CHAPTER XXXVII

MY DECISION

One Sunday morning a week after Jessi offered her to join her agency, Tiffany was sitting in the living room of her dorm, staring at a copy of Jessica Ho’s contract back when the mean looking girl first joined YMC. The crescent eyed girl was surprised her New Jerseyan friend would let her see the copy of the contract, but Jessi reasoned that their agency was more transparent than SME. Besides, the dark brown haired girl told her that she had already asked her manager’s permission, and he told her that “any” potential trainee candidate was welcomed to see and study their contract. And so, sipping a glass of warm strawberry milk, the black haired American girl decided to take up on their offer.

It only took Tiffany a couple of minutes to spot some differences between hers and Jessi’s contract. YMC apparently was more generous with their weekly allowance, giving their trainees almost twice of the amount Tiffany had been receiving from SME. The black haired American girl thought that that would be a nice change for her, since she had been stressed out trying to save money from her allowance. Lots of time she got depressed for not being able to go on a shopping spree; her favorite stress-relieving activity back in the States. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had gone to the mall to actually buy something. 

YMC training schedules were also more lenient; giving more free time to their trainees. YMC also gave a little bit of freedom, by letting their trainees choose two additional lessons in their program according to their own preferences. The crescent eyed girl scrunched her eyebrows as she recalled how SME was always strict with their programs, and didn’t even bother to ask their trainees if they wanted to get a different lesson or if they wanted to try different classes.

Tiffany was only half-through the pages when she took a break and sipped her sweet strawberry milk. She let out a deep sigh and was starting to wonder if she really should switch agencies. YMC contract for sure was more appealing than what she had signed with SME.

“What are you doing?” Taeyeon asked her as she stepped out of the bathroom. “We’re going to be late.”

“Oh, nothing.” Tiffany said as she gathered the papers and stuffed them into her brown leather bag.

“What were you reading?” The slanted eyed girl said as she wrapped her towel around her head and sat on the couch.

“Just some materials from school,” The crescent eyed girl lied, and even she was surprised by how easy those false words came out from . “I have a test tomorrow…”

“Oh, bummer.” The short girl said lightly as she reached for the remote and the television. “Now go take a shower.”

“Hyoyeon said she was already on her way to the mall,” Taeyeon continued. “And her to wait for us long…”

“Are you scared of her?” She timid best friend as she stood up.

“W-What?” The slanted eyed girl looked surprised. “I-I’m not scared of her…”

“I just hate making my friends wait or be late…”

“Okay, okay…” Tiffany said as she took her sweet time to the bathroom.

“Hurry up!” Her Jeonju best friend threw a couch pillow at her. “I didn’t go home because you wanted to watch some American horror movie!”

“Yes, mum!” The crescent eyed girl laughed as she rushed to the bathroom.

“And make sure you clean the drain afterwards!” Taeyeon shouted as Tiffany shut the bathroom door. “I don’t want to have to clean it every time your hair got stuck!”

“Yes, mum!” The crescent eyed girl shouted back.

“Seriously,” The slanted eyed girl said as they sat in the bus. “I wonder how you’re not getting bald with all those hair falling off of your head…”

“I’m not getting bald!” Tiffany glared at the short girl who was sitting next to the window. “It can’t be helped since I have a long hair!”

“Well, I have a long hair too; if you failed to notice,” Taeyeon giggled as she pointed to her own head. “But you don’t see my hair stuck in the drain much now, do you?”

“Oh, shut up, Tae…” The black haired American girl pouted and crossed her arms.

“I’m sorry,” The slanted eyed girl giggled. “I was just kidding…”

“Ugh, maybe I should really buy those hair vitamins…” She muttered as she reached to the branching tips of her hair and stared at them concernedly.

“Anyway, you seem so cheerful nowadays,” Tiffany said as she leaned back in her seat. “Did something good happened?”

“Oh, really?” The short girl said while she stared to the street through the bus window. “I guess I’m just in a good mood…”

“Really?” The crescent eyed girl glanced at her Jeonju best friend. Somehow she felt a little bit jealous of her cheerful behavior. “Good for you then…”

“You’re late.” Hyoyeon was already waiting in front of the cinema with her arms crossed. “I’ve been waiting for 25 minutes now.”

