“You love Jiyong, right?” Taeyang asked me straightforwardly.

I gaped at him. Did he know? Did Daesung tell him? “I-I don’t know w-what you’re talking about.”

Then he did something that I never thought he had in him: he slapped me across the face, hard. “Do you think I’m a fool? Spit it out—you love him!”

I grabbed my reddened cheek and winced in pain after the impact. “No, I do not love him,” I said more out of spite.

“Uh huh, and you don’t like yourself either. I know it is hard, but just confess that you love the guy. Do you how many tears he shed just for you?”

“Well, he has to live with it because I already have Ji Song.”

“A random crazy fan girl in place of Jiyong? Are you crazy?”

“She is not a random crazy fan girl!” I protested, but deep down inside I thought that she was indeed “a random crazy fan girl.”

“Yah, right,” he remarked, sarcasm obvious in his tone of voice. More out of duty to a girlfriend than love, I punched Taeyang square on the face. My blow was strong enough to draw blood from his nose, and immediately I felt guilty of my actions.

In spite of myself, I still said something that I would to any person who badmouthed about my girlfriend. “That’s what you get for insulting Ji Song.”

However, if my punch inflicted any pain on Taeyang, he certainly did not show it. He just stood there, letting the blood from his nose trickle down his chin. “Explain why you overreacted when Jiyong went missing. What was with the ‘He can’t leave me!’ and the ‘Taeyang, he might have killed himself already! And it would be all my fault!’? Answer me!”

“Of course I would be worried about any of my band members. Wouldn’t you?”

“What about the time when TOP went missing for two days and a half before coming back to the apartment? You certainly didn’t freak out like that.”

“Did so!”

“If sitting on the couch watching our latest performance counts as freaking out, than yes you did.”

I pursed my lips. Unfortunately for me, Taeyang was absolutely right. I just kept silent and looked at Taeyang with fire in my eyes.

“Now, back to my first question: You love Jiyong, right?”

I hung my head down in defeat. “I can’t love him, Taeyang. It would be wrong. It IS wrong.”

“Explain, because I see nothing wrong with two people loving each other.”

“How would you know? You haven’t had a girlfriend before!” I knew I hit a sensitive part in Taeyang, as I saw him flinch in shame.

“That makes my argument even more effective. A person with absolutely no experience with love thinks that it is absolutely alright for people to love each other!”

“It is wrong, Taeyang! Even if I wanted to love him, everybody with some sense from society would object to it! What would everybody think about me then, huh? What would happen to the group? What would happen to my career?” I turned around and threw my hands up in exasperation.

“Lee Seung hyun.” Uh oh, he addressed me with my full name. “Do you love him?”

I froze and hung my hands down slowly until they reached my sides. My heart screamed yes, but my brain screamed no. What the hell should I say? “It doesn’t matter if I love him or not. It would definitely ruin me if I actually did. It is safer and therefore better to love Ji Song.”

“Would you actually sacrifice GD’s love for you just for your own fame?”

I stiffened. Would I?

“Yes, Taeyang. GD is not worth my time. My first and last girlfriend was not worth my time, nor is he.” I flinched at the memory of my former girlfriend that I had to leave behind due to my training days. I cried for days afterwards; however, I got over it, and therefore I was confident that I would get over GD. Taeyang just looked at me with a blank expression.

“Big Bang was only a step in my rise to fame. The whole Big Bang thing, for me, is temporary. I really want to be a movie star. No less than that, Taeyang. I will do anything to become one, even if it means to leave you guys behind.” I paused for a second before continuing. “In fact, I was checking my email before you came in to tell me that Jiyong was missing. I received an email from a famous director who wants me to star in a movie. He hasn’t given me any details yet, but I am definitely going for this opportunity. Perhaps, if I am impressive in this movie, I will get called for others like TOP did and be able to leave Big Bang to become something better. I already replied to the email and accepted his conditions and everything.” I was close to tears at what was coming out of my mouth, but I wanted to prove myself in front of the sardonic Taeyang. “All in all, Taeyang, I will be leaving Big Bang.”

Taeyang widened his eyes so much so that they actually looked like normal-sized eyes. “You can’t be serious, Maknae.”

“Oh but I am.” I turned and looked at him defiantly. “I will be leaving and there will be nothing you can do.”

The motherly band member of Big Bang looked at me in disbelief for a moment, but his expression immediately changed into desperation. “Fine, it is your life, and you can live it in any way that you choose. It is your right. But can you do one last favour for all of us?”

I looked at him in expectancy.

“Tell Jiyong that you actually did love him before you leave.”

I widened my eyes in surprise. “No, I can’t do that.”

“Why is that?”

Awkward silence filled the air between us, and what eventually came out of my mouth surprised even me: “I never loved him.” With that, I grabbed my bags, strutted past a gawking Taeyang, and walked out of the room with tears streaming down my face.