The road had become slippery in the summer rain that had unexpectedly fallen over the street and painted the asphalt in an even darker shade of black. The sun, for once, were nowhere to be seen and Seoul was back to being the rainy town as it usually was. Driver’s were warned of the change of weather and advised to be careful as the rain didn’t seem to have plans of stopping anytime soon.

Jun Myeon however walked with confident steps along the dark road, his sneakers making squeaky noises from the rain that had covered its rubber like surface with every step that he took on the pavement. He cracked his knuckles, the small act an early habit of his that he didn’t seem to be able to get rid of just yet, not that he wanted to either since he enjoyed the feeling of superior power before everything went down.

A tall and dark building stood as a silhouette against the grey sky in front Jun Myeon’s feet, or maybe it was rather Suho at a time like this, and with his backpack slung over one shoulder he walked the quiet and empty stairs up to the roof. His footsteps echoed eerily against the hard walls, the sound adding to the emptiness of the building’s presence on the street as it stood lonely and unoccupied beside the otherwise busy stores.

“Classic.” Suho thought as he opened the door to the roof carefully, a squeaking sound leaving from the rusty hinge as he slipped through before closing it behind him just as well mannered as he had opened it. He simply didn’t see anything necessary with manhandling a door, even if the entrance effects would have been nice.

“Well, well. Look who actually showed up.” A black haired high school kid greeted him as soon as the door closed, the sound drowning out in the rain that continuously splashed upon the ground. Four other students stood closely behind the slightly taller kid and Suho pretty much guessed who was in charge as he stopped at a safe distance from the threatening group. “It’s like he’s asking for it even.” The younger boy laughed, he was a senior but still shorter than Suho and his uncommon length.

“But you know, I could spare you. You came all this way, didn’t you?” He continued on and Suho didn’t even bother to catch the other’s name since he knew it wouldn’t be all that important after the night’s end. “All you have to do…” The high school student were standing close now, his feet walking in a circle behind Suho’s form to speak closely to his ear, as if the act would be enough to threaten him and maybe it would have even worked, on an entirely different student. “...Is do as I say.”

Suho chuckled, his hair was damp from the rain that was still pouring down from the sky and the thought of his books getting soaked inside his backpack made him huff in annoyance. He didn’t have time for this, not now, not with the rain and his literary books getting all wet and ruined. He just didn’t feel like fooling around just today.

A hand gripped at the front of Suho’s school uniform, the hand wrinkling it’s white fabric and making the boy’s face distort in disapproval as his neatly ironed shirt was now officially ruined. The glare he sent the responsible culprit for the damage was undeniably threatening and disliking to the point that the younger boy even loosened his grip for a short second. However, he quickly came back to his senses and tugged at the collar in his hand with an angry tone. “Yah! Lower your eyes, kid.” he snarled, the humiliation evident in his eyes as he disliked the demeanor of his victim.

Suho snorted, a lopsided smile gracing his thin lips as he rolled his eyes at the lame nickname thrown at him, a particular blonde boy even flashing before his eyes as the name reminded him of the day they had met on the street. “What are you gonna do about, huh?” he mocked, enjoying the anger that fired up inside the other’s eyes and the slight tremble of the fist that still gripped his collar, much to Suho’s displeasure.

“You might wanna let go of that.” he suggested seriously, a threatening underlying tone in his voice as he stared directly into the furious and trembling eyes before him. He knew he was challenging him, his demeanor had already crossed the line and he was only waiting for the first flying fist to arrive at his jaw. And it didn’t take long, only a second or two, before Suho blocked the first fist directed at, indeed, his face and a second and then a third. The more he blocked, the more furious the black haired boy became and the more sloppily he threw his fist.

But Suho was the wrong guy, he had messed with the one person in that high school he just shouldn’t have picked up a fight with and soon there was five bodies lying on the floor, groaning in pain and panting like they couldn’t get enough air in their lungs. The rain had almost come to a stop by then, only a few raindrops falling from the brighter sky as the sound of cars driving the streets blended with the breaths of pain on the roof. Suho picked up his discarded backpack calmly, not a scratch on his pale face or a mark on his used knuckles as he walked away with a stroll to his steps. The air was humid and quite stuffy after the rain had fallen, just like it always was in the summer and Suho inhaled a deep breath in his lungs with a small smile on his lips.

