“Okay, I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun started ranting on one fine morning by Yoona’s doorstep with his hair completely disheveled -due to his hand that would always scratch his scalp madly whenever he grew frantic- and his complexion slightly pale. Fortunately, he didn’t look at himself in the mirror today and just drove straight to her apartment after washing up and deeming that he felt decent enough to go over there.

 “I know I said I’d give you the time but damn it, Yoong, the wait is killing me. Although I know it’s only been a few days, but these past few days have felt like weeks to me. I have been feeling like hell these past few days and I hate you for it because I can’t sleep properly, I can’t eat properly, I can’t even sleep properly! You know what, sorry. That was too harsh,” Kyuhyun said and slapped his mouth for saying such a stupid word.  “I don’t hate you, I still like you. And I hate myself for it,” he paused and took a second to reflect on what he just said. “Do you see what you do to me, Yoong? The effect you have on me?

“Sorry, am I creeping you out? It’s just…” he let out a dejected sigh. Yoona couldn’t have felt sorrier for the poor guy. The noisy male kept talking and moving around and making big hand gestures that Yoona eventually didn’t know where to look at and just settled with looking at the ground. How the man had the energy to talk his mouth off in this ungodly hour, she didn’t know. And here she thought it would just be another day. But it never really is a normal day when Kyuhyun is around, is it?

“I just keep thinking about it, okay? I keep thinking about your answer, about what it would be and what would happen if you finally gave me one. Which is why I’m here, actually. I want to know what you think of us.”  The tall male started to chuckle a bit to try and lighten up the serious atmosphere. “I don’t want to rush you into things, but I just wanted to tell you that I really like you, okay? Like like like. And it would be really great if you were willing to give us a chance. And who knows, maybe it’ll work out?”

What kind of crap am I sputtering right now?

By the time of his speech, Kyuhyun was hyperventilating. His heart was palpitating so fast that he began to fear that he was starting to get a heart disease from his nervousness –arrythmia or Long QT maybe-which would explain the insanely quick pace of his heart beating –even though it’s impossible for you to actually get a heart disease just from high levels of nervousness and anxiety.

He could hear a beating sound, probably his heart, and he could see the image of the beauty in front of him slightly blur into a vivid image before he shook his head and regained clear vision. A hammering headache still lingered in his head, but the constant feeling of a heavy weight object slamming against his chest he felt earlier had vanished when he finally spoke his mind.

That seemed to be happening around a lot whenever he was around her –the feeling of a ton of metal that constantly weighed down on him and dragged him around slowly felt lighter whenever she was around. She was gradually plucking the nails that have been driven to his heart.

“Do you want to come in?”

That’s not what Kyuhyun ever expected to hear, but hey, you take what you can get.

“Water?” Yoona offered and headed to the kitchen while the brown haired male stayed seated on the couch.

He nodded, because he wanted something to soothe his dry and itching throat. But water not what he really wanted right now. He wanted to know what she thought of him, what her insights were on the both of them being together.

No, it was not something he wanted, it was something he desperately needed. He needed her. He needed Yoona. When he was in middle school and was learning about damn economics (guessing it wasn’t his favorite subject), his teacher had always emphasized on the difference between want and needs (just like the way his teacher always emphasized the difference between scarcity and shortage but let’s not get to that right now).

And while Yoona may have seemed as a ‘want’ a few days ago, Kyuhyun now knew that he needed her.

She was a need, a necessity for him in his life.

                Before she entered his life, he thought that his life was pretty okay. He had a good job, one that was enough to put food on the table and provide him with all the supplies he needed to run a decent life. Furthermore, he had a trustable group of friends –albeit a little strange and sneaky but nevertheless trustable. Like he said, pretty okay.

But when a certain slim pretty eyed female walked in, he was shown to things that he never thought he would have experienced. Yoona showed him the emptiness he never knew he had in his life. He used to have a simple mindset, one that said that all you needed to get through life was food, clothes, and a roof over your head. And while that was true and would actually get you through life if he continued living that way, but what he’s been doing for the past 25 years wasn’t actually living. It was like looking through your bag of chips even though you knew it was empty. There would be no meaning if he continued what he was doing for the rest of his life.

                Yoona gave meaning to his life; something that he never knew was missing in the first place.

