CHAPTER XXXVIII

A RISKY GAMBLE

Tiffany woke up that Monday morning with a light body. She didn’t feel strained or exhausted or stressed out like these past couple of months. She just felt “normal.” The crescent eyed girl took a deep breath and felt funny that now she didn’t mind breathing in that cold, humid and damp air in her shared bedroom. The black haired American girl glanced at the small window across her bed and saw the sunlight seeped in through the thin and ragged whitish curtain. She took another deep breath and thought to herself that today might be the last day she stayed in that room. Yes, today was the day she was supposed to meet with her new American best friend, to talk about transferring to her agency. And by how excited Jessi sounded when she picked up her call last night, she knew the whole switching agencies process had gone along nicely.

And it did. Jessi ended the phone call by telling her to bring a good pen and her functioning right hand to sign her new contract. So Tiffany got out of bed and walked outside to the small and messy living room. She took the time to stand in the middle of the cluttered room for the last time. She smiled when she noticed how messy the room was; filled with her stuffs, and Taeyeon’s and her other two roommates. She thought how funny it was that their stuffs were the only thing that were getting along with each other, while their owners, Yujin and Jihye, didn’t even want to be in the same room as her and the slanted eyed girl. But she didn’t care about that now that she was about to move out. Once she had signed the new contract, surely she would have to move out from her dorm and stay in YMC’s dorm. Maybe even share a room with Jessica Ho. The two stubborn girls were going to be Taeyeon’s problem from now on; and although she felt a little bad for the short girl, she couldn’t help but feel a burden had been taken off of her shoulders.

The crescent eyed girl then took light steps to the bathroom, to prepare for school. And while she was showering she wondered why there was no more hesitation and fear inside of her now that she was about to sign her new contract. Before her mind was filled with doubt and hesitation about switching agencies, and fear of losing everything she had just gained in Korea. Fear of losing her Jessie. But this morning she woke up with a light mind and body, and now she felt more convinced that her decision to leave SME was the right decision. Not only for her, but for the blonde girl as well.

The black haired American girl arrived in front of her school and took a moment to look at the tall office-like building and the students that slowly filled the building. And although it might be the last time she’d be studying at that place, once again she smiled and felt another burden lifted off her shoulders. And with light and determined steps she entered her school for the last time.

“Heya, Tiff!” Chloe, who was sitting in the crescent eyed girl’s seat, cheerfully greeted her as she walked into her classroom.

“What’s up?” Lily who was sitting right next to the Texan girl, in Jessica’s seat, smiled widely.

“Nothing much.” Tiffany smiled and put her sport bag on top of her desk. “What’s up?”

“Same here,” Chloe smiled widely as she stood up to let Tiffany sit. “We’re just appreciating this lovely Monday morning.”

“You sound like an old lady…” The crescent eyed girl said, and the three close friends laughed.

They chatted a while about their weekends as the classroom slowly being filled with students and their chatters before the first bell rang and Chloe and Lily decided to go back to their seats in front of the class. And as the teacher stepped inside the room and the students grew quiet, Tiffany glanced to her left and found that the blue eyed girl was absent, yet again. Jessie had been skipping school more often these days, but Tiffany felt like it was not her business anymore to ask her what was going on. And secretly she was thanking God that the blonde was absent today, as it would make it easier for her not to say goodbye. Not that she planned to; in fact, she wasn’t going to tell anyone that she was going to stop going to school. Not Jessica, not Chloe, and not Lily, and especially not Richard and his gangs that had been staring at her with their stupid smiles these last fifteen minutes.

Tiffany had made up her mind to switch schools too. Even though she hadn’t seen what her new contract would be like, she had decided to beg YMC to allow her to switch to a new school, one that didn’t have Jessica Jung in its student body. And she was sure that her new company would at least grant her only wish, when they see how pretty and convincing her sad puppy eyes she had been practicing for a while now.

Park Eunyoung cleared and passed some papers to the students and the classroom quickly filled with gasps of desperation when they knew what the papers were. The female teacher in her late thirties had given them a wonderful gift to start their week, in the form of a surprise quiz. Tiffany was about to join her fellow classmates and protest about it, but then she sat back and smiled at the piece of paper in her hands. A surprise quiz wouldn’t matter to her right now.