He enjoyed the fresh air after a rainy day, no matter the season it always made him feel happy and energetic. Like every inhale of air brought more oxygen to his lungs and made his body feel lighter and less heavy. It was a feeling he had always welcomed since an early age, anything to make the heaviness of his body feel less evident and he had destroyed tons of books because of the moist air ruining the pages. But he kept going outside, even today, with his books and backpack because it allowed him to live in a world different from the one he knew. A world where things weren’t as bad, where every story had an happy ending and every character was stronger than the monsters that haunted them at night.

A fantasized world where mom and dad weren’t alive.

***

“I can’t believe this!” Yoseob exclaimed, his mouth wide open and favorite cushion on the floor as he had dropped it in pure shock from the words that reached his ears. He grabbed desperately at Hyunseung’s red sleeve in disbelief, his eyes searching around the room at the other members as if they could give him better answers than the actual couple in front of him. “Did you know about this?!” he asked bewildered, a few disbelieving curse words leaving his innocent lips when he was met with a negative answer.

"Hey, I just found out today!" Kikwang exasperatedly said, his arm flying judgmentally at the awkward couple that stood in attention in front of the crowded couch. "I'm just as baffled as you are..." he muttered, a shake to his head as he eyed the two boys for the umpteenth time. "I mean..." he started and seated himself at the edge of the couch, his curious eyes staring intently from one to the other. "...how could we completely miss out on this?!"

Dongwoon nodded in agreement, a small amused smile on his lips as he observed the interrogation scene from the armrest of the couch, the leader being the one investigated for once and not the other way around. "Well, this pretty much explains why you were so fine with all the gay stuff." The maknae smirked and crossed his arms, wiggling his eyebrows at Doojoon meaningly and making Kikwang clear his throat uncomfortably on the couch while Junhyung blushed behind his fringe.

“Wait a minute…!” Hyunseung suddenly spoke up, his raised voice earning the attention of the other members as he had stayed rather silent during the whole discussion, even as they had forcefully dragged the couple up front just a moment ago. “...does this mean I am the only one that is not gay?” he commented and stared at all the members from his position in the middle of the couch, his body squeezed in between Kikwang on one end and Yoseob on the other. “How did that even happen?”

Doojoon snickered. “I know, right? That is a little absurd.” he smiled, the coincidence unbelievable even to him as he observed the members that he had known for so long, yet it felt like he had never truly seen the depth of their hearts until very recently. It was like they had reached a point in their friendship that allowed new and hidden personalities and traits to finally shine through in their true color. “But someone has to break the trend, ain’t I right?”

Hyunseung snorted. “Yeah, right. But how awkward will I feel the next time I comment on a girl’s bum or something, huh?! Geez, I can’t believe this is actually happening to me right now.” he exclaimed and flailed his arms in the air before he slumped back onto the couch’s cushions in despair, his expression blank as he stared at floor in thought with a big sigh. He had known about Doojoon for so long that liking the same gender never falled as weird for him and suddenly it was as if he was the weird one, with his still existent affection for curvy girls.

“Yah, earth to Hyunseung…” Kikwang called out and nudged the dramatic boy in the side. “You do realize that you’re more concerned about that than you are surprised over Doojoon and Junhyung actually being a pair...without us even knowing at that.”

“Well, I’ve known Doojoon’s feelings for quite a while.” Hyunseung replied and elbowed Kikwang back in the ribs. “So this didn’t really come as a surprise to be honest. It was about time anyways.” he confessed honestly, failing to see the alarmed look on Doojoon’s face and the obvious glare he was sending his way in an attempt to shut him up.

“You knew?!” Kikwang gasped, his eyes switching from the leader’s nervous expression and the spaced out one on Hyunseung’s innocent looking eyes as if that would give him answers. “How come?!” he asked when none of them seemed willing to spill anything, at least not Doojoon that began to uncomfortably shuffle his feet beside Junhyung’s peering eyes.

“How long exactly is “quite a while”, Hyunseung?” The rapper asked, his eyes fixed on Doojoon’s side profile and the other’s brown orbs that kept avoiding his own. The guts in his stomach were telling him that the leader's suddenly sweaty palms weren't actually for nothing and his heart began beating faster from the thought, it’s sound even pulsating in his ears for a reason he couldn’t quite make out. Was it anticipation? Maybe it was because the pleading gaze of Doojoon told him that maybe, just maybe, he had been more precious to him than he had first hoped.

