“What do you mean you’re calling it off?!” Hyunseung raised his voice in shock. He had not seen it coming, the scene that unfolded in front of him, even though it had always been an opportunity and shouldn’t really come as a surprise. It wasn’t like the other didn’t have the right to do what he did.

The other members were gathered around their small living room’s table after a hectic schedule and intense preparations for their comeback. They all waited for Kikwang to sit down with them, the choreography for their title song engraved deeply into their heads as the practice hours had run late. However, Kikwang’s abrupt and sudden revelation had their attention turned to something else.

“I mean exactly what I said, Hyunseung. I’m calling it off.” Kikwang confirmed and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think this is working out and I’m sorry but…” he threw a glance at Yoseob and Dongwoon at the table, his eyes flickering quickly to the floor in an apologetic manner. “...I don’t think I like any of you.” he finished and turned to Hyunseung to convince the other he was serious about this. “And I don’t think I ever will so I’m quitting Hyunseung.”

The room went silent, no one uttering so much as a sound in pure surprise by the turn of events that had taken place. Doojoon, being the responsible leader, felt a surge of guilt for not seeing it coming nor stopping it from ever occurring. He could have said no when Hyunseung’s plan was first brought up, he could have told him it was a bad idea and prevented anyone from getting hurt. But perhaps this was better, considering the circumstances back then, and maybe a clear rejection like this would save the boys involved from a lot of unnecessary pain.

Kikwang threw an unsure look at the rest of the members, afraid of the greeting he would get for the outburst he just had and the faces of the ones he knew he had hurt. But he also knew that in the end this was the best he could do for them, for the both of them, because no matter what path he chose, one was bound to get hurt. This way they both would equally feel the pain.

Yoseob couldn’t deny the sharpness that stabbed at his heart and made it impossible to breathe, the sudden rejection making it hard for him to gather his thoughts as he held his breath and lowered his eyes towards the table. It hurt and the harsh words made him feel stupid and childish for playing this game, for having the hope of Kikwang accepting him when it right from the start wasn’t the dancers intention. Because the boy didn’t swing that way, even from the start.

“That’s harsh, Kikwang.” Junhyung spoke up and rose from the table, staring daringly into the other’s eyes with a clear disappointment evident in his eyes as he pointed out the door. “If you’re finished then leave.”

There was an undeniable thick tension hovering over the dorm in that moment of silence, Junhyung’s act of responsibility weighing heavy in the air as Kikwang’s eyes flickered with uncertainty and a regret for his actions before he his heel and walked away. And the others watched him leave, Junhyung still standing in the room minutes after the other had left, lost in his own thoughts, as even Hyunseung stood in silence.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunseung finally said and looked down at the floor, the words grabbing the other’s attention as it echoed in the room painfully loud in the quiet atmosphere. “I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way.” he spoke further, apologizing for the role he played and the situation he caused.

Dongwoon didn’t answer, his mind too packed with thoughts of his own that he didn’t find the strength to reply. It wasn’t Hyunseung’s fault and he should let him know but somehow the words didn’t leave his mouth and he stayed quiet even as the seconds ticked away, silently wondering whether Yoseob would soon be the one to speak up in his place.

But he didn’t. The blonde boy kept staring blankly at the wooden table in front of him as he listened to the beating of his own heart and tried to ease the pain that kept stabbing it with each erratic pump of blood in his veins. He had imagined it, thousands of time, how it would feel the day he got rejected by someone he truly liked but still it surprised him, how much it actually hurt.

“I’ll go after him.” Doojoon said with a hushed voice and rose from his seat, placing a soft pat on Junhyung’s shoulder as if to reassure him that he would handle the boy well and that he could keep calm. “Look after them, okay?” he said near the other’s ear, the words only meant for him to hear, and walked out the door as he hurriedly put on his worn shoes.

The sound of the door closing for the second time echoed around the living room as if it actually wasn’t filled with more than enough stuff to drown out the sound and the familiar silence that followed it made Junhyung rub his temple in exasperation. Dongwoon didn’t move, Yoseob didn’t move and Hyunseung seemed to only know how to pull his own hair.

Junhyung sighed. He felt helpless, not knowing who to comfort first or what appropriate words to use in order to break the horrible silence that were slowly eating away at the rapper's impatient conscience. To be honest, he had a hard time keeping track of everything that was going on himself and being there for everyone else was indeed hard.

So the only thing Junhyung could do in order to help was to slightly pat the shoulders of the two boys who had taken the biggest blow, the action meaning more than the rapper could have guessed as the other members knew how subtle he could be with his emotions. "I'll make you something to eat." He suggested as the idea crossed his mind and he made his way to the kitchen's piles of dirty dishes, trying to find the right tools to cook a simple but thoughtful meal.

