Chapter 11:

"My heart was left alone waiting in the dark

You had me waiting like girl with a date in a park

But all of it was just a piece of your act

Now, my life and heart I want to take it back"

I called Bom when I reached my room. Holding the phone close to my ear while waiting for her to pick up the call made me cry even harder. It felt like my world came crumbling down and I do not now if I could survive this calamity again. Surely I will live another day but that does not mean I will wake up tomorrow like I am whole.

For now, my emotions were governed by the deepest desires of my heart. Deep down I know I wanted to hug him for coming back to me. Deep down I know I wanted him so badly. Deep down I know I wanted to be with him. But now, I know I do not want to be even in any way near him.

Bom picked up the call. When I heard her call me, I asked her if she could maybe drop by at my house and she said she'll be here. I muttered a thank you before ending the call. Bom is the person closest to me than Chaerin and Byul even though we four are like the best friends. We just shared a certain connection that I cannot share, and so does she, from the others. And she knows a lot about me not until the last three years.

The silence of the place made me cry again. I tossed the phone for I don't know where before I lay flat on my bed, crying.

I did not know that I fell asleep when someone was tapping my shoulder. My eyes opened and I abruptly sit up straight when I saw Bom looking at me with a concerned look on her face.

"Hey," I called while rubbing my eyes.

"Hey," she said. I felt the bed moved. She was already sitting in front of me. "What's wrong, D?" she asked.

I intently looked at her and I could feel my tears running down my face. Without even noticing it.

"He... He's alive, Bom. Dongahe's ing alive." I said while crying. She held me in her arms and I cried on her shoulders. She did not say anything except to let out a sigh.

"So it's confirmed," I frowned hearing her say that. When I moved away from her, she looked confused and sad at the same time.

"What do you mean by that, Bom?"

She closed her eyes and took a long deep breath. "Remember that day I was running after you when Seungri visited you?"

 I remember that day. She was panting when she caught me just right after Seungri left. Bom was weird that time because she even asked me if I still love him and if he'll come back... oh ! Realization just dawned in to me.

"Yes, Dara. I saw him waiting at a car. Maybe he was waiting for Seungri at that time if he really knew about his brother being alive. At first I wasn't sure if my eyes were just playing on me but seeing you in a state like this, let alone knowing that he really is alive. Then it's confirmed. I did saw him that day."

My mouth is slightly parted when I looked at Bom. Her face reflects pity and sadness is clear in her eyes. I looked away and in just a matter of seconds, I was crying my heart out. Bom did not speak a word. She caressed my back to comfort me but it did not make me feel  feel alright.

 I pulled myself together and faced Bom. She held my hand like she does not want to let me go.

"D?" she said.

I gave her a forced smile before saying, "He said he was sorry."

Her eyebrows met. "And?"

"I was too confuse and all of these mixed feelings that I did not listen to him."

"You have every right to be. We all are fed by lies after all these years. It is not a bad thing to feel that way." She said and gave my hand a squeeze.

I closed my eyes and tried to stop another batch of tears from falling. Crying makes me tired but I do not know why my eyes are still producing tears. "But... I am not yet ready."

"When will you gonna be ready for the truth? Why prolong the agony when the result will maybe in one way or another the same?"

Bom's right. Why will I torture myself for so long when the answers are serve on my plate? I opened my eyes and smiled at Bom, a lopsided one.

"Thanks Bom-ah," I muttered.

She hugged me and it made me feel a little bit relieved. Hugs can really be a comfort. I smiled to myself and hugged her even more tighter. When was the last time I hugged my best friend like this?

"Always here for you, doll."

We call each other doll; that is our endearment. When we were kids, Bom and I used to dream about being like Barbie--- perfect hair, face, body and life! Only that when we grew up, Bom became the living Barbie between the two of us. Her big beautiful eyes and pointed nose and pouty lips made her look like one. How I missed Bom calling me doll and me to her. It only stopped after that farce show of Donghae's death came up.

And now I can feel my tears rushing to come out like in a race remembering how drastic the changes I did in my life because I kept blaming myself for someone who is not dead.

Bom left when I assured her I'm okay already. I can't afford to make her skip class just because of me. There's no way I can allow it.

I was pacing back and forth in my room. Thinking of what I should do. Should I just wait for Donghae to come on me again and try to explain or should I just call him to meet me? But then I do not have his number. Thinking what I should do became an itch inside my head. How I wish I could just make it go away.

Then I remembered that night when Donghae's old number suddenly called me. Maybe it was him! I was about to dial his number when another number showed up.

I answered the call and breathe, "Jiyong?"

"Uh, hey D. Bom called, saying you're not okay. How are you feeling now?"

I smiled because of the concern in his voice. "I'm fine."

"Oh. I'll come over. What do you want?"

I do not know why but I felt that electricity in my body and my heart beat became irregular. I was panicking because I have not allowed anyone except the girls to come over in my house for the past years. Clearly Jiyong is not considered in the 'other people' list but it somehow became an uncomfortable feeling. I shrugged it off. Maybe I am just tired.

"Ice cream is good." I said as I sat on my bed.

"Ice cream it is. Just text me the location of your home. Bye. D."

"Ok bye," then he cut the line.

I lied on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Maybe, just maybe, it's time to hear things out from Donghae. For once and for all, maybe I could get the answers that I wanted and also my heart he took with him.

Thanks for the long wait!~ ^_^