The leader opened his mouth, his throat clearing as if he was trying to stop Hyunseung from answering but nothing worthy came to mind and he was left to awkwardly rub the back of his neck and listen to the sentence that left the boy’s smirking mouth. “Yah, that was since before we even debu-...ted...yeah...I wasn’t supposed to say that, right?” Hyunseung finished awkwardly, the earlier amused expression that had lined up his cheekbones were now gone and replaced with one of remorse as he finally met eyes with the leader, maybe just a moment too late.

Junhyung blinked, a small smile reaching his lips that he hid behind his long fringe of blue hair as he dipped his head to the floor with a blush across his face. He knows that maybe he should be angry that Doojoon didn’t tell him, that everyone was expecting a tantrum any second because maybe that was a normal reaction. But Junhyung was honestly too busy going back in history and searching through every little memory he had of Doojoon in order to detect the signs he had so bluntly missed during their whole friendship.

And the more he dug, the more it seemed like it was true what Hyunseung was saying. He recognized the loving gaze, one he had thought was brotherly back in the day but was now lighted with another shine and Junhyung suddenly understood that it had been a long time for the other.

“Junhyung-ah...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier I just- I didn’t know how…” Doojoon apologized sincerely, his expression in a panicked frown as he tried looking at the other’s face but Junhyung was still in his own analyzing thoughts with his fringe covering his face. Dongwoon looked worried as well when Hyunseung abruptly grabbed his T-shirt and forcefully dragged him off the couch, his hand smacking Kikwang’s bum as well to get the two moving inside their room as he and Yoseob entered their own. The thickening tension in the living room had made both of them realize that it was not their scene.

Doojoon frowned deeper as he took a step forward, his hand gently and carefully placing itself on the rapper’s sides as he kissed the crown of the other’s hair with his body standing close to him. “Are you mad? I’m still sorry...” he asked lowly against the blue hair strands, the dyed hair tickling against his chin as Junhyung suddenly grabbed the front of his hooded jacket and pulled him even closer.

“I’m not mad, stupid.” he mumbled with a light chuckle and buried his face in the other’s chest, smiling to himself when Doojoon put his arms around him in a big and secure embrace. “I’m just...surprised, I guess…” he continued truthfully as the leader listened intently to his words. “....that you’ve liked me all this time and I’ve just failed to see it, you know. But I’m not mad, alright?” he said and pulled back to look into the other’s orbs with a shy smile. “I still like you all the same.”

Doojoon grinned and kissed the sweet lips in front of him, the move surprising Junhyung for a second before he leaned into it and pulled at the other’s shoulders to desperately bring him closer. And the leader obeyed, of course, since all he ever wants is to be close to the one he loves and Junhyung is rarely the one to plead.

“You know…” Doojoon started and pulled back from their kiss, his panting breath tickling Junhyung on his cheek as he pulled at the waistband of the other’s comfortable sweatpants. “...we could always continue what we first started.” he finished with a way too confident smirk on his face but the rapper had to admit that it was working a little too well with the butterfly kisses he was confidently placing upon his collarbone.

“What do you say?”

***

“Whoaa~ Can you believe that?” Kikwang said as soon as the door closed to their room, his mind still baffled by the fact that their own leader was gay when he had been afraid of how long he would be able to tolerate the drama going on between s. “And here I thought we were the only ones….” he mumbled bitterly to himself.

“Kikwang?” Dongwoon suddenly asked, his voice a little smaller than usual as he was unsure if it was alright for him to ask what he wanted but the light hum from the other made him gather up the courage to do so. He usually asked without much thought anyways and sometimes his boldness didn't make him appear as the actual maknae. “About what Hyunseung said earlier...is it true? Is he really the only straight guy among us?”

Kikwang blinked, his mouth ready to open and say “yes, it’s true” without much thought but then it hit him, the reason why Dongwoon would even need to ask this in the first place, why he would even bother asking when Hyunseung had already made it so clear. It was because no one was supposed to know, and how Hyunseung had even figured it out was a mystery even to him. So he stuttered, not knowing how to answer it without confirming what had already been spilled but he soon realized that there was really only one way to answer the bold question, since Dongwoon already knew what it would be.