“Yeah,” Yuri, who was standing next to her, had the same intimidating pose. “And I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes.”

“That means you were late too.” Tiffany said simply.

“Yes, you are.” The brunette turned to her left and glared at the tanned girl.

“What?” Yuri took a step back. “This is not on the script…”

“Besides; I was only ten minutes late…”

“Late is late,” The dancing queen put on an evil smile and flicked Yuri’s forehead.

“Ouch!” The tanned girl quickly covered her head; afraid of getting hit more.

“And now you guys…” Hyoyeon turned her evil smile to the other two and raised her fist.

“W-We should hurry or we won’t be able to get tickets…” Taeyeon quickly said as she raised her hands to cover her head.

“O-Or good seats!” Tiffany quickly dragged Taeyeon by her hand; leaving Hyoyeon and Yuri bickering about how the dancing queen should’ve punished both roommate best friends too.

“What?” The crescent eyed girl asked her Jeonju best friend when she caught her staring at her intently when they were queueing for the tickets.

“N-Nothing…” Taeyeon slightly blushed and quickly turned her gaze below, to their joined hands.

“Eh, do you not like it if I hold your hand?” The black haired American girl asked innocently when she noticed the short girl was staring at their hands.

“N-No…” The slanted eyed girl shyly said. “I-It’s okay…”

“Hey, you guys!” Yuri suddenly appeared behind them and said. “Stop talking and buy the tickets already!”

“People are waiting, you know.”

“Oh, right.” Tiffany noticed it was their turn to purchase their tickets, and she let go of Taeyeon’s hand to grab her purse, leaving the slanted eyed girl staring at her now free hand, like she was missing something. Meanwhile the dancing queen who was standing behind them witnessed her awkward behavior and she squinted her eyes like she was trying to figure out something.

“Is this your idea of getting good seats?” The dancing queen asked Tiffany when they were inside the theater, sitting in the middle row.

“Uh-huh,” The crescent eyed girl seemed proud with her choice. “These are the best row in the cinema.”

“Not too far and not too close to the screen.”

“Oh, really?” Hyoyeon looked unimpressed.

“Yes, I’ve been to the movies so many times before, and I think—“

“—Well I think the best seats are the ones up there,” Hyoyeon said as she turned in her seat and pointed to the furthest seats in the theater. “The ones at the corner.”

“What?” The black haired American girl looked surprised by her choice. “But you can hardly see the screen from up there!”

“Mm-hmm,” The dancing queen shrugged as she turned back. “Just trust me on this one.”

“You’ll thank me later.”

“Eh, but why would I want to sit up there?” Tiffany asked her but the cinema had already turned off the main lights. “Only couples would pick those seats—“

“Ssh…” Hyoyeon smiled and gestured Tiffany to quiet down as the movie was about to start.

Why would she suggest such a thing? The crescent eyed girl wondered. And why would she told me I’ll thank her later?

“Aah, that was quite fun!” Yuri said when they were leaving the cinema. “It was the perfect blend of horror and drama…”

“Oh, you sound like you know what you’re talking about…” Hyoyeon teased the tanned girl. “Like a movie critic…”

“Well I’m just saying that to sound cool.” The tanned girl laughed, and the girls quickly followed.

“But yeah; it was fun.” Hyoyeon added as the girls were walking around the mall. “The movie’s good and all…”

“But the most fun thing is we get to see the movie without Jessica and her annoying gang.” That name caused Tiffany to stiffened.

“Ugh, why do you have to bring them up?” Yuri looked annoyed. “And I was having so much fun…”

“It’s true, though,” Hyoyeon continued. “Think about it; if we had watched the movie with Jessica, she would scream throughout the movie and we wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.”

“Yeah, she’s such an annoying scaredy-cat…” The tanned girl added. “I think if she’s here then we wouldn’t be able to watch the movie instead.”

“Yeah; that’s right.” The dancing queen agreed. “And if Sooyoung’s here, we’re going to have to listen to her nag about food all day long!”

“Yeah and if Yoona’s here she’d just going to overreact to anything in the movie,” They kept talking about the other gang. “Oh, look at how handsome the actor is, unnie!”

