Chapter One:

Present

"Your roots are growing out."

"Hm?"

"I said your roots are growing out," Jiyong ran a hand through blonde hair, fingertips lingering over the areas where deep black hair made their presence known.

"Mmm," Seungri answered, his voice a low hum, "The color's hard to maintain."

"I told you it would be. Didn't I?"

"I'm a terrible listener, remember?"

The leader laughed lightly, his fingers still threading through soft locks. When he was met with a snag, he tried to detangle it, but with just a gentle tug, several strands of hair came loose in his hand.

"Seungri."

"Hm?"

"I think your hair's falling out."

The younger man nodded ever so slightly, as if he were only partially acknowledging what was said, "It's been doing that lately."

"Lately?" Jiyong asked, feeling his heart rate climb as his level of concern grew.

"Just the past few days," Seungri said.

Silence filled the room. Jiyong wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't come.

Finally, the younger man spoke, "I'm thinking about getting rid of it all."

The older man wrapped his arms around his maknae's shoulders, letting out a shuddering breath at the thought, "Not yet, okay? Just, not yet."

"Okay."

-

2012

"Hyung, stop!" Seungri protested, trying to bat Jiyong's hands away from his hair, "I just fixed it!"

"I can't help it, it's so short and cute," the leader said, tussling what hair he could.

The maknae rolled his eyes, "Leave it alone! I want it to look good when we perform."

"Fine," Jiyong gave the younger man a playful shove before sitting down on one end of the sofa in the dressing room.

He watched as Seungri fixed his hair, ever obsessive about the way it laid. The leader almost laughed, placing a hand over his mouth as he focused on the way his teammate fretted, like he always did even though there wasn't much to work with. Even when they were younger, the boy would spend an inordinate amount of time smoothing down his sideburns. He was so proud of his hair when he could get it just right.

It really was a shame that they had to cut Seungri's hair so short for their new concept. The maknae had pouted so much they almost didn't go through with the change. The leader found it harder to contain himself as he remembered the way his teammate had squeezed his eyes shut as his hair was being trimmed.

"What's so funny?" the younger man asked, eyeing the leader through the mirror.

"Nothing," Jiyong answered with a wave of his hand, "Nothing at all."

Seungri sighed, a defeated sound, "What ever you say."

-

Present

Jiyong laid in bed, unable to sleep. He kept closing his eyes, willing his body to allow him to drift off, but his mind would not stop racing. Frustrated, he kicked off the covers with a grunt. He sat up, running a hand through his hair. He froze when he felt his own health locks between his fingers.

He thought back to Seungri and how easily the younger man's hair just came loose in his grasp. It was as if his body were slowly letting go of pieces of him.

No. Jiyong scolded himself. You can't think like that. You can't think of that.

He picked up his phone, unable to stand the silence of his home any longer. He looked through his contacts for a moment before allowing it to dial. Placing the phone to his ear, he listened and waited.

"Hello?" a groggy voice greeted from the other end.

"Bae?"

"Ji?"

"Did I wake you?"

"Just a little."

"I'm sorry."

A clearing of the throat, "No, what's up?"

"I don't know. I just needed to talk to someone. Hear someone's voice aside from my own."

"You mean you're thinking about Seungri and don't know what else to do. Am I right?"

The leader breathed, discomfort welling up in his chest, "His hair's falling out."

"What?"

"I barely touched him, Bae," the tears started to well up in his eyes and he couldn't stop them from falling as he continued to speak. His voice wavered, shaking, "It was just coming out. Like it was dissolving in my hands."

"It's just the treatment," Youngbae said, but there was no conviction in his voice, "We have to wait and see what happens."

The line stayed silent for a long time as Jiyong tried to contain himself. He told himself he would try to not cry, but every passing week, each passing day, every single hour was full of distress and anxiety. It weighed heavy on his heart and he couldn't keep it pent up inside as he had resolved to.

"Jiyong, do you want company?"

"Yes. Please."

-

2013

"Seungri, you're looking more handsome these days," Jiyong exclaimed over the phone. He had been watching a broadcast of the maknae's solo performance and couldn't help but notice that their youngest was becoming more developed. Familiar laughter on the other line greeted him. The leader couldn't help but to laugh as well. Seungri's laughter had always been contagious, even when he wasn't there in person. "When did you get so good looking, maknae?"

"I don't know. Your looks must have rubbed off on me over all these years!"

"And your hair! It's grown out so much!"

"Do you like it, hyung?"

"It makes you look very cute."

"I worked very hard to make it look this way."

"There's always room for improvement though."

Seungri groaned. His voice went up in pitch as he whined, "Oppa! Why couldn't you let me have this moment?"

Jiyong could only laugh.

-

Present

He threw his pillow across the room, a hot ball of anger building in his stomach. It's not fair! He wanted to kick and scream, smash the things all around him, but he couldn't bring himself to. He knew eventually it would boil over, but he had to keep composed. He had to be the leader.

He had to be the leader.

He had to stay strong.

He buried his face in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he tried to control his breathing.

He was the leader.

He would be strong.

Jiyong inhaled deeply before opening his eyes. He took stock if his room before getting up to start cleaning. Youngbea would be by soon and tidying up would keep his mind occupied for the time being.

I will be strong.

-

Note: Thank you for reading so far!