Hey, I know it probably feels like I'm trying to draw this out as much as possible, but actually I've got so much I want to put into the rest of the story that I guess I need to do it this way. As I already said, the story has become disorganized which I don't like, but to get on with it and finish it I think I have to try to just make the remaining chapters interesting one by one.

I'll keep updating so we're getting there.

Thank you for support and patience and all comments. Please keep it up, you're helping me so much with it! :)

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What a mess.

Why didn’t I insist more on informing the police right away? We’ve probably made every possible mistake you can in a kidnapping case. It’s been only two days since we received the first message. And look where we are now. Jinki-Hyung might even die! And heaven knows what the rest of them are doing right now. Jjong with his temper and Taemin with his recklessness ... we shouldn’t have let them stay.

But actually I feel the same. How could we leave Kibum behind, held at gun point by a mad fan?

My head feels like it’s going to explode any minute and I’m nauseous to death. The unsteady movement of the car doesn’t make it any better.

I agreed to leave because I’m of no use to anybody right now except maybe Yoogeun. He wet himself when we heard the shots and I knew I had to pull him out of the situation and provide a bit of security and familiarity. That’s why I moved into the car with him. And he accepted it. I’m probably still one of his appas somewhere back in his mind.

He is clinging to me silently already having cried his heart out into my shirt and then slowly calming down. He almost reminds me of Taemin in our early years although he is even younger. I wonder how he will come out of this in the end.

Suddenly I feel old and sad. I didn’t think a lot about Yoogeun lately. I’ve got a busy schedule. I’m meeting lots of new people and I’m seeing a woman. My days are packed to the limit with celebrity-stuff. And I only think about the members when we have a schedule together. I haven’t called any of them in ages, not even Jinki-Hyung. I wanted to change that, I wanted to be more sociable towards the members. It was a new year’s resolution. But instead I drifted even farther away.

I was jealous when Taemin got his solo-opportunity although I never admitted it. And I’m ashamed for feeling like this. I can’t keep up. Maybe that’s why I started to do even more dramas and modelling apart from the group. But we’re still SHINee, the five of us. Isn’t that what we were building our lives on?

I just dearly hope I’ll have the opportunity to talk to each one of the members again and tell them my regrets. And thinking that I might not get the chance I feel tears welling up.

I’m sorry, I didn’t call you, Jinki-Hyung, I should have kept in touch and met you when I had the chance.

I’m sorry JJonggie-Hyung for not even telling you how brilliant your latest mini-album was and not being there at the reception.

I’m sorry Taemin for being jealous of your achievements. You deserve all the praise you get. I should be supportive not envious.

I’m sorry Kibum for leaving you behind right now but also for not appreciating your friendship and advice as much as I should. What you did in there was so brave it made me blush inwardly. You’re probably the most reliable among us and I never give you credit for it. I just wanna see you again whole and healthy, hug you and tell you how impressed I am.

But right now all I can do is trying to comfort a child and praying that everybody will be safe.