CHAPTER XXXVI

IT DOESN’T COUNT

“I thought you didn’t like the place,” Jessica Ho said as she drank her energy drink. “Seeing how you were so eager to go home that night…”

“Oh, it’s not like that,” The crescent eyed girl who was sitting across from her in the school cafeteria said. “You know I was sick that night…”

“I love RnB, Jessi.” Tiffany smiled awkwardly. “Back home I listened to them all the time.”

“Oh, really?” The mean looking girl laughed, but her eyes caught something odd four tables across from hers. There sat a pretty blonde girl, which she recognized as Jessica Jung, former best friend of the girl who was sitting with her now, and her other classmates. Jessica Ho noticed that the blue eyed girl would sometime stare at the black haired American girl, and sometime she would steal a glance at Tiffany’s back, and her eyes were filled with something the mean looking girl couldn’t quite understand. It was like she was waiting for Tiffany to turn around and look at her back.

“Yeah; I listened to JayZ, Beyonce, J-Lo…” The crescent eyed girl started, but Jessica Ho was busy staring at blonde Jessica. “… Are you listening to me?”

“Hm-Oh, yeah…” The mean looking girl quickly put on a smile. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something…”

“So like I was saying,” Tiffany continued. “I love RnB…”

“But right now I’m busy listening to Kpop, since I need to know the music for my trainings…”

“But I listen to RnB once in a while—“

“—Shouldn’t you be sitting with your friends?” Jessi suddenly asked.

“H-Huh?” The crescent eyed girl was startled by that sudden question. “I, uh…”

“Are you guys fighting or something?” Mean looking Jessi started her interrogation. She had had a feeling that there was something wrong with her new friend and her friends. “Back then you were always hanging out with them…”

“… And that Jessica…”

The name made Tiffany frown. It had been two weeks since their so called civil war, and it had been two weeks since she stopped talking with the blonde girl, and she thought her feelings for the blue eyed girl had lessened. But just hearing her name made her heart ached, and she hung her head low and stared at her half empty plate in front of her.

“I didn’t mean to pry…” Jessi said after a while. The mean looking girl caught the change in Tiffany’s face, and she wondered why the black haired American girl could turn sour in an instant just by hearing the blonde’s name. When Jessi first saw the crescent eyed girl, she was so cheerful and bubbly. The mean looking girl would watch her and her friends from afar, and watched how Tiffany looked like she was having so much fun with her friends that she felt a little bit jealous. That jealousy was probably the reason why she went around asking for any information about Tiffany, and finally approached her in the first place. Mean looking Jessi felt like she wanted to be friends with the crescent eyed girl, and shared some of their fun. But when she finally had the courage to talk to Tiffany, the eye smile girl had already lost some of her cheerfulness. “… I just don’t want to get in between whatever it is you guys are having…”

“There’s nothing going on with us…” The crescent eyed girl said, but her eyes couldn’t lie.

“You don’t have to lie, Tiff,” Jessi said as she rested her chin on her hands. “Everyone in this school knows there’s something going on with you and your friends…”

“They do?” Tiffany looked surprised by that comment.

“Well; yeah.” The mean looking girl laughed like Tiffany was saying something funny. “I mean; it’s so obvious even the teachers are talking about you.”

“E-Even the teachers?” She was shocked. “W-What are they saying?”

“Nothing much,” Jessi said nonchalantly. “They’re just wondering why you guys don’t hang out anymore…”

“O-Oh…” The crescent eyed girl was a bit relieved there was no big rumors spreading around. Yet.

“So?” The mean looking girl asked again.

“So what?” Tiffany asked back.

“What happened and why aren’t you friends with them anymore?”

“… I’m still friends with them…” The crescent eyed girl answered after a while. “… Well, most of them…”

“And?” Jessi was getting impatient.

“… And…” But Tiffany looked unsure of what to tell her. “… There’s nothing going on…”

“Ugh, I thought I was your friend, Tiff.”

“B-But you are!” She was startled by her new friend’s comment. “What are you talking about?”

“Well you won’t tell me anything!” Jessi raised her voice and a couple of students turned their heads. “Here I am worrying about you but you won’t tell me anything!”

“S-Sorry…” Was the only thing Tiffany could say.

“Look, you can tell me anything,” The mean looking girl said again. “I just want to be a good friend and help you out…”

“Y-Yeah…” She kept staring at her unfinished lunch.

“Oh, forget about it.” Jessi finally gave up. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I just thought that I could at least listen to your problem and you could share all those pent-up feelings.”