The dishes that covered each and every corner of the counters surface made Junhyung's fingers itch with an urge to clean it all up, and he would have a long time ago if their comeback didn't drain all his energy, but right now that was not important. Quietly, Hyunseung came walking up behind the rapper with a worried look upon his face as he lend a helping hand to his fellow member and took hold of the frying pan in the other's hold.

A few minutes later, two steaming omelettes were placed upon the surface of the living room's table, the act of kindness leaving no choice but for the two boys to pick up the silverware and eat. Dongwoon's mind was hazy as he took a bite of the food, causing him to yelp when it proved to be too warm for him and burnt his tongue.

"Yah! Be careful!" Hyunseung scolded, the sharp tongue coming from the concern in his heart and luckily Dongwoon were smart enough to understand that much at least, not taking the raised voice to heart.

The clinking sound of porcelain against steel filled the following silence as the two members ate the small meal in silence, not even a single bird seemed to be accompanying them in the night and Yoseob wished that the suffocating air would stop squeezing in his chest with each shallow inhale. The blonde boy shook his head, a mocking chuckle leaving his lips as he stared at the food on his plate. "What am I even doing?" He murmured to himself and laid down the fork on the table, earning a worried glance from the responsible cooks in front of him as he rose from his seat.

"Where are you going?" Hyunseung called after the boy who had suddenly went for the door, putting on his light shoes in the messy hallway before exiting out the dorm with determination, leaving the three other members dumbfounded in the living room as they watched him go.

***

Kikwang walked as fast as his short legs could possibly carry him, the sound of his shoes colliding with the pavement of the street echoing loudly against the small buildings in the silent night. The moon had appeared in the sky along with the stars on a cloud free summer night but the beautiful phenomenon didn't serve as enough company to the boy that rummaged the street with a troubled mind.

He breathed heavily by the time he reached the end of the neighbourhood of their dorm, the streets not as empty now as he made a turn around the corner with a lowered head. The hoodie over his head covered the main part of his face and the few people that passed by him didn't offer him more than a glance of acknowledgement.

A short distance away, the outline of the city's core shone in bright colors and painted the streets in a cheerful lightning that only seemed dull in Kikwang's eyes as he walked passed the big signs. His eyes searching for a place where he could sit down and make the time pass even faster than it already did with the burdensome thoughts that occupied his mind. And it didn't take long before he spotted a common tent protecting a set of chairs and tables and the aroma of street food filled his nostrils.

After stealing a glance inside, Kikwang pushed the orange curtain aside and took a seat on the plastic chair in the corner of the tent as he cleared his throat. "Ahjumma..." he called out warily and kept his head low to avoid the looks of the few people that occupied the tables inside. "...give me some soju." He finished and listened to the lady's response to his request while holding his breath, half expecting the woman to recognize his face or refuse to give him the alcohol he had ordered.

But none of that happened and it didn’t take long before he downed his first glass of the burning alcohol. The boy wasn’t used to drinking, the few times he was offered a drink in his life he could probably count with the fingers on his one hand without a problem and moreover the times he was actually drunk. But despite this, drinking soju in a stall alone on a night like this was an appealing idea that made Kikwang down his second glass.

The sounds of people entering and exiting the small little tent made the main dancer glad that his back was facing the entrance as the orders kept rolling in and the voices became louder with each minute that passed. A group of older men was drinking at one of the small tables, each bottle emptied making their voices louder as they poured out the hidden feelings in their heart and even directed their pent up feelings at the people around them.

He could hear them, arguing more fiercefully behind his back as he poured himself a third glass and heavily dropped the bottle upon the glossy surface of the cheap looking table. One of the men were standing up now, raising his voice more than necessary by a sensitive comment thrown at him by one of his drinking mates and Kikwang could see in the corner of his eye how the stall owner sighed heavily.

“Wherever alcohol goes, commotion and chaos follows.” The main dancer thought bitterly as he stared at the glass in his hand, chuckling at the irony of himself even resorting to such destructive content before swallowing the liquid and feeling it burn down his throat unpleasantly. He wasn’t even sure if he drank to drown out the guilt he felt for putting s through a heartbreak or to burn away the feelings he had developed inside his heart.

But it didn’t really matter. What he really wanted was to not feel anything, for once he wanted  to just stop thinking and keep drinking until his mind was too hazy to even deal with the burden that he thought would have lifted from his shoulders by now. Since he announced his absence in the plan, the responsibility wasn’t on him anymore and he no longer needed to make the hard choice in the crossroad.

