Kikwang sighed and turned in his bed for the hundredth time that night, not being able to fall asleep because of the many thoughts that occupied his mind. A part of him felt happy by the idea of the maknae’s love for him but another part of him was confused by his own feelings and had a hard time digesting the fact that Dongwoon was actually gay. He liked guys, not the pretty slim girls with beautiful curves but him, a muscular boy with no s and shorter legs than most girls even if he were to wear heels.

He imagined Dongwoon hugging a smiling girl with beautiful curves and scrunched up his nose at the thought. He replaced himself with the girl instead, imagining the maknae hugging him from behind and their bodies brushing against one another. He was surprised at the flutter of his heart and the slight jump in the otherwise regular beating as he glanced over at the bed across the room. It was dark and Kikwang had a hard time making out the snoring form that slept deeply unlike himself.

Kikwang hesitated for a moment, contemplating if it was a wise choice before he sat up in his bed and let the blanket fall from his body, making him shiver from the lack of warmth and coldness of the room. With cautious steps he walked over the floorboards and carefully slid under the blanket beside the maknae, sighing at the welcoming warmth as he buried his nose into the others back.

Kikwang imagined it felt different as he slung an arm over the maknae’s stomach, sure they had done it so many times before, lying with each other on nights when they couldn’t sleep but the main dancer couldn’t ignore the subtle butterflies that had suddenly erupted in his stomach this time around. Maybe it was the knowledge of how much the touches between them would actually affect the maknae that made it that much more exciting, Kikwang didn’t know but he sure as hell couldn’t stop the smile as Dongwoon groaned in his sleep and leaned back into Kikwang’s embrace.

Dongwoon flinched and let out a whine as Kikwang teasingly reached out a cold hand under the hem of the others shirt and placed it against the skin on Dongwoon’s warm stomach. The whine made Kikwang snicker as he tried to hold back an evil laugh before he decided that he probably should try to sleep instead of pestering the other member. It proved to be a challenge though and it wasn’t until another half an hour that his breathing finally evened out from pure exhaustion and emotional burnout.

***

“I can’t do this.” Yoseob complained another time as he paced around the room in the early morning, already distressed by the night that were to come after the days schedule. “ .” he ran a hand through his hair and Hyunseung chuckled at the deep sigh that erupted from the boys lips, screaming of nerves and helplessness.

“You’ll be fine.” the older member reasoned and grabbed hold of the others shoulders to stop him from pacing around the room and making him dizzy. “I’m sure you’ll be okay and regardless the outcome you’ll come back as a stronger person, alright?” he said and stared into Yoseob’s orbs with determination, waiting for the boy to nod his head before releasing his grip at the same moment as Junhyung stepped into the room with damp hair.

Hyunseung took the cue to go wash up himself and left for the bathroom in a hurry, leaving a still nervous Yoseob behind with a very tired Junhyung who still after a warm shower couldn’t see clearly in front of him. “Have you seen my cap?” he asked Yoseob and lifted the blankets in his bed as if that was a reasonable place to look for the lost object.

Junhyung frowned when the younger vocalist didn’t respond and nudged the other in the side with his finger. “Yah...earth to Yoseob. Hello?” he waved a hand in front of Yoseob’s face and watched as the boy’s eyes slowly refocused on his frame.

“Huh?...” the blonde boy asked and scratched the back of his neck when Junhyung rose an eyebrow in response. “Ahh...your cap? I-I don’t know…have you looked in the living room?” he asked, pointing out the door of the bedroom and hurriedly scurrying through it to go search for the lost piece of accessory.

A few minutes later, Junhyung were scolding Doojoon for wearing his cap without his permission and carefully brushed of the valuable piece with diligence before putting it over his head, successfully hiding the hair underneath it as the brown strands wasn’t exactly cooperative that morning.

Dongwoon and Kikwang on the other hand were still peacefully sleeping, earning a wide satisfied grin from the leader when he entered the room, having successfully escaped the rappers continuous slaps, and proceeded to wake them up. The maknae were flustered when he realized Kikwang had been accompanying him all night and when Doojoon made a thumbs up towards them he had to hide his face from the embarrassment.

“Go wash up, sleepyheads. We have to be on the way in about 20 minutes.” Doojoon announced as he walked out of the room with a smile, happy for the seemingly solved problem between the two members. He just hoped it would last longer this time around.

“Yeeh~” Kikwang responded tiredly, forcing his body to sit on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yah...Dongwoon-ah…” he called and turned to the boy who had buried his face in the cushion, not wanting to face the other after he suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. “You should go wash up.” Kikwang poked the blanket and watched as the form squirmed from his annoying touches.

