Chapter Nine:

Present

"Oppa!" Seungri greeted Jiyong when he walked through the door, his voice soft and raspy. The younger man was trying to smile, but it was weak and drawn as if requiring more effort than he could take.

"How're you doing?" the leader asked, approaching the bed with a bag in his hand.

Seungri shrugged, "I feel better."

"Here," Jiyong pulled up a chair and placed his gift on the younger man's lap, "I brought this for you."

The maknae reached into the bag immediately and pulled out the present, which was a soft panda hat with long ears he could wrap around his neck as a scarf for more warmth. It was very similar to many of the ones they had gotten during their time touring and Jiyong thought it might be something fun for Seungri to wear while he was in the hospital.

The younger man immediately pulled off his knitted hat and pulled on the new one, glancing sideways at Jiyong, as if posing for a photo op.

"Cute," the leader giggled, reaching out to straighten the hat.

"Thanks, hyung," Seungri said, taking hold of the older man's hand, "I appreciate it."

Jiyong squeezed the younger man's hand gently, "So, what did they say?"

"Getting straight to the point?"

"Seungri."

"Sorry."

"If you're not ready to tell us..."

"They want me to add an intensive round of radiation therapy to my treatment plan."

"Why?" Jiyong could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his heart pounded against his chest. A part of him already knew the answer to his own question, but he knew he needed to hear the stark truth.

"The tumor isn't shrinking as they thought it would," the maknae's gaze drifted to the window, "They think a course of radiation will give them a better chance at operating."

"Are you going to do it?"

"I'm thinking about it."

"Have you told your family?"

"Hyung..."

Jiyong wanted to say more, ask more, but Seungri's voice, so distant and hollow, made him bite his lip. He wanted to pull the younger man to him, to hug him tight and reassure him that things would be alright, but it would be a lie if he did. So, all he could do was sit there, hoping that his presence was of some comfort to Seungri.

-

Jiyong had to duck into a bathroom on his way out of the hospital, no longer able to keep his emotions pent up. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind him, he slid to the floor and started crying. He couldn't stop himself from sobbing, even knowing that people walking by could hear. He just couldn't care enough to contain himself.

He had had so much hope when everything started months ago. He had so much enthusiasm and faith in modern medicine. They could afford the best healthcare, the best doctors, everything they could ever need in every situation. Yet, the worst that he had feared was happening.

The bright, effervescent Seungri that he knew was slowly disappearing right before his eyes.

The reality of it terrified him.

He's going to die.

The pain in his chest that followed, even from just thinking those words, knocked the wind right out of him.

He's going to die.

Those words repeated themselves in his head and he hated himself for even letting the thought cross his mind.

He hated that he was so pessimistic in the face of everything.

-

2005

Jiyong was convinced he would hate working with Daesung and Seungri, especially Seungri. The maknae was like a thorn in his side, always approaching him, asking him questions, trying to play nice like they were friends.

We're not friends. We will never be friends.

"You're giving him too hard of a time," Youngbae said to him during practice one day, his gaze foxed on the maknae.

"Shut up," Jiyong retorted, not wanting to hear it.

He was going to act how he wanted and no one was going to stop him. He was certain he could keep this up for as long as was needed for YG to see that they don't need to be a 5 person band, even if it meant that he had to ice someone out by force.

That was his resolve.

He was convinced nothing could change his mind.

-

"What else?"

Jiyong could hear Seungri's voice in the practice room. He scowled. He had been looking forward to having some time to himself to practice in peace. He listened for a moment longer and realized that the younger boy was on the phone. Who said he could make personal phone calls? He was about to storm in and make the other boy hang up, but the next words stopped him.

"Eomma, stop worrying."

He's calling his parents? Jiyong couldn't help but be curious what he would overhear. Having been avoiding Seungri, he hadn't exactly been asking about the younger boy's home life.

"Of course, they're treating me well."

Liar.

"No, they're not working me too hard."

Liar!

"I promise I'll take care of myself."

The leader stepped back then, deciding to wait until he could have the room. When Seungri exited the practice room, he startled seeing Jiyong standing there. The older boy watched the maknae bow awkwardly before he brushed past the younger boy and slammed the door shut.

