(( A MINWOO PICTURE LOL ))

Thirteen

The priority was making sure that Minwoo was OK. Niel dialed the number. The phone didn't even ring. It only went straight to voice mail. Niel tried not to panic and hung up to try again only to receive the same result.

By that point his hands were shaking too much for him to steadily hold the phone. He dropped it on the bed then rose, beginning to redress in his old clothing. He got ready as quickly as possible and without a word to anyone else dashed out the dorm. He didn't even bother to tie his laces and set off in a run.

Three AM and there was no one on the street. He ran almost the entire way back to the apartment only stopping for breath at one intersection. Being as late as it was the elevator moved quickly but he still hopped around impatiently on the way up.

His decision had been made and he had no intention to take it back. But a message like the one he'd received couldn't be ignored. He wasn't going to waver in his determination and he wouldn't accept Minwoo acting rashly either.

Upon reaching the door he grabbed the knob key in hand but was surprised to find it wasn't even locked. He pushed it open and stepped in.

“Jagiyah,” he called tentatively.

The living room lights were off and he could see straight through to the balcony and make out what he interpreted to be Minwoo's form. He approached, a calm coming over him now that he knew Minwoo hadn't done anything extreme. The older idol was leaning against the rail with a beer in his hand and looked perfectly calm. Niel took in a deep breath to steel himself for the impending break up before sliding open the door.

Minwoo didn't even turn or address him when he stepped outside. Niel didn't bother closing the door behind him and slipped into the extra pair of slippers that were kept outside. He came forward, leaning on the railing beside his boyfriend and simultaneously taking note of the amount of beer cans around them. Thankfully Minwoo had only consumed two. It was never fun talking to someone drunk while you were sober.

“Hey,” Niel began.

“Well, look who's finally home,” Minwoo replied still not turning to regard him.

“I live here,” Niel replied, but realized it wasn't the right reply since he wouldn't for much longer if things went as planned. He back tracked. “You're angry.”

Minwoo took another swig of his beer and Niel rolled his eyes.

“Fine. Ignore me. It doesn't even matter anyway,” Niel huffed.

“And why not? Because you're leaving me?” Minwoo asked, finally glancing over at Niel.

“The only reason I'm here is because you freaking threatened to kill yourself.”

“So what? That was two hours ago. I should already be dead. You didn't even ing care. You only care about whoever you're ing at the moment.”

Niel didn't even dignify Minwoo with a reply. He had read all of the things Minwoo messaged him. He didn't need more. He pushed away from the banister and turned to go back into the house ignoring Minwoo behind him who went back to drinking his beer. He went to the bedroom and the light scanning the room and taking mental stock of the things that belonged to him. He crossed the room and slid open the closet door pulling out a duffel bag.

He didn't want to think about Minwoo at the moment. He always had problems reading his boyfriend when he got into his moods. Normally things were great with them but whenever Minwoo felt angry or slighted the tense atmosphere was absolutely stifling.

He hated to compare the prominent lovers in his life but there were things so much easier with C.A.P than Minwoo. Even though his arguments with C.A.P often ended violently Niel was never afraid to push and prod C.A.P. He provoked him a lot and the brunt of it had been on purpose. He knew what he was doing and which words to say to cause him to blow.

With Minwoo on the other hand Niel found himself to be the opposite. He thread cautiously like he was barefooted near a cobra's den. And he realized it was irrational of him to be so accommodating to Minwoo. The 100% leader never once raised a hand towards him but there were still things he did that made him feel much worse.

Having his hair pulled would hurt in the moment but Minwoo often left Niel out of sorts for a long time after the confrontation. Niel knew he had to hurry and get out of there before Minwoo saw fit to try to get Niel to lose his nerve.

Setting the bag on the floor, Niel began to stuff it with his essentials. He could always get the rest later. Even if Minwoo was going to be awkward with the breakup if Rokhyun or Sanghoon came along he didn't really have anything to fear.

He didn't even bother folding things and the bag began to fill quickly with the haphazard packing. He supposed he should have taken better care but the longer he was in the apartment the more agitated he became. Just thinking of everything that happened since C.A.P's enlistment exasperated him and he just wanted to get the rough part over with and relax again.