“I want to go to the Karaoke.” Lily said suddenly when they were having their lunch in the cafeteria.

“What brought the idea?” Chloe asked her Thailand friend.

“I’m feeling depressed all of a sudden because of that stupid surprise quiz Eunyoung unnie gave us…” Lily said as she sank her fork deep into her omelet.

“And here I thought you were appreciating how lovely this morning was.” Tiffany decided to friend.

“Oh, you look quite content with yourself, LA,” Chloe said playfully. “Did you think you aced the quiz?”

“I don’t have to,” The crescent eyed girl said cheerfully, but felt a little odd that Chloe had just called her by the nickname Jessie gave her. “I’m just glad it’s all over now.”

“Now that’s the kind of attitude you need to have, Lil!” The Texan girl laughed as she patted Lily’s back. “Stay positive!”

“Ugh, I can’t,” Lily let out a deep sigh. “I think I only answered two of them correctly…”

“Two?” The Texan girl gasped. “But we had thirty questions!”

“Tell me about it,” The Thailand girl pouted. “Now you see why I’m so depressed?”

“I need to let out all of my depression in the Karaoke room…”

“You mean scream and curse Eunyoung unnie?” Chloe giggled.

“That’s exactly what I mean.” Lily smiled evilly.

“Well; I’m in.” The Texan girl giggled. “I can’t just let Lily go nuts in some Karaoke room alone.”

“You coming with, Tiff?”

“I can’t,” The crescent eyed girl smiled sadly. “I got training after school…”

“Oh, right!” Chloe quickly said when she realized Tiffany was a trainee for SM. “Sorry!”

“That’s okay,” Tiffany tried to sound cheerful. “You guys go and enjoy yourselves.”

“Oh, you bet your we will.” Lily said and the three of them laughed.

“Hey; why don’t we go as replacements for Tiffany?” Richard suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind Chloe.

“Where did you-Never mind…” The Texan looked surprised but quickly regained herself. “And the answer is no, Richard.”

“We’ll be fine with just the two of us…”

“Oh, come on!” Dean joined in their conversation. “The more the merrier, right?”

“Yeah; and besides…” The Chinese boy smiled as he put his hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “We can be your escorts and hold off all the boys who are going to flirt with you.”

“Ugh, no thanks,” Lily quickly said. “We’re going to the Karaoke; not the night club…”

“Yeah, and besides,” Chloe added in confident as she slapped Richard's hand off of her shoulder. “We can take care of ourselves.”

“Do you remember when you made fun of Tiffany’s mom and I punched your jaw straight to the floor?”

“Yeah, you remember that, Richie?” The Thailand girl playfully teased the boy.

“Whoa, chill girls…” Richard laughed awkwardly and he raised his hands. “I remember I apologized for my stupid behavior…”

“And I was just asking if we can come with you…”

“No; I know,” The Texan girl looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, Richard…”

“Maybe next time, okay?”

“Okay, then.” The Chinese boy smiled and raised his thumb and then left with his friends. “I’ll hold on to that promise, Chloe!”

“Ugh, can’t he make it any more obvious?” Lily said as she watched the boys left the cafeteria.

“What?” Chloe asked.

“He’s been trying to ask you out on a date since like, forever!” The Thailand girl exclaimed. “Why don’t you just go ahead and try to go out with him?”

“Ew, that’s gross!” The Texan girl squealed and both girls laughed.

Meanwhile Tiffany noticed something was odd. Didn’t Richard have an obvious crush on Jessica? Why did the girls say it was Chloe? And there was something off even before that; Tiffany was very sure that it was Jessica who defended her mom and punched Richard in his jaw; not Chloe. And Chloe and Lily were there when it happened, and it was impossible for them to remember the scene wrong since it happened not too long ago. But why would the freckled girl take all the credit for the blonde girl? And why didn’t Richard correct her? Surely he knew the girl who beat him wasn’t Chloe, so why would he play along?

Something was odd.

“Tiff, come on.” Tiffany’s mind was distracted by the Texan girl’s voice. “The bell already rang.”

“Oh! Oka—“ But before the crescent eyed girl could reply, Chloe grabbed her hand and took her to their classroom.

