Chapter 10

The lyrics C.A.P had been working on had been rejected by their producer though he did advise him to save them for another song.

“We want something playful! Something fun!”

C.A.P slumped in the corner of the practice room with his notebook resting in his lap. Something playful? He didn't necessarily feel playful at the moment. He stared at the still blank sheet in front of him and dug through his mind attempting to find a bit of inspiration but of course nothing came.

How could it when the day was turning out to be, like all days since his discharge, another strange one?

He remembered waking up that morning and seeing Niel across the room still asleep, buried in the blankets of L.Joe's bed. It had been a nice moment rising to see that younger member near him. But it wasn't enough of course. It only made him long to be closer. C.A.P wished to crawl into bed beside him and hold Niel's body against his in a spoon; He wanted to feel his heartbeat and smell the scent of his light curls.

Body worship was always a favorite activity of C.A.P's and Niel was his preferred object to praise.

He missed the smoothness of his flesh, the firmness of the muscles on his legs, the grip of his thighs, the tensing of his abdomen when brushed with cool fingers, the dip of his collar bones and the salty taste of the hollow where they met.

The previous night the pair hadn't touched again after the incident in the car. C.A.P felt as if tacitly permission had been granted but before he could act on it the illusion had shattered with the loud pounding of Minwoo's arrival. C.A.P knew he wouldn't have held back for much longer but the resolve was snatched from him in an instant and he was back to the reality that Niel was no longer available to him.

So how, with that fresh in his mind, could he possibly write anything playful or fun? Adding to it all was the fact that Niel didn't even show up to work that day. Ricky and Changjo were surprised as well while Siho looked uncharacteristically furious.

C.A.P pressed on though, putting pen to paper, jotting down something—anything-- that he could, telling himself he'd work only an hour more before just calling it quits for the night.

The door opened and he glanced up feeling a bit of relief to see it was only Ricky. He was afraid to get a repeat of the other day with L.Joe and allowed himself to show Ricky a slight grateful, welcoming smile.

“You're still working,” Ricky asked, a bit of awe in his voice.

C.A.P nodded, looking back down at his paper.

“Something like that.”

“What's that? Your song with Niel?”

Ricky crossed the room and sat at C.A.P's side attempting to take a peek at the notebook nestled in his lap. C.A.P moved it out of his reach.

“Something like that.”

“Can't I see it?”

“I barely have anything.”

“So? Can't I see what you got?”

A short scuffle ensued with Ricky attempting to grab the notebook from the older and stronger member. He was failing miserably and resorting to climbing all over C.A.P as if he were a piece of playground equipment.

“Let me see!”

“Get off!”

“Not until you let me see!”

They wrestled around some more, tumbling off the sofa onto the wooden floor, knocking into the feet of the piano. They were so busy fighting that they didn't notice one of the staff members open the door, peek in, take one look and go back out again.

After about a minute, tired and panting, C.A.P gave a final shove but Ricky had a tight grip and the page of the notebook tore as he went rolling off.

“You ripped it!”

Ricky only cackled, scrambling to his feet and glancing at the piece of paper he still held.

“Now let's see,” he began glancing at the page. He began reading it off. “What did you eat for....”

C.A.P had to admit, despite the horror he was feeling upon hearing Ricky reading what he had written, the way Ricky's face dipped into sudden confusion was almost worth it.

“For.... breakfast. Porridge. What did you eat for lunch? Not porridge--”

Ricky stopped abruptly, shoving the page in C.A.P's direction.

“Hyung, what the heck is this!?”

“The producer said he wanted something playful.”

“You need a break,” Ricky shook his head and threw the sheet towards C.A.P.

It fluttered in the air and landed on the floor, missing its mark.

C.A.P replied, “Tell me about it.”

Ricky clicked his tongue and set his hands on his hips.

“Just stop for now. We can go home together and relax. After all, tomorrow is Chanhee's discharge!”

“Fine,” C.A.P reached out, taking up the torn paper from the floor and sticking it into the notebook before shutting it.

