Chapter Ten:

Present

"Hey," Seunghyun's voice was a whisper as he took a seat at Seungri's bedside.

The younger man gave a weak smile, turning his body on the bed to get in a more comfortable position. The older man quickly reached out and helped the maknae reposition onto his side.

"You okay?" Seunghyun asked.

"Mmm," Seungri nodded, his tired eyes barely able to focus. His voice was faint, a low rasp, "Exhausted."

"Maybe if you actually rested, you wouldn't be so worn-out," the older man teased.

That made the younger man laugh, pressing his face into his pillow, "Silly, hyung."

Seunghyun reached for Seungri's hand, holding it in his. He tried to not focus on how thin those fingers felt in his palm, how absolutely frail, "I'm sorry I haven't been around much."

"It's okay. I know you're busy."

"It's not that, Seungri."

"Hm?"

"I was afraid."

"Of me?"

"No, never of you."

"I'm too cute, right?"

The older man let out a laugh, "I'm trying to be serious!"

"Everyone's too serious," Seungri said, trying to stifle a yawn at the same time. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before looking up at the other man, "Smile."

"I can't not smile when I'm around you," Seunghyun replied, reaching out to place his hand on the younger man's head. For a moment he hesitated, his fingertips brushing against the soft material of the maknae's hat. Gently, he lowered his hand, affectionaly petting the other man as he always did before. He heard Seungri sigh contently.

"Feels nice."

"Take a nap, Ri."

"You'll be bored."

"Don't worry. Just close your eyes," Seunghyun pulled his chair in as close to the bed as he could, leaning his elbows against the mattress, "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

-

Seunghyun raised his head when he heard the door open. A wide eyed Daesung was staring at him, looking like he wanted to say something. The older man slowly raised a finger to his lips, glancing at Seungri to be sure the younger man was still sleeping. Gently, he withdrew his hand from the maknae's grasp and quietly stepped out of the room, motioning for Daesung to follow him into the hall.

"You're here," the younger man said, blinking in disbelief.

"Don't act so surprised," Seunghyun retorted with a huff.

But then Daesung was smiling, throwing his arms around the taller man, "I'm so glad you're here."

"Daesung!" the older man exclaimed, bracing himself against the wall, feeling himself nearly thrown off balance by the other man.

"It's just good to see you, hyung," the younger man said, squeezing tight for a moment before letting go.

"It's good to see you too."

"What've you been doing?"

"Keeping busy and reflecting."

"Reflecting on what?"

"How childish I've been acting."

-

Two Days Ago

Seunghyun wasn't one to leave home unless he had a schedule to keep. He finally had time to himself and knew he should be taking the chance to catch up on errands. He knew he should be getting his leaky sink fixed. His luggage still needed to be sorted.

He still needed to see Seungri.

The guilt of not having seen the maknae in weeks caused his chest to tighten. He had been hiding behind his fear, knowing that the next time he saw his friend, his brother, he was going to see someone he may not be able to recognize. But that excuse could only last for so long.

He tried to distract himself, catching up on the latest dramas he'd been meaning to watch. Listening to music to gather inspiration for new songs. He even tried flipping through a few unread books, but all he could do was stare at the lines of text, unable to take them in as his mind kept pulling him away to another place.

He practically jumped in his seat when his phone vibrated loudly on the table next to him.

Youngbae was calling him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the dismiss button, not wanting to hear another one of his friends lecturing him. Everyone's called him. Everyone but Seungri. A part of him was thankful as he was sure if he heard the younger man's voice he would immediately go running. But a part of him felt the ever tightening coil of guilt squeeze at his chest.

Seungri was being considerate and that filled Seunghyun with shame because he couldn't even force himself to see his ailing friend.

The phone buzzed, signaling a missed call. It buzzed a second time several moments later, telling him that Youngbae left a message.

Now or later? he wondered with a sigh as he picked up his phone and stared at the screen. He didn't know how much time passed before he decided it was time to listen and get the whole ordeal over with.

"Seungri's in the hospital."

