Junhyung had known that the days after their argument was going to be tough. He was pissed, hurt and mostly he felt betrayed but one part of the aching in his heart was starting to take a different form. A form which he himself had no words to describe and at one point he attempted to leave it to quietly rot in the corners of his mind in fear of the foreign feeling, but it proved not as successful as he had first hoped.

Jealousy. His mind whispered to him one day, leaving him painfully aware of how perfectly the word described the ache that filled his chest and nurtured the dark thoughts in his mind. A certain cute blonde boy with too much of a baby face for his own good was the main focus of his problem, having witnessed them sharing a bed once was enough for his chest to tighten at the slightest touch between the two.

He soon realised that he wanted Doojoon back to being his friend and closest member in the group more than anything else, it made him dizzy and unable to focus most of the time. Without him, he felt surprisingly lonely among the members even though he knew each and everyone of them very well and would joke around with them equally. But something was still missing and he soon concluded that Doojoon had taken up more of his time during the day than he had first thought.

But Junhyung was also insanely stubborn and this time, Doojoon had really hurt him. He wasn’t going to go to the latter and try to win him back, he was already fed up with the others behaviour the last few weeks and their argument was the mark of how far Junhyung was willing to play by Doojoon’s rules. If he still wanted to save their close relationship, Doojoon would have to make the effort to do so.

That was Junhyung’s set of mind the three following days after their encounter in the bathroom and he successfully avoided to look into the leaders eyes throughout their whole schedule. At an interview however, he had been close to place his hands on Doojoon’s shoulders as the latter sat right in front of him but stopped himself in the last minute, sadly remembering that these small actions of friendly affection were not allowed anymore.

When the members went to bed that evening, Doojoon had stopped in front of the ladder up to his own bed, glancing at Junhyung under the covers as if he wanted to say something. Their eyes had met for the first time in three days and Junhyung half expected something to happen, but the leader lastly his heel and exited the room without uttering a word to the boy and left him disappointed and let down for yet another night.

The rapper didn’t know what he had expected from him either but some sort of apology and resentment would be nice. Just so everything could go back to normal, just like they used to be before everything turned out so completely wrong. Maybe it was silly of him, maybe it was natural but Doojoon had successfully occupied his mind for most of the time that it had ended in the only thing he ever thought about wherever he went.

It wasn’t all too surprising when Dongwoon suddenly snapped, fed up with the solemn faces of both Junhyung and Doojoon and even the worried glances that the rest of the members would throw their way without really doing anything about it. So the maknae of the group stepped up and decided to do something about it himself, starting with the one person he deemed hadn’t fallen too far just yet.

“So...you better tell me what’s wrong, hyung.”

Dongwoon was seated on the couch with Junhyung slumped down beside him while sipping on his favourite can of coke when the maknae finally dropped the question, a slight tension in the air quickly following it.

“What do you mean?” Junhyung finally spoke after a moment of silence, one that spoke more words to Dongwoon than the counter question that left Junhyung’s mouth, and the rapper fiddled a little with the hem of his shirt while avoiding the others gaze.

“Don’t give me that crap, hyung. I know something’s up between you and Doojoon. We all know, but someone had to step up because you clearly can’t solve the problem on your own.”

Junhyung was surprised by the maturity of Dongwoon’s choice of words and the clear message between the lines, suggesting that he indeed had nowhere to hide anymore and that he better tell the younger what was really running through his mind.

But Junhyung is a boy of many secrets and plenty of them he kept to himself at all costs, even Doojoon didn’t know everything about him and the rapper was going to keep it that way, having the habit embedded so deep into his conscious that it had become a part of his personality since a very young age.

Junhyung heaved a deep sigh, expressing the agony in his chest silently as he sipped on his coke. “We fought…” he finally confessed, playing a little with the can in his lap and avoiding to look into Dongwoon’s eyes. “...really fought.”

Dongwoon hummed, letting go of his tense posture and relaxing a bit into the cushions as he concluded that the rapper was actually going to bring some answers to his worried mind. “Was it bad?” he asked with an equally soft and careful tone as Junhyung had used earlier, mimicking his friend and showing that he cared enough for the latter to vent out whatever he needed to.

Junhyung just nodded weakly, staring absentmindedly at the floor as he replayed the scene for the thousandth time since that day. “I think he’s not feeling very well these days.” he said, not able to suppress his worries for the boy even though he had been hurt by him.

