"I tried so hard to forget you but I can't

It is hard to forget my Clark Kent

My savior, my comforter, my superman

Why for so long you've been gone?"

After I fainted, according to Bom, I was brought to the nearest hospital to be checked by doctors, to see if I am experiencing any symptoms of any disease. Finding that I have none, and it's just a matter of fatigue, they brought me home and let me take a rest.

I never go out after they left me and all the while I never spoke a word to them. Bom, especially, kept on bugging me if I was okay or if I need something or want to eat something. I know she is just worried as the others but I can't bear to look directly in to their eyes and tell them what happened or what is happening. They might just freak out and think I am going insane already.

Or am I?

Why the hell would they believe me if I tell them whom I have seen? Will they believe that the dead rose up from the dead just like what Lazarus had become millenniums ago? Will they believe me that I have seen Lee the-dead-already Donghae alive and kicking'? Who would right?

But I must have been mistaken...or have I not? I know him perfectly! I know how his stand is. I know every tiny detail of his face. I know his damn voice even if you will let him speak with clogged nose or even in hoarse voice. I know!

If it was really him, the real question would be, why did he not tell me he is alive? Why have he kept himself hidden for the past three years? Why not anyone did told me, Seungri at least, that his damn brother is still alive?

Was it because they want me to suffer from terrible heartache? Will my life cost the life that I might have taken away from Donghae? Does he not want me anymore? Did he wish not to tell me because he does not want to be near me, the reason for his almost death, if that is?

But why would they fake it? Why would they let everyone believe that he died on that day? Was it to keep me away?

My head is full of questions that I just want to burst. My heart is aching in every question that I could think of. I did not know that this would hurt so much, much more than the day I learned he passed away from that terrible accident three years ago. I should be rejoicing, yes, that I knew he is alive only that I can't. It is like a part of me just died again after knowing this. Did he care about what I feel?

He made me believe that I lost the man that I loved the most. He made me believe that I could trust him. He made me believe that I know everything about him as much as he knows everything about me.

I rolled at the other side of my bed with tears streaming down my face. Gosh. Will all these heartaches ever stop?

No words can express how painful this is. I can not breathe more properly from crying for I do not know how many hours already. This is just killing me.

I should have been through this! For the past three years, now I am trying to push my self forward, to let go of the past that made time leave me behind. But he is coming back again; hunting me with every memory of him.

My trance of thoughts was disturbed when came a loud knock from the door.

"Dara? Will you open the door?"

I ignored Teddy oppa's call and roll over in the opposite side of the bed, not facing the door. I sighed.

"Dara, you need to eat now. Food is ready."

I did not answer him as tears again break lose. Oh c'mon you idiots! You are dehydrating me.

"Dara, you really need to eat something." he said more softly. I know he is worried; his voice is full of concern

But their concern is not my concern and that is the truth.

I closed my eyes and wiped away the tears.

"If you want to eat, just come downstairs or just call for someone to bring it inside. Okay?" After that, I heard his retreating steps. He left already.

I looked up to the ceiling and gaze at it like it is full of answers. So what am I going to do now? Back to the Dara I was after his supposed to be death or continue with the life I am trying to revive? I do not know and how I wished I will be able to have the answers I need. Before I knew it, I drifted to sleep.

I got up really early the next day and made myself breakfast. I felt sorry for waking Mr. Shin so early just to drive me to school. That made me thinking that maybe I should try to learn how to drive a car.

When I was there, it was still quiet. I looked at my phone’s screen and it says it is still six thirty in the morning. I went to the nearest bench and sat there after fishing out the novel I chose to read for my literature subject.

“Dara…”

I stopped reading and stared at the last sentence from the novel The Beautiful and Damned, “I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.”

I slowly looked up to look for the person who called me and I found him standing a few steps in front of me.

He was wearing black pants, blue polo with two buttons down and sleeves rolled up.  His hair is black with brown streaks. He looks so stylish; contrary to the person I remember he was.

“Hi…” He said as he waved at me looking so ambivalent. I stared at his figure with no trace of any feelings. If this were years ago, I would have for fidgeting in front of me.

I stood up and went near him. He tensed up but shyly smiled. I was standing a few inches away from him; we were just staring at each other. He took one long deep breathe. I smiled; a smile that I do not mean well.

“Hello, Donghae.” Then I slapped him…hard.

A/N : OMO! I have to thank all the new sunscribers and the people who left a comment from the previous chapter. I will continue the story as I continue to love DARAGON. Fighting!