-

Present

Seunghyun kept glancing back into the room, carefully watching in case Seungri woke.

"What's the matter?" Daesung asked, looking in through the small window in the door as well.

"Nothing," the older man raked a hand through his hair, not knowing what to do. He suddenly felt awkward, "I said I'd be there when he wakes up..."

"Ah," the younger man nodded, giving the room another glance, "Want some coffee?"

Seunghyun smiled, relieved that he didn't have to keep staying in the hall, "That'd be great."

"Get in there. I'll be right back."

Seunghyun watched after Daesung's retreating back until the younger man turned a corner and disappeared. It was lucky that his dongsaeng was so understanding. It was more than he could have asked for, especially considering how he had been acting for the past several weeks.

He stepped back into Seungri's room and took his place in the chair by the bed, gently slipping his hand back into the younger man's. The maknae, though still asleep, instinctively grasped the older man's hand and Seunghyun couldn't help but smile. He leaned down closer, placing his free arm on the bed so he could lay his head down comfortably.

From his position, he watched Seungri sleep. The younger man's long eyelashes were a stark contrast against his pale face. Seungri looked so innocent, child-like, when he was sleeping, oblivious to all the world. It made Seunghyun feel guilty all over again for not being there for his teammate.

"I promise, I won't abandon you ever again," Seunghyun whispered, his voice filled with determination, "I promise, I won't run away again. I'll never run from you."

-

 One Day Ago

Go see him! Seunghyun's mind was shouting at him, but his body refused to move. It was as if two halves of him were fighting with one another. One badly wanting him to leave his home and go see his ill friend. The other wanted nothing more than to hide and pretend that everything around him wasn't happening.

He could already see Seungri's face, ready with a smile like always, just waiting for him to show up. But the image he had in his head wasn't reality. Seungri was no longer the blonde haired, hyper active, energizer bunny of a maknae . The Seungri who waited for him was a different person.

Don't think that! He pressed his hands to his face, trying to suppress the terrible thoughts, the terrible way he was picturing the younger man. But the images invaded, crowding his brain with Seungri wearing clothes far too big, features drawn and sunken. Flashes of the younger man lying unmoving in a hospital bed, machines beeping, blaring so loud he could hardly hear.

"Stop!" he cried out to his empty room.

He was gasping for breath, trembling so badly his knees went weak. His heart was racing so fast he could hear his blood rushing, pounding in his ears.

As much as those horrifying thoughts of Seungri pushed to the forefront of his mind, another picture was strongly pushing forth as well. Their maknae, laughing, smiling, full of life, waiting for him to visit.

Jiyong's words haunted him, "What does he have to do, Seunghyun? Die?"

Those questions caused a sharp pain to bloom over his chest, knocking him breathless. I can't wait that long. I'd never forgive myself.

He mentally slapped himself, the fog of fear slowly clearing from his mind.

Seungri would never forgive me.

-

Present

Seunghyun was just about to turn to Daesung to say they should probably leave when he heard a quiet groan. He turned to see Seungri stirring. From out of his peripheral vision, he saw Daesung approaching, stepping closer to the foot of the bed.

"Hyung," Seungri gave a lopsided smile, blinking several times, "You're here."

Seunghyun smiled, "I said I would be."

"It's been a while," the maknae said, rubbing his eyes.

"I've been here since you fell asleep, Seungri," Seunghyun said with a laugh, uncertain where the youngest was heading with those words.

Seungri frowned, blinking tiredly a couple more times, "No... You haven't seen me in a while."

Seunghyun's smile fell as he gave a concerned glance over at Daesung, who was already backing out of the room, signaling he was going to get a doctor.

"Ri, what do you remember from this morning?"

"What are you talking about? I've been sleeping this whole time," the maknae's brows were furrowed in puzzlement as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position.

The older man's eyes searched Seungri's features, trying to find that telltale sign that it was all a stupid joke, just one of the younger man's awful pranks. He tried to look for that quirk, that lift of the lips that would slowly change into the maknae's signature grin, but he couldn't find it.

"You don't remember," Seunghyun breathed.