The black haired American girl stared at their joined hands and felt a little odd. Chloe had never grabbed her hand before; the only one who could do that was her Jessie. But why did it look like Chloe was used to hold her hand? Why did she look so natural when she took her hand? Something was wrong, but she couldn’t tell what.

And when the crescent eyed girl was sitting in the bus which would take her to the SM training building, another odd thing happened. Her cell phone rang and she noticed she had received a text message. She opened it and found that Chloe was the one who sent her the text.

How’re you doing, LA? :) I’m sorry you’re not coming with us; we could’ve have fun together! ;)

Well, I guess it’s just how it is being the only SM trainee in school… Fighting! :)

Tiffany scrunched her eyebrows when she read it. Why did Chloe mention she was the only SM trainee in school? Did she forget about Jessica, or did she purposely left her out? Something in her was telling her there was something more odd about the whole situation, and she decided to text her Texan friend back.

It’s okay, you guys have fun! :) And you know I’m not the only SM trainee in school, Chloe. :)

The reply came almost too soon. What are you talking about, Tiff? You’re the only SM trainee I know in school. Stop daydreaming already!

PS. Although I think you look so cute when you daydream… ;)

Something was definitely odd, but before Tiffany could ask Chloe to stop joking or whatever it was she was doing, and explain herself, the bus had arrived at her stop, and the black haired American girl had to rush before she missed it.

As soon as the crescent eyed girl changed into her trainee clothes, which was a casual white T-shirt and a pair of pink short pants, she headed into her first class and sat in the corner of the room with her cell phone in hand. But before she could reply to Chloe’s text message, Taeyeon stepped into the room and rushed towards her.

“Pany-ah,” The slanted eyed girl sounded serious. “We need to talk.”

“Oh, what’s up, Tae?” The black haired American girl greeted her casually and put her cell away for a while.

“W-Well…” Taeyeon looked puzzled by Tiffany’s casual tone, but then decided to tell her what was on her mind. “C-Can we talk somewhere else?”

“Sure!” The crescent eyed girl said as she quickly stood up, feeling that her Jeonju best friend had something important to tell her. “Lead the way.”

And so Taeyeon took Tiffany to the staircases of the emergency exit. Once they were there and there was no one else around, the black haired American girl could tell something was wrong with Taeyeon, as the short girl kept staring at the floor and playing with her fingers.

“So…” The crescent eyed girl decided to start. “Something on your mind, Taeyeon?”

“Huh-Oh…” The slanted eyed girl looked surprised and startled. “Y-Yeah…”

“L-Look,” Taeyeon finally said after she took a deep breath. “I-I know we’re not on the best of terms these couple of months…”

“We are?” Tiffany was genuinely surprised, as she didn’t recall them having a fight or anything.

“L-Look,” The slanted eyed girl continued, although her face looked surprised by Tiffany’s comment. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry…”

“If I did something wrong to you; I’m sorry.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong.” The crescent eyed girl was confused. She couldn’t remember what Taeyeon did or say to her that deserves an apology.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” Taeyeon stared at her American best friend. “Why did you stop talking to me?”

“Wha-But I’m not avoiding you…”

“Oh, enough with this, Tiffany!” The slanted eyed girl looked upset and she grabbed Tiffany’s shoulders. “Just tell me what I did wrong to you!”

“B-But you didn’t do anything to me!” She was getting more confused. “Why are you acting so strange?”

“Wha-Me?” Taeyeon looked like she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. “I’m acting strange?”

“You’re the one who’s been acting strange!”

“I am?” Tiffany was dumbfounded.

“Yes; you are!” The short girl was shouting now, and her grip on Tiffany’s shoulders tightened. “Ever since Sooyoung’s birthday!”

“S-Sooyoung—“ There was an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

“—Ever since you kissed…” And Taeyeon didn’t continue her words. Instead, she let Tiffany go and took a few steps back and covered with her hands.

“K-Kissed?” Tiffany was so surprised that Taeyeon knew about the kiss.

Did Jessie told her? Her mind said. Why did she tell Taeyeon?

How could she!

Or did Taeyeon followed us that day? Another thought came across her. Did the others follow us too?

Oh, my God! She screamed inside. Who else knew about me kissing Jessica?

“I-Is that what this is all about?” Taeyeon’s trembling words distracted Tiffany from her thoughts.

“W-What?” She could feel her face was getting hot and she took a couple steps back.