And they both kept quiet for some time.

“You’re right…” Tiffany whispered.

“What?” The mean looking girl could hardly hear her words from all the noise in the cafeteria.

“You’re right…” She repeated. “I need someone to listen to my problems…”

“And I could use some advice…”

“But not right now,” She said when she saw Jessi with her hopeful eyes smiling at her intently. “Next time.”

“When?” The mean looking girl looked almost disappointed.

“The next time you take me to that RnB café again.” The crescent eyed girl smiled.

“Deal.” Jessi quickly said with a wide smile, and both girls started to laugh.

… Tiffany ran with all her might through the dark forest with tall and huge scary trees. Her face was filled with fear as she tried to run as fast as she could while dodging the trees’ long and pointy branches. The crescent eyed girl exclaimed in pain when her right thigh got cut by a small branch, but she didn’t stop running. She couldn’t; not when “they” were chasing her right now. She took a quick glance behind her and saw some silhouettes chasing after her, and her heart started to beat faster and faster when she could hear a dog barking in the distance.

I can’t outrun them! She said in her mind. I have to hide!

The black haired American looked around frantically while trying to maintain her speed. Her eyes were desperate to find a hiding spot, or anything to help her lose her pursuers. But then she couldn’t fully concentrate on where she was heading, and she ultimately had to ran through the branches and cut her legs and arms more. She covered with her hand, desperate not to make any sounds that would help her chasers to find her. In her mind she cursed herself for wearing just a white sleeveless T-shirt and a matching hot pants. Not to mention she was only wearing her favorite pair of pink sandals which made it even harder for her to run through the thick forest. She was so tired right now that her breathing was all over the place and her legs were about to give up on her, but she kept pushing her body to the limit. She couldn’t let them catch her now. Everything would end if they caught her.

A cut to her neck and she shrieked in pain and instinctively closed her eyes, and she stumbled on a rock and fell hard to the ground. Tiffany yelped and curled herself on the moldy and rocky ground, holding her bruised and scraped right knee. The pain was too much for her that she started to cry, but then she heard the sounds of her pursuers drawing near.

“Tiffany…” A familiar voice was playfully calling her in a melody. “… Tiffany…”

“Tippany… Where are you…” The voice was getting nearer, and the crescent eyed girl held her breath and tried to pick herself up, but her knee was in too much pain that she fell down once again. “Pany-ah…”

But as she was about to give up, her eyes caught a small hole in a large tree close to her, perfect for her hiding place. She then mustered her last strength to crawl under the tree and hid inside the small hole, and prayed that her pursuers would not see her there.

“Pany-ah…” The voice kept getting closer, and the black haired American girl covered and held her breath.

“Tippany…” The playful voice was just a couple of meters away from her, and she closed her eyes.

“Miyoungie…” Her eyes suddenly were wide open when she heard the voice called her by that name, and she could see a pair of white legs wearing white sneakers standing in front of her hiding spot.

“Found ya!” The voice suddenly showed her face right in front of Tiffany, and the crescent eyed girl was so surprised she thought she would get a heart attack.

“No…!” She screamed as she covered her face with her hands. “Don’t…!”

“Really, why did you run away from me?” The shining blonde girl said as she reached out and gently removed her hands from her face. “Silly Tiff…”

“Please…” The black haired American girl had no strength left to fight and she let the blonde girl took her hands. “Don’t…”

“I’m not going to hurt you, dummy.” The shining blonde girl giggled as she gently pulled her hands. “Come on, let’s get you out from there…”

The blonde girl carefully guided Tiffany out of her hiding hole, and both girls sat on the ground near the big tree. The forest was getting darker now, and the sky was blocked by the tree branches that the crescent eyed girl couldn’t tell the time. The only source of light to them came from a bunch of fireflies that flew around them, emitting pretty green lights from their bodies.

“Oh, look at you…” The blonde girl said as she pointed at Tiffany’s scraped knee, and the black haired American girl could feel warmth in her concerned words. At first she was scared that the blonde girl would scold her for hurting herself, but the girl didn’t do anything like that. Instead, the shining girl knelt in front of her and gently touched her wounds and wiped them clean with her white dress. She was about to stop the girl from dirtying her pretty dress, but somehow she just sat there staring at the girl attending to her wounds. The crescent eyed girl noticed the blonde girl was wearing the same one piece dress she always wore, and her face was still shining. She wondered if the girl in front of her was the same girl she saw last time; the girl who had Jessie’s face. 

