For all that Insoo had listened well and thoughtfully, he still had little power in getting Taekwoon out of his solitary confinement situation. It was near dark when he returned to bring food and his verdict to the contained rider. Insoo exhaled in frustration and set the food on the side table before he plopped down on the floor and scrubbed at his hair.

            Taekwoon glanced at the tray of bread and some kind of thin soup before taking a breath. “That good, huh?”

            “My hands are tied,” Insoo scowled as he gestured with his palms up.

            “Ah,” the other rider murmured, picking up the hunk of bread to nibble on it. He wasn’t hungry but he needed food. Plus, it gave him something to do so he wouldn’t have to think of something to say immediately. He figured the wing leader would add more information anyway and he wasn’t wrong.

            “The worst of the dragons are gone, thank Bahamut, but the Fantor and Marsh Rest forces haven’t given up yet,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest, face shadowed with dark thoughts. “Taecyeon demanded we get a break today. Rest up. our wounds,” he snorted with a glance at the various bandages on his person. “On the morrow, we’re expected to join the fray again.” His mouth twisted in distaste. “Never thought we’d have to fight humans,” he admitted. “Not like this anyway,” he added with a heavy sigh, picking at his fingers distractedly.

            Taekwoon mulled over what he’d heard and set the hunk of bread on his thigh. “Who all will be going?”

            “Anyone that can fly. Within reason,” Insoo responded, adding the second half quickly. “Just as well you’re injured,” the wing leader shook his head and glanced at the spot where he knew the other man had been stabbed.

            Reflexively, Taekwoon reached a hand to press against the wound hidden under his loose shirt, grateful it didn’t hurt so much as long as he didn’t move. “I take it I won’t be going,” he winced, feeling strangely drained. He’d napped most of the time he was left alone, but his sleep wasn’t restful by any means. There seemed to be a permanent pit of anxiety burrowing in his belly and he couldn’t calm it, no matter what he tried.

            “Even if you weren’t injured, given your volatility today, I wouldn’t be able to convince anyone you might not snap on them right now,” he grimaced. “I have a pretty good idea of what you’re dealing with and even I’d be a little hesitant,” Insoo admitted softly, his shrug apologetic.

            “I still don’t remember what I did. Not really,” Taekwoon sighed, gut twisting with the fear of the memories themselves. Part of him wanted to know and the rest… didn’t. Being compared to a rogue dragon was explanation enough and yet, it still didn’t capture what he figured the true horror of it was.

            Insoo gave him a sad look and nodded, choosing not to respond to his comment. “The wings are all a bit shaken,” he explained, his expression turning slightly haunted by the admission. “Jinyoung’s wing is…” he trailed off with a grimace.

            “Broken,” Taekwoon finished for him dejectedly, having gleaned tidbits from what Jonghyun would tell him, even if that information was limited. He knew his dragon was keeping information from him to protect him, but it was still frustrating.

            “For lack of a better word,” he conceded, glancing at him sideways out of the corner of his eye. “Most of us have fought in some kind of skirmish but this… this was new. They didn’t really know what they were getting into and having lost two dragons and… Jeongmin,” he exhaled. “They’ll be sitting the morrow out. I’m not even sure they’ll come back with us to the Aerie at this point.”

            “That’s… fair,” Taekwoon mumbled with a hollow voice, taking a bite of bread and focusing on chewing. He hadn’t been sure what they would do, but he couldn’t blame them for wanting to bow out if they could. The thought had crossed his mind too, albeit very briefly, though his circumstances were considerably different. Not that it mattered in the end. Whatever they might face at the Aerie would probably be worse after all.

            With tired grace, Insoo pushed himself off the ground and stood up so he could look down at Taekwoon with a searching expression. “Are you sure you’re good?” he asked simply, obviously looking for something.

            “For now,” Taekwoon nodded, knowing it was all he could promise. Given what had happened, he didn’t know how he was, but right now, he was okay. Or at least he hoped that was the feeling he was reading.

            No dragon. Just anxious, Jonghyun encouraged, helping to soothe that worry.

