He had no idea if the cold shivers down his spine were because of the freezing weather of because the images from last night still tormented his mind. His fingers clenched on his thick arm, even if it stopped bleeding long ago. He felt no pain, just the icy wind stinging on every little piece of his body. He rolled his eyes just as much as he needed to get a glimpse at Daesung, who laid on the ground, arms wide stretched. He looked like he was asleep but he wasn’t; his senses were tensed to the max, but he didn’t had the courage to open up his eyes. He knew that somewhere next to him there must be his wounded friend, too afraid to even move. The ruthless wind whipped his face, but he still didn’t dare to change his stance; actually he saw this as a too low punishment for what he did last night. He knew what he did was unthinkable, but he had no idea why he did it, nor how to prevent it from happening again. Suddenly he jumped up when the puny dried leafs started smashing under someone’s feet.

Taeyang finally found the strength to get up.

“YoungBae-ah!” Daesung said in a breath.

Because he didn’t saw this coming, Taeyang startled, falling back down on the rusty ground making the leafs swishing every which way. Daesung stretched out his helping hand, but his friend misread the gesture and he shuffled back terrified.

“YoungBae…” Daesung barely whispered, stepping slowly, once at a time.

“Please… Please Daesung-Ah… not today… Just leave me alone!...” Taeyang begged when his back reached a thick tree.

Taeyang wasn’t the cowardly type, in fact all of the opposite! Every time he proved to be the ‘heart of a lion’ in so many occasions, but today… today he was mind blown; he couldn’t count on his feelings anymore, not even on his words. He needed a time to understand the feeling he had to fear Daesung even though something even stronger made him think he had to help Daesung. He clearly refused to believe that his friend tried to kill him. He knew there must’ve been logic somewhere, but he wasn’t able to see it just yet.

Daesung stared at him for a bit, while the guilt curled against him like an insidious snake, covering up his conscience up to the level of pain. He couldn’t forgive himself either although he knew it wasn’t totally his fault, but he also knew he wouldn’t survive to a similar episode. He’d rather kill himself than to hurt one of his friends ever again. And what was even worst… this was the second time he hurt one of them.

“I’m going to leave town…” he said in a shaking voice and turned away.