But perhaps that was part of the problem. He had become too complacent in the past few years and never really considered what he wanted but rather what was easiest. He thought he wanted Minwoo. He and C.A.P had broken up so long ago. What was the catalyst this time?

The bag was full now with odds and ends. A shirt sleeve hung over the side and Niel tucked it in between an alarm clock and bottle of toner before zipping the duffel closed. He stood and slung it over his shoulder, across his chest. It wasn't even heavy. There would be way more for him to carry later when it wasn't 3am.

Exiting out of the room and reentering the main area he paused and took a look towards the outside balcony again, noting the slump in Minwoo's silhouette. That weakness, the special sort reserved just for Minwoo, began to stir within Niel and he frowned before going over to say his good bye.

He hadn't closed the door when he went back in the first time so he merely stayed in the threshold without stepping out..

“I'm leaving now,” he said.

Minwoo slouched forward further as he laid his head against the cool wrought iron. Niel thought grimly that it was the only thing keeping him from hurtling 10 floors down.

“Aren't you going to say anything?” Niel asked, though he didn't know why he was giving him a chance.

Minwoo remained silent and Niel just sighed, adjusting his bag on his back.

“Whatever. So it's over now. Bye.”

He turned to leave and it was then that he heard Minwoo finally move behind him. He didn't know exactly what it was and he glanced over his shoulder thinking Minwoo was finally going to reply but getting a surprise when he was instead greeted with the sight of Minwoo, back still turned towards him, climbing onto the thin banister.

“Jagi!” He called on impulse and stepped out just as Minwoo began try to stand and balance himself on the frame.

Niel grabbed onto the tail end of Minwoo's T-shirt and pulled him back. The bulk of Minwoo's body fell directly onto Niel but the vocalist was strong and managed to balance himself. The duffel bag cushioned him as he slammed against the wall. He rolled a bit to the side and deposited Minwoo on to the ground.

“What the hell!?” Niel snapped. “Get a ing grip!”

Minwoo just curled onto his side. He stayed there as Niel glared at his hunched form. Neither spoke for what seemed like minutes and Niel was getting a kink in his leg from the odd half sitting half standing position he held. He slipped the bag off his back and sat down properly on the ground. He set the bag down beside him and was wondering what he should do.

If he left who knew what Minwoo would do. It seemed he wasn't just exaggerating about wanting to take his own life. Niel sighed, pulling his knees up and stared straight forward at the rails and hating the fact that the night ended like this. He definitely didn't feel in control of anything anymore and it seemed such a small thing too when comparing it to the fact that he was dealing with Minwoo's life. He had to say or do anything to make things better but he couldn't think of anything other than the one thing he vowed he wouldn't do. He wasn't going to stay with Minwoo.

Niel buried his head in his knees and was speaking before he even realized it himself.

“I'm so sorry,” Niel said.

He lifted his head and looked at Minwoo's back. It was so hard to know what to say. He never actually comforted Minwoo before. Despite all of their years together there was only one form of comfort he knew. If something was wrong they had . If someone was sad they had . It had been that way since they first met.

He chose Minwoo because they both understood each other. Niel realized there was an imbalance between them caused by their age difference. Minwoo never expected to be supported by Niel emotionally. He took everything onto his back. If Niel was sad or upset, if he were crying or wracked with guilt Minwoo would say that if the world didn't understand it was OK because he would always be there. The world would keep turning, people would change, but Minwoo promised to be the one constant.

In the end rather than breaking up with a lover it felt more like leaving his guardian. He knew that Minwoo loved him, he never had any doubt about it. But the origin of such feelings remained an enigma.

Minwoo stirred, legs stretching out to his full length as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He sat against the wall so that his shoulders lined up against Niel's.

“You're not sorry,” he said and pushed back some of his hair with one hand and wiped his tears away with the other. “If you were sorry--”

Niel stood abruptly already knowing where the conversation was heading. Minwoo was getting angry again. Knowing he was leaving the place for good gave him the courage to talk back.

“Can you please stop telling me how I do or don't feel?” Niel asked, picking up his bag again.

“Where are you going?” Minwoo's eyes narrowed.

“Are you finished trying to kill yourself?” Niel replied.

“You really don't care about me,” Minwoo said incredulously. “Wow, you dumb heartless .”

“And can you stop calling me names? I'm not your boyfriend any more so you can just stop.”