“Have you been avoiding me because of that kiss?” The slanted eyed girl somehow regained her confidence and took a couple steps forward.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talk—“ The crescent eyed girl took a few steps back and her back was now against the cold wall.

“—It is, isn’t it!” The short girl looked like she was sure that was the reason, and Tiffany could see her smiling with relief as she kept moving forward.

“T-Tae…” She said uncomfortably when her Jeonju best friend got too close that their faces were only inches apart. “W-What are you—“

“—Silly, Tiff…” The slanted eyed girl whispered as she brushed Tiffany’s bangs aside. “You should’ve told me…”

“T-Told you what?” The crescent eyed girl asked as her hands were trying to gently push Taeyeon away.       

“I didn’t mind; you know…” The short girl said again as she leaned closer that their noses touched.

“T-Taeyeon!” She quickly looked away and closed her eyes, but she couldn’t push her Jeonju best friend away.

“To tell you the truth,” Taeyeon’s whispers on her neck made her shiver. “I feel the same way about you…”

“What do you mean you feel the—“ But before Tiffany could finish asking her what she meant by that, Taeyeon had already planted her lips on Tiffany’s. But the slanted eyed girl’s lips were not Jessica’s, and Tiffany could easily tell the difference. Taeyeon’s lips were just wet and squishy, just like rubbing her lips on a jelly, and the crescent eyed girl felt disgusted by the kiss.

“What are you doing?!” She pushed Taeyeon away with all her strength, causing the short girl to fell to the ground.

“Why did you do that?!” Tiffany shouted as she wiped with her hand.

“B-But I thought…” Taeyeon was still sitting on the floor and her eyes were wide shot. “… But I thought you wanted this…”

“Why would I want you to kiss me?!” She screamed in frustration while she kept wiping , desperate to get rid the feeling of Taeyeon’s lips.

“Because you kissed me first!” The slanted eyed girl shouted back and she quickly stood up.

“W-When did I ever kissed you, Taeyeon?” She almost cried as she was trying to figure out why her best friend and roommate was acting so strange.

“That day!” Meanwhile Taeyeon was already crying, and she too was so confused why Tiffany was acting so strange. “In the rain!”

“You kissed me and then you ran away!”

“And then you wouldn’t talk to me at all!” The slanted eyed girl screamed.

“B-But I didn’t kiss you, Taeyeon…” Tiffany was so confused right now, as she clearly remembered that Jessica was the one she kissed. Jessica was the one she fell in love with. Not the crying slanted eyed girl in front of her. But she couldn’t understand why her Jeonju best friend was acting like she was the one she kissed.

“Stop lying!” The short girl rambled. “You’re the one who kissed me and now you’re going to deny everything?”

“But I didn’t kiss you!” The crescent eyed girl shouted in confusion. “I kissed Jessica!”

“It was Jessie!”

“W-Wait, what?” Taeyeon asked as she wiped her tears away. “Who’s Jessica?”

“What do you mean who is Jessica?” She suddenly got mad that the slanted eyed girl pretended not to know the blonde girl. “It’s Jessica Jung!”

“Jessica Jung?” But the short girl looked like she honestly didn’t know the name.

“Is this a joke?” Tiffany got even madder. “Is this some kind of a sick joke Jessie asked you to pull on me?”

“Is that why she told you about the kiss?”

“P-Pany-ah…”

“This is not funny!” She was so angry that she hit the wall with her hand. “Where is she?”

“Is she watching this?”

“Where is she?!”

“P-Pany-ah,” Taeyeon was so scared to see how angry Tiffany was that the black haired American girl was acting like a mad person. “C-Calm down…”

“Let’s talk about this…”

“Talk?” The crescent eyed girl screamed. “There’s nothing to talk about!”

“This is a stupid, sick joke and I hate you!”

“And you can tell Jessica that I hate her too and I’m leaving this agency!” She screamed as she turned around and was about to run away, but Taeyeon was quicker than her and she grabbed her hand and stopped her.

“B-But Tiffany,” The slanted eyed girl grabbed her hand tightly to prevent her from escaping. “Listen to me!”

“Let me go!” She tried to break free of Taeyeon’s hold.

“Tiffany!”

“I said let me go, Taeyeon!”