Ricky sat on the couch as C.A.P began to gather his things and cleaning the area. His pencil and eraser went back into the pencil case and then slipped into the bad along with the notebook and a clear file. Ricky sat watching the entire thing. A nice companionable silence settling between the two and breaking after C.A.P zipped closed the ruck sack.

“I hope Niel's, OK.”

C.A.P looked up from his bag and looked at Ricky who was sitting, staring at his legs.

“Why wouldn't he be OK?” C.A.P asked.

Ricky looked up, “Oh. It's nothing. Just was thinking aloud to myself.”

C.A.P set his bag back on the piano bench and then sat down beside the visual maknae.

“Yeah? Maybe so, but are you worried then?”

“Ah, just... he didn't seem sick. He told me that he hadn't worked because he needed to rest but he's seemed much more well rested lately. And this morning he seemed fine too, right?” Ricky explained.

C.A.P nodded. He agreed that Niel looked rested and didn't seem to have any reason to miss work that day. He and Minwoo had left together and although he hadn't seen any of the 100% members that day he was pretty sure they were still around the building somewhere.

“Uhm, Changhyun...”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think of Minwoo and Daniel?”

“What do you mean?” Ricky asked, but C.A.P could see it again, that shy look that appeared also when Ricky informed C.A.P about the relationship after his discharge.

“I mean,” C.A.P began but he digressed. “Actually...”

He didn't know what he meant. He wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to hear. But luckily Ricky began to speak on his own.

“Uhm... well at first when they got together, when Niel told me, I thought it was weird,” Ricky began, looking back down at his socks.

“Weird?”

Ricky nodded in the affirmative, “Yeah... like... because well you know. Back when he told us the things that happened, before, way back in the day.... He was with Dongwook hyung, right? And Minwoo as well. I just... I mean you know as well as I do that Niel insisted that Minwoo wasn't like Dongwook at all, and when I see the way Minwoo looks at him I can see that he really does love him but... Ah, I'm rambling.”

“You're not. Go on,” C.A.P encouraged.

“Just... Daniel was only 14 when it happened so it just feels...”

“Wrong?” C.A.P supplied when the young one paused again.

“N,no!” Ricky seemed to squeak but then calmed down. “Ah, maybe. I mean... ugh. It just feels like because of Niel's age Minwoo was someone who took advantage of him too.”

C.A.P was silent, absorbing Ricky's words and upon seeing that Ricky wasn't going to say more – the visual maknae was now playing with a loose thread on his in her nervousness-- C.A.P began his reply.

“If that's how you feel, why didn't you say anything when they announced it?”

“Huh? Well, b,because Daniel's an adult now. We all are. He knows his situation even more than I do. I don't feel it's my place and anyway, I felt like that then. I don't feel like that now.”

“How do you feel now?”

“Like... like, I don't know. They have a good relationship so I guess I'm relieved.”

C.A.P slumped back against the seat and stared up at the ceiling letting the words sink in. It was true that Niel had told him and Ricky that he had first started sleeping with Minwoo when he was only 14. At that time Minwoo was already 23 going on 24. It was a bit of a jarring thought. C.A.P felt the same even when he first heard the information.

When he heard the news of Minwoo and Niel getting together officially though, C.A.P's gut reaction wasn't about the dubiousness of the situation but rather about what it meant about the relationship he had with Niel. He started to question how deep were the feelings Niel had for him or whether he always held Minwoo in his heart all along. In hindsight, after hearing Ricky's words, C.A.P realized it was quite selfish of him.

“I don't want him to be with Minwoo,” he scoffed. “What makes him better than me?”

Ricky gasped and looked over at C.A.P sharply.

“Nobody said he's any better than you.”

“Well, Daniel seems to think so.”

“Hyung, people don't have control over who they fall for. I'm pretty sure he never intended to hurt you.”

“He told me he loved me.”

“That was years ago,” Ricky said, actually looking sorry as he said it. “He's with Minwoo now.”

“He told me yesterday,” C.A.P laughed hollowly and breathed out a bit harshly from his nose before rubbing his forehead. “He told me loved me yesterday and yet this morning... Oh, I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid?”

“You're not stupid!” Ricky said, quite alarmed at this point. “And wait, no, Hyung, what happened yesterday?”