Yet, Kikwang’s body didn’t feel lighter and the sunshine didn’t peek out from behind the clouds in his own bleak sky, making him confused and helpless and even miserable as he poured his fourth glass of soju that night. Ready to down it in one go as he had done with all the other previous shots, Kikwang didn’t expect the hand that suddenly gripped his wrist in a forceful manner just as he raised the glass to his lips.

Some of the clear liquid spilled over the edge of the small glass and tripled down Kikwang’s gripped hand to finally land upon the table’s surface as the main dancer looked up in surprise. “Hyung...” he mumbled with his eyes widened. “Why are you…”

“Kikwang-ah…” Doojoon threatened, his voice low and demanding as he let the grip on the other’s wrist linger a little longer. “...you better put that down right now.” he said and stared intently into Kikwang’s orbs who changed quickly from the element of surprise to a guilty shame.

Seeing as the other seemed to be listening to his words, Doojoon retreated his hand and sighed heavily. Kikwang put the glass down and watched as the other took it away along with the opened bottle, placing it on the nearby table instead before taking a seat across the other. “Ahjumma, two servings of dukbokki please!”

“Hyung! We’re not suppose to eat late at night!” Kikwang warned. “We have a comeback remember?”

“Yah, You’re not suppose to drink alcohol late at night either!”

Kikwang lowered his gaze. The leader was right after all and he couldn’t exactly protest so when the snack food appeared before him on the table with the steam hitting his face, Kikwang started eating without a word.

The gentle lightning inside the small space bounced against the orange colored tent and made the whole room appear warm and cozy despite the chill of air that still reached the two members backs from now and then. Morning was on it’s way now, the sky changing color and brightening quickly outside as it chased the stars away and made room for the sun.

The hot snack warmed their bodies from the inside and made both of them unaware of the slightly colder weather. Doojoon watched his band member eat, making sure he swallows the food down as he slowly picked at his own. He wasn’t really in the mood to eat, no matter how hungry he was because right now Kikwang was the important person on his mind.

“Are you alright?” Doojoon asked, making the other stop in his motions of putting food inside his mouth and glance at him with a look the leader couldn’t quite make out.

Kikwang chuckled, the sound coming out sad and missing of the clang of humor as he lowered his head. “Why are you even here?” he asked as he picked at his food. “Shouldn’t you be comforting Dongwoon and Yoseob right now?”

“You know, you shouldn’t push away people who are trying to help.” Doojoon said honestly and looked at the other with concern. “It’s a childish move.”

Kikwang sighed and took a bite of the food on his plate. “I’m not okay.” he said, referring to the earlier question the leader had asked and took another bite to hide how uncomfortable he felt in voicing his feelings out loud.

Doojoon hummed and patiently waited for the other to feel comfortable enough to possibly tell him more as he stole a glance behind them, his eyes observing the other customers by the tables. The pair of men from earlier had left, probably chased out for their inappropriate behaviour, and was replaced by a lonely high schooler eating the same treat as themselves. His hair was the regular black with a hint of chestnut brown to the ends, the color only showing through at some angles in the disheveled nest that occupied the boy’s head. It didn’t seem like the other had combed his hair this morning.

“Are they okay?” Kikwang asked, grabbing Doojoon’s attention again with his voice. “I mean Dongwoon and Yoseob...Did I hurt them a lot?”

Doojoon exhaled a soft breath, smiling at the concern written all over the other’s face as he avoided the leader’s gaze and kept picking at his food in anticipation of an answer. And Doojoon was grateful at that moment, for the love and care s felt for each other and the strong bond they all had made through the years of working together. “Well, I can’t say it didn’t hurt them…” The leader answered honestly. “...But I do think it will eventually pass. Just like everything else.” he smiled, sending a reassuring gaze at the younger who was fiddling more and more with his food.

Kikwang exhaled deeply, burying his head in his hands with his elbows leaning against the plastic table. "I think the guilt will seriously eat me alive." He confessed and pulled at his blonde hair strands in desperation. "I was too harsh, wasn’t I?"

"No rejection is all rainbows and unicorns, Kikwang."

"I know. But I somehow still regret what I did..." Kikwang sighed, murmuring out the last part of his sentence as if unsure if he was allowed to speak it.

Doojoon gave the other a look, trying to decipher what exactly the other meant with the sentence he spoke. "Why?" He asked, the food in front of them long forgotten as it cooled down and the two didn't bother to eat it up.

Kikwang shook his head, his fingers still buried in soft hair and eyes squeezed from the painful tractions in his heart. "Hyung...?"

"Mmmh?"

