Today is the 25th 12:00pm and shindong said he has to talk to me about something important. I sit on the couch unable to keep still from the thought of what it could be, my mind races of negative conversations leading to awkward situations. Thinking about all the possible outcomes makes me more anxious as I sit there staring blankly at the tv, I've lost track of what show is on as I lean my head up and stare at the pasty white cottage cheese looking ceiling trying to distract myself. Shindong isnt coming till 2:00 so I have all the time to just sit here with my thoughts. I let out a big sigh and fixate my eyes back on the tv trying to figure out what im watching. I start flipping channels aimlessly hoping to find something good to keep me distracted but with each channel passed my heart starts racing more to the thought of what he has to tell me. I turn the tv off and go in my room looking for my mini speaker and mp3 player in hopes to blast my thoughts away with some good music. I shuffle through my room searching all over my bed and in my closet when I finally find them under my bed behind some shoes. 

I really should clean up.

I walk in the kitchen and set the speaker and mp3 down on the counter searching for a song and turning the speaker on getting ready for the music to blast away. I choose B.A.P 1004 and let the base rise as the music gets louder, I lean on the counter and close my eyes as the music flows through my ears. I start singing and and loosing track of the songs changing as I let my mind imagine up all kinds of stories. I hear a knock at my door and jolt up turning off the speaker and running to the door. I open it quickly and its shin. 

Oh wow its 2:00 already?

Yeah, you lost track of time huh?

Shin laughs as he walks in and takes his shoes off. I close the door and sit on the couch as shin follows and sits next to me, I turn off the tv an turn towards shin.

So...what did you want to talk about?

I try not to make my voice crack as I try and talk I don't want him thinking I was thinking about it a lot.

Well....you know we've been spending a lot of time together and remember when we first met and I told you that im only gonna be here for the month?

Ye..yeah?

Shin starts looking down at his hands and lets out a sigh. I start darting my eyes on his face trying not to show how worried I am. 

Well....

well?

I..uhhh..ummmm

I can tell he's having a difficult time trying to say the words, I put my hand on his shoulder letting him know it's alright even though I can tell it didn't make what he had to say come easier. Shin looks up an gives me complete eye contact. He opens his mouth about to speak then closes them as he looks down again.

It's alright, take you're time

Judging from the way he's acting the news must not be good.

Ok...so I should of told you early on but....im being drafted...

What? drafted?...uhh...when?

Sometime at the end of the month...

As soon as he said those words my thoughts silenced, it was as if time had frozen and I was dammed to stay that way. I try and speak but can't find any words for this type of situation. 

Please say something...

I fi myself and scratch the back of my head.

Wow, I..uhh. 

I still can't find the proper words as I try and look shin in the face. Shin just stares at me with a face ive never seen, it was a mixture of worry and sadness and I couldn't look away. 

We just started getting close....

I blurt out without a second thought. Shin's expression changes as his eyes close while letting out a sigh.

I mean...when will you be back?

In 2 years...

I become speechless again. I just started learning his true nature and accustoming to it. He can't just leave like this. I try and liven the mood a bit while trying to hide my true feelings.

Well thats not long at all and you'll come back all buff

I laugh a bit as shin's face looks at me with worry in his eyes.

I tap shin on the shoulder and give him a big smile. 

I mean if you think about it 2 years really isnt that long, it'll go by really fast.

I don't know why I was lying to myself like that but I couldnt stop, I had to make him smile I had to lighten his mood.There's things in the world that shouldnt be seen and his face looking so down was one of them. 

Dude it's ok, you'll come back so im not worried.

Shins face starts to lighten up, he scoots closer to me and hugs me tightly.

You don't have to act so tough...ill miss you too.

I become speechless as he hugs me letting my head rest on his shoulder, my eyes start to water as his arms tightly wrap around my body. I begin to hug him back holding back the tears that were sure to come (don't let him see you cry...be strong) I try my hardest and push back my tears as my chest and head begins to hurt from the overflowing emotions that are trying to escape. Ive never felt so much pain in my life and I hope it goes away soon. But I know it's going to be here to stay until he comes back.

Lets spend the rest of you're time here have nothing but fun and good memories....ok? 

My voice cracks as I speak, I know it's going to be harder and more painful when the day comes when he leaves but I can't show him im hurting now just not now.