Eleven

By 7pm the entire band, their manager and some others from the company were all assembled in the private backroom of a nice restaurant. The sound of glasses knocking together in a toast blended into the laughs and cheers of the rooms occupants.

L.Joe watched it all in his euphoric haze, which he was pretty sure will later melt into an alcoholic one as the night progresses. He was aware of Chunji smiling brightly at his side, aware of how, like CAP, he had changed, became bulkier and manly with service. Chunji's delicate fingers were calloused in places; he felt its roughness against his skin earlier when they'd touched. His neck was thick and strong, prominent and holding his head high like a trunk growing from the white collar of his shirt.

Yet despite that, Chunji's features still remained glowing with that delicate angelic visage. His laugh, his smile, everything remained unchanged. Though this L.Joe knew, he knew it all. It wasn't like he never spoke to Chunji not once in the two years since their enlistment. They spoke often enough, but he suddenly felt like things were clicking back into place.

This marked the beginning of his final two weeks. The clock counting down to his discharge was steadily pressing forward and L.Joe felt the anxiety swirling in his stomach.

He went by many names and by many images but there would always exist the fundamental piece that was him. L.Joe found it hard to decipher what part of that exactly was him. He wondered if that scared, anxious pit that continuously swirled within him, underneath the exterior layers, was the real him. He had wondered on numerous occasions when that part of him was born.

Defining the self was always difficult. It was easier to focus on the outside, to spend 2 hours applying make up, to spend hours more perfecting the perfect smile, the perfect resting face, the perfect everything. Calculating the image put forth, crafting and sculpting the character so well that you no longer acted the part but breathed it.

His time in the military was supposed to be a respite from that, a chance for L.Joe to return to Byunghun for two years at least, but he'd squandered it on SNS and reading news articles and gossip rags speculating about his exploits. Watching his search ranking drop as the time piled on was like watching a piece of himself, the character he created as L.Joe, die.

Now he could feel the rebirth of his life almost at hand.

L.Joe sat backed against the wall with Chunji sandwiched between himself and Siho. The two were laughing over some shared joke and Chunji leaned forward, elbows pressed against the table. L.Joe didn't hear the joke and focused on the others around the table. The maknae line were chatting with each other, seemingly in a battle of some sort. The staff that accompanied them seemed to be cheering the trio on and C.A.P was content to sit and observe from the side.

It was so disarmingly normal and after about an hour the party broke up even more. He didn't notice anything out of place in his buzzed state. Changjo and the staff were laughing loudly across the table. One of the office ladies completely red and beyond the point of getting home on her own two feet was sitting against one of the walls nodding at something Ricky was saying. Niel and C.AP had retreated to their own corner.

With legs numb from his sitting position on the floor, L.Joe stood and excused himself from the table. He stepped over Chunji and thanked Siho who quickly moved out of his way. Stumbling tipsy to the bathroom L.Joe emptied his bladder at the urinal then washed his hands at the sink staring at his no make up face staring right back at him.

The water ran a bit longer than it should and he only remembered to shut it off when the next person entered the room – a man unrelated to their party.

He ambled back to the room, pushing the door open and nearly jumped out of his skin surprised to find Niel standing there in front of him.

“Sorry,” he muttered stepping aside to let the other in but was surprised when Niel made no move to enter.

Instead Niel reached out and grabbed L.Joe's sleeve.

“You leaving?” Niel asked.

L.Joe shook his head and Niel regarded him with a half smile.

“Let's go outside.”

L.Joe followed Niel out and they stood near the curb watching as a few taxi cabs rounded the corner and the glow of the street lights lining the road. It was chilly for that time of year but it was welcomed. The summer breeze served to rouse his mind, clearing it of the effects of the alcohol. It seemed to do the same for Niel too as he kicked loose bits of trash on the pavement, swinging his arms to and fro.

“You looked like you were going to be sick,” Niel finally said.

L.Joe looked surprised, “Is that why you followed me?”

“Yeah, I thought you were face down in the toilet drowning in your own vomit,” Niel replied.

L.Joe let out a laugh at that.

“Don't laugh. You were in the bathroom for a long time and you're completely red.”

Niel stepped closer to L.Joe sizing him up.

“Plus you were a bit more antisocial than normal. I didn't think you drank that much but I had to make sure,” he said.

“Thanks for caring,” L.Joe said, sounding sarcastic but meaning it.

“This is a celebration for Chanhee! Don't tell me you were like this at Minsoo's as well.”

L.Joe shook his head, “No. Just... I was just thinking how everything's returning to normal.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we're going to be all together again, the 6 of us. Well, we kind of are, and in two weeks I'll officially be back as well. Watching you and the others like no time has passed at all, I don't know.... I think I got a little introspective.”