Dongwoon pushed the hand away with a protesting groan and dragged the blanket over his head. “Just go wash up, hyung. I’ll go after you.” he said and kicked the boy off the bed blindly while still hiding under the blanket, earning a surprised yelp from Kikwang when he greeted the cold floor.

“Ouch…” he whined and stumbled a little as he dragged himself up from the floor, his mind still balancing on the thin line between sleeping and actually being awake. He rubbed his sore and contemplated whether he should pounce the maknae for being mean but decided against it as he sensed a rather awkward tension building between them. “I’ll go wash up first then.” he said and left the room, leaving the maknae to let out a deep sigh and relax into the mattress.

Dongwoon felt a smile slowly forming on his lips as he felt the warmth from the other boy on the mattress beside him, his mind raced with a million possibilities even though he knew that them sleeping together was a common scene. But he couldn’t help but wonder if his confession wasn’t wasted after all, that maybe they could stay friends even if he were rejected and that maybe, just maybe, Kikwang felt the same.

Dongwoon squealed and curled up into a ball on the bed at the thought, grinning widely as he laughed into the blanket he was gripping hard in his hands. He shook his head and flew out of bed, pacing around to room as he ruffled his hair to get his senses back together. It wasn’t even sure that them sleeping together meant anything at all but the maknae had a hard time brushing off the smile on his lips and the butterflies in his stomach.

***

Junhyung glanced at the far end of the row of white steeled seats, finding a black haired boy smiling at the camera as he jokingly advertised the meat in between his chopsticks and put it inside his mouth with a thumbs up. The rapper were drooling over the lonely can of coke on the table in front of Doojoon along with the steaming meat that he wrapped inside the green lettuce before putting it inside his mouth with a smile.

Junhyung practically fell off his chair as he leaned forward and his lips unconsciously, gulping down the gathering saliva inside his mouth and watching as Doojoon munched happily on his meat. When the host’s of the short program announced another game and another chance to win a taste of the meat, Junhyung snapped his head in their direction and listened intently to the instructions with an eager to win.

A few minutes later, Doojoon and Yoseob were humming and munching away while Junhyung once again drooled beside them, wishing he could have a taste of the delicious meat or at least the can of coke. Doojoon glanced over at the rapper and chuckled when he saw the others expression. “Here.” he said and pushed the can of coke over the table to the boy.

Junhyung didn’t hesitate before he grabbed it happily and opened it with glistening eyes, not able to wait for a second before he gulped down half the can and let out a satisfied sigh. All the members laughed at the expression and only then did Junhyung remember that he had dropped his famous indifferent persona with the mask of no emotions.

After the filming ended, Junhyung didn’t hear the end of it as every single member decided it would be funny to impersonate the rapper’s expression and he embarrassedly brushed them off for at least twenty minutes afterwards. Thankfully, the ride inside the van made all the members quite down and lull back to sleep after another hectic day of schedules, leaving Junhyung alone for a while.

For the rapper, the next stop were the company building. He needed to produce some songs for their upcoming album and from now on, a rather busy time would be waiting ahead of the boy with only a few hours of sleep for the next month of recording, writing lyrics and composing. Junhyung stepped out of the van with a short nod towards the manager, carefully making his way out of the vehicle without disturbing the other members in their sleep and watched as they drove away.

The rapper suddenly felt how tired he already was as he made his way through the building and entered the usual room where he came up with the melodies and lyrics. There was a couch standing along the wall and Junhyung gratefully greeted it face first, letting his tired limbs relax into the soft cushions with a big exhale. He knew that his mind had been too occupied the past few days with thoughts he much rather would push at the back of his head to even concentrate enough to let his creativity flow freely. Therefore, he dreaded the hours ahead of him, knowing full well that squeezing out even a sentence would be hard enough to make his head hurt.

Junhyung exhaled another deep sigh and sat up on the couch, pausing there for a second before he reluctantly dragged himself to get to work. He closed his eyes and tried to find some source of inspiration or feeling to grab on to but the chaos inside his mind let no ounce of creativity flow through and he was completely empty of ideas. The more he tried to concentrate, tapping the pen in his hand against his chin in a constant rhythm, the more that annoying black haired boy seemed to appear in his thoughts as if teasing him for his lack of progress.

Yoon Doojoon. Junhyung knew that he was going insane since that stupid gay talk they had in the dorm and the fanfiction he read didn’t help much to chase off the embarrassing thoughts that had started to occupy his mind. He wasn't gay, he wasn't interested in boys and he sure as hell wasn't going to admit how those facts were starting to blur. "Stupid leader." Junhyung grumbled and slouched down in his chair, letting his body slide along the leather with a big grumpy exhale.

"What is it I've done this time?"

Junhyung jumped up in his seat and flew out of his slouched position in surprise by the sudden voice behind him as he let out a rather girly screech, making his cheeks burn up when Doojoon, of course, had to start laughing at him.

