Chapter 8

When C.A.P asked Niel to hang out after work the current position wasn't the one he expected himself in. It was uncomfortable, and to be frank, he had never done it in such tight quarters before. But Niel seemed to have, his legs were positioned perfectly, one on the middle arm rest and the other pressed into he seat cushion. He clung to C.A.P's shoulders as they kissed only to let go for a few second to pull the lever that send the seat and its occupants flying back.

“Hyung,” Niel moaned, C.A.P's shirt and leaning down to kiss him again.

C.A.P couldn't help but wonder how it was he got there.

Saying good bye to the maknae duo earlier that day had been easy enough. They accepted the excuse that it was Niel's way of paying C.A.P back for not going to his discharge. Really, between friends what was there to suspect? C.A.P convinced himself of his honest intentions as he slipped into the passenger seat of Niel's car.

And yet look at where they had ended up.

It felt like the entire fabric of him on unraveling and C.A.P didn't know how to reel it all back in again. Everything that he repressed, everything that he told himself not to feel was happening all over again. He wanted to curse Niel for letting him touch him, for being so simple that of course it would all boil back down to again. But at the same time he couldn't help but be grateful to be able to touch that cool skin again.

When Niel pulled back C.A.P couldn't help but trace the lines of his neck with soft fingers as if it were a dream. He had to hold back from the urge to press down.

Niel pulled his own shirt over his head and C.A.P noticed how flawless the skin was, not a single mark or bruise mapped the plain of his body. He ran his thumb over Niel's sending the younger male bending forward as he shuddered from the touch, a pant issuing from his mouth.

“Hyung, I wanted this so bad.”

This.

Did he mean his touch or did he mean him? C.A.P tried not to think of it and only feel. He felt as much as he could ignoring the outside world.

His hand wandered down to squeeze at the flesh of Niel's thigh and Niel responded by rutting against him needily. How far was Niel going to let this go on? Wasn't there a point where he was supposed to say 'no'. He had a boyfriend and a commitment to honor. He said he didn't love him anymore. He said that had been the past and yet...

C.A.P used whatever will he had to push Niel's shoulders back breaking their kiss.

“We need to get back,” C.A.P said, though his voice betrayed the fact that he didn't really want to go.

“Do we have to?” Niel whined lacing his fingers with C.A.P's.

“There's work and... the others will be worried,” the leader replied, fingers running up to lace in the other's shaggy brown hair.

Niel stared down at him for a moment before answering, “You don't want to do this?”

He actually sounded a bit hurt for a moment and C.A.P couldn't have replied even if he wanted to. Though his face probably said it all because then Niel was angry, sliding off his body and back into the driver's seat so fast.

“Fine, let's go back.”

He started the engine as C.A.P readjusted the seat and sat up.

The silent leader's mind was running a mile a minute buzzing with questions. Niel said he no longer had feelings for him. Was this only about ? Because he wanted to think that with Niel it was more than just that though he knew for experience how much, or in this case, how little meant to Niel. Would it really matter who he was?

And then the guilt hit him for thinking like that. Because that wasn't how you viewed someone you cared for.

But if he was going to cheat on Minwoo anyway wouldn't it be best if it were with him?

It was a twisted justification and C.A.P turned his head to look at Niel who stared straight ahead as he drove. But he still sensed C.A.P's gaze.

“What?” he said, voice a little irritated but not as much as before.

“Sorry,” C.A.P said pitifully.

“Why did you even invite me out? What do you want from me? And don't even say you thought we could just be friends.”

C.A.P leaned his head against the window.

“I mean, what did you think? Did you really think we could hang out alone like this?”

“And what if I did?” C.A.P huffed.

“You are deluding yourself,” Niel scoffed. “Because you're an idiot to think I didn't still ing like you.”

C.A.P's head shot up at that. He stared at Niel a if he'd said something absolutely insane.

“But you said...” he began.

Niel interrupted, “I know what I said! But I still thought you knew it. I thought that was why you didn't mind the duet or the fact that you messaged me last night, or even today it was really nice. Because we ate good food and you sat so close to me I thought you knew what it was doing to me and -- I thought you were OK with it despite Minwoo.”

Niel seemed genuinely distressed and C.A.P didn't know how to calm him down. He couldn't refute the accusations. Dinner had been great. They ate barbecue outside. They skipped on alcohol because Niel drove and they were quite far from home. But that didn't stop C.A.P from scooting so close to Niel that their knees constantly bumped together. He liked the intimacy he felt was completely one sided throughout their dinner and conversation. He felt like the coy smiles sent his way were mere projections of what he wanted. That the way Niel the chopsticks after C.A.P fed him was all in his mind.

It wasn't until they were back in the car, and Niel drove them to that secluded spot only to jump him did he realize he had seduced his friend.

“I invited you because I wanted to be with you. As just a friend is OK too,” C.A.P replied. “I wasn't even thinking of a possibility of more than that.”

“And why?”

“Because.... because you have a boyfriend,” C.A.P said, a bit incredulous. “How is that even a question?”

“Then why would you bait me like this? Why are you trying to make me look bad? Is this some sort of revenge? Because I cheated on you with him?”

“What? No.”

“Are you trying to humiliate me?”

“No! Daniel what the hell. Pull over.”

“I can't. This is a busy highway.”

“I can't talk to you like this. You're distracted.”

Niel veered off the road abruptly causing a few horns to blare at them. He stopped and the hazard lights.

“You really drive me ing crazy!” the younger idol screamed.

He slammed his fist down on the steering wheel before folding his arms and leaning his head down. His shoulders shook and C.A.P didn't even have to look to know he was crying. He had done it again, as usual. Maybe L.Joe was right. They just were too toxic for each other.

“You drive me so crazy! I was doing so well and then you had to ing show up and ruin every ing thing! You had to look at me with those stupid eyes and just confuse the out of me.”

C.A.P wanted to defend himself, to say he hadn't done anything, but he had to admit he did kind of push the situation along. He thought that it was safe to be around Niel as long as Niel was content with Minwoo.

“Sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing. It's my fault for being so weak. I guess I never changed and yeah... I guess I still do love you.”

Niel look up at him then with wet eyes and C.A.P felt like it was invitation to act as he pleased, to reciprocate Niel's love because, he rationalized, wouldn't that make the burden a bit lighter to bare. He leaned forward, lacing his fingers in Niel's light colored hair and Niel met him half way, their lips melding together in a kiss.

He then broke away, leaning back but still close enough so that his words fell also upon Niel's trembling lips.

“I love you too.”

-to be continued-

AN: I am officially the worst, It took me so long to write this because i wanted this story to be fluffy ughhh iw anted the date to be fluffy. And yet THIS cam out. And I saved it and waited months and yet THIS is what remained. So it. I give up on fluff. Welcome to angstville population 2! I give up on trying to write a nice fic... ahh yes comments and reviews as always is more than loved! Thanks everyone