“Now that you’re clean,” The shining girl said as she magically took out a small first aid kit from her back. “Let’s put some bandages over them.”

And Tiffany smiled and waited for the girl to finish patching her up.

A purple dog suddenly entered the scene, running around and barking happily at both girls. Tiffany quickly recognized the odd colored dog, and greeted him.

“Bob!” She smiled widely. “So you’re the one who keeps barking!”

Bob answered her by barking more and his tail was wagging around in glee. The purple dog approached both girls and Tiffany petted him on his head.

“Good boy!” She said to him, and the dog kept barking happily. “Good boy!”

And then Tiffany could see a blue dolphin with two pretty green canaries with magical dust dropping from their tails flew and circled above their heads.

“Blue!” Tiffany looked up and waved at them. “Tink and Bell too!”

“And Joe too!” She smiled widely when she saw a majestic white unicorn ran in mid-air. “It’s good to see you guys again!”

“Where’s Mr. Pink?” The crescent eyed girl turned to the blonde girl who was still busy patching her wounds.

“He’s right there.” The shining girl giggled as she pointed to a cute pink panda who was hiding behind a large tree near them. “He’s a bit shy.”

“Ah, hello Mr. Pink!” Tiffany waved and flashed her eye smile at the timid pink panda. “How are you?”

The panda cutely hid his ridiculously huge head behind the tree, and they could only see a bit of his legs.

“Aww, I want to cuddle him…” The black haired American girl said.

“He haven’t seen you in a while, so he’s too shy right now.” The blonde girl said as she resumed treating Tiffany’s wounds.

“Well you should’ve brought him with you more often then.” She said as she kept waving to the pink panda, hoping the cute animal would come closer.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have run away earlier then.” The shining blonde girl replied calmly.

“I’m sorry…” Tiffany said weakly, regretting her silly mistake.

“They’ve missed you, you know,” The blonde girl continued. “I’ve missed you…”

“And I missed you too…” She smiled gently, and stared at the shining girl.

“There; all done.” The shining blonde girl cheerfully said after she finished. “Does it still hurt?”

“Not anymore…” The crescent eyed girl slowly shook her head. And she was telling the truth. In fact; the moment the shining blonde girl took her hands, all her pain disappeared. “Thank you…”

“You’re welcome.” The girl said in a cheerful note, and hid the first aid kit behind her back. “Although I would feel so much better if you didn’t run off like that.”

“S-Sorry…” Tiffany said timidly, scared that the blonde girl would get mad at her.

“That’s okay,” She could feel the girl was smiling at her. “What’s done is done.”

“So,” The blonde girl said as she sat next to her. “Why did you run off?”

“I-I was…” She was startled by the sudden question. “I-It was nothing…”

“Don’t lie to me, Tiff.” The blonde girl said as she fixed Tiffany’s bangs. “Tell me what happened.”

The touch of the blonde girl’s gentle hands quickly soothed Tiffany. The girl then placed her hand on Tiffany’s cheek, and the crescent eyed girl closed her eyes and felt so comfortable. The black haired American girl then reached and placed her hand on top of the girl’s, and pressed them against her cheek, to feel more of the girl’s touch.

“Tell me, sweetie…” The girl’s soothing voice whispered in her ears, and as she was enjoying her warm hand, she thought that the girl’s voice sounded different than usual. It sounded more mature, and she felt like she knew the voice very well. But somehow she could not remember whose voice it was.

“I just…” Tiffany said without opening her eyes. “I just thought it would be best if you stayed away from me…”

“And why is that?” The girl asked again.

“Because I…” The crescent eyed girl hesitated for a while. “Because I’m a bad person…”

“No; you’re not--”

“--Yes; I am.” She shook her head. “I’m a bad and ugly person.”

“What makes you think that?”

“… Because I have dirty feelings for you…” The crescent eyed girl shyly admitted her feelings.

“Dirty…” The shining girl seemed confused. “… Feelings…?”

“I…” Tiffany said when the blonde girl kept quiet for a moment; trying to process what she had just heard. “I think I’m in love with you…”

“And I love you too!” The girl quickly said cheerfully.

“No; you don’t understand.” She tried to explain. “My love is different than yours…”

“How?” The girl seemed puzzled once more.

“My love for you is the kind that is supposed to happen between boys and girls…” Tiffany let out a deep sigh, and they both fell into silence.