He wanted to be angry, upset that this kid, this nobody, dared to even look at him. But something about the younger boy's voice had bothered Jiyong. Seungri had sounded so sad at the end, like he was too tired to keep going with the conversation.

Youngbae's words echoed in his head: You're giving him too hard of a time.

And though he didn't want to admit it, a part of him felt bad for being so harsh.

-

Present

As Jiyong walked through the hospital exit, he noticed someone familiar approaching. He paused for a moment, unsure if he was seeing correctly.

"Seunghyun hyung?" he asked, approaching the older man.

Seunghyun was wearing a pair of sunglasses, but his expression showed that he was embarrassed and perhaps had hoped he would be able to go into the hospital without being spotted. Jiyong looked the taller man up and down, unsure of how to feel now that his teammate was standing in front of him.

"You're here," the leader stated.

"I should've been here a long time ago," Seunghyun said, his head hung in shame.

Jiyong put a comforting hand on the older man's shoulder, giving a firm squeeze, "I'm sorry for what I said before."

"You were right though."

"Yeah, but I could've been nicer about it." There was a pause, neither knowing what to say. Jiyong sighed, "He'll be happy to see you."

Seunghyun nodded, looking toward the door. He hesitated, "H-how is he, Ji?"

"A little rough, but you know how he is."

"Always putting his best face forward."

"Go see him. I'll talk to you later."

Seunghyun nodded and they parted ways. Jiyong was relieved that their eldest was coming back around. After all that had happened, Seungri needed all the support he could get. Though the youngest had a multitude of friends and colleagues, Jiyong knew that the band had always been his main constant.

Because they loved Seungri like family and nothing could change that.

-

2006

Jiyong could hear the television on in the livingroom, meaning someone else was already using the common area. He frowned, ready to shoo out whoever was taking his spot. He wanted to catch his new show and no one was going to take away the time that he reserved for it.

He stopped in his tracks when he realized it was Seungri, sitting on the couch with snacks and a drink on the coffee table, waiting to watch the next program.

The younger boy stood the moment he noticed the leader was standing there, "Hyung, did you need something?"

Jiyong refused to speak. He glanced at the television screen and noticed that the show he wanted to watch was already starting. Seungri had been waiting for the same show to start.

It surprised him and he wished he didn't have something in common with the younger boy. But instead of fighting it, he decided to sit on the opposite end of the couch and watch as well. He ignored Seungri's shocked expression. The maknae pushed the snacks and soft drinks toward him as an offering, he ignored them as well.

When the episode ended, Jiyong simply stood and walked back to his room, uncertain of how he felt about the what had transpired.

-

Jiyong watched as Seungri spoke with Daesung, the two going over a few of their new moves. The maknae was focused, taking the time to break down each motion for Daesung, who they all knew needed a little extra time to get the steps down.

The leader, not knowing what possessed him to do it, got up from his place on the floor and approached the two younger boys. The two immediately quieted, their eyes wide and fixated on him, as if he was going to scold them simply because he was walking toward them.

Youngbae's voice was in his head again: You're giving him too hard of a time.

Jiyong looked back and forth between the two younger boys for a moment before fixing his gaze on Seungri. He gave the maknae a nod and asked, "What time is it on today?"

He would never forget the absolute shock and then pure excitement that graced Seungri's features.

-

Present

It's time to stop crying. Jiyong was upset with himself, knowing that he could be doing far more than just sitting there, dwelling on the hypothetical. Yet, as much as he wanted to stop moping, to stop feeling the unbearable sadness that weighed heavy on him, he couldn't get the feelings to retreat.

There were so many things he still wanted to do with Seungri. They had promised each other they would do a multitude of things, but now the chance was getting slimmer and slimmer.

Jiyong had promised to say all the things he had been meaning to say to Seungri when the younger man first told them of his diagnosis. But now he was afraid of putting it out there with the state the maknae was in.

What can I say now? he asked himself, trying to bury the dread that kept creeping up.

With the future so uncertain, he wondered how he could possibly be strong.

-

Note: Ah, so sorry for the long delay! Life got busy! As always, thank you for reading and commenting. I hope you enjoy!