Minwoo got to his feet quickly at that and Niel retreated into the apartment as fast as he could. He was followed.

“You don't mean that,” Minwoo said.

“I do. I really do. I meant it when I said I was leaving. This bag on my shoulder is not just for decoration. I'm tired of pretending that this is OK with me. All of this,” he gestured to the apartment. “You treat me like a ing kid and I can't even argue with you. It's effecting everything to be honest. I don't even see my members or family as much as I'd like to. There are a lot of things I'd like to do without your approval or supervision, Minwoo.”

“Yeah? Like run back to that guy after all the he's put you through?”

“It's not only about him,” rejoined Niel.

“Really?” Minwoo asked. “Because why is this all coming up now? We've been together for almost two years and you never once complained about being treated like a kid or wanting to see the others. I know you see Byunghun often don't pretend that you don't. It's because of that guy. He's putting thoughts in your head.”

“He is not! If anyone is putting thoughts in my had it's me. ME!” Niel patted his chest. “Can't you get it through your head that I can actually make a decision about my own life?”

“Obviously you can't. I don't treat you like a kid but maybe I should because the first chance you get you're running back to that... that... that abuser.”

Niel's stomach churned as Minwoo said the word.

“Are you really that stupid, Daniel? Why can't you prove me wrong for once that you're not as much of an idiot as you make yourself out to be. He hasn't changed and he'll never change. He doesn't love you even if he said he did. He's a liar.”

“What do you know?”

“I know everything. I know what's best for us. We need to be together. Don't let what you think you feel cloud your judgment.”

Niel frowned heavily but he said nothing. His mind was trying to fight against the words Minwoo was saying and he wanted to keep his initial enthusiasm for the original plan. He was going to end it with Minwoo and he did. He accomplished his goal and all he had to do was run out the door and not look back. Somehow though his feet were locked in place as Minwoo continued to pelt him with words.

“I worry about you. I do because obviously you don't worry about yourself. Guys like that, like him, they don't change. If you go get back with him you'll see. You're going to regret this decision and when you're beaten and broken, just like before, when you want to find me I won't be here. Not this time. Because if you walk out of that door you can walk out with the knowledge that I'm dead and it's your fault.”

Niel pressed his lips together tightly as if doing so would keep in all of the emotions brewing inside of him. He didn't have a name for it, there was no definition to the storm waging internally, but he was plagued by images of the scenario described to him. Years ago Minwoo had been the other man. When Niel was crawling beaten and crushed in mind and body it was Minwoo he always went back to.

Was he really going to push this man out of his life who had stuck by him through every single trial?

“I don't do these things for my own health, Daniel. I love you. The money I give you, the advice I give, the so called restrictions you feel, they're only for your own benefit. You see what happens when I am busy with work for a little bit and you get around that guy? Guys like that, abusers, they're manipulative. They get you to think that they're so loving and nice, that they've changed, but it's just a cycle. Don't do this Niel. I don't want to watch you suffer through that again. It's going to kill me.”

With the last words the bag slipped from Niel's shoulder and fell to the hard floor. Niel had to hang his head when he recognized the slight spark of joy in Minwoo's eye. He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that Minwoo could see he was almost defeated.

Minwoo took steps forward, laying gentle hands on Niel's biceps and giving a comforting squeeze.

“The way you think you feel about him, well, that's how I feel about you. Really.”

Niel couldn't even meet Minwoo's gaze. He was so confused and he felt so much guilt.

“I'm so sorry. I really did it. I cheated.”

Minwoo hushed Niel with a soft voice and carded his fingers gently through Niel's shaggy hair.

“It's OK. It's not your fault. He manipulated you. You're safe now. You're with me.”

Niel allowed himself to be pulled into a stiff hug. He didn't melt into it but remained rigid in Minwoo's grasp. He felt soft lips press against the top of his head but his heart felt like stone.

-to be continued-

AN*: I love Minwoo. He's so hardworking and gentle and meek and kind and nksfjdkasljf just the best. He is so nurturing and caring and DAMN IT i took all of his amazing traits and amped it up 100% (kekeke) to make this version LOL! Anyway I can imagine C.A.P won't be to happy soon. *more evil laguhter* WHAT DO YOU THINK? Thanks for reading and protip reviews give me super powers. /shot