“I don’t understand.” The shining girl said after a while. She sounded really curious about it. “How is it different?”

“Of course it’s different!” The crescent eyed girl was getting frustrated trying to explain her feelings. “I’m sure your love for me is different than mine!”

“Then tell me what’s different.” The girl simply said.

“Are you serious right now, Jessie?” She unknowingly called the girl by that name again. “You really don’t understand what I am trying to say to you?”

“I don’t.” But the shining girl didn’t seem to mind; unlike before. “So just tell me.”

“I-I can’t tell you!” Tiffany’s getting louder by the second. “I’m scared that you’ll hate me if you know what I want to do to you!”

“What do you want to do to me?” But the blonde girl kept asking as she moved even closer to her.

“Don’t!” The black haired American girl covered her face once more. “You’ll hate me!”

“You know I can never hate you, Tiff.” The girl smiled as she took Tiffany’s hands and placed them on her laps. “Now tell me; please.”

It took Tiffany anther minute before she took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything. She thought that she had already told her too many, and there was no use in holding anything back anymore.

“I want…” She said slowly and carefully.

“Yes…?” The girl asked in her playful tone.

“I want to…” The crescent eyed girl peeked at her shining face from the corner of her eyes. “… I want to hold you…”

“Okay…” The blonde girl said playfully and wrapped her arms around the black haired American girl. “There; it’s not so hard now, isn't it?”

“Y-Yes…” The girl’s warmth quickly put Tiffany at ease and comfort, and she wrapped her arms around the girl too.

“… And…?” The girl was still playing.

“And I want to…” Her playfulness helped Tiffany to relax a little and she could continue with her confession without too much stress. “… Kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.” It was a surprise answer. Never in her mind Tiffany thought the blonde girl would say those words to her.

“Wha-What are you saying?” Her heart was beating so fast. “Stop it; you don’t mean that!”

“But I do,” The shining girl said again. “I want you to kiss me.”

“I-I’m not just saying a kiss kiss.” She startled as she tried to lower her heartbeat.

“A what?”

“I-I’m not just going to kiss you on your cheek or your forehead!” Tiffany rambled.

“Then where do you want to kiss me?” The girl kept asking.

“O-On your lips!” She squealed. “I want your lips!”

“Then kiss me already!” The girl playfully matched her tone.

“A-Are you sure?” Tiffany was so surprised by her answer that she couldn’t think of what to do next. “I-I’m serious, you know!”

“You probably won’t like it!”

“Ugh, just kiss me already, you big dummy.” The girl giggled.

“O-Okay!” The crescent eyed girl said as she leaned forward awkwardly. “I-I’m going to kiss you now!”

“I mean it!”

“Yes, yes; I know.” The blonde girl sighed.

“C-Close your eyes first!” She couldn’t think straight.

“Okay, okay…”

“A-Are your eyes closed?” She asked again since she couldn’t really see her face which was blocked by that light.

“They are.”

“Really?” She kept asking. “Don’t lie to me, Jessie!”

“Oh, my God!” The girl exclaimed. “I swear they're closed, Tiff!”

“O-Okay, then…” The black haired American girl leaned forward again. “I-I’m going to kiss you now…”

But as she leaned closer, Tiffany noticed that the light on her face was blocking her from seeing the blonde’s lips, and she couldn’t tell where to kiss her. The crescent eyed girl stared at the blonde’s face for a while, trying to spot to plant her kiss, but then she realized how silly it was and she started to giggle.

“What’s wrong?” The blonde girl asked as Tiffany broke away from their hug, laughing.

“I…” The crescent eyed girl giggled. “I can’t tell where your lips are…”

“Oh!” The shining girl said in realization. “So my face is still covered by a light, huh?”

“Yeah,” Tiffany said as she calmed down and wiped her laughing tears from the corner of her eyes. “Can’t you do something about it?”

“I can’t.” The blonde girl giggled. “You are the only one who can do something about it.”

“What do you mean?” She wondered.

“Well I think my face is covered with light because of you.” The shining blonde girl said. “You’re afraid of looking at my face…”

“Why would I be scared of looking at you?” Tiffany asked again.

“I don’t know…” The blonde girl shrugged. “… Maybe because you don’t want to admit you have feelings for me?”

“I…” The crescent eyed girl pondered. “I never thought about it like that…”

“… Maybe…” She said again after a while. “… Maybe I knew it was you from the start…”

“… But I didn’t want to admit it…”

“Maybe you’re scared of us.” The blonde girl said.