“Oh, how is it that they can’t tell there’s a ghost in the house?”

“Oh, why don’t they just call the ghostbusters?”

“Yeah; and she would make those loud annoying laugh…”

“Yeah; and if Seohyun’s here…” The tanned girl started to talk about the youngest girl, but then she realized she was having a hard time finding Juhyun’s flaw.

“Who is this Seohyun anyway?” The dancing queen finished her sentence for her, and both girls laughed.

“Heh, I’m glad that we came here without them.” Yuri ended as they stopped in front of a famous clothing store. “Don’t you think so too, Pany-ah?”

“L-Let’s just talk about something else…” The crescent eyed girl quickly said as she couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica Jung.

“See?” Hyoyeon smiled widely. “Even Tiffany’s annoyed just by talking about them.”

“I’m glad that we’re hanging out without them,” Suddenly a familiar voice from inside the store could be heard, and Hyoyeon and the others slightly lowered their stances and peeked inside. “If that ogre is here she would ruin the atmosphere with her ugly face!”

“U-Ugly face?” The dancing queen gritted her teeth as she saw Sooyoung and her friends were talking aloud inside the store. “Why that ungrateful little pig--”

“--Calm down, Hyo!” Yuri grabbed the dancing queen’s shoulders to stop her from storming into the store and beat the tall girl. “Let’s hear what else they have to say about us…”

“Yeah; and if Yuri unnie is here she would just want to flirt with guys instead!” Yoona added as she laughed out loud.

“Yeah; all she wants is for guys to ogle at her and tell her how y she is…” Sooyoung shook her head and the deer eyed girl laughed even harder.

“W-What?” The tanned girl was shocked by their comments about her. “I-I don’t flirt with guys!”

“Why those little liars!” And Taeyeon and Hyoyeon had to grabbed Yuri’s arms and mouth to stop her from swearing and storming into the store.

“Calm down, captain!” The dancing queen said. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to eavesdrop on them?”

“Yeah; but they’re spreading lies!” Yuri’s eyes were wide open, and Taeyeon was scared that they might sprung out from their sockets. “I never flirt with guys!”

“Yes, yes.” Hyoyeon patted her back to try to calm her down. “I know they’re lying…”

“You just like to flaunt your body whenever you see boys checking you out…”

“H-Hyo!” The tanned girl was prepared to punch the dancing queen, but Taeyeon quickly locked her raised hand.

“And if Taeyeon is here…” Sooyoung didn’t continue her words as she seemed to be thinking.

“Who is this Taeyeon anyway?” Yoona finished the sentence for her. “I never notice we had a friend by that name…”

“W-What does that even mean?” The slanted eyed girl overheard them.

“That’s because you have such a weak presence,” Hyoyeon kindly explained it for her. “Just like Seohyun…”

“Oh...” The short girl nodded, but soon her eyes widened. “W-What?”

“U-Unnies!” Seohyun said as both of her friends kept laughing hard and customers were starting to notice the girls. “T-That’s not nice!”

“You shouldn’t be badmouthing them behind their backs!”

“So is it alright if we do it in front of them?” Sooyoung replied and both girls started to laugh even more.

“Unnies!” Seo Juhyun stomped the ground and pouted.

Meanwhile the crescent eyed girl didn’t pay attention on what they were saying. She was too busy scanning the store to find the presence of a certain blonde girl. Her heart was racy as she carefully looked for Jessie, but after a while she realized that the blue eyed girl wasn’t there with the other three. Somehow she felt a little disappointed that she wasn’t able to see Jessie today.

Perhaps she’s in another shop, her mind said when she remembered the first time she saw the blonde girl at the mall. Maybe she’s shopping clothes with Krystal…

“Hey look; it’s Jessica!” Yuri suddenly said, and Tiffany almost jumped and her eyes quickly turned to see where the tanned girl was pointing.

And her heart suddenly sank to the floor when she saw Jessica Jung standing outside a shoe store right across the clothing store they were at with a familiar boy standing close to her. Tiffany’s view was partially blocked by an accessory stand in the middle of the clothing and the shoe store, but it also helped them hide better so Jessica couldn’t see them clearly. But the crescent eyed girl could recognize the masculine good looking boy immediately, as he had always been trying to win Jessica’s affection.

