate, but a lot that you do causes worry."

"You're starting to sound like Jiyong hyung," Seungri pouted.

Seunghyun shook his head and laughed, deciding it would be better to drop the subject. They didn't have to talk about it now. They could do that later.

-

Present

Seunghyun exhaled. Smoke drifted from his mouth into the night sky. He promised he would quit, but recent events made it harder than he had ever anticipated. It wasn't just a habit, it was a necessity. It was the only way to calm his nerves, to keep his mind from wandering too far into territory he wasn't ready to face.

He flicked the of the cigarette over the balcony. He had intended on going back inside, but the night air felt good. Leaning against the banister, he looked out at the city skyline, watching the way the lights and off, as one part of the day ended another began.

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. The thoughts were coming again and he hated them. He reached into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes, cursing as he realized he was down to his last one. He placed it in his mouth, but as he reached to light it he hesitated.

This isn't going to work. He crushed the cigarette in his hand. With a sigh, he composed himself and stepped back inside his hotel room. Get it together. You have to keep it together.

-

Note: Thank you to those that left a comment before! I hope those who read this will continue to enjoy it. I'll do my best to update as much as I can.