            “Alright,” his wing leader nodded slowly, shuffling in place as if he wasn’t sure what else to say. “We’re gonna try to free the city from the siege on the morrow, but if we can’t, we’ll still be leaving in the afternoon or evening. We’ve done what we came to do. Now we need to get back to the Aerie as soon as possible.”

            “Agreed,” the other rider exhaled with a nod. “Soo?” he asked hesitantly, not sure if they were close enough for the nickname but not really caring at the moment.

            “Yeah?” he asked, face curious as he waited for the question.

            “Will I get to go home too?” he had to ask, belly clenching with uncertainty at the possibility it might be no.

            Insoo’s automatic smile was reassuring. “Even if I have to hog tie you and carry you on Gunwoo with me, you’re coming home with us. I promise.”

            “Thanks,” Taekwoon whispered, the word barely making it past his lips as relief flooded him.

            “Jinki would probably kill me if I didn’t anyway,” his wing leader added with just a hint of humor.

            Taekwoon barked a single laugh and shook his head. “More like a scolding.”

            “Bad enough,” he admitted with an open shrug and a head tilt. “For now, just take it easy. Try to get some rest and maybe figure out what’s going on with you again,” he suggested, the words rushed but not unkind.

            “I will,” he answered quietly, subdued once more. “And thanks again, Soo.”

            His wing leader’s face softened and he smiled. “No thanks needed, Taekwoon. You’re one of mine after all. Just… maybe try not to cause so much trouble in the future,” he added with a quick wink.

            “Yes, sir,” Taekwoon responded by rote, feeling the ghost of a smile appear on his face. He watched the wing leader step out of the room and then he heard his dragon speak.

            Not all bad news, his dragon comforted carefully.

            No, but not really good news either, he countered with a mental sigh. None of this day had come with good news. A total of eight dragons and riders dead, thirteen with major injuries, including himself, and most of the rest suffering from some kind of minor injuries… the news was not good for them. Add to that the strange appearance of his dragon half and it was a recipe for regret and anxiety. Regret for what he knew he’d done, remembered or otherwise, and anxiety for what had happened plus whatever could still happen… His dragon half was quiet for now, but that didn’t mean it would stay that way. And unlike with Jonghyun, he didn’t know how to meet his dragon half to try and figure things out.

            Eat first. Then maybe talk. You need strength for when we go home, his dragon reminded him simply, the gentle command a well timed reminder.

            “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled audibly before tossing the rest of the bread in the soup so it could soften a bit. At least he had a window to look out of. Chewing on the soggy bread, he wondered how Jinki was doing. On the back of that thought, he sincerely hoped nothing was happening at the Aerie while he wasn’t there. On the heels of that mute query, he could feel Jonghyun there, but refraining from saying something. What? he prompted, amused by his dragon’s attempt at patience and tact.

            Mate fine, he promised instead.

            Skeptical, Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed and he countered, How do you know?

            Mate says. Would know. Probably, he added just in case. If something big, you probably know too.

            Yeah?

            Distance make hard to hear, but still feel, he explained with a very clear mental image of the dragon tapping his chest with his talons.

            The explanation was as comforting as it was worrisome. Hopefully his mate wasn’t feeling any of the worry and anxiety he was dealing with here. Or worse, he could only hope this sensation wasn’t coming from Jinki himself. It was miserable. At the very least, he did manage to finish eating, though the food sat heavy in his stomach. Frustratingly, he was also tired but restless. He wanted to get out and lie down next to Jonghyun. Being close to his dragon always made him feel more grounded, but… yep. The door was locked and he saw the liveried color of a Kokoshir guard on duty so no talking around that one.

            “Ugh,” he groaned softly as he resigned himself to a night of solitude. Relatively speaking. He still had Jonghyun and Jongup nearby, even if he couldn’t feel them physically. And since there was nothing for him to do in the meantime, sleep would probably be a good idea to at least try.