“I don't want to ing play around like this,” C.A.P huffed.

It was like the tables had been turned. Is this how Minwoo felt all those years ago, when he was sleeping with Niel behind his back? Because C.A.P felt in so deep. He knew if he had been given another chance, just a little bit of time, he'd have given in and become the other man.

Niel had claimed back then that Minwoo loved him but C.A.P loved him too and still did.

“Hyung, what happened?” Ricky's voice was hard, demanding, and a little uncharacteristic but it showed how serious he was.

“We, last night, we--”

“No,” Ricky voice held shock and disbelief. “You didn't.”

“We didn't. We almost did but we didn't. I stopped us. But I swear if he would have kept going I would have too. I'm so weak and I have no idea what he's thinking.”

“I... I'm sorry, hyung,” Ricky said, voice returning to it's usual tone. “I didn't know. It must be hard. But I think you know what you have to do. He has a boyfriend now. He moved on and...”

“I know,” C.A.P said with a sigh no longer knowing why he held onto any hope.

As he and the maknae duo exited the building and headed home that night C.A.P sent a quick message to Niel. It was pitiful and he couldn't even blame it on a moment of weakness.

There was never any reply.

- - - - - -

The door opened and Niel looked up from where he reclined on the couch, eyes brightening as he watched Minwoo step through the door.

“Welcome home!” he greeted with a smile.

“Oh, hey, you didn't go to work today?” Minwoo asked.

“Ah, no I decided to stay at home,” Niel replied haltingly. “But I have to go tomorrow for Chanhee's discharge.”

“OK. I hope you have fun celebrating with them,” Minwoo said.

Niel nodded and got up from the couch following Minwoo into the bedroom.

“You're not still angry, right, about last night? Because I really am sorry. I mean it.”

Minwoo looked over at Niel and laughed crossing the room and patting his head.

“You're still worried about that?”

“Well, this morning you seemed... you weren't talking to me at all,” Niel felt a bit of panic in his chest just remembering it.

“You're too sensitive,” Minwoo replied. “I was merely rushing as I had a meeting in the morning.”

He bent down and kissed Niel on the lips. Niel let out a sigh of relief as he melted into the kiss letting his arms wrap around Minwoo's midsection. He felt so safe when he felt Minwoo's arm wrap around him as well.

“Why don't I make you something nice for dinner?” Minwoo offered when they broke apart.

“Really! Great I haven't eaten yet,” Niel admitted.

“What? All day?” Minwoo looked surprised and Niel nodded his curly head. “Ok, I guess I'll make a doubly big meal for us then!”

Niel cheered and Minwoo leaned down kissing him again before stopping to pull him to the bed.

“But first..,” the 100% leader said.

Niel let himself get pushed back onto the mattress and leaned back as Minwoo crawled over him and began to kiss him with renewed vigor.

Afterwards, Niel laid in the bed still undressed, resting a bit and enjoying the smell of food coming in the bedroom from the kitchen. Minwoo was always a great cook. He used to always envy the 100% members for having him in their dorm to cook for him and he smiled to himself because now he had Minwoo all to himself.

Stretching like a cat Niel noticed his phone flashing on the nightstand and picked it up, checking his messages. The smile on his face fell flat upon seeing the one from C.A.P.

I missed you today.

Why did C.A.P come back only to torture him again? He was so happy with Minwoo. He was doing so well. Why did it have to be like this?

He didn't want to be weak. He wouldn't make any more wrong choices. His heart was beating wildly trying to tell him what he feared, that it was true, that he loved C.A.P still. But how could he? Didn't he and Minwoo also have a history? It didn't work with C.A.P the first time, who was to say the second time would be better.

Niel resolved to stay strong, to not give in like he almost did before, despite the temptation laid before him. He put away his phone sitting it back on its place on the table without dignifying C.A.P with a response.

-to be continued-

AN: here you are. I dunno what do you think? if you follow me on twitter you would know that i think everyone in this fic are either borderline horrible people or they're dumb as heck! Thanks for reading and remember comments and reviews give me super strength kekeke