Despite his best intentions, Taekwoon wasn’t able to have much of a conversation with Jinki in the following moon either. Of course they talked. Simple exchanges of the day and brief moments of pleasantries or assurances, but there was still so much left unsaid. He could feel it in him and building between them, but because of everything else, Taekwoon never had the time or the strength or the resolve to bring it up.

            To be fair, it didn’t seem like Jinki had the time or desire to bring it up either…

            In addition, a class that Taekwoon used to love turned into something less than enjoyable. As soon as he was cleared to resume training with Seunghyun, those sessions became a special sort of nightmare for him. “Focus!” the Combat Master snapped again, tapping him hard with the training sword to bring him out of his reactive fugue.

            The biting pain pulled him from his frustrated anger enough to realize what he was doing and Taekwoon winced, growling at himself as he came to a forced stop. “Sorry,” he murmured immediately, straightening up and staring at the stoic Combat Master again. Both were liberally coated in sweat, even in the early morning mark, and neither were particularly happy. Again.

            “Don’t apologize,” Seunghyun muttered, swinging the sword in a circle once as he paced around the dragonrider, determination and frustration evident in equal measure.

            Taekwoon bit back the automatic apology and nodded tersely. That was Seunghyun’s motto after all. Don’t apologize. Recognize what you need to do better and do it. Easy for him to say. It was all so simple for everyone else. But for Taekwoon, he didn’t know what he needed to do better. Under normal circumstances, he was fine and reacted as any human would. But when he was agitated… for any reason, his chances of reacting instinctively rose considerably. As had just happened because the Combat Master was harrying him with small fast slashes that had taken his sword. And that was when he lost it…

            Flexing his hands, he moved to pick up the wooden sword resolutely. “I don’t know how to keep it from happening,” he admitted quietly, expression dark.

            Seunghyun stopped pacing and wandered close, combat tension transforming into a pensive and somewhat sad look in his eyes. “Taekwoon. I can’t claim to understand what you’re experiencing,” he admitted with a regretful sigh. “I can only try to push you enough to attempt to get used to the triggers that cause you to react.”

            Taekwoon groaned and let his shoulders slump, feeling very much defeated. The only thing they’d learned definitively was the stronger the agitation, the stronger his reaction. He got snappy when he was irritated or confused and he became quick to fight more like a dragon when he was angry or defensive. To his immense embarrassment and frustration, his reactions were also more unpredictable when he was hungry or… when he wanted Jinki. Almost savagely, he tamped down on that memory and tried to focus on the lesson at hand.

            “It occurs to me that maybe we are trying to handle this in the wrong way,” Seunghyun added when Taekwoon’s silence lengthened. That made the dragonrider look up in hopeful surprise. The Combat Master brushed at his thick eyebrow with a finger and nodded. “While you are still a man,” he started, gesturing at Taekwoon’s body, “part of you is now a dragon.” His hand moved to pat the space above his heart. “I don’t think we’ve been giving enough attention to that aspect.”

            Taekwoon groaned again. At Seunghyun’s amused but curious look, he was obliged to explain. “Jonghyun is… difficult,” he grumbled, instinctively looking towards the doors where his dragons were waiting somewhere outside. “We talk like this just fine. I speak and he listens,” he admitted with a shrug. “But in Trance…” he drifted off hesitantly. Thankfully, Seunghyun let him collect his thoughts and take his time. “Hyoyeon and Boa insist that Trance is normally in human form. When they enter, they and their dragons are humans. I’m… not,” he cringed, feeling wholly uncomfortable.

            “Not human in Trance?” the Combat Master murmured in surprise.

            “No,” Taekwoon shook his head. “I’m a dragon. Like Jonghyun, only bronze,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “And I can’t really speak to him because dragons talk in body language and sounds that I don’t understand.” His hand clenched into fists and he growled, “And he won’t let me be a man to interact with him.” He honestly felt so broken and… lost.

            Seunghyun hummed in the back of his throat, fingers rising to grab his chin. “Have you told anyone else of this?” he asked gently, a coaxing sound to his words.

            “No,” Taekwoon admitted, shoulders slumping even more. He wasn’t trying to hide it. Not really, but at first, he had wanted to figure it out on his own. He thought he could get through to Jonghyun – and Jongup to a lesser degree – on their own terms, but the copper was remarkably stubborn. Now, he was embarrassed and ashamed to try and bring it up. Jinki – his usual confidant – wouldn’t understand and really, it felt like no one could. All of the other dragonriders had a normal, rider based Symbiosis.

