Sixteen

“I need you to help me move out.”

“What?”

“Minwoo's going to be gone for most of the night for his schedule. This is the perfect time for me to get my stuff.”

C.A.P frowned as he looked at the younger male beside him as if hoping to solve some sort of puzzle.

“You mean, you only invited me to hang out to help you move?”

“No,” Niel rolled his eyes but didn't take them off the road. He was driving after all. “I messaged you because I wanted to see you, but I also realized this was the perfect time for me to grab my and so here we are.”

“Well,” there was a prolonged pause before C.A.P finished his thought. “OK then.”

“OK.”

As if signaling that the conversation was over Niel reached over and turned up the radio allowing the music to pour out of the car speakers at near deafening levels. C.A.P didn't protest. His head fell back against the headrest as he turned to watch the familiar Seoul scenery pass before his eyes. Niel had just picked him up from the dorm. C.A.P had no idea what Niel had planned for them when he agreed to meet earlier in the day. All he knew was that he was happy to know Niel hadn't regret his choice the other night.

The scars of their past experiences seemed to only be flaring up since the time of his discharge and their subsequent reunion. In fact C.A.P struggled with it in almost every waking moment. He was plagued with the thoughts of Niel and what could or couldn't be. He was willing to move on but when presented with a chance at redoing everything right this time he jumped at it.

Returning to his room later only to find Niel no longer in the bed or the dorm itself left a hollow feeling within C.A.P that threatened to cause his resolve to collapse under the weight of his melancholy. He felt played with and discarded. Though he already told himself that he'd be OK with and settle for the position of the other man it never really was an option.

Getting that text, even something as brief as the message that had been sent, it meant a lot. It meant that Niel wasn't just toying with him, that his feelings were reciprocated. It wasn't just . There was a part of C.A.P that feared that.

Perhaps Niel only left to say his good byes. Or maybe it was due to his later schedules. C.A.P didn't know and since Niel provided no excuses the rapper didn't bother to ask. He was just happy to be in the moment.

The apartment Niel shared with Minwoo was close to the dorm. Walking only took a few minutes so driving was of course even faster. Niel pulled into the private parking area backing into his designated spot and then stopping the engine of the vehicle. C.A.P didn't move to get out of the vehicle until Niel did and he followed sluggishly behind as the entered they entered the complex.

He would be a liar to say he wasn't curious about the place. All around he looked trying to remember as much about the place as he could. From what he could gather none of the other members had actually ever been to Niel and Minwoo's place. The place seemed pretty decent with medium security. Their fans had to know about it but there was no sign of them around. The elevator was covered in glass mirrors and after Niel pressed the button to the floor and leaned against the glass, arms crossed, their eyes met through their reflections.

“You're the first one I've invited up here.”

They arrived after that and stepping out Niel retrieved his keys from the back pocket.

“He can have all of the furniture. I don't need it.”

The key slid into the lock and the door turned revealing the previously forbidden interior. It looked not too different from their own dorm. Not in arrangement or furniture of course. But somehow C.A.P realized he expected it to be a bit more domestic and put together. Instead it felt like a bachelor's paradise. The place wasn't orderly and some beer cans were cluttered on the coffee table in front of a large television and game systems. The games weren't lined up on the shelf like their manager wanted them to be but instead haphazardly scattered about the floor in front of the TV or used as a coaster for an empty, dirty glass.

C.A.P bent over to pick up a soccer ball that had rolled in front of his feet. Niel went deeper into the apartment, bypassing all of the junk in the living area, and went straight for the bedroom.

“This place is smaller than I expected,” C.A.P noted as he followed.

“What did you think then? It was just two of us,” Niel asked as he picked up an already packed sports bag and placed it on the unmade bed.

“I dunno. Don't you two make a lot of money?”

“This is cozy though.”

“True. Is this all of your stuff?” C.A.P pointed in disbelief to the bag that Niel began to .

“Nope. It's just the bag I packed when I came by this morning. But we have more time now so let's just get more stuff.”

“OK.”

C.A.P didn't know where he was needed so he joined Niel's side. He watched as Niel ped the bag and revealed a catastrophic mess of odds and ends. It was obviously packed in a rush and with no foresight what so ever.

