Chapter Fifteen:

Present

"Our hyungs are, sometimes, some of the dumbest people I've ever met," Daesung said, trying to keep the smile on his face. They had seen the photos of the two fighting in the parking lot and entertainment venues were all over it, speculating as to why they were at each others' throats.

Now that the incident had had time to pass, Daesung felt he could, at least, joke about it a little.

"It's my fault," Seungri's hand reached for the older man's, grasping it tight. Though he was speaking, his eyes were fixed out the window, a sight that Daesung was all to familiar with when he visited.

"YG even called our hyungs into the office and gave them both a scolding. Just like the old days." There was a long moment of silence and Daesung could feel the maknae's hand in his, tightening and loosening, as if hesitating, pondering what his next move would be. He could feel the anxiety radiating off the younger man. He tried again, his voice light, "I was actually surprised when you called me. I thought you needed some space since we couldn't come see you."

He was about to keep going, knowing that any sound was better than the suffocating silence slowly closing in on them, but then Seungri spoke, "Hyung, do you pray for me?"

"Every day," the older man answered honestly, surprised by the question, "Every single day."

"You shouldn't."

Those words caused a sharp pain in Daesung's chest, "Seungri."

"I'm not getting better," the maknae's eyes were trained on him in that moment, sad, but calm.

"Don't say that."

"The doctors are saying that."

In that moment, it felt as if his world was about to collapse in on him. His grip on Seungri's hand tightened, "What're you talking about?"

"The chemo. The radiation. They're not working."

"But you were improving, you--"

"They found more tumors."

-

2014

He hated to admit it, but the performances and interviews were lackluster. Things just weren't the same without Seungri around to liven the mood. Things just weren't the same when their friend, their brother wasn't with them.

But despite how they felt, Daesung knew that they still had to keep to their schedule and perform the shows they had coming up. There was no room for dispute in the matter as they were shuttled from one location to another.

The energy was terrible from the moment they started. The questions of every interview seemed dry, uninteresting. No one wanted to joke, but they forced themselves to try. The situation really hit them when the interview question "What has been the highlight of the year so far?" was asked.

Youngbae, more confronted by emotion than the rest, was the first to answer, "It hasn't happened yet. Not yet."

And they all understood what he meant.

It was an exhausting charade, but no matter what, Daesung would take a moment each night, after their performances, before bed, to send up a prayer and he knew the others were doing the same.

-

"Hyung!" Seungri greeted him with a smile.

"Hey," Daesung gave a smile of his own as he pulled the younger man into a hug before placing the small vase of flowers on the bedside table. It had been a few days since the maknae had fainted during their practice and it was good to see that Seungri was in good spirits. "Youngbae said he smacked you pretty good when he came to see you."

The younger man laughed, "Yeah. I think I still have a lump on the back of my head."

"It's cause you deserved it," Daesung rolled his eyes, pulling up a seat, "How're you? Really."

"Alright," the maknae answered with a shrug, "They said I should start to see improvement now that my fever's gone, but they still want to keep me for further observation."

"You should've listened the first time when they said you were leaving too soon."

"When have I ever been good at listening?"

"Good point," Daesung giggled, unable to help himself.

"Hyung?"

The older man's smile wavered, the tone of Seungri's voice was so serious, "Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Praying for me."

He couldn't help but shake his head. The maknae knew him far to well. Daesung pulled the younger man into a hug, holding him tight for a moment, "I'll always pray for you."

-

Present

Daesung tried to catch his breath, his eyes squeezed shut, fingers tangled in his hair. He tried to count to ten, slowly, hoping it would make the terrible ache in his chest go away. Yet, no matter how many times to counted to ten, he couldn't stop the dull pain and heavy weight pressing on his chest, forcing all breath out of him.

"There's nothing else they can do."

Seungri's voice echoed in his head, confirming all of the worst fears that he'd had since the day they were informed of the diagnosis.

He tried to remember to breathe the way his psychologist had taught him when he first started his therapy.

Inhale deep.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Exhale slow.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

But his heart still raced, fluttering in his ribcage like a trapped canary. No matter what he did, the reality of the situation was in front of him, plain as day.

He wanted to scream.

-

2015

There were days when Daesung would catch Seungri talking on the phone, away from the others. Sometimes, because as the pattern repeated itself, he would get overly curious and try to listen in on the conversation. Often, he couldn't hear anything, but he would catch the tone and it was enough for him to realize that these phone calls were a heated affair of rising and lowering of voices.

After these calls, Seungri would have a strange air about him, as if that one conversation had drained him of his energy. It wasn't very noticeable, just an interesting change in his energy levels, which made Daesung think of all sorts of things that could have happened on the phone.

Was Seungri dating someone? Were they arguing?

Were the calls for financial matters? Was one of his managers doing something wrong?

He knew he shouldn't pry, but he knew that if no one asked, the younger man would simply bottle everything up. So, he made the choice he thought was best and approached the maknae when the others weren't around.

"Hey, has everything been alright?" he asked, taking a seat next to the younger man, who was focused on his phone.

"Hm?" the blonde looked up questioningly.

"You've been on some heated phone calls recently."

Seungri's eyes went wide with surprise and his face reddened, "What did you hear?"

"Nothing, nothing," the older man put his hands up, trying to calm the younger man, uncertain how to react to the reaction he was being given, "It's just... sometimes, I can hear the tone of your voice and it doesn't sound like you're having a pleasant conversation."

The younger man squeezed his eyes shut and raked a hand through his hair, looking embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. Daesung reached out a hand, placing it comfortingly on the maknae's shoulder, surprising even himself when Seungri didn't pull away from the gesture.

"Are you going to be okay?" the older man asked.

"Yeah," Seungri answered with a tight lipped smile, "I just need to sort a few things out."

"Anything I can do?"

"Not really."

"You know I'm always there if you need to talk, right?"

"Of course."

-

Present

Daesung wanted to say something about what he had learned.

He wanted to tell someone. He wanted someone else to know what he was feeling. But he knew there was a reason why Seungri called him first.

He was known to be the best at keeping secrets within the group. Normally, he wouldn't mind, but the weight of the revelation was weighing heavy on him, far heavier than anything else that had been told to him.

Seungri was dying.

Are you listening? Daesung wondered, his hands clasped together so tight his fingers were starting to go numb. Have you heard me at all?

Seungri was dying and he could feel his faith shattering.

-

Note: Hello everyone! Sorry I've been gone for so long! I'm back to writing and hoping to update more often as well as publish more stories as I get back more free time. Please enjoy and comment! As always, I appreciate the time you give me by reading and/or commenting!