            But as he lie there, forcing his body to relax, his head seemed to clear. Or rather… his memories. He flinched as bloody ghosts came to life in his mind. Anxiousness twisted like a dagger in his gut as he relived the moment of his first kill, feeling the lack of resistance as his blade passed through a living body. With a sickened gasp, he sat up and took a steadying breath, blinking hard to banish the mental image. His cheeks were cold and he brushed trembling hands at them. They came away damp.

            Rider? The question surprised him and he flinched at the mental inquiry.

            Memories, he admitted after a short pause. He could feel them coming to life in his mind as he had nothing left to distract him. Dragon? he asked, suddenly afraid.

            Jonghyun hesitated and then answered, There but… waiting.

            For what?

            Don’t know.

            Jong?

            Yes?

            I’m scared, he admitted in a small voice. This was new and unpredictable and he didn’t know how it was going to end.

            He felt his dragon weigh his words before trying to speak. No shame in surviving, rider. Ugly. But… you live.

            But… he whispered, staring at his open palms in the fading light, fingers twitching. I killed people and dragons. I hurt them, he emphasized with horror, feeling revulsion as a part of him reveled in it.

            Yes. You did, the dragon agreed without any judgement in his voice. Cannot change past, rider. Only now important.

            I don’t want it! he howled, fingers clawing into his arms.

            Jonghyun was quiet for several breaths before he whispered, I’m here. Mate here. Cannot save you from this, but… not abandon. You rider. I dragon. Not change.

            Taekwoon ducked his head into his fists and tried not to cry. That was not what he wanted to hear. While his dragon didn’t cut him off entirely, he didn’t speak to him again. For marks, the rider stared at his thin pillow like it was some kind of monster. He knew if he laid down again, his memories would resurface and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to know… But… he was tired. And hurting. And it would be a very long night and day if he tried to simply stay awake for all of it.

            With a broken sob, he finally reconciled himself to whatever was coming. He couldn’t escape it anyway. As his head touched the pillow and his body started to relax, he felt something waking. Taekwoon panicked for a heartbeat as his dragon half stirred long enough to grab his consciousness and drag him into forced slumber state. He did not sleep, but neither was he awake. Not really, and on the edges of his awareness, he could feel Jonghyun and Jongup, watching, waiting, but neither made any effort to pull him free.

            Now, it was nothing but him, his dragon half, and their shared memories.

            Through the night, Taekwoon drifted in a half conscious state but he battled as well, trying to reconcile Taekwoon the man with Taekwoon the dragon. The dragon dredged every memory of the kills and injuries into view with pride and satisfaction. It was like he was saying, Look! See our strength! See how we have protected those in our wing!

            And all Taekwoon could feel was horror and nausea at the cold and ruthless nature of his dragon half. Riders died and dragons were slain or maimed by his hands. Human hands with a dragon’s rage. Over and over again, his riding hook found purchase, his blade found a body, and his human heart wept. This was not what he was meant to do.

            This is not me! he cried in denial.

            I am you! his dragon half howled, the sound feeling as if it twisted into his very soul.

            Raging, a new voice bulled into them, snarling, Not him! Us! The last word was a long, drawn out hiss like a challenge.

            Jong… he whispered plaintively, stumbling towards the new voice before stopping. In this dream space, there was no sense of bodies. He recognized a presence that was his, his dragon half, and his dragon, but there were no visual markers. That didn’t stop him from coming to a dizzying understanding. The dragon half was of Jonghyun and Taekwoon. It was the fragment of a dragon’s soul in a human’s body given life and thought. And in battle, it was constantly vying for dominance. For it was stronger. It was more prepared for combat. For doing what was necessary to protect what was his.

            He did not weigh the cost of a life, the pain of loss for a dragon or rider. He only recognized what it would take to win. The chaos of battle and the fury of retribution for daring to fly against him.

            This is not us! he keened at last, feeling wrung out and broken. His rage had long since abated and all he felt, as a man, was sickness. But the dragon part of him denied his weakness. He refuted it with fury. Practically attacked him for his softness and inability to do what was necessary to protect those he claimed to care about.

            Taekwoon felt like he was drowning. It was a struggle to breathe. To think. To do anything more than to resist the most basic instincts of his dragon half. This is not us, he cried again, metaphorically hunched down low as he tried to protect himself from the other half of himself.