“Yeah, maybe it’s true…” The black haired American girl slowly nodded. “I’m scared of this feeling I have for you…”

“I tried to hide it but it hid your face instead…”

“Then I will wait for you.” The blonde said. “I will wait until you’re ready to accept me completely.”

“I’ll wait until you’re not afraid anymore.”

“Thank you.” Tiffany said as she raised her head to look at the blonde, but then she was surprised to know that her face no longer shone, and she could see the blonde’s face clearly. It was Jessica. It was her Jessie.

“I can see you now.” She smiled warmly.

“You can?” Jessica looked puzzled. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” The crescent eyed girl reached out and touched the blonde’s cheek. “I can.”

“Does this mean…” Jessie’s eyes were getting teary, and she didn’t have the courage to finish her words.

Tiffany said nothing too, as she kept smiling and staring at the blue eyed girl’s face like she was seeing it for the first time. And then she ran her fingers to Jessica’s lips, and traced the lines.

And Jessica couldn’t do or say anything but stare at her crescent eyes, hoping that Tiffany would say something, anything to break the silence. But the crescent eyed girl said nothing at all, and to her surprise, the black haired girl closed her eyes and leaned forward. The blonde girl then closed her eyes, anticipating what was about to come. Jessica then felt a warm and tender sensation on her lips, as Tiffany planted a kiss. It was so tender at first, but then the crescent eyed girl pressed forward and the blonde was pushed backward. But then Jessica could feel Tiffany’s arms wrapping around her body, stopping her from moving backwards, and pulling her closer to her. The blue eyed girl then wrapped her arms around her too, and pressed their bodies together, and they instantly felt warmth all over their bodies.

Their lips locked for a while, but Jessica had another plan. The blonde girl then slightly opened , and her tongue slowly reached out and caressed Tiffany’s lips, and then gently moved her tongue to try and open the crescent eyed girl’s lips. But Tiffany then suddenly broke away, and Jessica could see a puzzled look on her face.

“What was that?” The crescent eyed girl asked.

“What was what?” Jessica returned the question. She clearly looked disappointed that Tiffany broke their kiss, as she touched her own lips like she was trying to savor the crescent eyed girl’s taste.

“What were you doing with your tongue?” Tiffany asked again.

“N-Nothing…” The blonde girl startled as she didn’t expect the question. “I was just kissing you…”

“Yeah, but why were you kissing me with your tongue?” The black haired American girl kept asking. Clearly she was not expecting a kiss like that, as she only had little experience before.

“T-That was just a part of the kiss!” Jessica was blushing now as she realized what happened.

“R-Really?” It was Tiffany’s turn to blush. “D-Do we have to do it with our tongue?”

“W-Well…” The blue eyed girl was dumfounded by her innocence. “… That’s what adults do…”

“And where did you learn that?” Tiffany’s eyes suddenly grew bigger.

“Uh…” And Jessica leaned backward to avoid her suspicious eyes. “… From the movies?”

“What kind of movies do you watch?” She asked again, but she was laughing now that she imagined Jessica sitting in front of the television watching kissing scenes.

“R-Romantic films?” The blonde girl’s answer sounded more like a question.

“Hmm…” Tiffany was getting more suspicious of her. “Is that so?”

“A-Anyway!” Jessie suddenly stood up. “You’ve just ruined our kiss!”

“I-I did?” She was surprised.

“Yeah, you did!” The blonde girl sounded really disappointed as she crossed her arms.

“I-I’m sorry, Jessie…” The black haired girl looked sad. “I didn’t mean to…”

“I-It just felt awkward and—“

“—You didn’t like it?” Jessica asked weakly; scared that Tiffany didn’t want to kiss her anymore.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it,” Tiffany smiled and shook her head. “It was just a new feeling for me and I got confused…”

“Oh…” The blonde girl felt her answer was not really comforting.

“I’m sorry, Jessie…”

“That’s okay,” Jessica took a deep breath and smiled her sweetest. “The kiss doesn’t count anyway!”

“But why?” Tiffany stood up and rushed to her side.

“Because this is just a dream, silly!” The blonde girl giggled.

“This is just a dream?”

“Yes; it is.” Jessica smiled as she started to walk away. “So you’re just going to have to wake up and kiss me all over again…”

“Jessie!” Tiffany tried to reach the blonde’s hands but Jessica was already too far from her. “Where are you going?”

“It doesn’t count…” The blue eyed girl was getting further and further away but she could hear Jessie’s voice like she was right next to her.