            “Oh, youngling,” Seunghyun surprised him by chuckling. “No wonder you’ve been so frustrated lately.” Taekwoon looked up uncertainly, black bangs partially obscuring the other man from his sight. “Satoru mentioned you might need special training with the Paramours,” he explained, nodding to himself. “I didn’t understand at first, but I do now.”

            “But-”

            Seunghyun immediately held up his hand to stop Taekwoon from speaking. “Before you say anything, know that Paramour Gain is a very accomplished combatant and, more importantly, she will have the ability and the willingness to help you understand your dragon form.”

            “I’m confused,” Taekwoon admitted, biting his bottom lip. But even with that, he was hopeful in a way he hadn’t been in sevendays.

            “I’m sure,” the Combat Master chuckled, reaching his hand out for the practice sword. Taekwoon handed it over by rote. “So until you’ve had a chance to speak with her, we will focus on different pursuits. You will still need strength and agility as a rider, so we will work on building those areas for now,” he instructed confidently.

            Taekwoon was both excited and underwhelmed by that solution. He was actually good at those areas of physical training, but they were equally exhausting in their own ways. Well, at least he did have something to potentially look forward to, other than just another frustrating Trance attempt he had so little control over.

            It would take some time to free up Gain’s schedule enough to regularly work Taekwoon in. She had her own personal duties and helping the newest dragonrider was a matter of a personal favor as opposed to an order: one did not easily command a Paramour after all. He suspected there was likely more to it, as Paramours did have time and they kept their own hours, but he wasn’t going to be the one to ask about it.

            And until she could confirm that she was free, it was one frustrating bout of Trance training after another. The one perk to all of it was that even though his Trance bond wasn’t particularly… good, Boa and Hyoyeon were confident enough to allow him to fly. Their dragons could keep up and if Jonghyun decided to get confrontational, they also knew they could curtail him. Not to mention that Hero was never all that far away, when he could help it.

            Of course, he hit another snag when Jonghyun eventually told him he didn’t like the harness for riding and refused to accept it anymore. Adding insult to injury, his dragon merely chuffed at him when he literally growled in frustration, glaring at the infuriating beast.

            “Down boy,” Hyoyeon laughed teasingly, though there was a flash of wariness in her eyes. Sitting on Donghae just off to the side, she was ready to fly, like Boa and Eunhyuk, but Jonghyun was not…

            “He won’t accept the harness,” Taekwoon explained after a brief moment to regain his composure.
            Boa and Hyoyeon exchanged exasperated looks. “You are a prickly thing, aren’t you?” Boa snorted, leaning forward to rub Eunhyuk’s copper hide proudly. “Never had any such trouble with you, did we Hyuk?” she preened, reaching up to scratch the dragon’s chin when he turned his head to nose at her.

            “Or Hae for that matter,” Hyoyeon added in, giving more energetic shoulder scratches that made the blue shiver and rumble contentedly.

            Taekwoon gestured at the dragons meaningfully with a glare at Jonghyun. Then he turned to focus on his own blue dragon and commented, “Jongup doesn’t mind. Why do you?” he grumbled, hedging towards Jongup before the copper edged closer with a warning growl.

            “You’d think after a moon he’d be less overprotective,” Boa remarked thoughtfully, obviously processing the problem before them. “No one’s gonna hurt you. Or him,” she added with a gesture towards both dragons.

            “Well. It looks like we won’t get any flying done today,” Hyoyeon shrugged, giving Donghae vigorous cheek scratches when the blue turned to nose at her in turn. “We can still go flying, boy,” she promised, kissing him playfully on the snout. He chittered at her – it was the only way Taekwoon could really explain it – and pranced in place.

            “He’s not a dog, Hyoyeon,” Boa snorted, her expression mildly confused.

            “Of course he’s not,” the other rider agreed easily. “He’s just a very happy dragon.” She certainly wasn’t lying. Like most blues, Donghae had a lot of energy, rivaling that of some whites and blacks, but he was also exceptionally good natured. Granted, that was mostly around his rider, but still. It was slightly unusual in a dragon.

            Hesitantly interested, Jongup took a couple steps towards Donghae and Hyoyeon, as if he wanted to fly too. Jonghyun, however, swung his head around and issued a soft warning, sending the blue scurrying back to the copper’s side.

            “Hey!” Taekwoon snapped, shaking his finger at the copper angrily. Jonghyun’s head drew back in startled surprise. “He’s your mate! Not your prisoner,” he reminded his dragon, deeply annoyed at the reaction. “If he wants to go flying with any other dragon, he can.” Jonghyun tossed his head defiantly with a little grumble. “No!” Taekwoon firmed, finger shaking again. “He’s your mate. Trust him like he trusts you,” he scowled, crossing his arms over his chest as he faced his dragon down.