"I'm sorry for scaring you like that, Junnie." The leader chuckled and entered the room, wearing a teasing grin by the very ‘not so swag-like noise’ Junhyung had let out. “You sounded like a girl.” he said and laughed, earning a well earned punch from the blushing rapper for rubbing salt into the already bleeding wound.

“What are you doing here, anyways?” Junhyung asked and glanced at the bag the leader was carrying with him. “What’s in there?” he nodded with curious eyes as he silently hoped it contained something that could avert his brain from composing and the very person in the same room.

“Chicken!” Doojoon exclaimed happily and held up the black plastic bag with equally as shining eyes as Junhyung, perhaps even more excited as chicken was indeed his absolute favourite snack of all times. “Take a break and eat with me.” he demanded and sat down in front of the couch on the floor, patting the space beside him for the rapper to sit down as he opened the steaming food package.

Junhyung took a seat, careful to let a certain amount of space between him and the other as a proof to his brain that he didn’t crave for the leader’s touch, his warmth and his towering but soft persona and that it wasn’t tempting to reach out a hand just to touch the others knee. Doojoon played soccer and it was no secret that his thighs and legs were well built, a knowledge that Junhyung believed he were much better off without knowing as his mind seemed to think it was a good idea to fantasise about the leader’s strength, demanding and dominant personality, and stamina. All that in one scene, with a bed, was all it took for Junhyung to declare himself as officially insane.

“Yah, why aren’t you eating?” Doojoon asked in between his chewing, cheeks full with meat as he glanced over at the immobilized rapper and chuckled. He grabbed a chicken leg and pushed it against the others lips, snickering when the boy jumped in his seat.

“Mmmpf!” Junhyung complained and leaned away from the disturbing object with arms flying up in defense.

Doojoon laughed at the annoyed rapper as the boy grabbed the chicken out of his hand and took a big bite out of it in annoyance. And another big bite in further frustration by the smile on the leader’s face and the crinkling eyes with a glint of mischief in them, making his stomach flare with something that kept tickling him on the inside. He wasn’t gay, it was impossible and so out of his range that it was just naturally not the case. And that was the end of it. Period.

“Yah! Slow down a little. You’re going to choke yourself at this rate.” Doojoon scolded and eyed the rapper who kept stuffing his mouth without having the time to chew, swiftly ignoring his existence as he made his way through the take away box in front of them in a hurry. “Why are you in such a hurry all of a sudden? Afraid I might eat up all your food?”

Junhyung ignored the leaders words and grabbed a new chicken leg from the said boys own box in front of him, earning a sharp inhale and a shocked expression from him as he dipped the fried meat into the sauce. “Yah…” Doojoon gaped dramatically at the rapper for his cruel crime, chopsticks pointing meaningly at the missing spot where his chicken leg had been and inhaled sharply when Junhyung took a big bite out of it, leaving a trail of sauce in the corner of his lips.

Doojoon chuckled at that. “So greasy.” he scolded and reached out a hand to wipe the stickiness off as he leaned his body forward, the other having seated himself a good distance from the leader. Doojoon did barely reach the rapper with his hand and when he wiped his thumb across the corner of those plump lips, Junhyung slapped his hand away with a grumpy frown. “Yah! Are you filming some drama or something?! So cheesy...”

Surprised by the action, Doojoon almost lost balance in his awkward position as he hovered over the floor and when he regained stability by leaning on his both hands, the leader were surprised by the proximity of Junhyung’s face. They were suddenly so close that both of their breaths mingled together, sending puffs of warmth against their skin and if Doojoon leaned just a little bit closer their noses would touch.

Junhyung were frozen, his eyes widening at the lack of room to breath and the sudden deafening pulsating in his ears, his heart racing to the extent where he thought it would burst if he didn’t do anything about it. But he didn’t, stoned in place by the surge of anticipation, curiosity and lust that had began tickling him in his stomach and it only grew as his eyes flickered down to the others lips. He knew he were suppose to pull away, to break it off and not let his mind wander to impossible scenarios that was not suppose to exist in his head, sinful thoughts that were so wrong but still stimulated by the mere impulse of his body.

Junhyung knew he weren’t strong enough to move his body away, the pulsating desire and yearning way too strong and overwhelming that he no longer wanted to escape. His earlier denials were thrown out the window and replaced by the simple instincts of his heart, clearly showing him what he had been denying for the past few days. He waited for a sign of movement, something that would tell him that Doojoon would be the one to pull away from their proximity and ragged breaths but the older made no such sign, leaving Junhyung drowning in his own swirling emotions as he swallowed down his dry throat.

