Seven

The sounds of the piano made its way down the hall carrying with it the deep drawl of a singing voice. It was not a singer’s voice and L.Joe knew immediately who it was.

“Never thought I'd ever love anyone else, in my weakness
I think about us.
I think about the way we laughed without a reason
I think about us”

L.Joe was assaulted by the feelings in the words as he pushed open the door to the practice room. He let the door close behind him after stepping in and stopped to listen to the feelings being poured out.

“There will be no more lies
Somebody tell me why I feel like I'm dying

C.A.P’s eyes were closed, not even looking at the sheet of words before him as his fingers glided across the keyboard. L.Joe moved closer just as C.A.P stopped playing, signaling that the other had moved into his peripheral.

“Is this your new song?” L.Joe took the time to sit on the bench beside his hyung, and plucked the sheets off the stand.

He scanned the jotted down lyrics. It was more of the same thing.

“I can't stop loving you
I can't help myself
And I can't get over you
No matter what I tell myself“

L.Joe scoffed, setting the papers back down haphazardly, the fell against the keys and C.A.P scrambled to collect them. If the elder of the two were embarrassed he didn’t show it.

“Did you really think Niel would agree to sing something like this with you?” L.Joe asked.

“It’s not for our unit.”

L.Joe’s eyes lit up at that and he grinned knowingly, “But it’s about him, right?”

“What are you doing here?” C.A.P asked, finally showing a bit of impatience.

L.Joe saw the way C.A.P’s eyes moved to the clock hanging on the wall.

“It’s pretty late. I always come by around this time to write,” L.Joe explained. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I’ve been here all day.”

“Well it’s my turn,” L.Joe replied and pushed towards the center of the bench but C.A.P was of course stronger and didn’t budge a bit.

C.A.P finished organizing his sheet music and lyrics, stuffing them into a clear file, and finally standing up, letting L.Joe have control of the full bench.

L.Joe scooted to the center, running his thin fingers over the still warm piano keys.

“So you didn’t answer me… those lyrics, they’re about Daniel, right?” L.Joe said, turning his head back to see C.A.P stuffing the file into his bag.

C.A.P doesn’t even look up when he answers, “It’s not about him.”

“Then who?”

“It isn’t about anyone,” C.A.P replied curtly.

“Just a generic love song, then?” L.Joe asked.

“Something like that.”

“Bull.”

C.A.P sighed, letting his bag fall against the couch, turning towards L.Joe and opening his mouth as if to say something before shutting it again apparently rethinking it.

“It’s not like I can convince you otherwise,” C.A.P finally said and turned away again, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

“You’re right, you can’t,” L.Joe said and he turned to play the beginning of “Kiss the Rain” on the piano.

C.A.P finished packing and was making his way out of the door when L.Joe turned to call him back.

“Hyung, listen to this,” He beamed. “It’s the song I made for Chanhee.”

He scooted over, patting the space beside him on the bench but C.A.P didn’t sit though he did turn and moved closer, crowding behind L.Joe’s back. L.Joe played for him then, instrumental only.

He wasn’t much of a singer, and never pretended to be. That was Chunji’s job for the piece. He was just the writer but the singer would make it come alive. What C.A.P was listening to was just the shell; though he did play the melody upon the keys it didn’t do it justice to how he could already imagine Chunji’s voice singing it.

As L.Joe played he tried to keep his mind from straying from the words he wanted to say, whatever it actually was. He’d spoken to Niel but not yet had a chance to be frank with C.A.P. He stumbled over the last of the notes and wondered why he was being so preoccupied.

C.A.P liked Niel. Niel might also like C.A.P. Did he really have the right to get in between that? It should be organic, right? When someone liked someone even if they’re dating someone if a break up was inevitable it was inevitable.

But what if that person had hurt someone you cared about deeply? What if you were afraid they’d hurt themselves again by forgiving someone not worthy of being forgiven.

L.Joe winced as he hit a note too sharply and over corrected playing the next one flat.