            Jonghyun didn’t say anything back but Taekwoon did feel that sense of internal communication. Frustration. Worry. But also guilt. Obviously pouting, he hunkered down and curled his wings and tail close. With a quiet huff, he nodded oh so slightly at Jongup. The blue chirped once and then perked up considerably, head and wings rising high as he bounced over to the other blue.

            “Okay then,” Hyoyeon grinned, giving Taekwoon a satisfied grin. “We’re gonna take a couple laps. See you guys later!” she called out, cheering happily as Donghae hopped up and starting beating his wings into the air. Jongup followed shortly after. Taekwoon watched them go without looking at his copper dragon.

            “You handled that well,” Boa commented from atop her copper, dark eyes speculative as she glanced between the dragon and rider.

            Slightly pleased but still more frustrated than anything else, he waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, well. If only I could handle him as a rider half as well.” Jonghyun shrugged one wing, showing he’d heard the comment, but he didn’t respond otherwise. “Ugh,” he groaned, snagging the harness from the ground and stalking off.

            “Where are you going?” Boa asked curiously.

            “To see Minsoo about making a new harness,” he grumbled back, determined if tired.

            “Good luck!” she called out. Taekwoon was grateful. He knew he’d need it with the way things were going.

            The muscled, tattooed leatherworker ran his hands expertly over the harness, eyeing the straps and metal rings along the entirety of it. “And you’re saying he just stopped letting you put it on?” he asked Taekwoon half-distractedly.

            “Yes,” Taekwoon sighed, fidgeting with a scrap piece of leather between his fingers. He glanced over at the three rising trainees who were working on repairing other dragonrider gear, trying not to be too obvious in their staring and eavesdropping.

            “Huh,” Minsoo hummed, placing the leather gear down and wandering to the back of his stall. He pulled out a sealed parchment and unrolled it, laying it flat on his personal crafting board. “It’s odd when it happens but he’s certainly not the first dragon to reject a harness,” the Master Leatherworker promised reassuringly.

            “Does that mean I won’t be grounded for too long then?” the dragonrider asked with hesitant hope.

            Minsoo raised his hand in caution first and then shrugged. “It depends on what the problem is. I’ll have to take a look at his hide to get a better idea of what the issue might be, but from there, I’ve got a couple ideas I could try.”

            “Thank Bahamut,” Taekwoon exhaled in audible relief.

            “Hey!” Minsoo mock scowled, giving Taekwoon a playfully cross look.

            “And you too, Master Minsoo,” the dragonrider laughed, giving a partial bow in mute apology.

            “That’s better,” the taller man winked, turning back to the parchment. “Give me a day or two and I’ll let you know what I’ve found. I can’t promise anything but hopefully we’ll have you back in the air within a sevenday,” he explained distractedly, focus already on his new project.

            “Yes, sir!” Taekwoon responded, feeling at least a little better for the exchange. It didn’t solve the biggest problem, but it was something he could work on fixing.

            Leaving the stall, he waved at Soohyun and Baekho, both of who smiled back. Then he checked the sun to see the time and nodded to himself. His morning had certainly not gone according to plan, but he could still catch Jinki in the dining hall if the other man wasn’t otherwise detained. He felt a bit guilty that he really hadn’t been spending that much time with his other half lately. They’d been told he’d be unusually busy with his new dragonrider training, but no matter how much he rationalized it, that didn’t change the fact they really hadn’t been seeing that much of each other.

            He was just about to the dining hall door when Jinki stepped out in front of him, tripping in his surprise. “Taekwoon!” he yelped, flailing forward.

            Reactively, Taekwoon shifted to catch and steady him, bracing Jinki against his body. “You okay?” he asked with an amused smile. It had been a while since he’d been that clumsy.

            “Yeah,” Jinki laughed once, face slightly flushed in embarrassment. “Thanks,” he murmured, looking into Taekwoon’s face with genuine interest before he gently stepped back and straightened his clothes.

            “Where you off to?” Taekwoon asked, letting him go with reluctance and looking around curiously.

            “Satoru’s office,” Jinki answered, chewing his bottom lip as he contemplated how much to say. Taekwoon didn’t need to ask though. He added, “He received a missive from High Priest Kevin this morning and it sounds like they might be sending a wing out for something soon.”

            “Oh?” Taekwoon murmured, a flash of distaste crossing his face at the mention of the High Priest.

            Jinki laughed and tilted his head curiously. “What was that for?” At Taekwoon’s confused look, he gestured at his face and explained, “That expression.”