It was concealed under a layer of badly stitched scars and hideously fake smiles. She taught him so many things, things that could never be bought, only frozen, preserved, and cherished in a timeless memory. Kyuhyun knew that he needed her, because he doesn’t think he can go back to his boring life and honestly, he knew that there were a lot more things to learn and he wanted to learn them with her. He wanted to grow with Yoona.

And yeah, he totally wasn’t in love with her.

“You know, if someone had told me a month ago that a man would knock on my door at 7 AM in the morning on a weekday and walk around my doorstep like a madman would while talking his head off I would have called that person insane,” Yoona tried to alleviate the mood but Kyuhyun was too busy in his reverie, dreaming about the two of them having a future again that he drifted away from the present and did not hear a word she was uttering to him right now.

“Did you just come here to speak your mind and just blank out into a world of your own and not listen to a word I’m saying because I have to say, that is very selfish of you, Cho Kyuhyun,” Yoona scolded and snapped her fingers in front of him to pull him out of his stupor.

All Kyuhyun really heard was, “—Cho Kyuhyun” and the mere mention of his name was enough to bring him back to reality. “I’m sorry, what?”

Yoona rolled her eyes at his ignorance. “Nothing.”

And yet another silence fell over them, and Yoona was more than happy for it. Kyuhyun on the other hand, not so much.

“So…” he started. Yoona looked at him expectantly, wondering what stupid thing he was going to say next. “My feelings are really sincere, you know. I- I mean, the way I feel about you.”

Yoona nodded at his sentence. Truth be told, she didn’t know if she should be glad that Kyuhyun brought up the topic or if she should kill him for it. Because honestly, she didn’t know what to feel. She doesn’t know how she feels or what to feel about him.

Kyuhyun wasn’t the only one who felt bugged these past few days; she was bothered by it too. His confession was on her mind day and night, his name would pop up in her head and she would get reminded of him by the littlest things –from the table they sat in at the coffee place to the bracelet he got her which never left her wrist since the day he gave it to her. It was these little things, these little thoughts, about him that made a feeling enter her body, something she didn’t feel so often that it almost felt foreign. She often got slightly sweaty, found herself slightly smiling at random occasions; her heart seemed to beat faster than normal whenever the mere thought of him would invade her brain too.

She blamed it on the adrenaline that she feels when working –because she absolutely wasn’t lying to herself right now.

“I know.”

“So…” he tried again. Just say it. Ask her how she feels about you. “What do you…” Do it! “…have to say on this matter?” He averted his gaze from her to the plain wallpapers and the few furniture she had lying around her apartment while scratching the back of his ear –a habit of his that he did whenever he felt nervous.

Real smooth, buddy. Yeah, formal talk. That’ll turn her on and make her attracted to you.

 “I honestly don’t know.”

“Do you mind further expounding your answer?” Yeah, Kyuhyun. That kind of talk and tone is going to make her want to kiss you. You just know she likes it formal. Mm-mm.

Kyuhyun wishes he could just kill the little voice inside his head that constantly taunted him and jeered at his every move.

“I mean, I just don’t know okay? I don’t know how I feel about you. I don’t know if I like you, if that’s what you were looking for. My heart does beat a bit faster whenever I think of you but that doesn’t mean anything really. The fact that I get sweaty palms whenever I see you doesn’t mean anything either. I just, really don’t know what to feel okay?”

And that’s all it takes for a smile to plant itself on Kyuhyun’s smug face. He tried to keep it down and keep his poker face on and it worked, but only for a second before his lips stretched into an even bigger smile.

“Tell me what you really feel,” he said after a while because he saw it. He saw the way her slim fingers slightly trembled, he saw the way her eyes subtly shook and the way she exhaled her breathe as if she was stressed out and the way constantly opened and closed, like she was holding something back –like she wanted to say something more.

“I’m scared, Kyuhyun,” she finally confessed. And somehow he knew that was coming, he knew that that was what she was going to say.

He slowly moved closer, centimeter by centimeter until he was beside her and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t know what he’s doing but it felt like the right thing to do, like the moment was calling for it. Yoona leaned into his embrace; the uplifting warmth that he normally emanated is still there. She liked it. It made her feel like she was taken care of by somebody else besides her. It made her feel treasured, cherished, loved and most of all -important. Like she actually meant something to someone.