He couldn’t forgive him. He never could. He would be a liar if he said that his perception of C.A.P never changed after all that happened came to light. Did he respect him as a leader? Only a bit. Did he consider him a friend? Of course, which was also why he was able to denounce him so harshly. And Niel was his friend as well, a best friend, like a brother, and he was against it.

Absolutely.

Against.

It.

L.Joe’s fingers halted on the keys as he felt a hand press his shoulder and he turned his head, narrowing his eyes at C.A.P who had stopped him.

“You’re flat,” C.A.P said, looking startled, likely from the aggression in L.Joe’s eyes.

“Daniel is too good for you.”

L.Joe’s reply was off topic and by all appearances irrelevant to the situation at hand and C.A.P shifted uncomfortably letting his hand fall from his shoulder. He didn’t look away though and L.Joe knew that if he was going to have any chance to say what he wanted to say it was now.

“Minwoo is good for him. He’s been happy.”

L.Joe didn’t know what he expected C.A.P to say. The other rapper was never eloquent unless he was putting pen to paper. Part of him expected C.A.P to say nothing. After all, he wasn’t good enough for Niel and he should know it. Could he refute it?

“Did he say he was happy?” C.A.P asked, voice soft.

L.Joe’s jaw clenched and he had to stand his ground. Niel told him that he was happy but he didn’t know if Niel might have told C.A.P if anything different. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you think you can make him happy?”

L.Joe didn’t allow time for the answer to come and continued to drill into his hyung.

“You can’t. Writing songs like this, is this supposed to make him feel any different about you or make us feel differently about what you insist was love? I don’t understand you at all. Like, why did you even do it if you loved him so much?”

“Of course you don’t understand. Even I don’t understand.”

L.Joe rolled his eyes, “Right. Am I supposed to be sympathetic?”

“No, and I never asked you to be. I never did, not even once. Whether I like him still or not, I’ve been nothing but supportive about his new relationship in the few times I’ve seen him.”

“Right because writing lyrics about how you still love him is being supportive.”

“I said it wasn’t for him!”

C.A.P’s voice rose from its usual quiet tone and he reached out, surprising L.Joe as his hands clenched at his shirt, L.Joe didn’t allow himself to show he was spooked though, looking C.A.P right in the eyes as C.A.P glared daggers at him, fists full of L.Joe’s t-shirt.

“I see you haven’t changed at all,” L.Joe said at length, standing and pulling himself away from C.A.P’s grasp.

“Byunghun, I… No, I.. that’s—“ C.A.P fumbled over his words and L.Joe refused to listen reseating himself on the bench.

L.Joe turned his back against C.A.P.

“You don’t understand. What am I supposed to say? If I tell you everything it won’t make anything better.”

L.Joe didn’t want to look behind him towards the leader.

Stay away from our Niel.

That’s all he wanted to say. He didn’t want to bring back to the surface the specifics of C.A.P’s crime nor did he want to hear the warped reasoning. He didn’t want to hear how the two were so content about it for as long as they were. He only wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again.

L.Joe felt cold and when he finally turned he saw C.A.P was now standing far away, on the opposite side of the room with his back pressed against the wall.

“Did therapy help?” he asked, voice breaking the odd silence between the pair.

It felt like the words had to travel far to reach the other member’s ears.

C.A.P didn’t speak, but L.Joe could make out the slight nod of the head.

L.Joe wondered what was going through that mind. Could it be more excuses? Or would it be formulating an apology? Did C.A.P not see how much he hurt his own case? L.Joe felt he could see right through him even without understanding the motivations.

“You know… social isolation is a form of abuse?” C.A.P finally spoke, voice almost being absorbed into the walls.

“Did you learn that in therapy?”

C.A.P nodded and L.Joe shook his head.

“You have no idea how jealous you sound right now.”

“Can you please stop provoking me?”

“It’s not my problem that my words bother you if they’re true.”

L.Joe watched after that, the way that C.A.P’s shoulders shook as he let out a deep breath. He was obviously trying to calm himself and L.Joe wondered if C.A.P perceived him as the villain.