After replaying their argument in the bathroom as well as their confrontation in the kitchen for several hours, Junhyung had slowly started to doubt his own behaviour as Doojoon seemed to be under a lot of pressure the last few days. And as his mind swirled with more thoughts about it, he shortly realized that he had been under a lot of pressure for a couple of weeks, maybe even a month, without Junhyung taking the time to read anything into it.

The result was guilt. A lot of it. But then his pride would kick in and instead he would think that Doojoon should at least talk to him, explain to him what he’s going through, seek cover and protection in the comfort of his arms and not avoid him like he was a poison and not the cure to his wounds. Maybe he was.

“I know...I think everyone has noticed Doojoon hyung’s behaviour.” Dongwoon sighed, sending a worried glance at the rapper beside him who seemed lost in his own thoughts and kept circling his finger along the edge of his coke. “I don’t think he sleeps very well either these days…” he said gently. The maknae was still curious about what the two practically inseparable friends had actually fought about but the look on Junhyung’s face told him that it probably was something he should stay out of. For now.

Junhyung didn’t answer the statement by the younger but lowered his head instead, letting out a small chuckle with an undeniable bitterness embedded in it. How stupid, he thought, how stupid he had been to be so selfish that he had missed out such a small but important detail about his friends own health.

Dongwoon sensed that he had probably crammed out what he could from the others mind and that whatever problem the two members had, it wasn’t in his potential to fix it on his own. With a sigh he stood up from the couch, deciding that he should probably go to bed and looked back at the rapper with a soft expression, worry written all over his face.

“I really hope you will fix this, hyung. It’s starting to take it’s toll on the rest of us too and you know how the fans are...practically nothing escapes their eyes.” he said, hoping that it would trigger at least something inside the boys mind. “I know it sounds stupid but...I do believe he needs you more than ever right now. He just...doesn’t know how to show it, I guess.” he made a small pause, watching the small slump of Junhyung’s shoulders and the guilt that flashed before his eyes.

“If there is someone who could pull our leader back...I believe it’s you, hyung.”

He left the words hanging in the air for a while, letting them sink in to the unusually thick brain of the rapper before deciding that the bed would be a good choice and that a response from the other would never come.

When the maknae opened the door to his shared bedroom, he let out a surprised grunt as he collided with someones body and managed to get knocked in the head by the very same person. Rubbing his forehead with a scrunched up face in pain, he opened his eyes to scold at a startled Kikwang who kept staring at him with wide eyes.

“Hyung!” Dongwoon whined, still rubbing his sore forehead and pouting at the fact that the impact didn’t seem to have any affect whatsoever on the other members own head. “Were you eavesdropping?” he asked accusingly and looked the other up and down, he was wearing his pajamas so obviously he had already been to the restroom.

Kikwang just smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “Might have...catched one of three words.” he said and successfully avoided a kick to the shin by the violent maknae. “Yah! Where’s the manners?!” he scolded, lunging forward and grabbing Dongwoon’s neck in a deadlock to emphasize his point.

“You shouldn’t have eavesdropped, hyung! It’s unfair!”

“Unfair? Aish, this kid!”

Junhyung could hear the small bickering between the two boys from the couch where he was seated in the small living room, not really registering the sounds as his own head was already preoccupied with the one boy he hoped would leave his mind to rest in peace. But of course the gods, or whatever superior power there was that controlled his life, had none of that and finally Junhyung ruffled his hair in sheer annoyance.

“Stay out of my head.” he groaned, ignoring his hair which now stood somewhat disheveled at the top of his crown and took a long gulp from his coke, finishing it all in one go before letting out a deep sigh in despair. He honestly didn’t know how to go around this anymore, a part of him whispered that Doojoon really needed his help like the maknae had told him but another part of him hated how he was treated and refused to give in out of pure stubbornness and pride.

“Aish…” Junhyung sighed, frustratingly ruffling his hair and rose from the couch to at least find some peace in his sleep.

***

Meanwhile, Doojoon rocked briefly back and forth on the small but familiar swing as he drew inconsistent circles in the sand beneath his white sneakers. It was still early in the evening, the last rays of sunlight of late spring still painted the very top of the buildings around him and the birds chirped among the trees, not yet ready to give in for the night.