“Tiffany!” Taeyeon shouted in desperation. “There is no one here by that name!”

“There’s no Jessica!”

“Enough with your stupid jokes!” She shouted as she swung her free hand and slapped Taeyeon with all her might.

The slanted eyed girl was so shocked that she let go of her hand, and before she could say anything the crescent eyed girl had already ran to the exit door and slammed it shut behind her. Taeyeon stood there with her hand on her cheek, and she could feel it burning. But what hurt her the most was the fact that Tiffany kept saying another girl’s name she was not familiar with.

The black haired American girl ran into the studio while wiping her tears desperately. She was so angry with Taeyeon and Jessica, who she believed was trying to pull some sick joke on her, or maybe they were trying to trick her or something. What angered her the most was she couldn’t believe that Jessica told Taeyeon about their kiss, and now they were playing jokes about it.

Inside the classroom she could see Sooyoung and Hyoyeon bickering amongst themselves as usual, and she rushed to them in her anger.

“Where’s Jessica?” The crescent eyed girl asked them.

“What?” Both girls stopped pinching each other’s cheeks and stared at the angry Tiffany. “Who?”

“Where’s Jessica?” She glared at them and repeated herself.

“Who’s Jessica?” Hyoyeon replied with another question. A question Taeyeon’s asked her before.

“Stop fooling around.” Tiffany was about to lose her patience. “Tell me where she is.”

“But we don’t know anyone by that name,” The tall tanned girl said with a puzzled look on her face. “Are you okay, Tiffany?”

“You tell me where she is right now!” The black haired American girl had finally lost it and she grabbed Sooyoung by her collar and raised her free hand.

“T-Tiffany!” The dancing queen grabbed her hand to stop her from hitting the tall girl. “What are you doing?”

“Let her go; now!”

“I’m not letting her go until you tell me where Jessica is!” The crescent eyed girl looked so adamant.

“It’s okay, Hyo,” Sooyoung said as she stared into Tiffany’s eyes. “Let her do what she wants.”

“Tiffany unnie!” She could hear Seohyun’s voice echoed in that room. “What are you doing?”

“Unnie!” Seo Juhyun ran with all her might to their side and begged the crescent eyed girl. “Let Sooyoung unnie go; please!”

“This doesn’t concern you, Seohyun,” She said without turning her gaze from the tall girl. “Back off.”

“B-But what happened?” The confused youngest girl pleaded. “Why are you guys fighting?”

“Seohyun,” Suddenly Tiffany realized something. “You can’t lie, can you?”

“W-What is it, unnie?” Juhyun carefully asked as she gently tried to pry Tiffany’s hand off of Sooyoung’s collar.

“Where is Jessica?” She asked Seohyun as she smirked at Sooyoung; convinced that her youngest friend would give her the answer that she wanted.

“Who is Jessica?” But the same answer came out from , and Tiffany glared at her in disbelief.

“You told me you wouldn’t lie!” She scolded innocent Juhyun.

“B-But I didn’t lie, unnie!” Seohyun whined as she tried harder to free Sooyoung. “I don’t know anyone with that name…”

“Liar!” But the crescent eyed girl didn’t want to hear it. “And here I thought you wouldn’t want to take part in this sick joke!”

“W-What joke?” Juhyun was crying now. “I don’t understand, unnie!”

“Please, just let Sooyoung unnie go…”

“I don’t know anyone named Jessica!”

Seohyun tears brought her to her senses and she finally let Sooyoung go. Her head was starting to hurt as she tried to figure out what was happening. She then recalled what Chloe said about her being the only SME trainee in her school. And what Chloe said that she was the one who punched Richard and defended her mom. And then there was Taeyeon. Her Jeonju best friend suddenly appeared to her asking for forgiveness when Tiffany was sure she had done nothing to forgive her. And then the slanted eyed girl claimed that she had kissed her, when she was sure that she had kissed Jessica instead. But none of her friends claimed they knew a girl with that name. What happened? Why were they acting like that? And Tiffany could picture Jessica’s beautiful face in her mind.

“Tiffany?” Hyoyeon gently asked her as she put her hand on Tiffany’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“You’ve been acting quite strange...”

“Jessie…” The crescent eyed girl’s eyes were empty as she whispered the name. “You really don’t know Jessica?”