            “Oh.” He didn’t really have a good reason for it. But Jinki had asked and he was grateful for the conversation, especially after his morning. “I’m not sure,” he explained slowly, trying to feel his way with care. “The High Priest makes me uneasy,” Taekwoon sighed with a shrug.

            “Interesting,” his other half whispered, one finger rising to his lips.

            “What is?” the dragonrider asked, curiosity piqued instantly.

            “I don’t know,” Jinki laughed once with a shake of his head. “It’s probably nothing,” he added, waving his hand dismissively with a falsely amused smile.

            “Tell me,” Taekwoon urged, catching Jinki’s hand gently in his and holding firm. Something in him needed to hear this.

            “It’s just…” he hesitated, glancing at the spire where the Aerie Master’s office was. “I don’t think that Satoru really cares for… or maybe he doesn’t really trust the High Priest.” At Taekwoon’s surprised look, he shook his head and shrugged again. “I know right? He’s never said it, but it’s… just a feeling.”

            That made Taekwoon pensive. Since his binding, he’d learned there was a lot more merit to ‘feelings’ than most people gave them credit for. “That is interesting,” he mused, biting his bottom lip thoughtfully.

            “Like I said. It’s probably nothing and I really do need to be getting to his office now,” Jinki reminded him apologetically.

            “You’re not eating?” Taekwoon blinked in surprise, body turning as Jinki started to pull away again.

            “No time!” he cringed, pausing long enough to brush his fingers against Taekwoon’s cheek. “Busy, busy,” he added with a laugh through his nose. “See you tonight though,” Jinki promised, finally pulling free as he hurried away.

            “Yeah,” Taekwoon exhaled, a slight frown on his face.

            “Whoa!” a surprisingly deep voice startled him out of his thoughts a few breaths later. Flinching back, he narrowly avoided an equally reeling Yongguk who had nearly run into him just outside the doorway. “Didn’t see you,” he laughed with a gummy grin.

            “Sorry,” the dragonrider murmured, making sure to move himself out of the doorway this time.

            Yongguk must have noticed he was a bit withdrawn and the older man offered, “If you’re looking for Jinki, he should be in Satoru’s office.” He pointed awkwardly with one hand while his other held a few scrolls close to his body.

            “No,” Taekwoon shook his head, forcing a smile he didn’t entirely feel. “I was just heading to the dining hall.”

            “Okay. Well, enjoy your meal,” Yongguk encouraged with a quick wave. And then he too turned and hurried away, leaving Taekwoon with his thoughts once more.

            “Busy, busy indeed,” he echoed Jinki’s words from earlier.

            The afternoon meal was a muted affair for Taekwoon. He found some solace in the playful, bickering antics of Joy and Sanghyuk, two completely unrelated people that genuinely acted like brothers and sisters. And Wonshik was always good company, though Amber was nowhere to be found this time. Then again, neither was Kibum, as a quick look at the Master’s table showed. Jongin was there, though he had a bit of interesting news to share.

            “Have you guys heard?” he asked in a quiet voice, forcing them to lean closer to hear what he had to say.

            “Maybe?” Wonshik shrugged, not sure about what rumor he was referring to.

            The group chuckled and Sanghyuk nodded knowingly, as there were a couple such tidbits floating around, like always. “I’ll be flying a message to Kokoshir on the morrow,” he explained, face thoughtful.

            “To the King?” Joy asked excitedly, eyes dancing in delight.

            “I think so,” Jongin agreed with a quick nod, wavy hair bouncing around his ears.

            “Do you know what message you’re delivering?” Sanghyuk questioned, clearly as curious as the rest.

            Jongin shook his head. “I usually don’t. Being a messenger is not exactly an informed position,” he laughed, accepting his fate in good humor. “Krystal’s looking forward to the flight though. A bit longer than usual and she’s dying to really stretch her wings,” he grinned, clearly proud of her.

            “Must be nice,” Taekwoon couldn’t help but sigh, picking at his food with only mild interest.

            “Right!” Jongin chirped, pointing at the other dragonrider. “You’ve been training lately too. How’re the flying lessons going with Jonghyun?” he asked intently.

            Taekwoon’s face must have shown what he didn’t say as they all winced in mute sympathy. “Bahamut help me, I like my dragon,” he assured them with a tight voice, “but he can be incredibly infuriating at times.”

            “Sorry buddy,” Wonshik leaned close to slap his shoulder with a firm hand. “But at least you’ve got a dragon,” he winked, giving him a good shake to boot.

            “And it sounds like you’ve got a couple ideas about what to do with him,” Sanghyuk nodded encouragement, earning a glare from Joy who immediately inferred he wasn’t telling her the latest gossip.