They both waited, neither of them making a move as Doojoon stared into the rappers eyes with such a fond admiration, pure affection and lust that Junhyung couldn’t stop the blush that painted his cheeks and ears in a bright red. He tried to ignore it, flickering his eyes to his lap instead as he persuaded his mind that what he saw wasn’t what it seemed and that it didn’t affect him as much as it did.

Doojoon held his breath as he tenderly reached up a hand to softly trail it along the others jaw, afraid to break the moment between them but still unable to stop when their bodies were so close and Junhyung inhaled a sharp, shaky breath at his touch. The goose bumps that followed Doojoon’s trailing fingers, the small hitch in Junhyung’s breath and the faint trembling anticipation in the other’s body was all way too much for Doojoon to handle.

Junhyung saw it coming, he recognized the flash of emotions in the leaders eyes as he made up his mind and crashed their lips together in a fierce kiss. But the rapper were still surprised, startled by the pure desire and lust that had Doojoon pressing against him as if letting out a lump of emotions he had pent up inside for too long. And it didn’t take more for Junhyung’s walls to crumble with the feeling of the others lips against his, demanding and fierce but still affectionate and gentle enough for the rappers heart to make a big leap. He had stopped thinking as he started to move his lips against Doojoon’s soft ones, responding and deepening the kiss even further, finding no boundaries or reasoning for whether what they were doing were right or wrong.

Doojoon’s hand grabbed at the back of Junhyung’s shirt, into the fabric as fireworks of emotions shooted inside his stomach and the need for more of the rapper and his warmth became stronger as the taste of the others lips clouded his mind with lust. He had waited for this moment for so long that he never realized how much he actually wanted, needed, to feel Junhyung’s soft skin under his teasing fingers and lips moving along every inch of that beautiful body.

Junhyung closed his eyes, letting himself melt into the mere touch of their lips that connected them into one and for a brief second he let go of everything but just the two of them in the room, letting himself live in the moment without any other thoughts occupying his flying mind. His fingers itched to run through the black silky hair of the leader but something inside him stopped his arm from lifting, an uncertainty and a conscious part of him that somehow knew that what they were doing went against all principles Junhyung ever grew up with.

Doojoon pulled away, breaking the heated kiss with a pant to his breaths as he tried to come to realize what exactly they had done. Junhyung were panting too, warm breaths tickling the side of Doojoon’s cheek as they looked into each others eyes and the rapper felt himself heat up by the strong gaze he was met with.

“Wow.” Doojoon breathed in a low voice as he examined Junhyung’s flustered face, his red swollen lips and the innocently embarrassed flicker of his eyes. There was an uncertainty in that gaze, an ashamed confusion as if the boy was caught committing a crime and wasn’t sure how to explain himself. And Doojoon realized at that moment that maybe it had been a mistake, an impulse acting on his own desire but not actually contemplating Junhyung’s own feelings and the consequences of his actions.

Junhyung hadn’t pushed him away but maybe he hadn’t given him the room to either. It was an impulsive move, an action that Doojoon were sure the rapper regretted and maybe the other had come to realize now how wrong it actually was. Doojoon’s heart contracted painfully at the thought, a part of him suddenly undeniably afraid of breaking what they already had, a friendship which now seemed crumbled and impossible. And the leader knew then that there were no chance of return, that it was either all or nothing and a friendship like before would be too strained and unnatural.

The ringing of Junhyung’s phone were what made both of them break away swiftly from their close positions, the rapper fumbling for his phone in his pocket as he stood up from the floor and answered the phone, awkwardly avoiding to look into Doojoon’s eyes by the previous sinful scene that had taken place.

“Yoboseyo?” Junhyung answered with a hoarse voice, awkwardly clearing his throat as he didn’t know who had called. He had in the bliss of a distraction from the growing tension in the room forgot to check the number and picked up the phone immediately.

“H-hyung, you h-have to come home.” Dongwoon’s voice resounded from the other end and Junhyung were startled by the slight tremble to it, making him immediately stand on alert. “Dongwoon-ah, what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly and frowned into the phone, making Doojoon stand up from the floor in alarmed confusion as well.

“I-It’s Yoseob...he...Hyung...you have to come home...I-I can’t get him to stop.” Dongwoon tried to explain, his voice sounding desperate from the other end as his voice trembled with worry and fear. “Please just hurry home.”

“Alright, calm down. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?” Junhyung glanced at Doojoon with a worried gaze, he had no idea what was going on and the frantic voice of the maknae made a bad feeling overwash his whole body, making him shiver. He hung up on the phone and grabbed his stuff in a hurry, ignoring the mess he left on the floor as he exited the room with Doojoon trailing behind with a million questions.

“I’ll explain on the way.” he simply brushed off and practically ran down the corridor, forcing himself to push the previous incident between him and the leader to the back of his mind as much more important things were calling for his attention.

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