“I want to,” The brunette girl tried to understand what Tiffany was going through. “Who is she?”

“Our friend…” She said weakly as all her strength had left her body and Hyoyeon had to help her sit on the floor. “… A fellow trainee…”

“She has blonde hair and blue eyes…”

“She sounds lovely…” The dancing queen said as she gestured Seohyun to bring some water.

“But you know her…” Her tears escaped from her eyes. “… She’s been the longest trainee here…”

“You’ve been friends with her the longest…”

“The longest trainee here are me and Sooyoung,” Hyoyeon gently tried to explain as Seohyun brought the water, but Tiffany refused to drink it. “And then there’s Yuri, and then Yoona and Seohyun…”

“But you might be confused with the other trainees here,” The brunette girl continued. “Maybe if we ask around we’ll find Jessica…”

“No…” Tiffany shook her head and stood up. “I’ll find her myself...”

“Pany-ah,” Sooyoung stopped her from leaving. “Maybe you should lie down for a while…”

“We’ll find this Jessica once you’ve rested…”

“I’m fine,” She tried to put up a smile. “Thanks, Sooyoung…”

“And I’m sorry…”

“Tiffany; wait!” But the tall girl was too late, as Tiffany had already sprinted out of the classroom with all her strength, leaving her friends behind. They tried to catch up with her, but the crescent eyed girl had already left the building and disappeared into the streets amongst the crowds.

The black haired American girl ran to the bus stop and managed to caught the bus which was just about to leave. Once she was inside she threw some change into the farebox and sat on the nearest empty seat she found. Her head was filled with so many questions that it was hurting really bad, but she didn’t want to give up and kept trying to figure out what was going on. She took out her cellphone and quickly browsed through the contacts, trying to find Jessica’s name in it. But after triple checking it, she realized there was no one named Jessica there. She then desperately tried to search her inbox and her call history to find any prove of the blonde girl’s existence, but as she feared, she couldn’t find anything.

Tiffany was so confused and scared right now; and thought how could a person disappeared without a trace? She was starting to wonder if she had been imagining this Jessica person from the start. But she shook her head in frustration. There was no way she could’ve imagined a person that long without people noticing how weird she was.

But then if she wasn’t just imagining Jessica; where could she be? And why did everyone acted like they didn’t know her? Were they just playing a prank like she thought they were? Again Tiffany shook her head violently. There was no way they thought of a joke this cruel. And Seohyun denied everything too. And if there was someone she could trust not to lie, it was Seo Juhyun. She was too innocent and honest like a priest, and she wouldn’t joke on something like this.

But then what was the truth? Where was Jessica? Tiffany was so scared that the blonde girl would vanish forever. She couldn’t imagine what her world would be if there was no Jessica. And so even when she couldn’t find any prove, any hints about Jessica’s existence, she swore she would never stop searching for the blue eyed girl.

And when she reached the familiar bus stop she had been going to every day, she instinctively got down from the bus and once again started running as she took out her cellphone again and pressed some numbers.

Tiffany? Chloe said once she picked up her call. Where are you?

Did your training ended early?

“Chloe!” The Texan girl could hear Tiffany was out of breath on the other side of the line. “Do you know a girl named Jessica Jung in our class?”

Jessica who? And Tiffany could hear loud music and Lily screaming in the background.

“Jessica Jung!” She repeated herself as she kept running. “The girl who sits next to the window in the corner!”

The desk beside you? Chloe sounded confused. But that seat has been empty from the start…

“Are you sure?” The crescent eyed girl stopped as she stood in front of the tall business like building she had just gone there this morning, and every morning for the past one year. “Do you know anyone named Jessica Jung?”

No, I don’t. The Texan girl simply replied. Are you okay, Tiff?

You sound out of breath…

“I’m fine, Chloe.” The black haired American girl said as she stared at her now empty school. “See you later…”

She took a couple of deep breaths before her feet took her inside the building, through the student lockers and the Teacher’s Lounge, and up the stairs and the hallway. And finally she found herself standing in front of her classroom. The door was open and she could see the empty seats inside. But her eyes were only staring at a particular empty spot in the corner of the room, next to the window. The sun was now starting to set, and the orange light was shining through the window.