Lee Donghae… She cursed in her mind.

The black haired American girl bit her own lips and clenched her fists when she saw the blonde girl cutely laughed at his joke, and playfully slap his arm. And then she felt her heart burned with jealousy when Donghae pointed at some shoes and the blue eyed girl casually leaned closer to the boy and their cheeks almost touched.

“Are they officially dating now?” Hyoyeon whispered next to Tiffany, and the crescent eyed girl could feel her face was getting hot with rage. “They look like they’re having so much fun…”

“Well it’s about time, if you ask me,” Yuri added salt to Tiffany’s wound. “They’ve been flirting with each other for some time now…”

“T-They are?” Taeyeon looked surprised. “B-But she…”

“But she what?” The dancing queen looked curious.

“N-Nothing…” The slanted eyed girl replied in whisper.

“Yeah; like I said, they’ve been flirting for some time now.” The tanned girl said without turning her gaze from Jessica and Donghae.

“Where have you been all this time?” Hyoyeon wanted to tease the slanted eyed girl, but when she saw Taeyeon looked down all of a sudden she refrained to do so.

Meanwhile Tiffany was too busy glaring at the two seemingly couple across from her. The black haired American girl wished that she was seeing things wrong, and she was frantically trying to find Krystal’s presence. But the clingy little girl was nowhere to be found, and Tiffany knew that could only mean the blue eyed girl was really on a date with Donghae.

She then saw Donghae playfully took Jessica’s glasses off her face and uttered some joke, and to her surprise the blue eyed girl didn’t seem to mind, and laughed with him. The crescent eyed girl felt her chest tightened and she couldn’t breathe. And when she saw Donghae reached for Jessica’s smooth cheek, Tiffany finally lost it. She closed her eyes and turned around and ran away. As fast as she could. She could hear her friends called out to her, but she didn’t want to stop. All she wanted was to run to the edge of the world and get rid of the disgusting scene she had just witnessed earlier. Donghae was on a date with Jessica. Her eyes were filled with tears that she couldn’t see where she was going, but her legs kept on running.

Why am I running? Her heart screamed. Isn’t this what I want?

Isn’t this going to make things easier for me? She was already at the mall’s entrance. Now that Jessie have a boyfriend, I know she’s definitely not gay…

She’s not gay! She screamed inside. She’s not in love with me!

But it hurts! She ran across the streets, bumping a couple of passersby. It hurts so much to see her with someone else!

I want to be the one she loves! She finally admitted her true feelings. I’m supposed to be the only one she loves!

That confession really hurt her and he legs instantly turned weak. She was about to give up when suddenly a girl walked out from a store and the crescent eyed girl couldn’t avoid her in time, and they bumped hard into each other, causing them to lose their balance. Tiffany shut her eyes as she fell hard to the ground. As she was lying on the cold pavement she felt her head was spinning violently and she felt like she was about to pass out.

“Oh, my God!” The other girl shouted at her, and somehow she could recognize the crisp and loud voice. “What were you doing, Tiff?”

“Are you okay?” She slowly opened her eyes and saw a mean looking girl offering her hands.

“Seriously, why were you running like that?” Jessica Ho grabbed her arm and helped her stand.

“Jesus Christ, Tiff!” Jessi almost screamed when she saw Tiffany’s red and puffy face. “What happened?”

“Okay; you’re coming with me!” The mean looking girl said when she saw the crescent eyed girl just shook her head at her question.

Jessi dragged her to a café next to the clothing store she had exited earlier. The mean looking girl waited patiently for Tiffany to calm down and stop crying, and for her order to come. 

“Here,” Jessi said kindly as she pushed a big glass of iced tea to her. “My treat.”

But the black haired American girl just sat there staring at her lap, and Jessi decided to go ahead and drink her favorite carbonated drink.

“Are you feeling okay?” Thirty minutes had passed before Jessi finally got bored waiting for Tiffany to speak.

“Does your stomach hurts again?” The mean looking girl asked again when the crescent eyed girl didn’t answer.

