Chapter Thirteen:

Present

When Jiyong arrived at the hospital, he noticed there was a familiar name in the ledger when he signed in. Lee Hanna. He stared at the name for a long moment before walking toward Seungri's room. He slowed when he saw the door in sight, carefully looking into the small window.

Hanna was sitting at the side of the bed, speaking animatedly. Jiyong could tell she was angry by her expression. moved quickly and he knew she was speaking fast, likely in the Gwangju dialect that Seungri often reverted to when he was in the same state. Hanna looked and sometimes acted so much like her brother that it really wasn't much of a surprise that their mannerisms were extremely alike.

Hesitantly, the leader knocked on the door, causing the two occupants to stop stock still and look directly at him. He saw them both relax simultaneously when he stepped inside, recognizing him on sight. He could see Hanna making an effort to smile. And she looked so much like Seungri when she smiled, before the sickness, that Jiyong almost looked away.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" the older man asked, approaching the two.

"No," Seungri answered, pushing himself up further on the bed to be more comfortable.

"I was just leaving," Hanna replied with a huff, glaring at her brother as she grabbed her bag from the floor. Standing, she strode past Jiyong in a hurry, she stopped for a moment to speak, "Try and talk some sense into him, will you?"

Then she was gone, out the door faster than Jiyong could respond. He looked to Seungri with questioning eyes and the younger man only shrugged, hugging a spare pillow close to his chest.

"So, you're not going to tell me what that was about?" the leader asked, taking his place in the seat that Hanna had vacated.

"It's not important," the maknae answered, his face half buried in the pillow, voice muffled. He looked like a pouting child. His gaze, far away.

"Ri, you need to tell us if--"

"My parents are worried," the younger man breathed, irritation evident in his voice, "I told you. Now, can we please leave it alone?"

Jiyong couldn't help but to feel taken aback by the tone Seungri used, unused to the type of aggression flowing through every word. The younger man had been so calm through the whole process that hearing anything but light hearted banter these days seemed to throw him off.

-

2015

"How's your family doing?" Jiyong asked, looking through a rack of clothes as he spoke on the phone.

"They're great. I'm just glad I'm finally getting a chance to see them," Seungri answered on the other line. The leader could hear the sounds of people talking in the background, certain that some sort of gathering was happening wherever the maknae was, "I'm actually going to go golfing with my dad tomorrow."

"I don't know how you guys do it, staying in the sun all day just to whack around a ball," Jiyong laughed, pausing what he was doing, "I'm glad you're taking the time to see them. It's been a while since all of you got together."

"I know and I really missed them," the younger man said before he started to laugh, "I'm sure in a few days I'll drive them all crazy and they won't be able to get rid of me soon enough."

"Like your mom would ever do that."

"That's true."

Jiyong giggled before going back to looking a shirt he had spotted earlier, "Listen, go have fun. We'll talk more when you get back."

Seungri's voice was comically high when he responded, "Alright, I miss you already, hyung!"

The leader rolled his eyes, grinning, trying to contain his laugher. He was, after all, in a public place.

-

Present

"Seungri."

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

Jiyong placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder, only to have the maknae pull away, an action that startled him. In the past few months, every touch had been met with acceptance, warmth, need. He tried again, his fingers barely touched the hospital gown when Seungri groaned in frustration and shifted away, moving to the other side of the bed.

Jiyong didn't know how to react to the rejection.

"What's wrong with you?" the leader asked, feeling his own aggravation start to flare up.

"What's wrong with me?" Seungri repeated, his words were filled with bitterness as he glared at the older man.

And suddenly, Jiyong felt bad for asking such a thing. He wanted to speak, feeling himself flush in embarrassment at how hurt the maknae looked.

"Look at me, Jiyong!" Seungri exclaimed, his voice volumes louder than in had been in weeks. It physically made the older man jump in his seat, it scared him, "I'm falling apart and I hate it! I hate living like this!"

The leader wanted to say something so badly, but the words were refusing to come.

The maknae's eyes were filled with tears, but his features were twisted up in anger. Jiyong wanted to hold the other man, to hug him and tell him that everything would be alright, but the more he reached the further Seungri shifted from him, pulling away as much as he could.

"Get out..." the younger man's voice was a whisper then, he couldn't meet Jiyong's eyes.

"Seungri."

"I said get out!"

Then the leader was exiting from the room, unable to look back, unable to bear the hurt that was written across Seungri's features. The maknae's voice echoed in his head.