“Yes...It’s true…”

Dongwoon frowned, his hands playing with the sheets on his bed as he slumped down on it in thought. “Then you lied...about not liking boys?” he pushed further, even though he knew he was already in deep water. But he wanted to know more, a part of him even hoping that there was a small spark of affection left in there somewhere that meant Dongwoon still got a shot, the thought childish even for him but he couldn't help it when his heart ached from a one sided love he was still carrying out.

Kikwang sighed, the thought of the truth ever coming out had never crossed his mind since he himself lived in a world where it was obvious and exposed all the time, to himself it was already reality. He had never even been much careful to hide it and there was no one to blame than himself for Dongwoon's unexpected curiosity. "I-I'm sorry?" The main dancer apologized in advance, not knowing how much this really meant to the maknae but something told him that it probably was more of a big deal than he sees it as.

Dongwoon stopped his fiddling fingers to look at Kikwang's guilty face, the racing of his heart starting as if on cue when their eyes met and truthfully, the maknae really only wanted to hold him in a warm embrace and forget the fact that he had lied. But he shouldn't, because lying among friends and members is a thing that needs to be resolved. "Why did you lie, Hyung? You usually don't..." he asked, his voice still soft and low as he was more curious than angry or sad.

Kikwang contemplated for a second before he seated himself beside Dongwoon on the bed, the familiar dip in the sheets reminding him of how long it had been since he actually set foot anywhere near the object. Mostly because his feelings needed to cool down after he had  decided to give it all up, and with that came a prize that at the time he had been willing to pay, he just didn't know it would be so hard.

"Truthfully...I didn't want to have to choose." Kikwang confessed, an irregular beating of his heart disturbing the otherwise steady rhythm as he peered carefully at Dongwoon’s thoughtful face. The maknae looked much younger as he sat with his legs crossed upon the sheets and his forehead creased in confusion, the innocent disappointment evident in the slight pout of his lips made Kikwang feel older than he usually did in the other’s company. “I’m sorry.” he added in an attempt to erase the feeling of crumbling trust that seemed to radiate from Dongwoon’s slumped form, the thought scaring him enough to send a cold chill down his arms.

Dongwoon chuckled, the laugh empty and shallow to Kikwang’s ears as it rung against the walls. “Whoa~” he exhaled, disbelief evident in his eyes as he rolled them at the roof. “Is that it, hyung? You just thought it would be easier not to choose, huh?” he spat out, the formal words existent in his sentence but still Kikwang felt the poisonous tone laced in the letters and it shocked him. Dongwoon was not the type to be really angry, he could be whiny and grouchy but never really anything more than that. Even so, the always smiling and polite maknae was now sitting angry and threatening in front of him and it made Kikwang feel terribly guilty even though he knew he would never redo the choice he had made.

“No, Dongwoon.” Kikwang replied back with desperation in his voice, his hands itching to place itself over the other’s own palms to somehow reach out into the distance that had formed between them in form of distrust, a big crack he suddenly had to build a bridge to cross. “No, that is not what I meant!” he hurriedly explained, his palms beginning to feel sweaty and the collar of his t-shirt stuffy against his skin. He didn't want Dongwoon to look at him the way he did in that moment, like he had been stood up by his own father, his brother and friend. It made him feel a bitter aftertaste in his mouth and a sting to his chest.

"I just...I wanted to save you from the pain, Dongwoon. Both of you.” he said and looked at Dongwoon right in the eyes, his orbs radiating of truth and honesty as he spilled the facts. “ If I had chosen Yoseob, if we had been a pair. Imagine how that would feel, Dongwoon. That is the pain I wanted to protect both of you from.”

Dongwoon lowered his eyes, the imagination before his eyes truly made his heart ache and he understood the reasoning behind Kikwang’s words, but still he didn’t quite want to settle his anger just yet. He didn’t even know the roots of the flaring fire inside his chest, where the flames got it’s fuel. Perhaps the disappointment and the heart-ache was just too much that he wanted to punish Kikwang, just a little bit, for the things he made him go through. But even if Dongwoon was hurt, he also knew that blaming the other for his choices was the wrong thing to do. Although, the fuming anger of emotions were still making him unable to erase those thoughts and not fuel it instead.

“So you would have chosen Yoseob then? And you didn’t want me to get hurt so you dumped us both?” Dongwoon reasoned, the childishly angry tone in his voice still overlaying his words with poison as he spoke. “I’m not really sure if I should be thankful or not, hyung.”