“Jessie, no!” Tiffany cried and tried to reach out to her, but she couldn’t move her body. “Don’t leave me!”

“Don’t leave me again!” Suddenly her legs felt so weak and she fell on her knees.

“This is just a dream…” Jessica whispered in her ears and everything went dark…

The crescent eyed girl woke up in her room and found herself staring at the ceiling. She glanced to her side and found an empty made bed. Taeyeon must have had gone to school already. She sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes, and noticed that she had been crying in her sleep. She wiped her still wet cheeks with her hand and stared at the wall in front of her.

“It was just a dream…” She repeated those words.

Suddenly she felt like she had wasted a perfect chance to confess her love. And she wished that it was not a dream. She wished that she was really in the forest right now, and Jessica was there with her. She wished that the blonde girl really said those words to her, and that she really kissed her.

“But it’s not,” She said to herself. “It was just a dream…”

“Why would she love me in real life?” She let out a sigh. “I’m just her best friend…”

“I was her best friend…” She corrected herself. And after hearing her own lips said those words, she couldn’t hold her tears and she cried. Again. Poor Tiffany; it seemed that all she did was cry now. Poor Tiffany who left her home and went almost 10.000 km away, who dreamed of finding something to become her passion, her future, who simply wanted to have new friends and experience life to the fullest. Poor Tiffany who thought that getting her father’s permission and leaving her friends and learning new language were the hardest obstacles she had to face.

But now she had forgotten all those things. Now she had found the greatest obstacle she had never thought she would have to face. Now all she could think about was Jessica Jung. As much as she wanted to forget all about the pretty blonde girl, she kept appearing in her life. And poor Tiffany could only cry…

“So what do you think?” Jessica Ho asked Tiffany as they sat on the bar stool of the RnB café, one week after he former had her first appearance on television. “Was I too much?”

“No; you’re not,” The crescent eyed girl shook her head as she sipped her iced coffee. “You were so cool.”

“Really?” The mean looking girl smiled widely. “You don’t have to sugar-coat it, you know.”

“Just tell me the truth.”

“I am telling the truth,” Tiffany giggled. “You were so awesome!”

“Aww, thanks…” Jessica Ho blushed and pulled her black sponsored hat down to hide her face; and it was a rare thing for Tiffany to see.

“You’re welcome!” The black haired American girl laughed. “Although I was just stating the obvious.”

“I don’t understand why they don’t offer you more shows…”

“Well, it’s complicated.” Jessica Ho smiled as she reached for her carbonated drink. “Rap isn’t really hot right now in Korea…”

“So us rappers need to work harder than you idols…”

“Oh, I’m not an idol yet.” The crescent eyed girl smiled. “I’m just a lowly trainee…”

“And besides, aren’t you considered as an idol too?”

“Ugh, don’t group me with those flashy bimbos,” The mean looking girl looked disgusted. “All they do is wiggle their s and butts in front of those erts…”

“No-no; I’m an artist…”

“Hey, I’m going to be one of them one of these days!” Tiffany quickly said; upset with her rude comment.

“Oh, right!” Jessica Ho suddenly realized her mistake. “Sorry!”

But Tiffany then stayed quiet, and the mean looking girl knew she had crossed the line. And for a while both girls didn’t say anything; Jessi busy playing with her cell phone and Tiffany just sat there staring at the distance.

The crescent eyed girl couldn’t help but think how different her new best friend was from her Jessie. This Jessi had a temper and often spoke rudely. It was like she spoke without thinking first. While the other Jessica, her Jessie, always had a soft and gentle demeanor, and always spoke with a calm and soothing way.

But of course Tiffany knew they were two different persons, and it was not fair for her to compare the two. Even when they had the same name.

“Look; I’m sorry, okay?” Jessica Ho finally broke the silence. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You know I always speak without thinking first.” The mean looking girl continued when Tiffany didn’t respond. “It’s just the way I talk.”

“And I know you’re going to be different than them…” Jessi tried hard to explain herself. “I mean; you’re not like them at all…”

“How do you know?” She finally spoke. “How can you tell I’m going to be a different idol?”

“W-Well…” The mean looking girl got surprised by her question. “You just are…”

“I mean; I can tell that you’re different from them…”

“Ugh, never mind…” The crescent eyed girl sighed and stirred her iced coffee. Somehow she missed tasting the sweet caramel coffee she used to have with Jessie. “It’s okay…”

“I’m sorry…” And both girls fell into silence once more.