“I’m scared of entrusting myself to someone. I’ve lost so many people around me, Kyuhyun. You know that. I guess I’m just scared of you leaving me.”

“I won’t do that, Yoong. You know I wouldn’t, I’m not that kind of person.”

“That’s what everyone says, but they all end up doing what they said they wouldn’t do.”

“You know I would never leave you by my own will.” He was her hair this time, softly and slowly, as if he was caressing each and every individual strand. It gave off a soothing effect and calmed her.

“What if something bad happens to you? Everyone I’ve loved and cared for was taken away from me by force, what make you think you’re so different? What if there’s a curse or something in me that takes everyone I care for away from me?”

Yoona backed away from him with her eyes still trained on him and it breaks his heart to see her like this. Her usually twinkling eyes have dimmed out; they’re dark and brimmed with tears now, a deep pool of sorrow and pain swirled tantalizingly in her eyes. It was full of endless troubles, one that your spirit away just by staring at it. It was even enough to bring Kyuhyun down and hurt him just by looking at it and he wondered how much more it hurt for her.

A thousand times more maybe, is his estimation.

“I don’t want you to be hurt because of me. Just leave before things get worse, Cho. It’s not too late.”

“You ask me if I’m going to leave you and tell me you’re scared but look at what you’re doing now, you’re telling me to leave you –to hurt you,” he remarked sharply. “Why do you do this to yourself, Yoong? Why do you constantly hurt yourself?”

“You see,” Yoona chuckled, but it’s an empty chuckle with no life in it. “This is why I don’t say what I’m really feeling inside. People tend to use it against me,” she said, trying to divert the topic even though she knows it’s too late because they’re already ten feet deep. Kyuhyun gave her a knowing look, one that signals her to stop what she’s doing.

“It’s unhealthy for you to keep things in, Yoong,” he pleaded. “You know that. Just tell me what you’re feeling. Don’t try to fight it like you’ve been doing your whole life.”

“I can’t,” she says, frustrated at her inability to speak things out. “It’s like second nature to me now. Whenever I want to express of try to say what I really feel, my brain stops me from doing so.”

“Screw your brain for now.”

“Screw my brain? How the hell do I screw my brain? Drive a nail and a screwdriver in it? Give myself a lobotomy?“

“Okay, ignore what I said.” Kyuhyun raised his hands to tell her to stop. “I didn’t mean for you to take it in a literal way,” he lowly muttered under his breath.  “Just listen to your heart. What does it say?”

“How the hell am I supposed to listen to my heart?!” she exclaimed angrily. Her face grew warm from the heat surrounding her and the small ball of anger directed towards no one but herself. “I just told you that I couldn’t say-“

Kyuhyun pulled her into a hug once more to calm her down. It helped, the flame of fury in her burns  out until only a flicker is left and her breathing is restored to normal. “-just close your eyes and listen to my voice alright? Don’t over think the questions and just say what comes first into your mind.

“What do you feel like doing right now?”

“Killing myself.”

Kyuhyun scolded her like an angry grandmother and she smiled at his protective nature. It’s comforting to know that someone still cares for her.

“Let’s try that again, shall we?” he said after finishing his short sermon.

“I feel like…” she paused for a short while; the group of words that she wanted to say struggled to escape her lips. But eventually they do, they slip nimbly through the bars of and fly right to Kyuhyun’s ears and to his brain. They surprise him a bit; jumbling and making his neurons go haywire.

He feels like his entire being is about to explode, but not of frustration or nervousness. Nor is it because of anxiety.

It’s because of happiness.

“…I feel like I want to give you a chance.”

A/N: This is unedited. Please tell me if you find any grammatical errors in this chapter. I truly apologize for not updating that much. I've been really busy with school so I haven't had the time to write any chapters. I know it's hard to read stories that barely update because you can barely keep track of the story since you forget the storyline (I know because I get frustrated with those stories too and then I have to read the recent chapter just to recall what happened) but I am REAAAALLLY SORRY! And you can unsubscribe if you want, or leave this story because I just wanted to give you guys a heads up, and tell you I won't be able to update much (I think you guys probably already figured that out) because of school. I WILL be trying to write as much as I can though.

Anyways, sorry for the long author note. I know it gets boring to read all that and you didn't have to. So... here's your chapter and...

THANK YOU FOR READING!