“No…” And finally the black haired American girl spoke as she shook her head weakly.

“What happened?” Jessi tried to be patience. “Why were you crying?”

“Nothing…” Tiffany said, and both girls stayed quiet for some time.

At that time Tiffany’s mind was filled with thoughts running at the same time. She kept picturing Jessica and Donghae having a good time on their date. And she was thinking about how Jessica looked so happy with the masculine boy. And she was thinking about how she wanted the blonde girl looked that happy when they were together. And she thought about meeting the blue eyed girl for the first time, and how they quickly became close friends. And then there were thoughts about their silly conversation, Jessica’s flirting, and their heartwarming text messages and late night calls. And then she thought about their first kiss; how she stole it in the rain. And then she thought about how she realized that she had feelings for the blonde girl, and how she desperately tried to stop it from growing. And how she tried so hard to push the blonde girl away. But now that she saw the blue eyed girl with Donghae, she knew she wasn’t ready to let her go. And she probably wouldn’t ever be ready; not when they were so close to each other.

“I want to join your agency.” She said suddenly.

“What’s that?” Jessi looked like she couldn’t believe what she just heard.

“I’m going to switch to your agency.” The crescent eyed girl finally lifted her head, staring at her New Jerseyan best friend with her red and puffy eyes.

“A-Are you sure?” The mean looking girl looked shocked and confused instead of happy. “W-Why so sudden?”

“I’ve made up my mind.” The black haired American girl said again with determination in her eyes.

“Are you really sure about this?” Jessi asked again.

“Yes; I’m sure, Jessi.” Tiffany nodded firmly. “And you said you’re going to help me through this, right?”

“Yeah; yeah!” The dark brown haired girl replied nervously. “Of course!”

“Thanks, Jessi…” The crescent eyed girl put on a smile, but her eyes showed pain and sadness. “You’re a good friend…”

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?” The mean looking girl said when she was half-through her drink.

“Sure.” Tiffany let out a sigh as she nodded; clearly had been waiting for the question.

“Why did you decide to switch agencies?” And the crescent eyed girl knew Jessi would ask that question.

“Weren’t you the one who said that it would be better for me if I join your agency?” She put on a fake smile. “That it would be better for my future?”

“I did.” The mean looking girl nodded and stared into her eyes. “But I need to know if that’s the only reason you wanted to join us at YMC.”

“Why?” Tiffany asked.

“Because switching agencies is not like changing your clothes.” Jessi said in a serious tone. “You don’t just switch to another agency just because you don’t like your first one.”

“Why not?”

“Because then how would I know if you’re not going to just switch to another agency if you don’t like it with us?” The dark brown haired girl sounded so mature.

“I see…” Tiffany found truth in her words and she thought about the question more seriously.

“I have to be honest with you, Jess.” The crescent eyed girl started saying after she gave it some thoughts. “I don’t get along with a fellow trainee…”

“Do they bully you?” Jessica Ho raised her eyebrow.

“No; it’s nothing like that…” Tiffany shook her head and reached for her iced tea. “Not at all…”

“I think I like this person,” The black haired American girl slightly blushed. “A lot…”

“But we’re not allowed to date fellow trainees…”

“Well, why don’t you just date in secret?”

“No; it won’t work.” She shook her head again.

“Why?”

“Because that person likes someone else…”

“Is that the reason why you've been crying a lot?” The mean looking girl asked again.

“I think so…” Tiffany just shrugged.

“So let me get this straight,” Jessi let out a sigh before she continued. “You wanted to switch agencies because you want to avoid seeing this person?”

“Don’t get me wrong, but don’t you think that’s a stupid reason?”

“I mean; what if you like someone from our agency and that someone already has a girlfriend?”

“What’s stopping you from running away and finding a new agency again?”

“N-No,” Tiffany looked desperate. “You don’t understand!”

“You don’t know what it feels like having to see the person you love every day without being able to tell them!”

“You don’t understand how much it hurts!”

“Well, I don’t know about that—“

“—And that’s not all!” The crescent eyed girl didn’t give Jessi a chance to say anything. “You already know how our instructors are don’t really care about us…”

“And I can’t really improve my skills on my own…”

“And after I study your contract I noticed that your trainees are allowed to choose supplementary lessons based on our interest…”

“And that’s why I think your agency have better programs…” She ended her explanation.