Doojoon stared at the symbols he absentmindedly painted with the tip of his foot, not really seeing the patterns as his tired mind kept going elsewhere. He was confused, so utterly lost at what was going on with him and the bad habits he had seemed to develop throughout the month.

His head swirled with hatred of himself, pieces of his mind that Doojoon didn’t even know existed but now so crystal clear before his eyes. He seeked for comfort in the deep darkness surrounding him but the very light he needed were out of reach, for a reason which the latter couldn’t explain to either himself or anyone else.

It was like his whole body and his heart reached out for the boy which he knew by instinct could provide the warmth to pull him out of his hole of misery, but his mind seemed distant like it was disconnected from the rest of his instinctive actions and clouded him with a poison that didn’t allow their closeness at all.

His mind rejected it and the rest of his body followed, showing him by letting his limbs go weak, creating a throbbing headache and letting his heart ache painfully. It resulted in him avoiding the boy as much as he possibly could, the effects becoming stronger and worse the past few days and now even being in the same room had become a challenge.

Doojoon reached up a hand to his cheek in surprise, feeling something wet at his fingertips and let out a shuddering breath. He was alone, confused, self destructive and overwhelmed by a toxic feeling of guilt. Both towards the members for not being the leader he should and Junhyung for not being the friend he wanted to be.

“Gosh, you sure aren’t easy to find.”

Doojoon jumped at the sound of the voice, quickly reaching up a hand to his cheek and making sure there were no trace of his meaningless tears. “You were looking for me?” he asked and abruptly stood up from the swing in question, wiping off his clothes from any potential sand that had stuck on his coat. “Did something happen?”

Yoseob sighed. “You happened.” he answered, earning a confused look from the other as he forcefully pushed him to sit down on the swing again. “We need to talk.” he demanded and took a seat on the swing beside Doojoon’s own with a determined look on his face.

“Talk to me.” he said, leaning in the leaders direction and waiting for a good answer.

“What? What am I suppose to say?” Doojoon played confused, putting up a pretty good show even as Yoseob crooked a meaningful eyebrow at him and even managed a snort. But when the peering eyes of the blonde kept nagging at the back of his head and refused to give in, he sighed deeply and slumped defeatedly in his seat.

“I honestly don’t know what’s going on.” he said truthfully, running a tired hand across his sunken face and the deep lines under his eyes. “All I can think about is not letting you down, to play the role of a leader properly without mistakes but…” Doojoon bit his lip, already feeling like he had spilled too much but maybe it didn’t matter anymore. “...I never feel like I’m enough.”

Yoseob stayed silent, taking in the short but very essential sentences that just poured out from the leaders heart and sorting it into the proper corners of his organized mind. Someone needed to stay sane during times like these and now Yoseob felt like he had to be that someone.

“You have always been enough.” Yoseob said after a while, confidence in his voice as he gazed into the setting sun at the edge of the green forest. “You don’t have to stay up at night, Doojoon. You don’t have to trade our time for the managers in order to promote us. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself because we are in this together, as a group. You don’t have to carry the weight of being a leader on your own and I promise you...you have always been a good leader and you will still be...even without trading your own health for the post.”

Doojoon tried, he really fought the tears that burned in the lump of his throat but as one tear escaped, the rest came pouring down in a flood he was unable to stop. The heartwarming words coming from the others mouth lifted a stone from his chest and cleared the storm clouds in his mind, leaving him to see the clear sky for the first time in a month.

It was a relief, so big that it brought tears to his exhausted eyes. The warm arms that embraced him the next second served as a trigger for even more tears to make it’s way down his wet cheeks and for the first time in a very long time, Doojoon allowed himself to think that maybe he was enough after all. Maybe his efforts as a leader before was as much as it needed to be, nothing more, nothing less.

---

Hello again, fellow readers! Another update (and maybe the last before school starts and my time will be pretty much limited to the weekends, if I'm lucky. But I'll fight hard! If you want me to ;3).

Please comment and tell me what you think about Doojoon's and Junhyung's behaviour and thoughts in this chapter and the story in general, do you think it's realistic enough? I honestly am not sure if I've managed to convey their feelings and thoughts in a good way at all so pretty please! Comment!

And subscribe! ^=^

Bye~