Niel flicked L.Joe's forehead causing the short rapper to hunch forward and grab his head in pain.

“You're thinking too much. Of course we're the same. We're all the same people right? What's changed?”

It was a rhetorical question. Niel didn't expect an answer but L.Joe considered it, all of it. The sun had risen and fallen on multiple occasions and L.Joe was stagnant. He'd entered his public service an awkward idol moving and faking his way through each day and he was ending it in much the same way.

“Nothing,” he answered. “Absolutely nothing's changed.”

“Yeah, nothing.”

Niel's voice was an almost whisper and L.Joe wondered if he imagined the sad smile that pulled at the vocalist's lips.

- - - - - - - -

“Wow, it's like a time capsule!”

Chunji looked in awe at the state of his shared room with Ricky. L.Joe was behind him peering into the room as well and he smirked.

“Yeah, Minsoo hyung had the same reaction.”

He pushed at Chunji's back and the elder of the two ventured deeper into the room dragging his luggage in behind him. He set it down in the middle of the floor and sat on his bed cross legged.

“Ah, this bed is actually so comfortable!”

Chunji leaned back, falling against the comforter and L.Joe joined him after setting down Chunji's other bag. Chunji rolled closer to the wall to accommodate his friend.

“We should decide new rooming arrangements. Me and you of course... then I don't know. The maknae line together and then C.A.P gets his own.”

“Yeah, there really would be no other combination that could work other than that.”

“But wouldn't that be bad for Niel to room with a couple,” pointed out Chunji.

L.Joe playfully batted his lashes, “By that logic wouldn't it be bad for him to room with us then?”

“Oh shut up,” Chunji rolled his eyes. “You never change.”

“Nope.”

Chunji chuckled, grabbing his pillow and hitting L.Joe's back.

“But anyway, yeah it works like that. We could put Minsoo with Ricky or Jonghyun!” suggested Chunji.

“We could have everyone draw straws.”

Chunji shook his head, “No. Won't work. We won't end up together.”

“Or Niel getting Minsoo hyung would just be awkward.”

“True. But he stays at Minwoo's place all the time now, right? So maybe it won't matter.”

“Oh, it'll matter. Those two definitely still have feelings for each other,” L.Joe scoffed.

“I'm not surprised. Am I supposed to be surprised?”

“It's only been a week since hyung's been back and it's already been some strange things going on. Niel's spent two nights with hyung here already and according to Changjo, Minwoo almost had a conniption fit yesterday because of it.”

“Well, nothing's changed then,” Chunji shrugged, eye lids dropping.

“Are you falling asleep on me?”

“Maybe.”

“You !”

L.Joe flopped on the bed and grabbed Chunji by the waist, noting the bulk there since the last time he'd held him.

“You're getting fat.”

“It's muscle,” Chunji quipped without missing a beat.

L.Joe sighed and said nothing else, snuggling closer to Chunji's body, wrinkling his nose against Chunji's sweaty musk. They both needed a shower so he didn't complain. Instead he opted to continue their conversation from before they trailed off the thought.

“You're right... nothing's changed. Ricky and Jonghyun are still together,” he said.

“I honestly can't imagine them having ,” chuckled Chunji. “Don't want to either.”

“Don't ask me how I know but Ricky prefers to top.”

“Wow, Byunghun thanks for the imagery.”

“You're welcome!,” L.Joe beamed but then continued on with his musings, “Daniel and Minsoo can't stop whatever it is they're doing.”

“We're in the same band as them so it's not like he can just walk away,” came Chunji's response.

“You're essentially saying it's OK for Niel to get back with his abuser.”

“I never said that,” Chunji scoffed. “I'm just saying we don't have much choice but to trust them; trust that Niel knows what's best for him and that he's already made his choice to be with Minwoo while also having trust that C.A.P knows not to overstep his boundaries.”

“Because we're in the same band?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“That's so ridiculous though,” L.Joe complained. “Because in any situation this wouldn't be tolerated.”

“It's only been a week,” Chunji noted. “It could be nothing.”

“Thiss feels like deja vu,” L.Joe replied. “Isn't this what we said last time?”

“Well, we kind of know more what to look out for now, right?” Chunji reasoned.

“Maybe.”

“But hey don't be so glum. Things will look up one way or another.”

L.Joe glanced up at Chunji's resting face and noted how the visual cracked open an eye to peer down at him in amusement.

“How so?”

“I'll get a girlfriend soon you know,” the slightly older of the two teased.

L.Joe cuffed Chunji under the chin but smiled regardless,

“Nothing's changed.”

-to be continued-

AN:............................... i really wanted to write L.Joe. i dunno i regret everything but at the same time i am still posting it