“Hmm…” Jessica Ho seemed to be measuring Tiffany’s honesty. “I don’t know about this…”

“Please, Jess.” The crescent eyed girl pleaded. “You said you were going to help me, right?”

“That’s not it,” The mean looking girl leaned back in her chair. “I appreciate you telling me the truth, but I feel something’s not right.”

“I mean; won’t it be better if you work things out with that boy?”

“Just confess to him or something and see how he react—“

“—N-No!” Tiffany quickly said. “I can’t!”

“And why can’t you?” The mean looking girl seemed puzzled. “Maybe he likes you too and will accept your feelings…”

“I already told you that person likes someone else!” The black haired American girl explained. “And even if he likes me, we won’t be able to date!”

“Why not?”

“T-That’s just how things are!” The crescent eyed girl raised her voice and some guests were starting to look at them. Both girls noticed their stares and quickly lowered their heads when they realized they had cause a scene. The two American girls didn’t say a word after that.

“Okay-okay; fine.” Jessica Ho let out a sigh. “But still; at least by telling him how you feel you’ll get some closure.”

“Closure?” Tiffany raised her head and their eyes met. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you won’t be able to see him anymore once you’ve joined my agency,” The mean looking girl smiled. “So the least you can do for him is to confess and say your goodbyes.”

“D-Does that mean?” Tiffany’s eyes quickly shone with hope. “Does that mean you’ll help me?”

“Yes, Tiffany.” Jessica Ho giggled. “I’ll help you switch agencies.”

“Oh, thank you, Jess!” The crescent eyed girl squealed as she literally jumped from her chair and hugged her American friend. “Thank you so much!”

“Okay, okay,” The mean looking girl laughed as she gently pushed the crescent eyed girl away. “That’s enough…”

“I’m serious, though, Tiff.” Jessi said again after Tiffany had returned to her seat across from hers. “I’m not doing this favor just for anyone…”

“You’re a dear friend to me, but if you ever think about switching out from YMC just because you have an unrequited love, I will never forgive you.”

“Deal!” Tiffany smiled her best and it had been a while since Jessi saw her dazzling eye smile.

“Give me one week,” The mean looking girl said as they left the café. “I’ll talk to my managers about this and I’ll have news for you by then.”

“Good news, I hope.” The crescent eyed girl was filled with expectation.

“Of course it will be good news!” Jessi laughed as they walked down the streets. “I promise you I only deliver good news!”

“Okay, then I will wait for your good news!” Tiffany giggled and the dark brown haired American girl could see sparkles of hope in her eyes.

“That boy must have not realize how lucky he is,” Jessica Ho said again. “To have such a cute girl in love with him…”

“S-Stop that, Jessi!” The crescent eyed girl blushed. “I-I’m not cute!”

“Ugh, don’t lie to me, Tiff.” The dark brown haired girl scoffed. “I know you know how cute you are.”

“Well, maybe…” The black haired American girl giggled. “… A little?”

“Seriously, though,” Jessi said after their laughter subsided. “Once you’ve joined our agency you should tell him how you feel…”

“By then you should be able to date him freely…”

“No…” Tiffany turned sad all of a sudden. “I’m not going to tell that person…”

“Probably never…”

“Why not?” The mean looking girl looked surprised. “By then there will be no rules to keep you from dating him!”

“The rule is just one thing that’s keeping us from each other…” The crescent eyed girl let out a deep sigh. “There’s more to that…”

“Like what?” Jessi was getting curious.

“I can’t tell you,” She joked, but her eyes showed great sadness. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you all about it…”

“Aren’t you just being stubborn?” The mean looking girl asked again.

“Maybe I am,” She stared at Seoul’s starry night sky. “But it’s for the best.”

“For both of us…”

“And how did you get to that?” Jessi asked when they arrived at the bus stop.

“Because I’m the one who fell in love with her…” Tiffany didn’t realize her slip up, and Jessi didn’t look like she caught it either. “So it’s up to me to save us both…”

“It’s my decision…”