            US! Jonghyun challenged into the void, his reverberating call reaching into Taekwoon’s chest to pull his head up and making his dragon half pause.

            Us? it echoed in brief confusion. The tone seemed to indicate it had never even considered the possibility.

            Us! Taekwoon urged ‘standing’ upright. Dragon and man, he explained, gesturing between himself and where his dragon should be.

            No! Dragon! his dragon half growled, digging in for a fight.

            Taekwoon shared a connection, an understanding with his dragon. Not surprisingly, they agreed. US! they roared in tandem as the duo lunged for Taekwoon’s dragon half, metaphorically locking claws with him.

            It felt like an eternity before Taekwoon’s, and only Taekwoon’s, consciousness rose to the fore. But waking brought no real peace either. His body ached, he felt cold from the inside out, and his eyes stung when he opened them to the late morning light. “Ugh…” he groaned, wincing against the illumination as he turned his head away.

            “Taekwoon?” he heard, the voice soft and familiar and very much someone he didn’t really want to see right now.

            “Chaerin,” he murmured in a whisper, squinting against the unfortunately bright light to see her worried face looming over his.

            “Easy,” she soothed, reaching for his forehead with her right hand and pulling a damp cloth away. She winced at the motion and switched hands before dipping the fabric in a water bowl and wringing it out. “You were having fever dreams,” she murmured, eyes glancing at him quickly as if to say she didn’t think that was entirely true.

            “More than that,” he gasped, fighting the urge to cough or be sick. The cloth was almost too cool when she placed it back on his forehead though, dabbing at the overheated skin gently.

            “What happened?” she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

            He didn’t feel too eager to explain and his lips thinned mutely. But reaching for his dragons, he inhaled quickly and felt like he was falling. “My dragons?” he exhaled, making a half-hearted and doomed effort to sit up before his own body revolted and Chaerin’s hand stopped him, pressing his shoulders back to the bed.

            “They’re fine,” Chaerin urged as she leveraged her weight to make sure he stayed down. He flinched from the unexpected pressure but then looked at her intently, waiting. “Jonghyun is sleeping. Fei mentioned he might not have gotten much last night before I came to see you.”

            Taekwoon turned his head to the side and coughed once, as much to keep from crying as not. He felt hot and tired and drained. And now Chaerin was here, of all people. “Why are you here?” he had to ask, looking back at her with narrowed eyes.

            “Well,” she sniffed once and shrugged. “The Healer said it was just a fever and everyone else is… busy,” she added, biting her bottom lip. “But I’ve learned nothing with you ever seems to be simple and… I’ve got nothing better to do. Besides,” she whispered with a shake of her head. “The other riders are fighting and my kin are…” Her voice trailed off before she took a shaky breath and wiped at her eyes. “I’ve got nothing better to do,” she admitted almost jokingly, but her hand on his chest was almost reverent. That more than anything bade him hold his tongue. “I mean, it’s also the least I can do for you helping me. Again,” she scoffed, rather like she was annoyed with herself.

            “I helped you?” he wondered aloud, the surprise pulling the words from him before he meant to set them free.

            Chaerin smiled at him and nodded. “And many others,” she promised sincerely. “Oh, you were terrible to see. More dragon than man. Just like a rogue that you’ve recently been compared to,” she explained with gentle care. Taekwoon winced at the reminder and she shook her head, moving her hand up to grip his shoulder. “It was frightening, but not once did you turn your fury against any of us. There is something to be said for that.”

            Taekwoon took a deep breath and swallowed thickly, closing his eyes. That was good news at least. Thinking about it, he hadn’t seen any of their dragons or allies in his sights during the night, so she was likely correct. It just didn’t seem enough though. He laughed once, a bitter sound, and opened his eyes again. “Every time I think I have something figured out, I’m proven wrong,” he spoke, voice tight with unshed emotion.

            ”I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I do know that you’re still you,” she promised, taking a short moment to look down at him.