"Get out!"

-

2011

How stupid, he thought as he squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he wasn't a saint, but to be caught up in a drug scandal was possibly one of the worst things that could happen for his career. I'm so stupid.

Jiyong wouldn't say that he had never touched the stuff, but to have been so careless when he knew that there was more at stake than just his own well being and his own progress was devastating. It was heartbreaking to hear the disappointment in his mother's voice when she called him, demanding to know if the rumors were true.

He had to deny everything, despite what the tests said. It was a foolish mistake. He should have known better. He should have done better, especially because he was the leader of a well known group.

He didn't know if he could face the others.

-

When Seungri hugged him, Jiyong couldn't do more than stand there, his arms loosely wrapped around the younger man's waist, listening as the maknae cried. He could feel the eyes of the others on him, but they didn't approach, only watched as Seungri continued to shed tears, saying nothing as his embrace tightened.

"Don't do that again," the younger man was whispering in his ear, sniffling, as if he were trying to stop himself from crying more, "Please, don't."

He wished he could push Seungri away - shout at the younger man to mind his own business - but the absolute wreaked look that was in the maknae's eyes made Jiyong reconsider his words. He could tell Seungri had been crying even prior to this and it hurt to know, to understand that he had done harm to those close to him.

-

"I'll always be here for you, hyung," Seungri said to him.

It had been days since the group meeting. They had all reached a more comfortable place, where they could talk to each other. It was awkward, painful, and a little embarrassing for Jiyong, but he knew that was the price to pay for what had occurred.

He would have to persevere, whether he liked it or not.

"I know you'll be," the leader answered, smiling at the younger man.

"So, please, call me if you're ever in trouble," the maknae's smile was brilliant, "I'll be there."

-

Present

Jiyong woke with a jolt, blinking several times as the sun assaulted his senses with its persistant brightness. He pressed a hand to his face, squinting as he tried to locate the source of the noise that had woke him. It took his sleep fogged brain several moments to realize that the noise was coming from his phone. It was ringing and vibrating somewhere close.

He looked at the nightstand, but saw that it was no longer there. With a groan, he pulled himself to the edge of the bed, an arm dangling over the edge, fingers searching the floor for the device. Reaching as far as he could, he finally found the phone and picked it up, blinking at the display to see who was calling.

Seunghyun.

And it was barely nine in the morning. Jiyong groaned as he rubbed his eyes. What does he want so early?

"Hello?"

"Do you know what's going on?" the older man's voice on the other line was filled with unease.

"What'd you mean?" the leader asked, clearing his throat to try and not sound as if he had just woke up.

"Seungri," Seunghyun sounded puzzled, "I just tried to see him."

"And?"

"They told me I couldn't."

Jiyong sat up in bed, squeezing his eyes shut, wondering if he was still waking up from some strange dream. He raked a hand through his hair, "What're you talking about?"

"The nurses at the front desk. They said he's not taking visitors."

"What?"

"Jiyong, stop asking me questions. I have just as many as you."

"I-- What do you mean he's not taking visitors?"

-

Jiyong stared at the nurses in disbelief, "But I was just here yesterday."

"Mr. Lee stated he wanted no visitors, not even immediate family," the woman at the desk said, flipping through a file, "I can't let you in, I'm afraid."

The leader looked over at Seunghyun, who looked just as bewildered. What's going on?

Jiyong felt anger rising up in him. He wasn't able to control himself as he strode down the hall hearing the nurse protesting. Footsteps were close behind him as he practically sprinted to Seungri's room. Voices called out to him.

"Sir!"

"Jiyong!"

"Stop!"

He reached the door and tried to walk in, tried to catch a glimpse of Seungri, but a strong pair of hands clamped down on his shoulder and pulled him back. Through the window in the door, he could see the maknae's head rise from the bed for just a moment.

"Seungri!" Jiyong shouted, "Seungri!"

He wanted - needed - a response.

But Seungri simply laid his head back down, as if he hadn't heard anything at all.

-

Note: Thank you for all of the comments and encouragements everyone. I read every comment and I wanted to say I have never lost anyone to any type of illness, but I have seen what it can do to the people affected as several of my friends have had their loved ones taken far too soon. Because the subject is so heavy, I'll try to be as realistic as possible and hope I do this story justice in the end.

Thank you again for reading, commenting and sticking with me even with my sporadic. You guys are awesome and wonderful!