“So…” Jessica Ho tried to break the ice. “You never told me why you wanted to become an idol…”

“I don’t know…” Tiffany said without turning her gaze from her now not-so-cold-iced-coffee.

“Oh, come on!” The mean looking girl squealed. “Are you going to be mad at me forever?”

“I already said I’m sorry!”

“Ugh, okay…” The crescent eyed girl sighed and rested her chin on the palm of her hand. She knew she couldn't be mad at her the whole night. “What was it?”

“Why did you want to become an idol?” Jessi repeated her question.

“The truth is,” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I really don’t know…”

“I just thought that I wanted to have something in my life worth pursuing…”

“All my friends back in the States have something they want to do,” She started reminiscing her days in Los Angeles. “And I wanted to find that.”

“I’ve never been good at anything besides singing,” The crescent eyed girl brushed her hair aside. “And when SM held an audition I thought why not?”

“I thought that perhaps it was a sign from God or something…”

“And here I am…”

“That’s not a really good story,” Jessica Ho chuckled. “I thought you were going to say that it had been your long-life dream to become an idol…”

“Yeah; it’s funny that way, huh?” Tiffany giggled as she felt the same. “I guess it wasn’t really an inspiring story…”

“And how about now?” The mean looking girl asked again. “Have you found more inspiration?”

The crescent eyed girl was quiet again as she thought about the question. She realized that she hadn’t really thought about her dream in a while. She was too busy thinking about a certain blonde girl that she had forgotten all about it.

Is becoming an idol the thing she wanted the most?

The more she thought about it the more she felt it was not true. She went to training every single day but she felt that she hadn’t really improve her singing. All she did was have fun and joke around with her friends and her Jessie. She was too occupied with the blue eyed girl that everything else didn’t matter.

“What do you think I should do?” Tiffany asked her new best friend when she realized she was far from her original goal.

“What?” The mean looking girl was puzzled by the sudden question. “What do you mean?”

“I think I haven’t found anything since I came here…” The black haired American girl said sadly. “I don’t know if this is what I want to do anymore…”

“Well that’s not good!” Jessi was surprised by her comment. “You can’t be wasting your time doing things you’re not sure you wanted in the first place!”

“Yeah; I know…” She let out a deep sigh and remembered she wanted to ask her new friend for an advice. Someone who could give her a straight answer. Someone outside her fellow trainee friends who could give her an objective point of view. “What do you think I should do?”

“Well first tell me why you feel that this isn’t what you want to do anymore.” Jessi looked serious.

“I don’t know…” Tiffany shook her head. “I just feel like I haven’t done anything with my life…”

“And that is the opposite of why I left home in the first place…”

“I go to school, I go to training, I play with my friends…” She purposely left out details about her and the blonde girl. “And days go by…”

“But it feels like I haven’t done anything at all…”

“Ah, I feel you.” Jessica Ho nodded. “I felt the same way the first time I moved here…”

“You do?”

“Yeah; I felt like I was alone and nobody understood me,” The mean looking girl started saying. “And here it was so different than back home…”

“I almost gave up a few times and wanted to go home…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…” Jessi stared at her and gave an understanding smile. “But I always had this dream of becoming a rapper and that dream kept me going.”

“It’s nice to have such a strong will…” Tiffany let out a sigh.

“That’s it!” The mean looking girl suddenly shouted, startling Tiffany and a couple of other guests.

“W-What?”

“You just need to find the same motivation!” Jessica Ho looked fired up.

“How?”

“Well…” The mean looking girl seemed to be deep in thought. “Have you tried to talk about this with your instructors?”

“I’m not that close with my instructors,” She shook her head. “And they’d probably think less of me if I came to them saying I can’t find my motivation…”

“Really?” Jessi looked very surprised. “I used to talk with my instructors all the time!”

“They’re not just there to teach you stuff, but they’re also there to guide and advice you.”

“I-I don’t know,” Tiffany was surprised by the difference. “Our instructors looked so busy that we don’t get to talk with them…”

“SME, huh…” The mean looking girl smirked. “Figures…”

“What?” Tiffany asked.

“Well the thing is your agency is so popular and everyone wants to join them.” Jessica Ho explained. “The company became too big that the instructors don’t have the time to guide each and every one of you.”

“That’s the downside of joining such a huge company.”

“Oh…” She pondered her comment. “… I never thought about it like that…”

“Yeah; but our agency is smaller so the instructors and managers are able to give us their full attention.” Jessica Ho sounded proud as she said that.