“None of this would even matter if it weren’t for you. My feelings, Niel’s feelings. It’s irrelevant, right?” C.A.P accused. “Because he’s with Minwoo. I already told you that.”

“So you have…”

“Can you just out of it? Whether you have good intentions or not, it isn’t your business. Nothing is going to happen.”

L.Joe regarded his hyung for a few seconds before sighing.

“You keep saying nothing is going to happen… so I suppose there is nothing left for me to do but take your word for it, huh?”

“Thanks,” was C.A.P’s reply but L.Joe could tell that he didn’t mean it.

---

9pm and the entire apartment was dark but for the light coming from the nearby television set. Niel’s eyes watched the screen, though the words didn’t quite reach him. He heard but he wasn’t listening, too absorbed as he was in his thoughts. He considered making something for Minwoo for when he returned home but he got a message on the phone saying he was going out with some staff from the CM he just recorded.

It left Niel so idle, as he usually was. There was really no telling when his boyfriend would return and the vastness of the apartment seemed to creep around him.

He had nearly given up in his wait, instead resigning himself to an early night. After all, all he had was the television, his games or his phone.

He couldn’t go out, Minwoo hadn’t given him any money, and plus it’d be bad if Minwoo got back before he did. There was no Changjo, no Ricky, no L.Joe. Although Niel didn’t mind being with Minwoo it was the nights like these that made him miss the dorms or even home was better.

Niel sat up, stretching his arms over his head just as his phone lit up with a message. He reached over half hoping it was Minwoo on his way back and half hoping it was him saying he wouldn’t be home.

Instead it was C.A.P.

“Please tell Byunghun to leave me alone ;~;”

Against his will Niel felt a wave of excitement wash through him and he typed back immediately.

“What did he do this time?”

“He’s still bothering me about you!”

Niel wasn’t too comfortable with that and he hesitated, unsure what to reply but the next message had him breaking into a smile.

“Well what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. ;D”

Niel didn’t know why but he looked around first before replying.

“What do you mean? You’re not thinking of trying anything are you?”

The reply was instant.

“Depends. Would you let me?”

Niel’s heart was in his throat, his stomach doing somersaults. Of course it was C.A.P and they usually were frank with one another but it’d been years and if it were anyone else wasn’t this considered flirting? But C.A.P knew he was taken and he said he didn’t like him anymore.

Another message came through.

“Just kidding. Don’t tell Byunghun on me.”

It was a joke.

Yes, totally a joke. Because L.Joe was bothering him about it, of course. It was just a joke at L.Joe’s expense. Niel felt himself come down from whatever high he had flew to though he still hovered a few meters off the floor as he replied.

“Of course. Secret is safe with me.”

The message was read, but even after 5 minutes nothing else came. Niel loitered, watching more TV, but really sitting upright on the couch staring at his phone on the coffee table until 10 minutes later it lit up again, multiple messages from his hyung coming in consecutively.

“I want to see you tomorrow.”

“Not at work. After work…”

“As friends…”

“Like old times.”

Niel knew it would be complicated. He knew he’d have to lie to make it happen but his thumbs worked faster than his mind.

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

-to be continued-

AN: frickkkk CAP hyung is so freaking hot in that picture i had to use it.

anyway hmm what in the world! i mean all these stuff happening it just... it escelated quickly! The beginning of this fic was supposed to start out fluffy! ahhh oh well. but hey on the bright side NAP date is coming up! (well not bright if u are Minwoo haha)

I know ljoe seems like he's being harsh but i guess... imagine if u found out ur friend, ur best friend bf used to beat them and that they still liked each other. i am sure you wouldn't be too pleasent either. in fact L.joe is a bit too pleasent considering the situation *cough*. but i still felt bad writing it.

also chunjoe feels really! i want chunjoe so badly in this fic! /shot

thanks eveyrone reading! thanks everyone who reviews!

oh yeah also i ind't write the lyrics of that song. blah i not a song writer or poet. it's a song called... "can't stop loving you" i took lyrics from