Tiffany took small and trembling steps inside the classroom, and moved towards the empty desk Jessica used to sit on. While she was walking she could picture the first time she saw the blonde girl, smiling teasingly at her. And when she reached the empty spot, she brushed her fingers on top of the clean and empty desk, and her eyes were wet with tears once again.

“Where are you, Jessie?” She whined as she sat on Jessica’s chair and rested her head on top of the desk.

The crescent eyed girl turned her head to face the window, and she could see the beautiful Seoul sunset. The scene somehow felt so nostalgic to her, as she stared at the sun’s orange light bathed the city. One tear dropped to her cheek and she closed her eyes, praying to God to return her Jessie to her.

“What are you doing here?” A voice could be heard from the door.

“Jessie?” Tiffany instantly lifted her head in excitement, as she was sure it was Jessica’s voice. But the one who she saw was not Jessica Jung, although they shared the same last name. Tiffany could see the blonde’s younger sister, Krystal, standing at the door with short and heavy breaths, and a fiery glare in her jet black eyes.

“Krystal?” She couldn’t hide her disappointment in her tone.

“Where’s my unnie?” The younger girl asked as she stepped inside her older sister’s classroom.

“I-I don’t know, Krystal…” The crescent eyed girl replied weakly. “I’m looking for her too…”

“You’re looking for her?” The young girl seemed surprised. “You?”

“But you’re the one who wanted her gone!”

“Wha-I never wanted that!” Tiffany was shocked by the little girl’s accusation.

“Liar!” Krystal screamed. “You did this!”

“You made my unnie disappear!”

“But I didn’t do anything, Krystal…”

“Stop lying!” The little girl was crying now. “Every day you acted like she doesn’t exist!”

“Every day you wish you don’t know her!”

“You don’t even want to see her!” And the crescent eyed girl was surprised that the young girl knew everything that was going in her heart. “You practically wished for her to disappear from this world!”

“I-I don’t—“ She wanted to deny everything but she couldn’t.

“—How could you?” Krystal’s eyes were puffy and red, and her whole body was shaking. “My sister had never done anything to you to deserve this…”

“I…” She couldn’t say anything. “I…”

“She only wanted to be your best friend…” Soojung said between her sobbing. “She only wanted for you to be happy…”

“But you wished for her to disappear…”

“And now she’s gone…”

“I didn’t wish for her to disappear, Krystal…” Tiffany was crying too now. “I stayed away from her to protect her…”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt her…”

“I want her to be happy too, and being close to me would only bring her sadness…”

“Lies…” Krystal gritted her perfect white teeth and clenched her little fists in anger. “You never think about her happiness…”

“You didn’t stay away because you’re trying to protect her…”

“You were trying to protect yourself; because you’re scared of getting hurt…”

“H-How can you say that, Krystal?” She tried to deny it, but she was starting to have doubts in her own actions.

“You never once thought about my sister feelings…” Krystal’s words hurt her so much like a sword in her heart, but she was starting to see the truth. “You’re only thinking about yourself…”

“Maybe I am…” Tiffany finally admitted. “Maybe I am trying to protect myself…”

“But isn’t that what everyone would do if they were me?”

“Wouldn’t you do the same thing if you fell in love with a girl who also happens to be your best friend?”

“Wouldn’t you do the same thing if you knew that person would never love you back the way you love them?”

“Wouldn’t you try anything to protect yourself from being hurt?”

“No,” Krystal replied almost instantly, like she was waiting for those questions. “I will always stay true to myself…”

“I would never hurt the one I love.” The young girl stare was soft and kind, almost like she was pitying the crescent eyed girl. “And if being close to the one I love hurts me, I would endure the pain and stay by her side…”

“Because hurting the one I love will hurt me more than anything…”

And silence fell after Tiffany heard those words. Deep inside she was starting to see how selfish she was. Jessie didn’t know anything about her feelings, and the blonde girl had done nothing to hurt her. She was the one who was doing all the hurting. By avoiding the blue eyed girl, by not talking to her, by keeping her distance, and by running away. But still, she couldn’t bare the facts that she would be in so much pain if she stayed by Jessie’s side. After all, she had experienced the pain before, when jealousy struck her when she saw the blue eyed girl with Donghae, or with Taeyeon, or with anyone else. She even felt pain when she saw how close Jessie was with her precious little sister.