“Everyone get along so well that we’re like one big happy family.”

“Oh…” Tiffany envied her new best friend. In SME the instructors didn’t seem to care much about them, and they would only give them lectures and taught them lessons. Everyone looked to be on edge all the time like there was a fierce competition amongst them. The crescent eyed girl then was reminded of Yujin and Jihye, her dorm roommates, and the rivalry they pointed out to her. In fact; she had never seen other kids to be close with each other like her and her friends. “That’s nice…”

“Well then have you talked about it with your friends?” Jessica Ho asked again.

“No; not really…” Tiffany said as she recalled how she and her friends were always fooling around and never talked about something serious.

“Not even with Jessica?” The mean looking girl looked curious. “I mean that blonde girl.”

“N-No; we haven’t.” When she heard the blue eyed girl’s name her face stiffened and her body shivered. Every time someone mentioned Jessie she was reminded of her dream and how they kissed, and she felt really awkward. Even worse; every time she noticed the blonde girl in the same room as her, or whenever her eyes stumbled upon her, she would feel so stiff and awkward that she wanted to vanish into thin air. The only good thing was Jessie was still ignoring her, and it made it a little bit easier for her to avoid her.

“Did something happened between you two?” Jessi asked her as she noticed something was wrong.

“N-Nothing happened!” She almost squealed as she said that and her face was blushing. “W-What makes you think there’s something between us?”

“Well I noticed you’ve been avoiding each other nowadays…” The mean looking girl was getting suspicious.

“W-We’re not avoiding each other!” Tiffany looked desperate. “N-Nothing happened!”

“A-And how would you know if anything happened anyway?” She started to ramble on. “You don’t even go to school that much!”

“Hey, I’ve been busy promoting my single!” The mean looking girl defended herself. “It can’t be helped!”

“Y-Yeah, well I’m just saying that you shouldn’t skip school too much or you’ll fall behind!” She reprimanded her.

“Okay, okay,” Jessica Ho couldn’t help but laugh at her American best friend. “I’ll try…”

And soon both girls laughed, although Tiffany’s more a relieved laughed that Jessi didn’t notice anything about her and the blonde girl.

“I think you should just join our agency then.” Jessica Ho said as the night was getting late and both girls were walking to the bus station.

“W-What?” Tiffany was shocked by her sudden comment. They were talking about silly and fun stuff for a while that she had forgotten that they were talking about something serious.

“I’m not trying to force you or anything,” The mean looking girl explained. “I’m just saying that you should think about it.”

“You’re obviously having a hard time finding your motivation and your agency won’t do anything about it.”

“If you join our agency I know you’ll be taken good care of.” Jessi stopped and looked at her eyes. “And the agency would help you dig out your potential.”

“B-But I can’t just leave my agency like that,” Tiffany said, but in her mind she was actually thinking about it. “Can I?”

“Of course you can.” The mean looking girl said again. “You’re not an idol yet so your contract is not so strict about leaving the place.”

“And if you join our agency I know the managers will help you sort things out.”

“I-I don’t know, Jessi…” The crescent eyed girl seemed to be pondering the possibility.

“You don’t have to decide now, Tiff.” Jessica Ho smiled kindly as Tiffany’s bus arrived. “I just think it would be better for you and your future if you think about it…”

“Y-Yeah…” Tiffany nodded slowly. “Thanks, Jessi…”

“I’ll think about it…”

And during the bus ride home Tiffany really thought about switching agencies. She thought about what Jessi told her, that their instructors and managers would pay more attention to her, and they would help her in any way to make sure her talents wouldn’t go to waste. But the main reason she thought about it was because if she changed agencies then she wouldn’t have to see a certain blonde girl again, and that would help her concentrate on her future and kill the love she had for the blue eyed girl. And that would be the best for her and Jessie now, wouldn’t it?

As she looked through the window on her left and saw the city’s street lights she felt a pain in her chest. The more she thought about switching agencies, the more she felt scared of not seeing her Jessie again. How funny was it; she wanted to switch agencies so she wouldn’t have to see Jessie again, but the thought of not being able to see the blue eyed girl scared her the most. And as the bus reached her stop, she picked herself up and walked towards her dorm. As she was walking she kept praying to God to give her a sign, any sign to help her decide what was best for her.

Please, God… She prayed as the elevator door opened slowly. Give me a sign…

Help me overcome this…