“What happened this morning?” C.A.P asked.

“Well, Minwoo was pissed obviously,” Niel said dumping out the contents of the bag. “Can you go in the closet and get two suitcases?”

C.A.P did as told, fetching the items. One of the suitcases was large while the second was considerably smaller. Niel looked at the two and shook his head.

“That smaller one he can keep. Do you see anything better?”

The larger suitcase was set aside and C.A.P returned to his quest of finding a better pack. There was a backpack that wasn't bigger than the one Niel already rejected.

“Of course he'd be pissed. That's only natural. I meant what did he say?”

“He said exactly what you'd think he'd say.”

“Which is?”

“Do you see anything good?”

“No.”

“Just give me the other one then.”

C.A.P returned to Niel's side with the suitcase. He left Niel to the task of fitting the things into the bag and instead laid the large suitcase on the floor open. He went to the chest of drawers and flung each open searching for clothing which would obviously belong to Niel.

“What did he say?” he tried to steer the conversation back to that morning.

Niel sighed audibly behind him.

“Can't we just focus on this and forget about this morning?”

“Why?”

“Because I don't want to talk about it,” Niel replied.

C.A.P didn't argue and they worked in silence. He tried not to puzzle over it so as to respect his friend's wishes but try as he might C.A.P couldn't help but to wonder. He figured the incidents had almost as much to do with him as it did Niel. He believed he had the right to know how things went down if they were to be together. After all, wasn't Niel going home with him in the end?

The more he let his thoughts stray in that direction the more unfair it felt. Why should Niel be allowed the secrecy. It wasn't just Niel's feelings and life at stake by the decisions made. If C.A.P didn't want to be there he wouldn't be in the room in that moment helping him and yet there he was without and notice either.

He winced as a pile of clothing was thrown on top of the clothes he was already placing into the suitcase.

“You're making a mess,” C.A.P scolded.

Niel came and knelt beside him.

“No, I'm helping you,” Niel replied picking up a shirt and folding it.

C.A.P pushed the pile over so it toppled on the floor.

“Hey!” protested Niel.

Niel retrieved one of the shirts and threw it back into C.A.P's face. C.A.P grabbed it and threw it back in retaliation.

“Can't you be serious?” Niel huffed yanking the shirt off of his head and glaring fiercely.

“I am being serious. You're the one who dumped your stuff in my space.”

“It's all my stuff and it's all my space,” rejoined Niel childishly.

C.A.P couldn't stay annoyed what with the little grin plastered on Niel's tanned face and he just shook his head and resumed packing.

“It won't be your space for long. Not after you move back in with us at least.”

“Huh? What makes you think I'm moving in with you guys?”

C.A.P paused, “Then where are you going?”

“Home, of course.”

Of course? Niel had said it so flippantly as if it were natural but for C.A.P it didn't make sense and he sighed and resumed packing unsure what else to say. He had a million questions he wanted to ask and they were just seconds away from just spilling out as his frustrations mounted.

“Don't worry. After we drop this off at my mom's place we can still hang out afterwards,” Niel said as if that were the problem. “She already knows we're coming.”

C.A.P's mind was still stuck though on the fact that Niel wasn't going home with him back to the dorm.

“You're really not coming back to the dorm?”

“Well, no. Not right now. I just think it's better for me to be with my family. It's a more neutral place than here with Minwoo or with... well at the dorm.”

Realization dawned on C.A.P as he in.

“You mean better than with Minwoo or with me”

It was obvious he was right by the way Niel refused to look him in the eye instead returning to folding his clothes.

“You never planned to come back to me did you?”

“That's not true,” Niel said wringing a shirt in his hands.

C.A.P reached out and grabbed Niel by the arms turning him towards him again. A surprised gasp fell from Niel's lips but he let his gaze align with C.A.P's once more.

“I think you owe it to me to tell it to me straight. What was last night all about and this morning too?”

Niel glared defiantly, “You know what happened last night. I don't have to tell you.”

“Of course I know what it was for me but what was it for you?”

“You mean why did I leave in the morning?”

C.A.P nodded.

“I had no intention to,” Niel replied prying himself away from C.A.P's grip. “I wanted to stay but something happened and so I had to leave.”

