My fingers trembled upon facing the reveal of the case, upon evaluation I probably should have made Suki tell me exactly what she placed in my cases. Just imagining the wide range of colour in my bag almost makes me feel like I should spontaneously combust.

I look towards the bathroom the door, making sure that I had locked myself in. I didn’t want Chanyeol seeing me until I had died at least a few times over my swimsuit, with that thought I began unconsciously trying to the case with juddering hands which proved to be rather difficult.

As If it was something of a time bomb my eyes flickered down in panic, I was instantly attacked with a range of pastel colours, blue, pink, orange – I might have even spotted a mint green amongst the mess. I felt my lip twitch as I gingerly sifted through the contents.

Lace, lace and even more lace. I felt my eyes narrow in some form of hatred, in this moment I wished Suki to hell. Why would she think I would even wear this? Let alone even consider purchasing it myself. I’m not ‘adventurous’ enough to place a skimpy outfit like this on my body.

Or am I?

I contemplated the sudden question I brought to myself as I held a wispy blue piece of lingerie in my arms; could I ever fit into an outfit literally made of the thinnest fabric on earth? Just as I began to peer at the size I heard tapping echoing from the door of the bathroom.

Instinctively the lingerie was shoved back into its place and the case was kicked under the bath in hopes to be forgotten.

“Haru, Are you ready?” Before I had even begun to answer I saw the bathrooms handle turn down in an attempt of entry.

“Hey hey, be patient!” I yelled as I dragged the other case towards me “I’ll be out in a second I’m just trying to find something to wear”

“No pressure” I heard him softly mutter “I’ll wait for you”

I tried not to be distracted by the thought of him shirtless behind the door as I heedfully emptied the contents onto the marble floor, as soon as my fingers brushed across nylon I swiped it into my grasp and began unchanging without a second thought.

I stopped myself as I tied the last tie in the top half of the bikini; I looked towards the mirror and felt a wave of nausea take over me. The image of a beautiful camellia kissed bikini seemed to be utterly destroyed by the scars that dragged across my body; I wasn’t sure what this feeling was.

I felt numb as if I wanted to dive a knife through each of the scars. I felt ashamed to show myself in this way, I scowl as I touch the foreign woman in the mirror. The shade of pink oddly complimented her body that had never been blessed with any colour other than black, yet she looked so horrified at the sight of herself.

As the word monster echoed into the forefront of my mind the glass splintered, fractalising the reflection into disjointed proportions. My fist ached against the glass as a strand of blood trickled down into the sink; I closed my eyes and withdrew my hand, gently flexing my now raw knuckles.

Keeping my vision oblivious to reality I put my clothes back on, my arm slowly snared around my stomach as I began to feel hatred for myself, why do I have to look like this?

I only allowed my eyes to open when I was sure there were no more reflective surfaces, I slid the lock from its hinge and gently opened the door, I looked towards Chanyeol who leaned against the wall.

“What took-“The smile he had been wearing sank as he looked towards my hand, of course, he would be able to smell my blood, even from a mile away “What happened?” He asks seriously as he attempts to take my injured palm.

“Don’t!” I warn as I recoil my hand “You wanted to swim didn’t you?” I ask rhetorically, evading his question as I head towards the front of the house.

“I want to know what the hell you did,” He asks as his eyes flicker towards the bathroom, I ignored his probing as I took a detour into the kitchen to wash the back of my hand.

I knew he was looking in the bathroom as I washed the shards of mirror out of my palm, I could almost hear a small sigh escape him as he sees the mirror, I turned off the water and looked into the sink for a moment.

I watched as the red water slithered into the drain, no emotion of regret seemed to filter through.

His vast, solacing hands swiftly placed