But she never once wanted to hurt Jessica. She never once wished for the blonde girl to disappear. Why would she now that she knew what it was like living in a world where there was no Jessica Jung? Why would she now that she knew she couldn’t stand not being able to see the pretty blonde girl? She was only trying to protect herself from all the pain. Was it wrong for her for wanting to never feel those pain again? Was it selfish of her? She had never experienced falling in love before, and she had never known how love works; all those give and take in a relationship, so how could she know what was right?

And if she stayed by Jessie’s side and take all the pain herself, wouldn’t it mean that Jessica would be the one who was selfish? Wouldn’t the blue eyed girl be the one who would do all the hurting? And Jessie wouldn’t want that now would she? Jessie wouldn’t want to see her hurting.

“Then what am I supposed to do now?” Tiffany asked the little girl, but when she lifted her head, Krystal was nowhere to be found. She looked around the classroom and found herself to be alone once again.

“Krystal?” She called her name in vain. “What am I supposed to do now?”

She sat there in silence for a while, before she turned her head to the window once more, and saw the sky was getting darker and she could see the stars. She pointed at the brightest star way above the city skyscrapers and let out a deep sigh. She still had so many questions in her mind; questions about her own feelings, questions about how she should proceed, but there was no one there to help her now. Krystal had left before she could tell her what to do next, but she still felt grateful for everything the young girl told her earlier. 

“But what am I supposed to do now?” And with that her eyes were getting heavy, and she closed her eyes and lied her head on top of the desk, and slowly she could feel herself drifting to the dream world.

“Good night, Jessie…”

"I miss you so much..."

Meanwhile standing outside the classroom with her back against the wall, Krystal stood there listening to what Tiffany had to say before she decided to go to sleep. The young girl was not crying anymore; instead, she was showing a cute little smile with her lips. The little girl then straightened herself, ready to leave, but a figure of a blonde girl wearing a light on her face stopped her.

“Isn’t this too much?” The shining girl asked her, and slowly Krystal’s hair turned color from black into gold, and her eyes turned from jet black into bright blue, and her whole face turned from a young eleven year old girl into a teenager in her sixteenths. Krystal had transformed into her older sister.

“Do you think so?” Jessica Jung smiled to the shining girl.

“I thought you said she needed to figure things out on her own?” The little shining girl asked again.

“I did,” Both girls were now standing just outside the door, staring at Tiffany who was sleeping on her desk. “But I just thought she needed a little push.”

“She was planning to leave us; you know…”

“I knew that,” The shining girl said. “I was the one who told you about her plan.”

“Yes, you did.” The blue eyed girl giggled as she kept her eyes on sleeping Tiffany.

“But still; isn’t this too much?” Her other self said again. “You just made her more confused than before…”

“Oh, and how do you know that?” Jessica playfully asked.

“Because I’m connected to her; that’s why!”

“Oh, I didn’t know that…” The blonde girl started to giggle once more.

“You’re having too much fun,” The shining girl sounded annoyed. “Honestly, what were you thinking?”

“It was just a little gamble.” Jessica shrugged.

“It’s a risky gamble; that’s what it is.” The shining girl sounded upset. “You could ruin everything.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her you love her too?”

“I can’t,” Jessie shook her head lightly. “This is her fight.”

“But you’ve already meddled with her decision.”

“I did,” The blue eyed girl nodded. “I did it so she could see that it’s not just about her, but about me as well…”

“But you just said that this is her fight!”

“It is,” Jessica patted her other self’s long blonde hair. “Before she was thinking this is a fight to find her happiness.”

“But what I did just now is forced her to see that this is also a fight for mine.”

“And now she has to decide which is more important for her.”

“I don’t understand…” The little shining girl whined.

“That’s because you’re too connected to her.” Jessie smiled at her. “So you couldn’t feel me completely.”

“You’re giving me a headache…” Her other-self walked towards Tiffany and caressed her black hair.

“Be sure to take some medicine, then…” She giggled again.

“What now?” The shining girl said, ignoring her teasing.

“Now it’s time for her to decide.” Jessie said as she walked outside.

“If she decides to leave you, what are you going to do?” Her other-self sounded sad.

“Then I’ll make sure she’d come back.” Jessie’s words echoed in the hallway, and the shining girl knew the blue eyed girl had left the dream world.