“Was it something with Minwoo?”

“I don't want to talk about it. How many times do I have to say that before you get that through your hard head?” Niel replied whirling on C.A.P.

“Well if it has something to do with me, or rather us, I think I have the right to know.”

“It has nothing to do with you!” Niel insisted.

“Bull,” came C.A.P's reply. “It has everything to do with me.”

“How do you figure?”

“Because you said you loved me. I told you to come with me home and you followed me.”

“You are so ing full of yourself,” Niel scoffed. “Do you really think you have that much power over me?”

“Well, yeah,” replied C.A.P.

Niel's mouth dropped open in shock and C.A.P didn't understand what the look was about. Of course he felt like he had that power over Niel if everything the boy told him about his feelings were true. After all Niel held that same power over him. He'd do anything for him he felt he could be dragged to hell and back and still hold on to Niel with all of his might. It had to be Niel and no one else and if the feeling wasn't returned then what exactly was C.A.P even fighting for anymore? So yes he believed it to be true. Niel proved it to him that night when he kissed and let him have him.

“I broke up with Minwoo this morning,” Niel said. “But he convinced me to stay.”

“But you're not.”

“I'm not.”

“So...”

“I'm going to my parents house.”

Niel was speaking Korean. C.A.P could understand every word coming from his mouth perfectly and yet for some reason they couldn't click together quite right. Niel loved him, he knew he did. So why weren't they going to be together?

“But I thought we--”

“Hyung, stop,” Niel pleaded. “This isn't about you, OK. It never was and it still isn't. This break up between Minwoo and I was inevitable whether you came back along or not.”

C.A.P was unsure how to feel. Somehow he felt unsettled by the way the situation was unfurling before him. He just wanted Niel back. The knowledge of the breakup of Minwoo and Niel did very little to erase the disappointment in knowing that despite it all Niel wasn't going to moving back into the dorm.

“Fine,” C.A.P said gruffly. “If you say so.”

Niel slammed the suitcase closed and closed the latch.

“You're angry,” he said turning to C.A.P. “Why are you angry with me?”

“I'm not angry.”

“Then what is it?”

C.A.P said nothing and Niel just sighed and stood again pulling the suitcase upright as he did so.

“Let's just finish this, OK. Let's get out of here, get some meat and just forget everything,” Niel said giving C.A.P a sparing glance to where he still sat on the floor.

C.A.P nodded wordlessly though inside there was a war. Because he couldn't forget it. Not when there were still so many questions. Maybe he looked pitiful sitting there. Niel sighed audibly and settled down again beside his leader and laid a cautious hand on his thigh.

“Hyung?” he began softly.

C.A.P met his eyes and then in the next moment they were kissing. C.A.P allowed himself to be taken in by the gesture and wrapped his arms around his lover's shoulders. He pulled Niel close until their thighs touched. One of Niel's hand clutched tightly onto C.A.P's leg while the other s its way around his torso.

They parted and Niel reached up running fingers against C.A.P's short cropped head of hair.

“I love you,” Niel said.

“I love you too,” C.A.P breathed.

Niel smiled and hugged him letting his head rest against his hyung's neck.

It wasn't a fight, C.A.P told himself as he embraced him. This wasn't making up. You couldn't make up when you hadn't fought. He didn't want to take it as a sign of things to come, that they'd only fall back into their past habits and repeat those old mistakes. It wasn't a fight and it wasn't going to be the same. They both knew better now. He wouldn't allow himself to think otherwise.

Niel pulled back still wearing that content expression on his face.

“Ready to go?” he asked. “Do you want hamburgers? I haven't had one in a while.”

C.A.P shrugged, “Why not?”

-to be continued-

AN: I had this written and saved on my computer for years! OK not literally years but a damn long time. But I didn't want to post it because I didnt like it. Then I finally opened it to re read it and was like “wow that... this is actually postable I think” so here you go! The creative process really ! ;~;

BTW so I moved in the meantime.. like a huge move... as in leaving one country and going to another country. And I don't have stable internet where I am now and I miss teentop sooooo freaking much. I am so sad. TEENTOP!!! I miss you!