            Taekwoon wasn’t sure how he felt about him being the subject of Aerie interest, but he supposed it was not entirely unexpected. After all, he was the only dragonrider that had two dragons, two trainers (not including special attention from Yunho and Hero), and special training assignments pending… “Minsoo’s helping me with the latest problem and Master Seunghyun and I spoke about how to get closer to my dragon.”

            “Oh? Do tell,” Joy grinned, leaning forward with eager interest.

            The dragonrider snorted and shook his head. “If it works, maybe I’ll let you know,” he half-promised. By their groans, he knew they knew he probably wouldn’t say anything else about it.

            “Promises, promises,” Wonshik waved dismissively with his hand, but then focused on Jongin again. “It’s a long journey to Kokoshir though. Just make sure you’re ready and watch your back when you’re flying. The Messenger sigil isn’t always enough to keep you safe.”

            “I know,” Jongin agreed in understanding. “But we can’t live our lives always being afraid,” he winked, snagging a piece of carrot from the nearest plate. “And Krystal thinks she’s ready for anything. I’m inclined to let her try,” he shrugged, content in that moment.

            Taekwoon envied him. His relationship seemed so easy with Krystal. It almost hurt when compared to the overly complicated relationship he had with Jonghyun. He would have tried to get closer to Jongup, but his mate wasn’t too keen on that idea yet either. Not that Taekwoon could entirely blame him. He just had to wonder if the copper was this overprotective before the Symbiosis or if it had come about as a result of their Symbiosis.

            As with most things Jonghyun, that was a question for another day. With his mind full of the troubles he was facing, Taekwoon went through the rest of the day only half-aware. He mostly tuned out the afternoon lessons and knew he’d probably have to ask someone for help with them later. But at least supper had Jinki, who seemed slightly troubled… even if he did laugh and converse as he usually did.

            Taekwoon did not pry during their meal. He was curious about the meeting in Satoru’s office earlier and figured whatever was bothering him might have something to do with that. But when they turned in for the evening, Jinki was reluctant about not discussing it.

            “I can’t talk about it with you, Woonie,” he chided just a bit regretfully.

            “Why not?” Taekwoon muttered, on the verge of pouting but his pride wouldn’t quite allow it, even around Jinki.

            “Because it’s Aerie Master business and you’re just a dragonrider,” he teased, bopping Taekwoon on the nose as he wrinkled his own. “No offense,” he clarified, sitting on the bed and taking the dragonrider’s hand in his. “I’m surprised I was allowed to know myself, being just a trainee. Yongguk of course,” he shrugged, not entirely sure.

            “You are many things, Jinki. Just a trainee isn’t one of them,” Taekwoon assured him, wanting to get closer. But there was a newfound hesitancy between them now. Unbidden, his stomach dropped as he remembered the sudden hunger that had caught him unawares a couple sevendays back. He especially remembered the fear in Jinki’s face that had snapped him out of it and made him sleep on the floor that evening.

            “Thanks, Woonie,” Jinki smiled gratefully, leaning close to press his lips to the dragonrider’s forehead. “You’re not just a dragonrider either,” he echoed, brushing his thumb against the sharp angle of Taekwoon’s cheek.

            “I’m trying not to be,” he whispered back, meeting Jinki’s gaze, though he usually felt like he was failing in that.

            Jinki smiled sadly, shifting his hand to cup Taekwoon’s cheek instead. “I know.”

            For a moment, Taekwoon had to wonder. Did he really know? Did he really believe that? He almost wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. There was so much that they hadn’t talked about yet. Now would probably be a good time actually, but he didn’t want to. It might turn unpleasant and this moment was entirely worth savoring. He grabbed the back of Jinki’s hand and turned his head so he could kiss the open palm. “My heart,” he whispered, drinking in the sight of his other half.

            “Woonie,” Jinki smiled and laughed. “Love you too,” he added, pulling at Taekwoon’s hand as he shifted to lie down on the bed.

            “The light,” Taekwoon murmured, glancing at the candle lamp on the desk.

            Jinki didn’t let his hand go though and kept pulling. Taekwoon was obliged to follow along. “It’ll burn down on its own,” he promised, dragging the same arm around his body to hold against his chest under his chin.

            “Okay,” Taekwoon agreed, curling against Jinki’s back so he could hold his lover close. “Good night,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the back of Jinki’s shoulder tenderly.

            “Night, Woonie.”

            Taekwoon was happy and content in that moment, but even he realized it also amounted to another evening where the unspoken words between them continued to grow.