Chapter Six:

Present

Seunghyun had promised he would stop in and check on Seungri. He had missed his last opportunity, something having come up at the last moment.

He told Jiyong he had availability this time. He made sure his schedule was clear, but when the day came and the reminder popped up on his phone, he couldn't bring himself to get ready. The thought of heading out the door was too much to even handle.

It seemed that every time he saw Seungri, between his busy schedule, the younger man looked worse and worse. At first, it wasn't so bad, he could hardly tell. The maknae was just as lively as always, smiling and talking. They even went out for meals, maybe a drink here or there, and shopped as they normally would.

Then, everything started to deteriorate. Seungri grew thinner and thinner, as if one day he would simply vanish. That life, that light, that ball of energy Seunghyun was so used to seemed to grow dimmer and dimmer with each passing day. It became an endless cycle from the hospital to Seungri's home. There were no more impromptu shopping trips, no spontaneous outings, and the laughter - the normally endless laughter - became more and more strained.

Seeing Seungri hurt.

It hurt deeply and, often, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

I can't go. He texted Daesung.

You promised. The reply came instantaneously.

I can't.

Don't do this.

I'm sorry.

Whatever.

He hated how weak he was.

-

Five Months Ago

Cancer.

The word was ugly and harsh.

"I'll do my best to keep up during promotions, while I go through my treatments," Seungri told the group.

"No, we're not going to go forward with the schedule," Jiyong spoke.

"Why not?" the maknae retorted, "You can't cancel just because of me."

"This is serious," the leader fired back, rising from his seat, his face already beginning to flush with anger.

"I'm serious!"

"Stop!" Seunghyun exclaimed, putting a hand on Jiyong's chest, pushing him back down. He looked the youngest over, still trying to process everything.

"I just want to keep working, hyung," Seungri answered, looking ever determined, "I don't want to let this dictate my life."

Seungri had worked through sleep issues, colds and other sicknesses, as well as injuries, but this was different. This wasn't just a one and done type deal.

"Alright," Youngbae was the first to get up and throw an arm around the youngest, "But don't expect us to baby you."

"We always baby him," Daesung snorted, getting up from his position as well to pull Seungri into a hug.

That seemed to set everyone else into motion as they all gathered around the maknae and threw their arms around him, hugging as a group, holding tight.

"Ah, you guys, you're suffocating me!" Seungri exclaimed.

Everyone laughed and it felt good. It felt good to forget, for just a moment, what they had heard.

-

Present

"What's wrong with you?" Jiyong was yelling at him on the phone, voice raised, spewing words of anger, "Grow up!"

Those words made Seunghyun flinch. He knew what he was doing wasn't exactly the most mature way to approach the situation, but to have it pointed up so plainly was hard for him to stand.

"You haven't seen him in almost an entire month!" the leader was on a roll, the words came rushing out and Seunghyun knew there was nothing to contain them, "He asks for you, wondering where the hell you are. Do you know how much it kills us to have to tell him that you can't see him cause you're too damn busy? Cause you can't seem to find room in your stupid schedule?"

"Jiyong..."

"Shut up!"

"Ji--"

"What does he have to do, Seunghyun? Die?"

God, those words stung. The rapper felt as though Jiyong was reaching through the phone, catching his heart in a stranglehold.

He listened to the sound of their leader's heavy breathing on the other line, unable to speak. He didn't want to think about it - Seungri dying - but there it was, right in front of him, taunting him. He had tried to block it from his thoughts, because to him, it seemed as if Seungri was already dying, every day pieces of him were disappearing.

"It just hurts..." he finally said, tears welling in his eyes.

A sigh, "Do you think you're the only one that feels that way?"

"I--"

"Don't be so selfish."

And he couldn't deny those words because they were true. He was being childish as he always was, despite being the oldest.

-

Five Months Ago

"Will you keep me company one of these days?" Seungri asked, glancing over with a smile.

"What? When?" Seunghyun asked, pulling himself out of his own little world.

The younger man laughed, "When I'm getting my chemo rounds done. They take a while and it'd be nice to have someone sit with me once in a while."

"...Oh."

"You don't have to answer right now, hyung," it was as if the maknae could sense his hesitation, "Besides, Youngbae hyung hasn't gotten back to me either."

"I just need to check my schedule," Seunghyun said, trying to make it sound casual, despite knowing that he felt uncomfortable with the subject. It wasn't his place to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't the one that had to be in and out of the hospital.

"Just let me know," the younger man's smile was brilliant, almost as if he hadn't just heard terrible news.

The rapper reached out his arm, "Come here, Seunghyun."

The maknae blinked, pausing for a long moment at the mention of his real name, "Hyung?"

The older man only beckoned for Seungri to come closer with his hand. Once the younger man was settled next to him, Seunghyun pulled him into a tight hug. The maknae hugged him back.

"You don't have to worry about me, hyung."

"How can I not?"

Seungri's laughed caused them both to shake, the sound vibrating through Seunghyun's chest, "Cause I can take care of myself."

"You're still the baby."

"Ugh," the younger man rolled his eyes at that and pouted.

"See!"

"Hyung, stop teasing me!"

"Never."

-

Present

I'm sorry about today. I'll be there next time. I promise. His finger hovered over the send button, unsure what he could say to Seungri for missing their time together.

He could almost picture the younger man's face, disappointed as he read the text, and he wanted to do so much more than send a message. A part of him knew that a call would be better, but he didn't know which side of Seungri would greet him. Would it be the one who was still a fraction of his former self? Or would it be the version who was worn down by doctor's visits and medication?

I'm sorry about today. I'll be there next time. He sent the message and set his phone down.

Seunghyun pressed his hands to his face, trying to suppress the guilt he felt. He could have done so much more than just wallow, but the fear - the fear that was created by everything in this terrible scenario - threatened to swallow him whole.

His phone vibrated, signaling a new message.

It's okay, hyung. Looking forward to seeing you soon! :)

Reading that hurt more than if he hadn't gotten a response at all.

-

Note: Wanted to try a new format on some of this since everyone has a phone! Hopefully it translates well! Thanks again for reading!