"Can I tell you something?" Kikwang asked, his voice sounding vulnerable and almost pleading as he voiced out his request. Maybe it was the alcohol that had made his mind hazy just like he had wanted but the main dancer had a strong urge to tell someone the truth, the guilt and hidden feelings slowly eating him alive from the inside.

Doojoon frowned for a second, sensing that something wasn't quite the way it should and that his answer was extremely important for the younger, brotherly faith evident even in the air surrounding them. "Go on." He nodded, even though the other couldn't see it from the position he was in. "I'll listen."

The high school student rose from his seat, the sound of his chair scraping against the uneven ground beneath him was muffled by the random chatters as he said his goodbye to the ahjumma in the stand. The dark haired young, but fairly tall, boy left the tent as Kikwang took a deep breath to gather his courage and spill the thing in his heart that kept punctuating his chest.

"I lied when I said I didn't like any of them..." he started. "I do. In fact...I think I've fallen rather hard." Kikwang sighed, dragging a hand across his face as he rose his head to glance at the leader. The other didn't dare interrupt him but merely nodded at his words. "But I couldn't hurt the other you know? Just because I liked one of them...I didn't have the heart to reject the other. How could I do that?"

Doojoon nodded, humming a little to show that he was listening to what the other had to say. He was a leader after all and he, more than anyone, needed to be there for each and every member of the band, listening to everyone's side of the story.

"If I did that, how would I be able to face him everyday? Would I be able to stay happy even in the arms of the one I like? When I broke the heart of the other?" The main dancer frowned, staring mindlessly at the leader's sweatshirt and picturing what he had just said in his mind. "I wouldn't be human if I did that, would I?" He finished and smiled weakly, breaking away from his dreamy gaze and only now realizing the lack of clothes the other was wearing.

"Hyung, aren't you cold? You should have put on more clothes." He scolded lightly and observed the goosebumps running up the other's exposed arms.

Doojoon smiled cheekily. "Hey, I had to run after your crazy didn't I?" He joked, landing a light kick upon the other's leg under the table and making it shake from the movement.

"Pfft." Kikwang huffed. "It's not like I asked you to." He retorted but smiled nonetheless.

"And if I didn't? Would you have kept drinking like before?" The leader attacked back, nodding towards the abandoned glass and half-empty bottle that the ahjumma had yet to take away. "Like I could let that happen." He snorted, returning the fond smile exchanged between them.

Kikwang chuckled, imagining the scolding he would have gotten if he had happened to stumble inside the dorm drunk and with a breath reeking of soju. It wouldn't have been pretty to say the least.

Doojoon looked down at his plate, realizing it was already cold and probably not that appetizing anymore either. "Was that why you rejected them both?" He asked seriously. "Because you didn't want to hurt the other?"

Kikwang paused for a second, looking up at the leader in surprise of the topic being brought up again. "Yes..." he confirmed and lowered his gaze, his hands playing with the edge of the paper plate.

"Who is it?" Doojoon asked curiously. "The one you like." He smiled, enjoying the fact that the boy had for once fallen in love and even with a boy to top it off.

Kikwang widened his eyes. "Yah! How can you ask just like that?!" He frowned, eyeing the leader's cheeky smile in embarrassment. "Stop smiling. It's creeping me out."

"Come on. Tell me." The other ushered, ignoring the request completely as he kept smiling with the corner of his eyes crinkling fondly as he leaned forward in increasing interest.

"Like I would tell you." Kikwang said, picking up his fork and forcing the cold food down the other's throat to stop the irritating smile and the anticipating gaze that made his cheeks burn. He could just blame that on the alcohol later if the leader happened to ask.

Doojoon grimaced. "Eww." He complained and sent the other a disapproving look, clicking his tongue against his palate as he tasted the content in his mouth.

"In time, Doojoon. In time I will tell you." Kikwang chuckled, the leader still making funny faces at the icy cold snack food that didn't quite taste the same anymore.

---

Hello again my wonderful readers! I am back~<3

I have spent my time away well and I hope you all have been having a good time too while I was gone. Make the best of your time guys! It pays you back in the end and living life to the fullest brings energy to the day^^ I've seen a lot of places on my trip and been close to nature which I love and prefer the most so I've really recharged my energy and I hope that the batteries will hold until the end of this story<3

Okay...enough of the boring chitchat...what about this chapter? Dear Kikwang, what have you done...haha, tell me what you think about his decision and his little heart to heart talk with Doojoon!<3 Oooh, and the mysterious high schooler >///<

Oh! And welcome new subscribers too! Let's bring this story all the way to the end! >///< Fighting!

Bye~