“What? No. Dongwoon, I-...I didn’t say that!” Kikwang dried panically his sweaty palms on his red colored sweat pants and sighed in anxiety, his hands quickly going up to run through his hair and over his face in desperation.

“So it wasn’t Yoseob?” Dongwoon said cautiously, a part of his vicious tone laced with nervousness instead as he peaked up from underneath his fringe in a less threatening stance. The form of his body visibly slumping over as if to protect himself from the outside world and from Kikwang’s answer to his daring question. “...Who was it, hyung?”

"If I told you...the whole point of my decision would be gone.” Kikwang reasoned and angled his body slightly away from the younger boy, letting his legs fall over the edge of the bed and his feet touch the floor again as he wanted to point out the importance of his words and how much he wanted to hide the answer.

But Dongwoon didn’t want to give up now, not today, not when he had come this far and actually had a longer conversation with the other than he had had in days. He felt stuck up and isolated from the main dancer’s true feelings, like things were hidden from him that he wanted to expose. Things that kept the rift between them open and wide. “Hyung…” Dongwoon called out with determination as he shifted closer to the other across the messy sheets. “...Tell me.”

Kikwang sighed and rose from the bed, his body language clearly pushing the younger boy away as he felt burdened by the stubbornness in Dongwoon’s voice. “I can’t.” he said, the willpower in his words coming out much weaker than he had wanted but he couldn’t help it since his heart was nearly screaming at him to confess and run into the open arms that Dongwoon held up wide. But he couldn’t do it.

“You know, I remember when we could tell anything to each other…” The maknae said, his voice softer and deeper now as the memories went back and the disappointment rather than anger took off inside his chest. “...but now? I don’t think I even know half of your thoughts, hyung.” he stated and rose from the bed as well, approaching the broad back that was facing him in the room. “And I don’t like it...so can’t you just let it go back to how it used to be?”

Kikwang’s heart wavered, he felt it, the slight crumble in his walls and the split second where he gave up to the temptation inside his mind but he quickly recovered when Yoseob appeared as an image. He didn’t want to destroy his friendship and the unity of their group by breaking the blonde boy’s heart. “And the group then, huh? Have you thought of that? If I tell you...I’ll break one's heart and then how am I going to face that person every single day?” he spat out, the frustration of the situation making the words coming out harsher than he had wanted.

A pair of arms suddenly circled around his waist in that moment and Dongwoon’s deep exhale warmed the skin of his back, making Kikwang stiffen visibly in his stance as he held his breath from the proximity of their bodies. The maknae sighed softly, his arms squeezing tighter around the dancer’s torso as he leaned into the warmth that made him forget all about the bad feelings that burdened him, and instead filled him with a wave of content.

Kikwang cleared his throat and swallowed a lump of saliva as he felt like beads of sweat were forming on his forehead from the anxiety and the butterflies in his stomach. He wanted it, he needed it so bad and the fact that it was forbidden and denied inside his mind made him only yearn for it more. “Dongwoon…” he croaked, quickly clearing his throat again as he had a hard time squeezing out the words. “...I told you that I can’t.”

“What if no one has to know?” Dongwoon asked with his nose inhaling the sweet scent radiating from the collar of the other’s shirt in satisfaction, the feeling of their warmth melting together sending a tickling feeling down his stomach. “Tell me, hyung. And I won’t tell anyone else, alright?” he suggested, his mind set on persuading the dancer into submission and give him the piece of puzzle he still missed in the big picture. “I just don’t like it when we hide things from each other, hyung.”

“You promise?” Kikwang asked, dragging on the conversation he already knew he had lost. He felt it, how the walls was penetrated and perished and he was left wide open with no longer the strength to hide the things he kept inside. Dongwoon hummed and nodded, a small smile on his lips from finally getting through to the other as he waited nervously for the answer.

“I wasn’t going to choose Yoseob.” Kikwang sighed in defeat. “I was going to choose you.”

---

Another update for ya guys~~<3 I hope you enjoyed it even though it is, in my eyes, a total mess and I tried, believe me, I tried to fix the sentences and the flow but nothing was working out for me so yeah...it isn't that good but I sincerely hope that the content made up for the sloppy writing >///<

But Kikwang confessed! Sort of...and it's all Hyunseung's fault but hey...we thank him don't we? >///< Haha, look forward to the process of Kiwoon~~

Oh! And I love BEAST's comeback^^ Let's cheer for them, alright?<3

Bye~