            He looked at her with narrowed eyes and then shivered. “Ugh, this is miserable,” he admitted with a pained swallow, the sensation of malaise just weighing on every part of him.

            “Then get better,” she encouraged, changing the cloth on his brow while he glared at her mutely. “You look like you’re past the worst of it,” she explained, pressing the backs of her fingers against his cheeks before he could flinch away. “You looked much worse before you woke up.” Another silent glare followed that statement and she snorted with a shake of her head. “Well. I’m gonna go get you some food and water at least. Try not to do anything foolish while I’m gone,” she teased lightly, a hesitant smile pulling at her lips.

            “Hah,” he half-coughed a laugh and then wrinkled his nose when it hurt more than he thought it would. Chaerin left after giving him a final thoughtful look, leaving him to his solitude and his thoughts once more. They weren’t as troubled as before though. He still couldn’t reach Jonghyun but their bond was there, strong and reassuring. Jongup’s was too, albeit weaker, as per usual. And there… was his dragon half, slumbering beneath the surface. He stirred when Taekwoon brushed a feather soft thought against him but did not wake, content to sleep for the moment. That was good enough for Taekwoon.

            For the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, he rested and slept, eating more thin soup and drinking as much water as Chaerin could badger into him. His dragons woke – all of them – during that time and the copper and blue made sure he was alright in turn. Through them, he heard about the actions of the wings, and was able to let Chaerin know when they would be leaving, within a certain time frame, that afternoon. She either couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him about what she knew of the wings but was surprised by his news.

            It was just as well to Taekwoon. He was starting to come out of the sick haze and with the clarity came a disconcerting sense of foreboding and unease. It was possible it had been adding to his general poor health all day, but until this moment, he hadn’t been aware of it. When he asked Jonghyun about it, the copper didn’t know for sure. Something was off but he couldn’t say what. As he sat up in bed slowly, Taekwoon touched his chest, uncertainty writ on his face. What he was feeling was coming from his dragon half. Born from Jonghyun but grown into something else in Taekwoon, it was something that was of them but separate too. A third entity, more dragon than man, but twistedly adhered to Taekwoon’s values. And all too unpredictable for his liking, but right now, it was telling him that something was coming or perhaps already happening.

            “We have to get ready,” he hissed through clenched teeth as he swung his legs over the bed and struggled to stand.

            “Easy,” Chaerin cautioned while she moved to his side to support him.

            He wanted to push her away with the idea that he didn’t need her help, but as soon as he got to his feet, he realized how strangely weak he was. Taekwoon bit his tongue and fumed about his condition. Worst timing ever… “We need to go,” he murmured determinedly.

            One arm over her shoulder and her hands bracing his waist, Chaerin blinked at him. “Are the riders returning? Has there been word?”

            “No,” he scowled darkly. “But we need to go now. Please,” he asked in a clipped voice. “Tell Insoo. He will… understand,” Taekwoon admitted with his head ducked.

            She gave him a skeptical look for a moment, he could feel her eyes appraising him, before she sighed and carefully stepped away. “Don’t hurt yourself while I’m gone,” she warned firmly, a finger pointed at him as she pursed her lips in dissatisfaction over his condition.

            “Go,” he urged again, awkwardly gesturing towards the door and stopping just before he upset his very precarious balance.

            “Ugh,” she groaned, rolling her eyes with a breathy exhale before she left in a hurry.

            Shuffling to the door at a snail’s pace, Taekwoon peered outside and felt unfairly outraged by the sheer lack of urgency anywhere in sight. Another guard stood in front of his door but no one was rushing in the hallways. Hobbling to the window, he endured the same disappointment since life within Kokoshir appeared to continue mostly as it had. Of course he had a limited view but people still wandered the streets, though in smaller numbers if the sound of their voices was any indication.

            Too much time passed between when Chaerin left and someone else came. Taekwoon could feel it and it knotted his insides up terribly. The sound of his door opening made him spin around too quickly, losing his balance so that he started to tilt to the side in awkward panic.

