22: IT CAN'T BE

“Why do you look so miserable?” Jin asked as they walked together to the rooftop where they always hanged out during lunchtime.  To Jin, it looked like Seulgi had just gone to hell and back.  Her gloomy distressed face made her look more pale than usual and anyone else who have thought she needed to see a doctor.

Seulgi didn’t answer him, but Jin knew Seulgi pretty well by now. He ignored the sinking feeling of his own chest and answered his own question.  “It’s Jungkook, isn’t it?”

Seulgi nodded tiredly but didn’t have the energy to give Jin an explanation.

It wasn’t the first time she had attended school under the pretence of being a human.  She was supposed to be used to deceiving people and making sure her true identity was never revealed.  Why did it feel so bad to deceive Jungkook?  It wasn’t just because he was kind to her was it?

Then it hit her. 

She wished she could open up to Jungkook.  Seulgi wished that she could be honest with Jungkook.  She didn’t want to disappoint Jungkook.  She wanted him to see her in a good light, a good being, even if she wasn’t human.  She had even wished that she were human.

But why did she want that? 

“You have nothing to feel bad about,” Jin said firmly.  “You didn’t choose to be a vampire.  You are not the one who caused his mother’s death.  You have done nothing wrong.”

Jin felt happy that Seulgi trusted him enough to confide in him now but he felt just as miserable knowing that her eyes were already set on a boy she could never be with, even if she didn’t really know it yet.  

It was a conflicting feeling, for him to feel like he was being crushed and soothed at the same time.

“But I’m deceiving him all the same.”  She knew she was just whining now but she felt relieved that she had Jin to talk to.

The image of Jungkook smiling brightly towards Irene suddenly popped into her mind.  And the sting came again, like a thorn stuck in her chest.  She had wanted Jungkook to leave her alone, but the moment she saw him talking to Irene, she had secretly wished otherwise. 

And it hit her suddenly like a spray of cold water over her body. 

She was in deep trouble.  Why was she so blind to it before?  Maybe she had just been in denial.

Seulgi didn’t want him as a friend.  She remembered the look in his eyes after he had playfully kissed her cheek when she had helped bandage his injured hand at the market.  The warm gaze he had given her, Seulgi had wanted to stare into those gorgeous brown eyes for as long as she could.

She liked Jungkook.

Seulgi, the vampire had fallen in love with Jungkook, a human. 

And she did not know what she was going to do about it. 

- - -

Jungkook wanted to get rid of these angry feelings.  Why was he angry every time Seulgi was talking to other guys?  She wasn’t doing anything wrong.  Was it because he felt left out that she was treating only himself coldly?  It was a bit of that but he had a feeling it was something else. 

Jimin looked at Jungkook who was now stabbing his pasta furiously with his fork. 

“You’re ruining your pasta Jungkook,” Jimin commented lightly, a knowing smile on his face.  “It’s ok to be jealous, you know.”

Jungkook looked down at his mashed up pasta and then back at Jimin’s ridiculous comment.  “Who am I jealous of?”

Jimin shook his head in disbelief but he knew it was sometimes hard to see these things that were plainly obvious from a third person perspective. 

“You’re jealous when other guys talk to Seulgi, including me.”

Jungkook stared at Jimin like he was sprouting the most absurd words of the century. 

“You’re not being serious, are you?”  Jungkook asked, putting down his fork and giving up on his pasta.  He had no appetite anyway.

“Nope, I’m being super serious, which is why I’m going to help you.  Because, although it is fun to watch you stew over this, I feel you’re going to explode very soon.  I’ll make Seulgi come to my party.  And then you can work it out with her without any distractions.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that she hates me.”