            “Whoa!” a welcome voice yelped as footsteps quickly tapped into the room. As embarrassed as he was to be caught, Taekwoon was inordinately glad to hear and see Insoo. His Wing Leader braced him against his chest with a bemused expression and mentioned, “At least I know I don’t need to secure you for the flight home.”

            Awareness of his vulnerability vanished in light of those words and Taekwoon gasped, “Are we leaving now?”

            “Soon,” Insoo encouraged, easing Taekwoon back into a self-standing position.

            Frustration and worry bit hard again. “Now would be better,” he explained in agitation, hands balling into fists in lieu of pacing.

            “What’s wrong? Chaerin said you felt something,” Insoo prompted, staying close, just in case.

            “Something,” Taekwoon agreed hurriedly. “I just…” he trailed off, forcing himself to calm down. The constant sensation in the back of his mind could have been making the situation worse, but if he couldn’t at least give a reason, it would be for naught anyway. “Can we leave first? Just in case?” he asked, his lips before biting the bottom one. Insoo’s brow rose and he went on, “I know there are things to be finalized but surely, with the wilds cleared from the area,” he reasoned, “a small group can go immediately.”

            Insoo looked at him for a long moment, eyes tracing over him intently. “Are you fit to ride?” he asked simply.

            “Even if I have to tie myself into the harness, yes,” he responded immediately, knowing he might well have to. His injuries and recent illness made him a poor rider indeed.

            “Foolish rider,” Insoo snorted once, lightly shaking his head. “Come on then. Let’s go,” he commanded, turning and heading towards the door, his pace slower than usual but still hard to match.

            Taekwoon grimaced and moved in his wake. One after the other, they existed the room and had started walking before the guard stopped them. “Halt! He’s not to leave the room until we hear from the King.”

            Both stopped but it was Insoo that turned to look at the guard with icy eyes. “As none of his actions harmed any of Kokoshir’s forces, what happens to a dragonrider of Bahamut’s Aerie – judgement, punishment or otherwise – is Aerie business. Not Kokoshir’s,” he stated simply, one hand drifting to the pommel of his sword to rest there lightly, like a bird.

            “But-”

            “You may tell the King as much,” Insoo interrupted with a nudge on Taekwoon’s back to get him moving. He clearly waited for Taekwoon to start walking, his gaze trained on the guard, before he said, “Good day,” and turned to join his wing member. “Just keep walking,” he stated with his eyes focused straight ahead.

            “I’m glad you’re on my side,” Taekwoon murmured with the ghost of a laugh.

            “I told you. You’re one of mine. Of course I’m on your side. Just stop getting into trouble one of these days. Okay?” he pushed with a sidelong expression that had the younger rider edging away just a touch.

            “Yes, sir,” he responded without even thinking about it.

            It still took too long for Taekwoon’s liking, but with Insoo as his guide and then as his Wing Leader, he was able to convince acting Captain Taecyeon to let them leave as a vanguard. If nothing else, should something actually be happening at the Aerie, they could let the Aerie Master know that at least three wings would be following shortly. Taecyeon agreed on the promise that Taekwoon particularly would be his responsibility. Heavens bless him, Insoo promised without hesitation. Taekwoon took it for granted that his wing mates signed on as soon as their Wing Leader did. He didn’t realize until after he saw them glance at him, expressions curious or uncertain or neutral, and then turn to get ready themselves, securing their harnesses and making sure they had everything without a complaining word.

            In less than half a mark, Insoo’s original wing took to the air with Chaerin on Fei and Hyunseong on Kwangmin in attendance. Chaerin simply explained that she would be coming regardless of what they said and Hyunseong followed her example, pain and the need for a new objective or target obvious in his face.

            Under the circumstances, Taekwoon knew they were leaving as soon as possible, but it still didn’t feel fast enough. The foreboding and unease only continued to increase and the problem was compounded soon after when Jonghyun admitted that he was starting to feel it too. What is it? he asked his dragon soon after they got into the air.

            Don’t know, the copper answered in frustration. Don’t like. Worried.

            That made Taekwoon cringe internally. Me too, he admitted, feeling like he was in the wrong place at the worst possible time.